


Getting Over Both of Them

by DreamHighNCT



Series: Getting Over Both of Them Universe [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multi, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 81,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23583493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamHighNCT/pseuds/DreamHighNCT
Summary: Renjun knew the moment he fell in love with both Jeno and Jaemin that he was doomed. It didn't help that the said boys were dating each other and that the three of them are best friends. As Renjun tried to get over both of them, he learned how it is to truly love and be loved.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Getting Over Both of Them Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129928
Comments: 175
Kudos: 598





	1. Renjun has Two Problems

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! As I promised in my last work, I am writing Norenmin. This is my first attempt on a series and playing with humor so I hope it ends well. Enjoy reading!

“Why can’t I just like one and hate the other for being his boyfriend?” Renjun whined and slammed his head on the table, feeling the most miserable he’s been in his 20 years of living.

Of course, his trusty friend Donghyuck did what he does best – he shrugged and continued munching on the macaroons he stole from the 127 dorm which was probably Doyoung’s. Doyoung would probably beat his ass later, but not like Donghyuck cared anyway.

Chenle threw a sideway glare at Donghyuck, judging him so hard, before answering Renjun himself, “Come on, it couldn’t be that bad!”

“Are you kidding me? If I could count how many times he whined about that in the past couple of months, I’d be as rich as you,” Jisung interjected.

The four of them were sitting around the dining table at Dream’s dorm. Renjun called an emergency meeting early that morning which explains Donghyuck’s and Chenle’s presence inside the Dream dorm. Renjun’s emergency meetings only meant one thing: two particular members were out on a date leaving Renjun miserable at the thought. He needed all the support he can get to get through this rough time in his life. 

Renjun let out of a sigh and lifted his head up to look at his members and friends. Not one of them seemed to have a clue on what to do. Neither did Renjun. That meant he’s doomed in this unrequited love for two who were dating each other without the possibility of moving on. At that thought, he slammed his head back to the table and let out an ugly sound akin to a tiny sob. 

Let’s rewind to the very beginning.

Renjun was living peacefully and intended to live peacefully throughout the rest of his life without big problems. That was until he decided to be a KPop idol. 

No – the life of an idol was not his problem. In fact, he felt as if he was born to be one. He didn’t have much trouble adjusting to the hectic life of a trainee to being an actual celebrity. In fact, he was enjoying every minute of it – but don’t ask him that after late-night practice sessions when he’s tired and hungry or when he’s required to wake up at 5 am for an official schedule. You would probably get a different answer. 

Renjun’s problem started when he met Na Jaemin. From the moment the other boy decided to approach him with that big bright smile of his, Renjun should’ve known the boy would bring nothing but chaos to his peaceful life. Jaemin insisted he help Renjun adjust to his life in Korea. Being the golden boy that he is, he decided to be Renjun’s personal tour guide and toured Renjun to hot spots around Seoul. Renjun did not have the heart to refuse an overly excited Na Jaemin who seemed to be more into the tour than Renjun was.

Before they knew it, the day was almost over. So, Jaemin decided to conclude Renjun’s Seoul tour with a bang. Of course, that grand conclusion ended up with Jaemin taking Renjun to the Han River on a cold winter night with both of them almost freezing to death. Jaemin noticed Renjun trying to hide his shivers which made him feel bad. So, he wrapped the smaller boy in a hug in an attempt to keep him warm and as a silent apology for being a shitty tour guide. 

Renjun, not expecting the skinship from the other boy, looked up and was met with Jaemin’s eyes that shone with the reflection from the streetlights. He then dropped his gaze to the taller boy’s lips and found the trace of small pout very endearing. 

“Injunnie, I’m sorry I didn’t expect the cold,” Jaemin said sadly, “Let me warm you up instead.” 

Renjun felt the arms around him tightened and Jaemin’s head nestled against his as they sat on a bench. Renjun knew Jaemin was the flirty type who liked to initiate skinship, but he didn’t expect his reaction to that.

That day, Renjun discovered 2 things – that Seoul is very beautiful at night and that Na Jaemin makes his heart do a double flip.

They continued to be close friends and debuted together in NCT Dream. Jaemin continued to be a doting friend but Renjun didn’t mind at all. He would not admit it to anyone but he secretly loves it when Jaemin gives him all his attention. Renjun felt special in a way that he should not be feeling from a friend. Renjun was doomed, but he was willing to walk himself into the trap if it meant Jaemin was always beside him. 

Like other things in life, things didn’t go as planned and Jaemin couldn’t be with him always. The younger boy took a long hiatus because of his back injuries. Renjun was worried, but Jaemin assured him that he’d be back in no time. 

During Jaemin’s absence, Renjun felt as if a Jaemin took with him a big hole in his chest. The days without Jaemin were long and dragging. Suddenly, the world became less colorful for Renjun as he waited and waited for Jaemin’s return. The first few weeks of Jaemin’s absence were some of the darkest in Renjun’s living memory. But life went on and Renjun forced himself to smile like nothing happened and face a new day with renewed hope that it was one day less of waiting time until Jaemin gets back. Besides, it’s not like he couldn’t text or call Jaemin. He was being dramatic on a scale more than he would like to admit.

However, it seemed like life wouldn’t give him a break.

Renjun’s second problem came in the form of a reincarnation of a Middle Age prince – Lee Jeno. Like a princess in distress, he was saved by Jeno the day they first met. Actually, it was more like Renjun missing a step on the stairs and falling face-first had it not been for Jeno catching him on time. But, the official story was an uneventful meeting on one of SM building’s staircases when they were still trainees. Renjun would swear Jeno looked intimidating to him so he avoided the latter for the rest of his training period. Of course, that was a cover-up for the embarrassment he felt after his lips landed on Jeno’s after he not-so-gracefully fell from the stairs. He profusely apologized, faced flushed, bowed to Jeno, and immediately took his exit without a second look at the younger boy. He would then proceed to avoid Jeno for the rest of his training period. 

Although Jeno was almost always with Jaemin, there was never really much interaction between them as the former was rather the quiet type as opposed to Jaemin’s loud, almost obnoxious, tendencies. It also seemed like Jeno hadn’t mentioned the kiss incident to anyone as there was no further mention of it until Renjun almost forgot it happened. 

The two continued to tiptoe around one another until they were forced to interact when they both debuted in NCT Dream. Renjun found out that Jeno was not as intimidating as he made him appear in his mind and was actually nice and fun to be with even though the younger would throw lame jokes every chance he could. Renjun would find Jeno’s reaction much funnier than the actual jokes.

Slowly, they warmed up to each other and became close friends at the end of Chewing Gum promotions. However, it was only when Jaemin left for his hiatus that the two became closer than ever. Being roommates definitely contributed to that closeness. 

Jeno, like Renjun, was lonely and sad ever since Jaemin left and was equally worried about Jaemin’s condition. Before he knew it, Renjun found himself a comfort buddy as he and Jeno would talk about their concerns regarding Jaemin every night before they sleep. Those conversations evolved to personal concerns, and eventually, they would talk about all sorts of stuff until the wee hours of the morning.

Renjun found his days slowly getting brighter and lighter as he and Jeno relied on each other for almost everything. He was still missing Jaemin, but he found his situation more bearable with Jeno coloring his days. 

Realizing that he has feelings for Jeno didn’t come as easy as it did with Jaemin. With Jaemin, the process was natural and smooth as the boy himself that Renjun found it easy to accept his feelings. With Jeno, it hit him like a train at full speed. 

Maybe it was in the way that Jeno smiled with his eyes. Or maybe in the way Jeno does little things for Renjun and remembers little details about Renjun. It was also definitely the way Jeno would tirelessly listen to Renjun’s late-night rambling despite being half-awake after a very long day. Jeno would look out for him and was always ready to assist him whenever he needed assistance.

One time, Renjun was having a particularly bad day after messing up several times with the new choreography they were learning. Being a perfectionist and prideful, Renjun refused to leave the practice room until he can execute the choreography pristine clear. He went back to the dorm very late and he figured the other members were probably fast asleep by then. He felt his stomach growled when he entered the dorm. So, he proceeded to the kitchen to look for something to eat. However, there on top of the dining table was a bowl covered with aluminum foil. There was a note attached to the bowl which he recognized to be Jeno’s neat handwriting.

“Eat well. I know you’d forget to eat before going home. There’s tea on the counter, but I think it would probably be cold by now,” the note said.

Jeno had ordered his favorite dish that reminds him of home – hot pot. Jeno remembered he was craving for it!

Suddenly, the heavy pressure he felt during that day came crashing down on him and he cried his heart out while sipping on the cold tea Jeno had prepared. The hot pot did the trick of cheering him up. 

After he cleaned up his mess, he got ready for bed and entered his shared room with Jeno. Before he climbed to his own bed which was on top of Jeno’s on their bunk bed, he found himself staring at the younger’s sleeping face – mesmerized by the peaceful image in front of him. His body reacted faster than his mind did. He leaned in and gave Jeno a quick peck on his forehead and mumbled a small “Thank you”. 

A bit startled by his own actions, Renjun hurriedly climbed to his bed and was relieved that he didn’t wake Jeno up. Before long, the day’s hard work took a toll on him and he almost fell asleep instantly despite his beating heart after his secret kiss. This may explain why he didn’t hear a soft voice saying, “You’re welcome.”

That night, Renjun dreamed of being in Jeno’s arms – of Jeno thumbing through his hair and giving him soft kisses here and there. However, Jeno didn’t kiss him on the lips like Renjun wanted him to. Instead, Jeno kissed the corner of his mouth as if teasing him. Finally, Jeno aimed for his lips and Renjun closed his eyes and braced himself. Before Jeno’s lips could land on his, Renjun jolted awake. 

“Hey, are you alright? You were squirming and making weird noises.”

Renjun almost screamed in surprise when he heard Jeno talking, looking at him with concerned eyes. Jeno’s face was close to his and Renjun couldn’t stop himself from staring at the younger’s lips.

“Renjun?” Jeno asked when the other didn’t answer him. “Are you alright?” Then, he leaned in as if to check on the older boy. In the process, his face got even closer to Renjun’s which caused the latter to suddenly rise and got out of bed.

“I’m okay!” Renjun winced at how fake he sounded. “It was just a bad dream?” But it came out more like a question than an explanation.

Jeno didn’t seem convinced, but he let it go much to Renjun’s gratefulness. “Okay, come eat breakfast with us or Jisung will eat your share.”

Renjun didn’t mention how he kissed Jeno on his forehead the night before nor did he mention how they almost kissed in his dreams. Like their first accidental kiss, it would remain in Renjun’s memories – locked away and never to be accessed again.

And so, after a huge breakdown in the bathroom, Renjun concluded that he was in love with Jeno. And that he was fucked up because he was in love with Jaemin too. And the two were best friends.

As if life couldn’t get worse for Renjun in the love-life department, the day Jeno and Jaemin came out and announced they were dating was like a nail to his coffin. 

To add to his misery – he should’ve known. The two were best friends and it was obvious to anyone that they harbor more than friendly feelings for each other. It was in the way Jaemin looked at Jeno with pride and admiration and how Jeno looked at Jaemin like the latter hang the stars in the sky. They communicated without words and always knew what the other was up to. It was never just Jaemin or just Jeno – it was always Jeno and Jaemin. Two people couldn’t be more perfect for each other. 

And these two people have Renjun’s heart. He pretty much gave them permission to crush it into pieces. It hurt seeing them happy together even though he knew he should be happy for his two closest friends. He could see it now. He did not fit the equation and forcing himself in would only ruin the perfect balance that was Jeno and Jaemin.

So, Renjun chose to wallow in his own misery. He refused to let the two people that were the objects of his affection know that he was breaking. He would smile at them and tell them there were being gross when they show public affection even though he was dying to be with them too. It didn’t help that he was so confused that the two people he loves had to be in love with each other too but not with him. He was never part of the equation. And that hurt a lot.

“So, are you just gonna whine there and do nothing while Jeno-hyung and Jaemin-hyung are probably sucking each other’s face by now?” Jisung interrupted Renjun’s long train of thoughts.

Renjun let out of another ugly whine and Chenle snorted. “I guess that’s a yes?”

Donghyuck finally decided to help his friend with his misery and said, “Come on, Junnie! Cheer up! I’m sure we could find a way to help you get over them.”

Renjun lifted his head to stare at Donghyuck whose mouth is still full of macaroons. How Donghyuck managed to talk without choking, Renjun wouldn’t know. 

“Unless you confess to them and get it over with,” Jisung suggested.

“Yeah, not gonna happen,” Renjun stubbornly said.

“Why not?” Chenle challenged.

“You know why not,” Renjun answered.

“Because you’re a coward who prefers to drown in your own misery rather than confronting your feelings to your best friends?” Jisung deadpanned.

Renjun glared at the maknae who only smiled like he knew he could get away with what he said.

“Chenle’s right,” Donghyuck intervened before Renjun kills Jisung. “Maybe your feelings would go away after you confess to them?” He added thoughtfully. “Or maybe, they’d tell you they feel the same and you three could get together like that weird polyamorous relationship I heard about.”

Renjun shook his head vehemently at Donghyuck’s ridiculous suggestion. “No. I refuse to let you get my hopes up! I’m quite sure they don’t feel the same way. Confessing to them would only lead to disaster and I know it will! So, no thanks.”

“How do you know for sure that they don’t feel the same way?” Chenle asked and Renjun looked at the younger Chinese.

“I just do,” Renjun answered as if it was the most obvious fact in the whole world.

“Well, that’s a lame answer,” Jisung said as he reached for one of Donghyuck’s macaroons which resulted to the latter swatting his hands off. “Ow! I’ll only get one!”

Chenle shook his head at the two idiots and turned to Renjun.

“Listen,” Chenle said leaning in, “you wouldn’t know until you actually ask.”

However, Renjun was having none of it. “No. And that’s final.”

“That’s it! You’re doomed!” Donghyuck said in frustration. “Unless you move on yourself or find another person you can crush on,” he added mindlessly.

“That’s not how it works!” Jisung reacted.

Donghyuck glared at the youngest and said, “What do you know? You’re just a child.”

“I’m not a child!” Jisung pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest and stuck his tongue out pettily at Donghyuck.

“Yeah, that’s definitely what a grown-up man would do,” Donghyuck said sarcastically and Renjun rolled his eyes at his friends’ antics.

“Well, that might actually work!” Chenle suddenly said, startling everyone.

Jisung groaned and turn to Chenle, “Don’t tell me you actually think it’s a good idea?”

“Well, it might help Renjun-hyung get his mind off those two,” Chenle answered. “Besides, I’m not saying he should get into a relationship. All I’m saying is that he should try going on dates,” he added.

“Yeah, maybe you’d meet someone you’ll like or finally get over your unrequited love,” Donghyuck seconded looking at Renjun who seemed to be hesitant on the idea. “Come on, you should participate in the dating game or you’d stay single for life!”

“Hmmm… I don’t know, Hyuck,” Renjun said thoughtfully. 

“We’ll help you!” Chenle insisted. “We’ll set you up on dates and you will not worry about anything except for actually attending the dates.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck added. “I’ll even help you pick your outfits.”

Renjun seemed to consider the idea, but there was still a nagging voice inside him preventing him to fully agree on the suggestion. 

“Please?” Chenle said, looking at Renjun pleadingly. “Just try it for once.”

Renjun sighed and looked at both Chenle and Donhyuck who stared back at him expectantly. “Fine,” he finally said, “but I’m not going on a second date if I don’t like the guy, okay?”

Chenle cheered and high-fived Donghyuck. Both look so excited and Renjun couldn’t help but feel that he dug himself his own grave by agreeing to their crazy idea. Everyone knows how Donghyuck and Chenle could destroy the world if they joined forces. 

“But no over-the-top plans, please, Chenle”, Renjun added in an attempt to calm the excited Chinese.

“Of course not,” Chenle answered, grinning excitedly, “I’ll make sure you’ll actually enjoy your dates.”

Jisung groaned and said, “This could not end well.”

“What won’t end well?” 

The four of them were too engrossed in their conversation that they did not notice the entrance of two people that had been the center of their conversation a while ago.

Renjun looked up to both boys and felt himself getting mesmerized by how good they both looked. So, Chenle answered for him.

“Don’t mind Jisung,” Chenle answered. 

“Renjun-hyung has a date!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Please tell me what you think at the comments sections.


	2. It's Not Working

“I hope you enjoyed the movie.”

Renjun was taken out of his thoughts and turned to the guy walking next to him. It was late at night and they decided to just take a walk around the almost empty streets of Seoul. The ambiance was romantic, almost like a scene from a movie with spring right around the corner and the bright moon illuminating the metal façade of tall buildings. 

However, tried as he did, Renjun couldn’t concentrate at the moment. His mind seemed to keep wandering back to the two people he saw at a diner they had passed by earlier that night. 

To his defense, he really did enjoy the movie. His date was amazing and this guy was the most comfortable to be with so far. This guy was also the third guy he went on a date with. True to his words, Chenle handpicked Renjun’s dates himself and they all seem to fit the latter’s type. Renjun was surprised at how easily Chenle could find a date for him in no time and even more surprised that these guys agreed to date him. Each was very interesting people and if Renjun weren’t so in love with two people he couldn’t have, he could’ve been smitten by one, if not all, of his dates.

Strangely enough, the dates did take his mind off Jeno and Jaemin – temporarily. He genuinely enjoyed the time he spent with his dates after they went past the awkward stage of introducing themselves. However, after each ended, Renjun’s thoughts keep rushing back to Jeno and Jaemin as if his mind is programmed to do that. It annoyed him and also made him feel guilty that he was with his date but his mind is elsewhere. Like right now.

“Renjun?” the guy said with Renjun’s lack of response. “Am I boring you?”

Renjun shook his head and gave the guy, Hyunwoo, a small smile. “No, you’re not. And I enjoyed the movie. Thank you for taking me to watch with you.”

Hyunwoo smiled back at him sheepishly and said, “This isn’t working, isn’t it?”

Renjun felt his guilt consumed him as he looked at the other’s face, but he couldn’t lie. Hyunwoo saw through his façade. 

“I’m sorry, Hyunwoo,” Renjun sighed. “Cliché as this may sound, but it’s not you. You’re a great guy and anyone would be lucky to have you. It’s just that I don’t think I’m ready for that yet with you.”

“I understand,” Hyunwoo replied with a polite smile. “I should’ve known, anyway. It was a risk but I took the chance,” he added. “But I think you’re worth the risk, Huang Renjun.”

Renjun’s heart warmed at Hyunwoo’s words, but his heart didn’t leap like it did whenever Jeno or Nana compliments him. By then, they were in front of Renjun’s building and it was time to part ways. Renjun stared at Hyunwoo’s eyes and saw the sincerity in them which made him feel guiltier. Why can’t he just love this guy? Life would be so much easier. If he could just teach his heart to love this guy, then he would.

“I guess this is goodbye?” Hyunwoo said, facing Renjun.

Renjun nodded and smiled at Hyunwoo sadly. “I really did have a great time, just so you know.”

Hyunwoo let out of a small chuckle and said, “That’s great to know.” 

After an awkward pause, Hyunwoo said, “Can I at least get a goodbye hug?” and opened his arms.

Renjun laughed and went into Hyunwoo’s arms, wrapping his own arms around the other’s torso in a soft hug. The hug itself didn’t last long and they both pulled away. 

“Good night, Renjun,” Hyunwoo said, “I really hope they can see what I see in you.”

Renjun’s eyes widened in shock and he struggled to find a comprehensible response to the other boy’s statement. However, his words seemed to be stuck in his throat.

Seeing Renjun’s adorable shocked face, Hyunwoo laughed and patted the smaller guy’s head. “I saw how you looked at them longingly when we passed by them earlier. They didn’t see you, but I saw the sadness in your eyes.”

Renjun was even more surprised but uttered, “I’m sorry.”

Hyunwoo waved his hand in front and replied, “No, no – don’t be sorry. Chenle warned me already. I agreed to this date knowing full well that you might not reciprocate.”

Renjun stared at Hyunwoo sadly, wishing with all his heart that he could love this boy instead. Why was fate so cruel to him?

“But remember this,” Hyunwoo added, “If you decide that you’re ready, I’m just a text away.” 

Renjun laughed and nodded, saying one last goodbye to Hyunwoo before they finally parted ways. Renjun found himself inside the elevator wondering why he must experience this misery. Did he make the right decision? What if the second date with Hyunwoo would do the trick? Did he give up so easily? Why was it so hard to try harder?

His thoughts were interrupted when he entered their dorm to find two people snuggled together on the sofa. Jeno’s arms were wrapped around Jaemin protectively while Jaemin rested his head on the other’s chest. They were watching a movie Renjun didn’t recognize. When they saw who entered, Jaemin immediately lifted his head up to greet Renjun.

“Oh, Injunnie!” Jaemin said enthusiastically, “How was your date? You’re back quite late.”

As much as Renjun didn’t want to talk about his date especially with Jeno and Jaemin, Renjun forced himself to smile as he answered, “It was great.” 

Jaemin smirked teasingly and said, “So are we expecting a second date soon?” while wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

Renjun wanted to wipe that smirk off the other boy’s face. He so wanted to tell him that they were the reason there won’t be a second date. But he knows it’s not their fault. Renjun was the one who couldn’t get over them.

When Chenle loudly announced that Renjun was going on a date, the two boys’ initial reaction was a bit surprised but later on intrigued, and – much to Renjun’s dismay – they seemed happy for him.

“Wow, Renjun! Who’s the lucky girl?” Jaemin had said, smiling. 

Internally cursing at Chenle, he opened his mouth to answer but he realized he doesn’t even have anyone in mind. 

“It’s a guy,” Chenle had beaten him into answering. “And it’s a surprise.”

Renjun saw Jeno whipped his head towards him. He could feel the younger wanted to say something to him but chose to shut his mouth.

“Ooooh! How mysterious,” Jaemin commented. 

“Oh, it is!” Chenle replied. “It’s good that he’d be on a date so he could stop being your third wheel.”

Renjun swore he could kill Chenle and his loud mouth right then and there if he didn’t see Jeno frowned and said, “He was never our third wheel.”

“Calm down, Jeno. He was just joking,” Donghyuck had said. “Anyway, how come you two were back early?” he added, successfully diverting the topic. Renjun could kiss Donghyuck right then and there but that would have been gross.

Jeno shrugged, pulled out a seat to sit beside Renjun, and replied, “Arcade was on renovation and we’re not in the mood to go somewhere else.” 

Jaemin followed suit and sat down on the other side of Jeno, “Yeah, we would much rather spend our day here. I didn’t know you two would be here,” he added referring to Chenle and Donghyuck.

“Well, we decided to have a slumber party while you two are out. Fewer chances of seeing you two with your hands on each other,” Donghyuck smoothly replied.

Jaemin pouted and said, “I’m hurt you would exclude us in this get-together. We would have canceled our plans for you guys.”

Jeno giggled at Jaemin’s adorable pout and Renjun’s heart soared at the sight. 

“Come on, babe,” Jeno said, “You know they’re only kidding.”

Jaemin smiled and gave Jeno a peck which caused everyone to groan. 

“See, this is why we don’t want to invite you,” Jisung said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. 

Meanwhile, Renjun felt a pang in his chest but quickly disguised it with a look of disgust. However, his resolve almost crumbled when Jaemin turned to him and said in his usual sweet voice, “You wouldn’t exclude us, would you, Injunnie?”

Donghyuck snorted and Chenle let out a giggle. 

“I –,“ Renjun tried to compose himself and struggled to find the right words, “I didn’t want to interrupt your date,” he lamely said. 

Jaemin grinned at him and reached out to pinch his cheeks, “Our Injunnie is so nice and thoughtful! This is why I can only trust Injunnie in this room.” 

Renjun shrieked and tried to pry Jaemin’s fingers off his poor cheeks, “Ow! I take it back! I don’t want to have a slumber party with you. Get off me!”

Jeno, who was caught in the middle, laughed at Renjun’s poor attempt of escaping Jaemin’s grasps. He knew full well that the younger wouldn’t budge.

“Give him a break babe,” Jeno said while laughing, taking pity at Renjun.

Jaemin decided to release Renjun’s cheeks – who were red from pinching – and went back to his seat as if nothing happened, looking satisfied with himself. Renjun was soothing his cheeks when he felt Jeno pat his head. He turned to the younger and was flashed by his infamous eye smile. Renjun felt his cheeks burn and he was so glad his cheeks were already red, to begin with.

It was then that Donghyuck decided to interrupt their little moment with a cheeky remark, “You three look like a couple.”

Renjun’s head snapped at Donghyuck and saw the latter’s cheeky smile. He widened his eyes before burning holes at the younger’s head. Oh, how he would love to strangle that smile off his face!

Renjun heard Jaemin laughed and stuck his tongue out pettily at Donghyuck. “It’s not our fault only Injunnie is loveable among you four”, he said, “except for you Jisung. You’re my child.”

Jisung fake gagged which caused them all to laugh. 

“Anyway, let’s start this party,” Renjun said in an attempt to divert the topic. He stood up, intending on making his way to the sofa. “Who’s gonna order pizza?”

With that cue, everyone moved themselves to the living room to pick a movie they could all watch. Everyone settled in a position they are comfortable with, but Renjun found himself beside Jeno and Jaemin who were already cuddling on the sofa. Renjun sighed and tried not to think about it.

Halfway through the movie, the pizza arrived and Jaemin stood up to get it. Jeno readjusted himself on the sofa and sat straight. Jeno combed through his hair and Renjun tried not to ogle. Donghyuck was already snoring softly lying on the carpet while the maknaes were busy bickering over a scene in the movie. Suddenly, it became awkward, at least for Renjun. He didn’t notice, however, that Jeno was already staring at him.

“I didn’t know you were seeing someone,” Jeno suddenly said which startled Renjun a bit.

Renjun turned to Jeno and answered, “Yeah, it was something unexpected for me too.”

Jeno stared at him before patting his hand that was on the sofa in between them, “If you’re uncomfortable, you don’t have to go on that date.”

A bit surprised and feeling the tingles on his hand where Jeno touched him, Renjun replied, “Who said I was uncomfortable?”

Jeno giggled, raised his hand in surrender, and said, “Hey, I’m just saying. We don’t even know this guy and he might be a serial killer. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”

Renjun let out of a small laugh and said, “That’s so ridiculous. You should stop binge-watching crime documentaries, Jeno.”

Jeno laughed until his smile softened and stared right into Renjun’s eyes, “I’m serious, Injun. I know this is your first time on a date and you must feel a bit nervous. If you want, Nana and I could tag along. It would be like a double date.”

“That can’t be good.” It was too late when Renjun realized that he spoke that out loud.

“What’s not good?” Jaemin asked as he sat on his place in between Renjun and Jeno, placing the pizza on the center table.

“I asked him that we could tag along on his date if he’s uncomfortable,” it was Jeno who replied.

“Babe, that sounds good,” Jaemin agreed.

“Ummm no,” Renjun said in a panic, “you will not tag along and I will be going on that date on my own.”

“Are you sure, Injunnie? It looks like you needed the support,” Jaemin said.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Renjun replied nodding as if he’s trying to convince himself. “I’ll be fine. No need to worry about me.”

“And besides, it would be weird to bring your friends on a first date with someone. What are you, his parents?” They didn’t know that Donghyuck was already awake and was listening to their conversation, munching on his pizza. 

Jaemin glared at Donghyuck and stubbornly said, “We’re only looking out for Injunnie.”

“He’s not a child! How do you expect him to find someone if you two hover around him like hawks?” Donghyuck replied.

Jaemin pouted and wrapped an arm around Renjun. Renjun prayed that the younger wouldn’t hear the fast beating of his heart considering how close they were to each other. 

“Injunnie is too innocent for any boy. He’s just too good for anyone for that matter. He must be protected,” Jaemin insisted.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes and muttered, “It seems like he needs protection from you the most.”

“What did you say?” Jaemin said, scandalized.

Before Jaemin could strangle Donghyuck, Jeno laughed and wrapped his arms around the Jaemin and Renjun.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Jeno intervened.

Jaemin pouted and hugged Renjun tighter while Jeno rested his head on the crook of Jaemin’s neck. Renjun thought his heart would burst at the moment. 

“He’s never our third wheel, he said,” Donghyuck mocked. 

But Jaemin and Jeno were no longer paying attention to Donghyuck. They were already comfortable with their position and decided to focus back on the screen.

You see, it was moments like these that make Renjun love them even harder. It’s when they shower him with affection that feeds his illusions and fantasy of being loved by them the way he wanted them too. It was also at that moment that Renjun decided that he has had enough.

“Earth to Renjun?” Jaemin said, interrupting his thoughts.

“I’m sorry, what?” Renjun replied, willing his mind back to the present.

“So?” Jaemin said expectantly. 

“Oh yeah,” Renjun replied, finally remembering what their conversation was all about. “Yeah, we decided to just remain friends.” He said nonchalantly.

“Awwww, I’m sorry Injunnie,” Jaemin got up and gave Renjun a small hug. 

“No, it was fine,” Renjun said as he broke the hug, afraid of his heart going wild again. “I think we’re better off as friends, anyway.”

Jeno had also stood up and made his way to the two boys. “Maybe you should stop seeing these guys if it only stresses you out. Don’t listen to Chenle and Donghyuck. You don’t need to date random to make you feel better,” he said.

Renjun could feel his eyes start to tear up but fought against the urge to cry. This is not happening to him. Why must the two boys that caused him so much hurt be the ones to comfort him and tell him that everything will be alright? No, it’s not alright. And Renjun is afraid that it will never be alright.

“It’s okay, guys. They mean well,” Renjun found himself replying.

Jaemin hummed and tugged at Renjun’s wrist lightly, “Come here watch this movie with us.”

As much as Renjun wanted to, he knows he would be entering dangerous waters if he agreed. His heart needed a break. He needed a break from these two. So, he politely shook his head and said, “No thanks, guys. I think I need to go to bed.”

He didn’t wait for any answers as he headed to his room before he would break down in front of them. He laid awake in his bed that night thinking about how the universe has been hard on him. And he might have cried into his pillows but he would much rather admit that he drools in his sleep that’s why the pillow was wet. 

He was pulled from his slumber by a loud yelling he recognized to be Chenle followed by muffled voices just outside his door. He groaned and turned away from the door in an attempt to continue his sleep.

“Chenle, he needs to sleep. He had a bad night last night,” he heard Jaemin warned Chenle.

“Huh? Hyunwoo said they parted ways peacefully and that they’re good,” Chenle asked, clearly confused as to why Renjun had a bad night.

“I think you should stop setting him up for dates. He always ends up looking so down everytime he returns home,” Jaemin said.

“None sense!” Chenle insisted. “He just hasn’t met his match yet. They are still plenty of guys he has yet to meet.”

Renjun figured out no one could stop Chenle as he heard his door opened and closed softly behind him.

“I know you’re awake,” he heard Chenle said, surprisingly softly as contrast to his usually loud voice.

“I’m not in the mood, Chenle,” Renjun replied, still not turning around nor opening his eyes.

He heard the other sigh and felt a dip on the side of his bed. Chenle had sat down beside him.

“I’m sorry, ge. We could stop this if you want,” Chenle said apologetically. 

It was Renjun’s turn to sigh and finally turn around and sat up to face the younger Chinese. “It’s okay, Chenle. I know you only want what’s good for me. But I’m afraid it’s just not working.”

Renjun hated how he felt his eyes sting again accompanied by the heavy feeling on his chest. Chenle didn’t say anything but he felt the younger wrapped his arms around him as he finally broke out into a tiny sob.

“Why can’t I just get over them already?”

Chenle’s heart broke at how broken his friend sounded. 

“I don’t know, ge,” Chenle replied. “But I’m here for you. We’re all here for you. We’ll figure something else out if this one’s not working out for you.”

“No,” Renjun replied. “I think I’m the one who doesn’t want it to work out. Maybe if I just try harder – “

“Ge, don’t be too hard on yourself,” Chenle interrupted him. “You did your best and we are not asking any more from you.”

“No, Chenle,” Renjun insisted. “I think I could do it again. Try one more time. It can’t be that hard.”

Chenle just sighed. He knew how stubborn the older could get.

“Are you sure?” Chenle asked and Renjun nodded.

“If it’s not working, then I’ll make it work,” Renjun said, “Somehow.”

“Okay,” Chenle replied. “Now, can we please go out and eat breakfast? I didn’t eat at home. I’m starving.”

Renjun rolled his eyes. Leave it to Chenle to ruin a perfectly dramatic moment.

“Come on now, big head, time to feed that snake inside your stomach,” Renjun joked, feeling lighter, and stood up to head outside.

“If I have a snake, Jisung has a whole Loch Ness monster in his stomach,” Chenle yelled loudly, following Renjun out the door.

“I heard that!” they heard Jisung yelled out from the kitchen which caused them both to laugh loudly.

It’s going to work! Renjun found himself thinking desperately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Let me know in the comments.
> 
> Sorry for the somewhat heavy angst. Hyunwoo is a name a randomly came up with and he is not modeled after any other idol. Do you think Hyunwoo would be good for Renjun? What do you think would happen next?


	3. Stupid Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I begin, I like to tell you that I finished planning each chapter of this story and I'm afraid we're leaning a bit into angst. Changes on the tag and the total chapters could be made along the way. 
> 
> Enjoy reading!

It turns out, Renjun’s next date would not happen soon. NCT Dream was suddenly bombarded by schedules and everyone was so busy, Chenle didn’t have the time and the energy to look for a prospect date for Renjun. But Renjun didn’t mind at all. In fact, he was secretly a little bit relieved that he could focus on work rather than stressing himself out thinking of how the next date is going to turn out. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, especially himself, that he was in fact feeling a bit pressured and antsy because of the whole moving on agenda. He found himself getting more desperate to move on from Jeno and Jaemin.

Another thing that took Renjun’s mind off the whole thing was the announcement that he would be the DJ of a radio show. It was his first individual schedule and he would finally have a thing that was just his. He was both nervous and excited about the whole thing that the day before his first schedule, Renjun felt extreme anxiety eating him up.

Renjun couldn’t stay still the day before his first radio schedule as the official DJ. His nerves were getting to him and he found himself unable to relax on his bed, on the couch, at the dining area, or heck, even on the carpet. Whenever he tried to, his mind always drifted to his worries of messing up or not doing his job well. It resulted in him going all around the dorm in his quest to find a place he was comfortable with.

“You look like shit, dude.”

Of course, it would be Donghyuck who would not miss a chance to comment on his current predicament.

“Gee, thanks! I always appreciate your unique way of cheering me up,” Renjun replied sarcastically, getting up from the couch and walking towards the dining area.

“Hyung, you need to stop or else you’d make me dizzy!” Jisung said, getting frustrated with Renjun’s fidgeting. But his complaints fell on deaf ears.

“Okay, who’s willing to bet on who’s going to lose their mind first? My guess would be Jisung,” Chenle tried — but failed — to whisper to Donghyuck which resulted in a throw pillow smacking his face. Chenle laughed loudly and yelled in victory, “I won!”

Renjun rolled his eyes and went to sit back on the couch he previously occupied, a glass of water with him.

“Why are you two even in here?” Renjun pointed out.

Donghyuck shrugged and replied, “There’s more drama here. The Hyungs are boring and I need something to entertain me. Looks like my entertainer is going to be you, Huang. Why don’t you put on your tutu and do a little spin for me since you seem to have no problem moving about.”

Renjun glared at Donghyuck and said, “Oh laugh all you want now Hyuck. We’ll see who’d be laughing when Doyoung-hyung beats your ass for calling him boring.”

“Oh no! I’m so scared!” Donghyuck replied mockingly.

“Cheer up, Junnie,” Jaemin said reassuringly, “I’m sure you’d do well like you always do. Right, babe?” 

Jeno nodded as a response to what his boyfriend said.

“Yup. The worst that could happen is your voice cracking up like it did when we did that encore stage on our first win,” Donghyuck teased.

“Not helping, dipshit,” Renjun said, frustrated and turned away from Donghyuck who was laughing his ass out. His eyes landed on Chenle who stared back at his annoyed face.

“Don’t look at me like that! I’d be the only person who’d know if you mess up your Mandarin, so you better be nice to me,” Chenle said defensively.

Renjun groaned when he was reminded that he had to use Mandarin on the radio show. For some reason, switching back to his native tongue takes a bit of getting used to after speaking Korean for so long. That, coupled with his nerves, would be a lethal combination.

“Don’t listen to them, Junnie,” Jeno intervened — the first words he uttered in a while. “You’d do great.”

“Oh, look! Loverboy does have a voice,” Donghyuck teased, earning a glare from both Jeno and Jaemin.

“Okay, B1 and B2. I’m outnumbered. I won’t fight you!” Donghyuck said, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Unless I use your precious little Injunnie as shield. You wouldn’t dare hurt him,” he added.

“You’re on your own, kid,” Renjun replied and drank from the glass of water he was holding to calm himself down.

Later that night when Renjun thought all the members were asleep, he laid awake on his bed when he heard a commotion outside his room. A moment later, he heard a knock on his door.

“Injunnie, I know you’re still awake. Come outside. I have something for you,” he heard Jaemin say.

Renjun debated on whether or not he’d just pretend that he’s asleep. But he knew that Jaemin knew he was a light sleeper. Letting out a little groan, Renjun got up from his bed begrudgingly and made his way outside.

When he opened his door, he was met by a tub of ice cream shoved right in front of his face held by a grinning Jaemin who looked so proud of himself. 

A little disoriented, Renjun asked, “What’s this, Nana?”

Jaemin pulled the ice cream back and replied happily, “A little something to cheer you up. I know this is small, but I really hope you’d loosen up a bit after some ice cream.”

Extremely touched by the gesture, Renjun looked up to meet Jaemin’s eyes. It was indeed a small thing, but Renjun felt his eyes start to water because of the effort.

“Let’s eat!” Jaemin said, pulling Renjun by his wrist towards the dining table. 

They ended up talking about all sorts of random things until the wee hours of the morning and Renjun swore he fell in love with Jaemin deeper after that. That can’t be good, he decided.

The next morning, Renjun woke up early and found Jeno fidgeting with the stove.

“Jeno?” Renjun said, effectively startling the poor boy in question.

“Injunnie! You’re up early!” Jeno said, flashing his eye smile towards Renjun.

“What are you doing?” Renjun asked in curiosity as he eyed the pan on top of the stove. Jeno was never one to cook among the Dreamies. This is why it was a rare sight to see him in front of the stove.

Jeno had the decency to look sheepish and replied, “Well, I was about to make some breakfast since Nana looked too tired to cook and I didn’t wanna disturb you from your sleep. You need the energy for your radio broadcast tonight.”

“You should’ve woken me up. I don’t mind,” Renjun said, making his way to the stove. “I couldn’t sleep well anyway.”

Jeno looked at Renjun worriedly and said, “You must be so tired. I got this! Go sit on the chair! Chef Jeno’s gonna feed you.” 

Renjun laughed lightly at Jeno’s lame statement and said, “Are you sure you won’t poison me instead?” 

Jeno’s lower lip butted out in a small pout and replied, “Have a little faith in me, won’t you?”

Cute. Renjun thought but mentally shook his head.

“Okay, Ratatouille, give me all you got,” Renjun said and sat on the chair. 

It was a bit painful to watch Jeno trying not to mess up with breakfast. Renjun had to stifle a laugh when a sausage almost went out of the pan when Jeno tried to fry it. 

“Need a little help there?” Renjun tried to offer.

“No, I got this,” Jeno answered, determined to finish his cooking.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Jeno successfully pulled off a decent breakfast and served it for Renjun. 

“I’m impressed, Jen,” Renjun commented. “You can now pass as Mark Lee’s assistant,” he added, remembering Mark’s sorry excuse of a fried egg.

Jeno rolled his eyes but put on a smile. “Oh wait, I forgot!” he suddenly said and pulled a cup from the counter, put something in it, and poured hot water from the water dispenser. He mixed it up and made his way to Renjun before placing the cup in front of the latter.

“I know how much tea relaxes you, so you should drink that one while it’s hot,” Jeno said.

Renjun felt touched and looked up at Jeno saying, “Awww, thank you, Jeno!”

“Actually,” Jeno said, “I was really planning on putting up this breakfast for you because I felt bad at how stressed you are. I figured a good breakfast and tea would cheer you up. I was about to prepare this in advance but you caught me,” he confessed.

Oh, Jeno, sweet Jeno. Renjun was dumbfounded and he felt his heart swell at the sweet gesture.

“That’s,” Renjun said, struggling to find the right words, “so sweet!” he settled for the first word that came into his mind.

Jeno grinned and said, “You deserve it. You’ve been working so hard and I guess it’s fair to give you a little treat.”

If Renjun’s heart had a voice, it would be yelling Jeno’s name by now.

Renjun just couldn’t understand how both Jeno and Jaemin manage to weave their way deeper into his heart each time. Why couldn’t they be jerks instead? Why do they have to be sweet little bastards that Renjun couldn’t shake off? 

Stupid Jeno and Jaemin, Renjun thought. Stupid, useless heart. 

“But I wanna go with Mark-hyung!” 

Donghyuck looked like he was gonna throw a fit any moment now. 

“Hyuck, you can’t even ride the roller coaster,” Mark pointed out.

However, the younger boy was stubborn and said, “So? You think that would stop me from making fun of you while you try to act cool when we know you’re scared shitless?”

Mark sighed and everyone groaned in annoyance. 

They were at an amusement park in Japan. The last day of SMTown concert had just finished and they were given a day off as a treat from the company. It was the first time in a while that all seven of them were gathered abroad. Naturally, they planned to spend the day together while their Hyungs chose to eat at an expensive restaurant. They decided to go to an amusement park after they had their lunch with their Hyungs. But 10 minutes on, and they couldn’t decide on which rides they should take. 

“Jisung couldn’t ride the roller coaster. Let’s just settle for something else,” Chenle suggested.

“How about we go into the horror house?” Donghyuck suggested.

“And traumatize Jisung?” Jaemin protested.

“Jisung, just go hang out at kid’s section, for god’s sake!” Donghyuck said, frustrated and Jisung pouted.

“That’s it! Since we couldn’t decide where to go, maybe we should just split,” Mark suggested.

“I called dibs on Seagull!” Donghyuck immediately volunteered and hooked his arms with Mark’s who was trying to shake him off. 

“Looks like I’m stuck with you, Jisung,” Chenle sighed, sounding disappointed.

“But I didn’t —” Jisung argued, confused. But Chenle cut him off.

“Shh! No buts or I’ll change my mind.” And with that, Chenle pulled a very confused and flustered Jisung towards the kid’s section.

The rest of the Dreamies watched the two maknaes bicker their way to the kid’s section and Donghyuck suddenly laughed when they were out of hearing radius.

“That kid is so obvious,” Donghyuck snorted.

“You’re the one to talk,” Renjun commented which earned him a glare from Donghyuck.

“Are you sure you wanna go there?” Donghyuck challenged and it was Renjun’s turn to glare at the former.

Mark cleared his throat awkwardly and said, “Okay, Hyuck. Let’s see if you survive not passing out on the roller coaster this time.”

“Oh, it’s on!” Donghyuck replied and he and Mark made their way towards the roller coaster. “You’re not coming?” he asked when he didn’t see any of the others follow them.

Jaemin shook his head and replied, “I don’t think I could stomach the roller coaster after eating too much. So Jeno and I would just roam around.”

Donghyuck nodded and turned to Renjun, “You?”

Renjun gulped. He realized he was alone. On top of that, he couldn’t ride the roller coaster for dear life! He should’ve gone with Chenle and Jisung to the kid’s section.

Donghyuck saw him hesitate and said teasingly, “Scared, Huang?”

Renjun was about to retort when Jaemin said, “He could go with us! It’s been a while since all three of us went out together.”

Renjun’s eyes widened at the thought of spending time with the very people he was trying to move on from. He tried not to show it on his face, but the way Donghyuck was looking at him apologetically, he knew he had somehow failed. Suddenly, the idea of riding the roller coaster seemed more inviting for Renjun. 

Luckily, the said two people were dense at hell because he heard Jeno said, “No need to pretend you could ride the roller coaster, Junnie. We both know you’d chickened out like the last time we were at an amusement park.” 

Jeno was talking about the time the two of them went together with the two maknaes during We Young promotions. Renjun tried to be brave but ended up ditching when they were next in line. Jeno wouldn’t let him forget his moment of embarrassment since.

“It’s settled then! Injunnie would go with us!” Jaemin said enthusiastically. “Now, let’s go check the gaming station.”

Renjun had no choice but to follow the two away from Mark and Donghyuck, getting ready to be left out like all third wheels. 

However, his fear of being left out didn’t come into realization as Jeno and Jaemin made sure they included him in all the games they had chosen to play. His competitive side kicked in and he had a lot of fun playing with them. He couldn’t help but realize that he missed this part of their friendship. Back when Jeno and Jaemin weren’t a thing, the three of them used to go out a lot and play a lot after Jaemin got back from hiatus. The situation had been simpler then, and Renjun wished it was the same as now.

“You’re holding it wrong, Injunnie,” Jeno commented with a laugh as he corrected the way Renjun holds the hammer for the hitting game they were playing. Renjun has been trying and failing to reach the score he wanted for the game. That made him frustrated as he tried again and again to reach his goal. 

“You’re supposed to support the handle like this for more strength.” Jeno then went on to adjust Renjun’s hands that were holding the hammer. “Keep your feet apart and swing like this,” he added and guided Renjun’s body to mimic his movements.

Renjun felt a blush creeping up his face when he felt how close Jeno and he were to each other. He quickly masked his reaction by saying, “Okay, I got it! Now watch me beat your high score.” He then shoved Jeno away lightly.

Jaemin laughed at Renjun’s statement and said, “You’d never beat Jeno’s high score no matter how hard you try.”

Offended, Renjun turned to Jaemin and said, “Then I’ll beat yours instead.”

Jaemin looked amused and replied, “I’ll make you a deal. If you beat my score, I’d give you a prize.”

“I’m listening,” Renjun said, relaxing his body first by putting the heavy hammer down.

“But it would be a secret,” Jaemin grinned mysteriously.

“How would I know if I like the prize?” Renjun asked skeptically.

“I just know,” Jaemin replied, seemingly convinced that Renjun would like the prize. “Besides, why are you so sure you’d finally beat my score?”

“I just know,” Renjun copied Jaemin’s cocky reply which made Jeno and Jaemin laugh. Both of them knew they had awakened another level of competitiveness in Renjun.

Renjun then took a deep breath, went into position just like Jeno taught him, and mustered all his strength for a hard strike. He felt the hammer hit the goal and the machine roared with music before displaying his score. He heard Jeno and Jaemin cheer before he found out his score himself. Renjun couldn’t believe it! He made it! He had beaten Jaemin by a point!

He turned to Jaemin who looked so happy and said, “I told you I’d beat you! But why do you look so happy?”

Jaemin laughed and replied, “Because you finally got what you aimed for. I knew you could do it. You just need the right motivation.”

Renjun didn’t know what to say. Trust it to Jaemin to leave him dumbfounded with his sweet words.

“Besides,” Jaemin added, “I would’ve given you that prize regardless of the result, anyway.”

After a while, Jaemin said he wanted to check out souvenir items so they all went to the gift store. Renjun was busy looking around when Jaemin called for him. The younger had something in his hand which Renjun didn’t recognize. It appeared that Jaemin was handing him the said item.

“What’s this?” Renjun asked. Upon closer inspection, Renjun could clearly see that it was a bracelet that Jaemin was handing him. 

“A friendship bracelet!” Jaemin beamed excitedly. “It’s your prize from the game earlier.”

Renjun remembered the hitting game and said, “I didn’t know you were serious about that.”

Jaemin took the initiative and grabbed Renjun’s wrist to put on the bracelet on him. “Well, I was. So you should wear this. Now, all three of us have an item we all share to represent our friendship,” he said happily, displaying his own bracelet that was similar in design as Renjun’s but in red. 

“Yours is green and Jeno’s is blue,” Jaemin said, grabbing Jeno’s hand to reveal the blue version of the bracelet. It was a simple piece of string with a heart pendant. “I tried to find a yellow one but they ran out of that. So now, we’re like the Power Puff Girls.”

Jeno and Renjun burst out laughing at that. And Renjun said, “How come you’re Blossom?”

Jaemin shrugged and said, “Jeno is Bubbles because he’s soft and cute, and you are Buttercup because you like to act tough despite being tiny.”

Renjun mockingly glared at Jaemin but the latter made a peace sign and continued saying, “And I’m Blossom because I’m like the motivator among us three. I’m the leader of the band — the one that gets us moving.”

Renjun and Jeno were about to argue because Jaemin is the slowest of them all, but Jaemin hushed them with his hand and said, “And mainly because Blossom is the only one left,” which caused all of them to laugh.

“Are you sure it’s not because you nag us a lot?” Renjun teased and Jaemin pouted which caused another round of laughter.

Before they knew it, the day was over as well as their trip to Japan. Renjun found himself back in South Korea and back to reality. Renjun felt so exhausted that he quickly fell asleep as soon as his body landed on his bed and he went into a peaceful sleep.

“Jaemin, what’s wrong? Why are you ignoring me?” Renjun asked desperately, trying to catch Jaemin’s arm.

Jaemin looked at him and Renjun gasped. The other boy looked at him so coldly like he never did before.

“You seriously don’t know?” Jaemin spat. “Don’t act so innocent when we both know you’re a traitor!”

“Wh—”, Renjun tried to ask but was cut off by another voice.

“Don’t even try to deny it Renjun!” Jeno said. Only then that Renjun noticed that Jeno was with them all along.

“How could you do this to us?” Jeno accused. “Why would you try and ruin our relationship like this?” he was yelling by then.

“I didn’t!” Renjun tried to defend himself.

“But you did!” Jaemin argued. “Do you really think that Jeno would choose you over me or I would choose you over Jeno?” he asked angrily.

“H-how did you know?” Renjun asked, shocked.

“You really think we wouldn’t know how much of a backstabbing bitch you are?” Jaemin answered.

“I wouldn’t ask you to choose! And I would never want you to break up because of me!” Renjun said as heavy tears poured down his cheeks.

“How pathetic! You still choose to lie to our face!” Jeno said coldly.

“Nana, Jen, please!” Renjun said desperately, trying to hold their hands but he was shrugged off.

“Save it, Renjun!” Jeno said. “We heard enough.” And with that, he put an arm around Jaemin and guided the other boy away from Renjun.

“Please hear me out!” Renjun tried to scream, but they fell on deaf ears as he watched the two people he loves the most walk away from him, never sparing him a second glance.

Tears began to cloud his vision and everything suddenly swirled all around him. He couldn’t feel anything and he can’t even hear his own voice. In terror, Renjun tried to scream as loud as he could.

That’s when Renjun jolted awake, chest rising up and down heavily as he tried to catch his breath. 

It was just a dream! But it felt so real. The pain was real! 

And it had high chances to be real if Jeno and Jaemin find out! He needed to get over them quickly before he destroys their friendship! He had to!

The piece of string on his wrist suddenly felt so heavy for Renjun. So, he quickly removed the bracelet and shoved it to the bottom part of his drawer with the full intent of never wearing it again. He then went back to bed and finally sobbed and poured his heart out to the silence of the night.

Needless to say, sleep didn’t visit the broken boy sobbing on his bed again that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! How was it? Please let me know in the comments section.
> 
> Did I get you at the last scene? Well, take this soft chapter as a calm before the storm, an early apology for what I'm about to do.


	4. It's for the Best

The next few days have been so hectic for Renjun. Aside from his radio schedule, he practically spends the rest of the day trying to avoid both Jeno and Jaemin which wasn’t easy as they live together. 

It started with waking up earlier or later than usual just so he could avoid having breakfast with them. Then, he used the excuse of going over his script for the radio to not get out of his room. Lunch had been so tricky because he had to be creative with his excuses such as not having an appetite or just grabbing food before he heads to the radio station. Then, he goes straight to bed when he gets home saying that he’s too tired to play late at night.

On days with official schedules, Renjun would sit on the front seat or next to Jisung — anything so that he’d sit far away from Jeno and Jaemin. Poor Jisung would be dragged (sometimes a bit aggressively) by Renjun or Renjun would engage him into a conversation, sometimes about topics that they both know they don’t have much interest in. But Jisung gets his Renjun-hyung, and he’s being a good dongsaeng and friend to the older boy. He knew Renjun had no other person he could rely on as the other members didn’t live with them.

One other member noticed Renjun’s attempts at avoiding Jeno and Jaemin. He saw Renjun quickly dashed outside after he volunteered to go with their manager and help him buy them drinks during practice once. Donghyuck had confronted Renjun about it but he just got, “It’s for the best,” as a reply from the other boy. 

Although Donghyuck could foresee the inevitable disastrous ending to what Renjun was doing, he didn’t comment more. Looking at his friend’s eyes, he could see the exhaustion and the hopelessness it held and he knew Renjun wouldn’t listen to him anyway. At least, not when the boy was sinking further into pain and sadness. He wished he could do something to help his friend, but Renjun has to go through the challenge of moving on alone. They could only do so much to help.

“Why aren’t you wearing our bracelet?” 

NCT Dream had a scheduled photoshoot for a magazine when Jaemin noticed that Renjun wasn’t wearing their friendship bracelet. He waited until both he and Renjun were free to ask him.

Renjun visibly tensed but quickly answered, “Oh, I didn’t bother wearing it this morning since the stylists will ask me to take it off for the photoshoot anyway.”

Renjun wanted to pat himself for the quick and perfect excuse he had come up with.

For a moment, Jaemin seemed to hesitate, causing Renjun to pray that Jaemin would buy his excuse. Fate was in Renjun’s favor this time because Jaemin nodded and didn’t mention it again that day.

The next time the bracelet was mentioned, Renjun calmly said he forgot and quickly went back to distancing himself from Jaemin as much as possible. The next thing he knew, he was giving out lame excuses such as, “I was in a hurry” or “I kept it safe since I tend to lose bracelets during dance practice”, and perhaps the worst of all: “I think I’m getting allergic to the string. I tried it on the other day and my wrist itched.”

By then, Jaemin was very suspicious and had answered, “Junnie, you do realize that it’s just a string right?”

Renjun scrambled to find the right response but had sounded very defensive when he said, “People have different allergies, okay? Stop judging me,” and quickly walked away.

He heard Jaemin sigh but he was thankful the younger let him off the hook.

“You could’ve just said your dog ate it at this rate,” Donghyuck had commented. They were in the recording studio and Renjun had sought Donghyuck after the short confrontation with Jaemin.

“Hyuck, I don’t have a dog,” Renjun had replied offhandedly.

Donghyuck shrugged and said, “Well, you could just add that one to your list of ridiculous excuses that you think Jaemin would believe.”

Renjun sighed but wasn’t in the mood to argue with Donghyuck. For the rest of the day, Renjun could feel the tension with Jaemin. He hated the situation, but he thought it was for the best. 

He thought Jaemin would drop the subject of the bracelet for that day, but clearly Renjun was mistaken because the younger had confronted him again when they went home that night. Renjun could tell that he had pushed Jaemin to his limit because the latter wouldn’t invade his personal space in his bedroom if he wasn’t so upset with Renjun — especially when Renjun specifically said he wanted no distractions that night. 

“Junnie, tell me what’s wrong,” Jaemin said with pleading eyes, “and don’t give me one of your lame excuses. I let it go the first few times but I want to hear the truth now.”

“Jaemin, just let it go,” Renjun answered, getting annoyed, “it’s just a bracelet.” 

He heard Jaemin gasp which caused him to look up and saw that Jaemin was clearly offended by his statement. 

“Just a bracelet?” Jaemin said, offended. “Junnie! That’s our friendship bracelet! It’s so much more than just a bracelet! It symbolizes our friendship!”

“Knock it off, Jaemin! An accessory couldn’t signify something,” Renjun retorted.

“But it does!” Jaemin insisted. His voice had risen a bit higher due to the emotions he felt. “It means so much more than just being an accessory.”

Renjun was not in the mood to discuss this topic with Jaemin. His patience had run low. “Well, it’s just an accessory for me! You can’t force me to wear something that I don’t like!”

That shut Jaemin up and Renjun made a mistake of looking up to the younger. He saw how hurt Jaemin was — it was reflected in his eyes. At that moment, Renjun wanted to take back all he said, but he knew it was too late.

Jaemin cleared his throat and Renjun knew that Jaemin was just trying to mask his hurt. Renjun hated himself for hurting Jaemin.

“I’m sorry you felt that way,” Jaemin said softly and Renjun could hear the slight crack in the other’s voice. “You should’ve told me you didn’t like the bracelet. I’m sorry if I bothered you with it.”

And with that, Jaemin left Renjun’s room — leaving Renjun to wallow in his guilt. 

The next morning, Renjun was greeted by the sight of Donghyuck at his door. Before he could say anything, the other boy entered his room and shut the door firmly behind them.

“What are you doing?” Donghyuck said with urgency and a little annoyance. Renjun had guessed that Donghyuck had been informed of the little fight he had with Jaemin.

Renjun sighed and sat down his bed, letting his head fall onto his hands. “I don’t know, Hyuck! I’m so confused right now. I just want to move on and get away from them, and the bracelet reminds me so much of them. I thought it would be best to never wear it, but seeing Jaemin so hurt last night, I questioned if I’m doing the right thing.”

Donghyuck sat down beside Renjun. He pitied the Chinese for being stuck in his situation, but Donghyuck knew that Renjun has been killing himself with what he was doing. And Donghyuck had to stop him.

“Junnie,” Donghyuck said softly, placing his hand on Renjun’s shoulder. “You keep saying that it’s for the best, but do you really believe it is?”

Renjun looked up to Donghyuck but didn’t answer. Donghyuck could tell his friend was still very confused.

“What I’m saying is,” Donghyuck continued, “you should know that rather than helping the situation, you’re making it worse. Do you think that avoiding Jeno and Jaemin without telling them why would do the trick? Of course, they’d get confused and would ask you why you are avoiding them. Lucky for you, the bracelet thing is overshadowing the real issue here and they haven’t caught on to what you’re doing yet. But soon, they will.”

“But how can I move on if I won’t avoid them?” Renjun asked, still clearly convinced that avoiding them was the right solution.

“I hate to say this — and I would kill you if you tell Jisung — but the kid was right,” Donghyuck answered, “I think it’s time you tell them what you feel.”

But Renjun was already vehemently shaking his head. “No! I can’t do that! What if they’d hate me? What if they wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore? I’m trying to salvage our friendship by backing off.”

“And you think that avoiding them would save your friendship?” Donghyuck retorted. “You’re just gonna hurt them and you’re hurting yourself too in the process.”

“They’d get mad at me!” Renjun argued persistently.”They would think that I want to destroy their relationship!”

“Give them some credit, Junnie,” Donghyuck replied, getting frustrated. “You know them well enough to know that they wouldn’t do that to you.”

Renjun just sat there quietly. But by the look on his face, Donghyuck knew he failed to sway the older boy with his reasons.

“Look,” Donghyuck sighed, “I know your reason is clouded by your insecurities right now and all I can say is that I understand that the thought of them knowing can be so scary for you. But, you need to be brave for all of you.”

“But I’m not brave, Hyuck,” Renjun answered in a small voice. “I’m a coward who doesn’t know how to confront my own feelings.”

Donghyuck was hurting for his friend. So, enveloped the smaller boy into a hug and said, “No, you’re not, Junnie. You’re braver than you give yourself credit for. You’re selfless to put Jeno’s and Jaemin’s sake above yours. I know you’re mainly doing this so that they could be happy and protected. You are sacrificing your own happiness so that they could continue to be happy together. And that’s what makes you brave.”

Maybe, Donghyuck saw a lone tear trailed down Renjun’s cheek. But whether or not Renjun is aware that he is crying, Donghyuck decided not to comment and just held the Chinese.

Now, Jaemin was the one avoiding Renjun and latter knew he deserved such treatment, although he couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt.

Since Donhyuck was with them, he dragged Renjun out of the latter’s room to have lunch with the rest of them. Renjun had skipped breakfast that morning and Donghyuck wouldn’t take no for an answer. Renjun had no choice but to brace himself with the awkward tension.

Donghyuck also forced Renjun to play Mario Cart with them after lunch. Donghyuck was one persistent person and wouldn’t let Renjun bail out on them. 

The atmosphere was thick with tension and everyone could taste the awkwardness in the room. Renjun’s guilt was eating him up and he could feel his resolve start to crumble. 

Alas, he couldn’t take it anymore and he suddenly blurted out, “Jaemin, can we talk?”

Surprised, Jaemin looked at Renjun — the latter’s eyes silently pleading. Jaemin sighed and nodded. Renjun got up and walked to his room with Jaemin following him.

“I’m sorry,” Renjun went straight to the point when they both were inside his room. “I know I was being insensitive when I said those things last night. I want you to know that I didn’t mean anything I said.”

Jaemin just stared back at him, his reaction unreadable. 

“I was so stressed lately and I guess I took it out on you. I know I shouldn’t have, so I’m so sorry,” Renjun added, hoping to convince the other boy to forgive him.

Jaemin sighed and replied, “I was upset because of last night. What you have said was a blow to my ego and I felt hurt and betrayed.”

“I’m sorry,” Renjun said again, guiltily. “I could wear the bracelet right now if that’s what it takes for you to forgive me,” he offered, getting desperate.

“No,” Jaemin replied, “If it makes you uncomfortable, then you shouldn’t force yourself to wear it. You’re right — I should’ve checked with you first to see if you’d like it.”

“No, Jaemin,” Renjun argued, “I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t like it. I like it so much and you didn’t do anything wrong. It was just me….’ he trailed off.

“Then, why wouldn’t you wear it?” Jaemin asked again, daring Renjun to answer.

It took a while for Renjun to answer. Should he tell Jaemin right there and then? Was he ready to tell Jaemin his deepest and most important secret?

“Nana,” Renjun said softly, “that’s something I couldn’t answer right now.” He was being a coward again, he had thought. 

“Why?” Jaemin asked again. “Why couldn’t you answer me right now?”

“Nana, please,” Renjun said, pleading softly, “just trust me okay? I’d tell you someday, but not right now.” 

As much as Jaemin wanted an explanation, he could feel that Renjun wouldn’t give him one that day. He also didn’t like fighting with Renjun again. 

With a sigh, Jaemin finally relented and said, “It’s okay, Junnie. I understand, and I forgive you.”

“Really?” Renjun said tentatively, afraid that the other was just joking.

Jaemin gave him a small smile and said, “Yes. You’re more important than the stupid bracelet.”

“It’s not stupid,” Renjun said defensively.

Jaemin let out of a soft laugh and joked, “That’s a reversal of last night’s conversation. Should we argue again but with switched opinions this time?”

And with that, Renjun knew he was forgiven. He had taken the bracelet out from his drawer and once again let Jaemin put it on for him. They had walked out from Renjun’s room feeling a lot lighter than that morning. Upon seeing them, the rest of the members felt relieved that the issue was resolved. 

Jisung noticed the bracelet was once again on Renjun’s wrist and commented when Jeno and Jaemin couldn’t hear, “You are so whipped.”

“Child, say that again and you won’t live to see another day,” Renjun warned.

The next time Renjun was busy, he wasn’t faking it. His schedule was suddenly filled with his first solo photoshoot for a Chinese magazine and his endorsement gig for a resort with Chenle. He still had his radio schedule and schedules with NCT Dream. He was getting physically exhausted that he sometimes forgets that he’s in the middle of a dilemma. 

Renjun thought it was good, though. He finally found a chance to get his thoughts away from Jeno and Jaemin. It was also lesser effort on his part because he now genuinely had a legit reason for being busy.

Speaking of his radio, he was getting a co-host for his program tonight. He was so excited because he gets to meet new people. Renjun loves meeting new people because he can have new friends that weren’t his members.

The co-host was half-Chinese and half-Korean, a rising actor named Lei. He was a year older than Renjun, so Renjun thinks he wouldn’t have much trouble getting along with his new co-host.

He enthusiastically greeted Lei and welcomed him to the show. They talked for a bit — getting to know each other with the basics, before starting the show. The flow was smooth and Renjun thought Lei got the hang of it pretty quickly.

There was a fan who sent a message that Renjun had to read out loud. When he read the message, he almost groaned with how painfully familiar he was with the situation. The message was about a girl who secretly likes her best friend and was afraid to tell him how she feels. Renjun had to give an advice as part of the show’s format, although he wished he didn’t have to.

“To this fan who secretly likes her best friend,” Renjun started, “It’s not easy being stuck in unrequited love especially with a very close friend. You would want to save the friendship rather than taking the risk of confessing. I just want you to know that you are beautiful and you need to stay strong. Please know that whatever happens, you can still smile and try to move on from him. I know this is never easy, but someday, your hard work will pay off.”

Renjun paused. He realized how genuine his advice was and the words were exactly what he wanted to say to himself. He felt the familiar thickening of his throat so he cleared it with a small cough, and continued, “Here is a song dedicated to you and I hope you enjoy it.” 

The music played in the background and Renjun took off his headset and took a deep breath.

Unknown to him, his co-host was staring intently at him. Lei saw that Renjun really felt the message and felt that there was more to it.

“You could relate, huh?” Lei suddenly said.

For a moment, Renjun forgot that he had a co-host and was taken aback with what Lei said.

“How do you know?” Renjun replied.

“You had this determined look in your eyes. You said the advice with your whole chest and genuinely looked like you wanted her to move on. I also saw the hurt in your eyes when you talk about unrequited love,” Lei answered.

Renjun didn’t know what to feel. Lei was so spot on, it was almost creepy. Here’s a guy who he just literally met that night but could read him like he knew him his whole life. 

“I’m sorry if that’s intruding,” Lei quickly apologized.

“No, you were right,” Renjun found himself saying. “Yes, I can relate. It sucks but it’s the truth.”

Lei smiled at him softly and said, “How about we talk about that over some drinks later?”

Donghyuck was getting frustrated. He couldn’t believe his friends are destroying themselves with what they are doing. He couldn’t get through Renjun as the latter was so hell-bent on doing what he thinks is right. He had no choice but to do the next best thing.

It was a perfect opportunity. Renjun was out with Winwin and Chenle and Jisung had a solo schedule. Jeno and Jaemin were left in the Dream dorm. Donghyuck took the opportunity to corner the couple and tell them what he had been dying to say to them for so long.

They were watching tv when Donghyuck finally said something.

“So, what are you planning with Renjun?” Donghyuck blurted out.

Confused, the two boys looked at him. 

“What plan?” Jaemin asked, confusion evident in his voice.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice?” Donghyuck said. “Renjun is avoiding you.”

Jeno sighed and replied, “Yes, we did. It’s just that we are waiting for Renjun to tell us his reasons. I’m sure he has a good reason for it.”

“You two are just as dumb as him,” Donghyuck commented, “no wonder you three fit each other.”

Jeno creased his forehead and said, “You should really stop pushing Renjun to us. It will make things awkward.”

“So, you noticed?” Donghyuck said, raising one of his eyebrows.

“Yes, and I would appreciate it if you’d stop it,” Jeno replied firmly.

“Why?” Donghyuck challenged, “Does it bother you?”

Jeno seemed to hesitate for a while then finally answered, “Yes, so please stop it.”

“So you’re saying you don’t like the possibility of you three getting together?” Donghyuck clarified.

“Hyuck...,” Jaemin warned when he felt Jeno tensed up.

“What?” Donghyuck replied. “It’s a hypothetical question.” He paused and asked the same question to Jaemin, “Does it bother you too?”

Jaemin sighed but chose not to answer. He was a bit surprised when Jeno answered.

“Yes, it bothers me,” Jeno suddenly said.

“What bothers you?” Donghyuck pressed, “The thought of you getting together or of Renjun having feelings for you?” 

“Both,” Jeno said, already reaching his limits. He didn’t know why but he felt very annoyed with the questions Donghyuck was asking.

“Why, then, are you acting like you want to be with Renjun?” Donghyuck asked. 

“What do you mean?” Jaemin asked.

Donghyuck let out of a dry laugh and replied, “You,” he pointed at Jaemin, “and you,” he pointed at Jeno, “acting all so sweet to Renjun, anyone would think you like him romantically and want to be with him like, you know, like a couple except there’s three of you?” he tried to explain.”You are giving him false signals.”

“That’s not true!” Jaemin suddenly said and cleared his throat. “I mean, we treat Renjun like how we treat all of you.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes and answered, “Calling his name softly, cuddling him, making sure he’s alright all the time, monopolizing him whenever you have the chance to, and even including him in some of your dates… now tell me that isn’t saying something!” he pointed out exasperatedly.

“Renjun is our best friend,” Jaemin said, “nothing more.” He then looked at Jeno for confirmation.

“Yes,” Jeno added, “I don’t know why you’d give color to how we treat Renjun. He’s just our friend.”

Donghyuck sighed but decided not to argue any longer. He knew he was getting nowhere.

Unbeknown to them, someone was standing with his ear pressed against the door outside. He could perfectly hear their conversation as the living room was right next to the door and their voices were too loud.

That someone was the boy they were talking about. And he fled the scene as fast as he could, tears starting to fall from his eyes.

“Ring ring, ring ring. Missed call again….” 

Renjun’s ringtone kept on playing, but he ignored it. Jeno set up his ringtone to his and Jaemin’s DNYL rap part as a joke. It was ironic that the song matched Renjun’s mood right now.

He was at a pub somewhere and he had lost count of how many glasses of alcohol he drank. His phone was blaring with calls and texts — most likely from the other members or his manager as it was already midnight. He was getting dizzy, but he didn’t care. All he cared about is numbing away the pain in his heart.

Jeno…. Jaemin… why must he still remember them at this time? It’s funny how the more he tries to forget them, the more he thinks of them. They were embedded in his day-to-day life that it’s impossible not to think of them — like that stupid ringtone of his.

Getting a little bit annoyed, he finally decided to pick up his phone until he remembered that he didn’t know who to call or text.

“Oops, silly me,” Renjun giggled as he almost dropped his phone in his drunken state. “I think I’m gonna call Nana… or Jen… I will tell them how much they hurt me. Yes, Injunnie would tell them to fuck off!” he said, nodding to himself. 

He then looked up his contacts, but the letters were blurry and he couldn’t recognize them properly. Finally, he clicked on his contact and pressed call. Someone answered two rings later.

“Hello?” a voice on the other line answered.

“You are a jerk!” Renjun said, then laughed. “Why do you make me fall for you only to break my heart like this, asshole!” 

“Ummmm… where are you, Renjun?” the voice asked.

“Why would you care?” Renjun replied.

“I’m coming to get you,” the voice answered.

“Ohhhh…. hot,” Renjun commented. “Come and get me then, loverboy. I’m here at the pub near that restaurant….” he trailed off.

“That’s not helpful, Renjun,” the voice said patiently, “give me some details.”

“Ummmm… I actually don’t know where I am,” Renjun admitted, embarrassed.

“Okay,” the voice replied, “just turn on your GPS and I’m gonna track you, okay? You remember how to do it, right? Just send me your location and I’ll be there in no time.”

“Mmmmmkay…” Renjun replied. “I’ll send it now. Bye.” and he hung up the call.

Fortunately, Renjun remembered how to send his location. A few minutes passed and someone came into the pub. He looked around as if searching for someone. When his eyes landed on Renjun, he looked relieved and walked over to the said boy.

“Now, why would you go drinking without me?” the guy said.

Renjun looked up and saw someone he didn’t expect.

Right in front of him, Lei stood smiling at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Tell me what you think in the comments section.
> 
> So, I'm so sorry for this, but it has to be done. We have a new character that is not based on any living idol or celebrity. I'm going to tweak with real-life events and put some details essential for the story so don't get confused.


	5. Pathetic

“I’m a pathetic loser! That’s why they wouldn’t love me back,” Renjun grumbled, his face flushed, his eyes half-lidded, and hair messy.

“Well, not everybody could be a winner, anyway,” Lei replied, “might as well be a pathetic loser than a cocky winner.”

For some reason, Renjun found it funny and giggled like he had just heard the funniest joke in a gag show. Needless to say, Renjun was wasted. Did he care? Not at the moment.

Renjun had sobered up a bit when he saw Lei standing in front of him. He was confused why the other boy was there.

“What are you doing here?” Renjun winced, hoping that didn’t come off rude.

Lei shrugged, dragged back a chair, and sat down in front of Renjun across the table. “You tell me. You’re the one who called me.”

Renjun was confused until it dawned on him.

“Oh,” he simply said, feeling stupid for drunk calling the wrong person. “Sorry for bothering you,” he added, embarrassed.

“Naaah,” Lei replied, “I’m kinda glad that you called me. I’m starting to think that you don’t like to go out with me because you didn’t invite me at all after I told you we should go out.”

But Renjun was too embarrassed to register what Lei was saying. He was definitely sobering up. 

After an awkward pause with none of them saying or doing something, Renjun finally said — more to himself, “Well, this is embarrassing.”

Lei threw his head back in a laugh as if he really found the situation amusing.

“Cute,” Lei commented. “How are you still cute when drunk? That’s so unfair, dude.”

Renjun couldn’t tell if Lei was joking or if he was serious. But he didn’t have the time to contemplate on that when Lei called the waiter and ordered more drinks.

“What are you doing?” Renjun asked, confused.

“Drinking,” Lei replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Since you have a head start, I have quite a lot of catching up to do.”

The drinks had arrived, but Renjun was still staring at Lei like he had seen an alien until Lei passed him a can of beer.

“Here, drink.” Lei said.

Renjun reluctantly accepted the can and took a sip, still not processing clearly what had just happened.

“Aren’t you here to stop me and take me home?” Renjun asked.

Lei shrugged and said, “Judging by what you have told me earlier through the phone, I figured you need the extra drink.”

Renjun blushed, remembering the embarrassing things he had said when he thought it was Jaemin or Jeno he was calling.

Shaking his head in an attempt to brush off his embarrassment, Renjun asked, “Are you gonna ask me what happened?”

Lei looked at him and shook his head. “No,” he said, “if you want to tell me, you’d tell me. It’s fine if you don’t. I’m here to accompany you either way.”

And that’s how Renjun poured his heart out to Lei that night. He had cried — somewhat embarrassingly — to Lei like a child. He told Lei about how he fell in love with his two best friends who were together, about how he tried to move on from them, and how he failed in doing so. He also told Lei about what he heard earlier that led him to drink his heart out. 

Lei listened to him, nodding and responding at the right time, with a few comments here and there. He just let Renjun confide in him without complaining. Slowly, the cans kept piling up and Renjun was so drunk that he slurred his words. Eventually, Renjun laid his head on the table, half-asleep.

Lei quietly paid all the bills, stood up and nudged Renjun.

“I think you have enough now,” Lei said, “I’m taking you home.”

Renjun lifted his head and looked up at Lei through half-lidded eyes. “Don’t wanna go home. Wanna be here fowever,” he said, sounding like a child.

“We’ll come back here again if you want to,” Lei replied patiently. “Right now, you need to sleep.” And he lifted Renjun up and placed the younger’s arm around his shoulders to support him.

“Mmmmm… Lei is strong,” Renjun mumbled, clearly still very wasted. “Jen is strong too and Nana might look soft but he’s also verrrrrrrry strong.”

“I’m sure they are,” Lei replied. “Now, where do you live?”

“Why? Are you gonna rob me?” Renjun said, genuinely concerned. “Lei is baawd.”

Lei rolled his eyes and chuckled, “Renjun, I’m not gonna rob you. I’m taking you home.”

“Uh-huh,” Renju replied, eyes starting to close again. By then, they had reached Lei’s car. 

“Jun?” Lei asked again, but Renjun was already asleep. Lei had no choice but to call Renjun’s manager. He was glad he also had the man’s number. 

Renjun’s manager sounded so relieved when Lei informed him that Renjun was with him. Apparently, Renjun didn’t inform anyone where he was which caused a stir among NCT members and managers. The manager told Lei the address and the latter promised he’d bring Renjun home safely.

Before starting his car, Lei looked at the sleeping boy in the front seat. He looked so peaceful and angelic. There was no trace of what the smaller boy was going through when he’s asleep. But he had heard Renjun tell him all the things that had been hurting him and he felt sorry for the younger. 

He wanted to erase the sadness in Renjun’s eyes. He wanted him to smile as bright as he could — Renjun looked best that way. And Lei couldn’t help but feel a certain kind of protectiveness over Renjun.

With a small smile, he started his car and drove away to Renjun’s place.

Jaemin had been facing back and forth in the living room. Renjun was not answering his calls or any of their members’ calls. He was worried sick! It was already 2am and there was no word from Renjun.

Jisung had gone to sleep as he was too sleepy to wait for Renjun. Jeno was sitting on the couch, his head bowed and elbows on his knees, also visibly worried about Renjun and waiting for a call.

The managers had been calling police stations and checking out places Renjun could’ve been to. Their 127 and WayV Hyungs had called in to check if Renjun had gone home and were also calling every person they knew that could tell where Renjun was.

Jeno sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that night and checked his phone again, hoping for a text from Renjun. His heart dropped when he saw none.

“Where could he be?” Jaemin said, exasperated. “He could be in danger! Someone could’ve taken him. Oh, Jeno what do we do!?” he was blabbering at this point, different scenarios entered his thoughts wherein Renjun was hurt and alone.

“Nana, let’s not think about bad things,” Jeno replied. But he was also starting to think of the worst. He was so worried about Renjun that he couldn’t think properly.

Chenle had said that Renjun went back to the dorm to get something but didn’t come back. He and Winwin had thought Renjun opted to stay at home because he was tired. Renjun had looked tired that day and even expressed he was tired. Renjun also didn’t reply to them, so they thought he was probably fast asleep. 

When it was getting late and Renjun still didn’t come home, Jaemin became worried and tried to call Renjun. But Renjun didn’t pick up. He tried again, but still Renjun didn’t pick up. Jeno also tried to call Renjun, but to no avail. The situation became clear when they called Chenle and the younger boy was so confused. 

Everything then went into chaos with Jaemin panicking and Jeno trying to calm him down even though he didn’t feel great himself. Jeno would’ve run outside to look for Renjun himself if he didn’t feel so worried about Jaemin too. Besides, he didn’t even know where Renjun was exactly.

Hours later, and there was still no news of Renjun. Jaemin and Jeno felt like they were about to lose their minds when they heard a knock on the door.

Jeno quickly bolted up the couch to the door but Jaemin got there first. Jaemin opened the door so quickly that Jeno thought the door would be detached from its hinges. 

However, they were both not prepared for what awaited behind the door. Standing outside was a man they’ve never seen before who was supporting Renjun who was almost passed out. 

“Junnie! What happened?” Jaemin exclaimed, relieved to finally see Renjun but also worried about his current state. He quickly took Renjun out of the stranger’s arms and guided the smaller boy to the couch. 

Jeno was quick to assist and opened the door wider for them, almost forgetting about the man standing by their door until the said man spoke.

“Hi! We never met before but I’m Lei, Renjun’s radio co-host,” the man — Lei — introduced himself.

“Hey, man. Thank you for bringing Renjun home,” Jeno replied. He heard Jaemin already fuzzing behind him. 

“Water. Jeno, he needs water,” Jeno heard Jaemin said behind him. But Jaemin got up and went to get water instead. That left Jeno and Lei awkwardly standing by the open door.

“Do you wanna go inside?” Jeno offered awkwardly.

“Naaah, I’m good,” Lei politely declined. “I need to go home soon, anyway.”

By then, Jaemin had come back with a glass of water and was already assisting Renjun in drinking the water. Renjun seemed to cooperate and drank the water himself. Only then did Jaemin notice Lei by the door.

“I don’t mean to be rude,” Jaemin said, “but who are you and why are you with Renjun?”

Lei gave a small smile and answered, “It’s okay, man. I’m Lei, Renjun’s radio co-host. I’m sorry that we worried you. I invited Renjun out for a drink and I guess we just kinda forgot the time.” 

Jaemin looked at the Lei suspiciously for a while before nodding, a way of acknowledging what the other boy said, but didn’t say anything.

It was Jeno who chose to speak for both of them. 

“Thank you for bringing him home, Lei,” Jeno said politely.

“No need to thank me,” Lei replied, then turned towards Renjun and smiled when he saw Renjun already going back to sleep, “Anything for Jun.”

Jeno didn’t understand it, but he felt an itch at the back of his throat. Something didn’t sit right with him and he couldn’t recognize what it was.

“Is he gonna be okay, though?” Lei asked thoughtfully, genuinely concerned.

“Of course,” Jaemin said sharply, to Jeno’s surprise. Jaemin was usually warm and friendly even to strangers. “He’s home now. We’ll take care of him.” 

Jaemin sounded insulted, Jeno thought. He couldn’t blame Jaemin, though. For some reason, he felt the same way.

“Okay,” Lei replied as if Jaemin wasn’t being mean to him. “I’ll go now. Tell Renjun to text me when he wakes up. Have a good night… or morning.”

And with that, Lei turned around and headed towards the elevator.

Jeno eyed the other man’s retreating back. Something was not right. He sighed, closed the door, and went to Jaemin and Renjun.

“Jaemin, that wasn’t nice,” Jeno said slowly.

“He took Injun for a drink and let him get so wasted,” Jaemin said irritably, “Yeah, he’s not being so nice too.”

The thing is, Jeno could have disagreed with Jaemin, but he didn’t. He figured Jaemin didn’t like that Lei guy, and Jeno couldn’t blame him. He, too, wasn’t too keen on Lei.

“Mmmmm….” They heard Renjun groan in his sleep. 

“Come on, let’s help Injunnie get ready for bed,” Jaemin stated and started to carry Renjun to the latter’s room. “Please prepare a towel soaked with water for Junnie, babe.”

Jeno nodded and sprang into action. 

Once Renjun was settled and dressed in his pajamas, Jeno and Jaemin stood by his bed and stared at the sleeping boy.

“He’s gonna have one hell of a hang-over tomorrow,” Jaemin stated.

“Don’t worry, babe, we’ll take care of him” Jeno replied then added, “We always do.”

Renjun felt like the world wouldn't stop spinning when he woke up. He groaned and tried to get up only to fall back to his bed again. He looked at his bedside clock and found out that it was already noon.

As if on cue, the door opened and in came Jaemin followed by Jeno. The light from outside seemed to blind Renjun, so he covered his eyes with his arm.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead!” Jaemin greeted with a smile. “We figured you could eat your breakfast and lunch here so we did the honors,” he added, placing the tray containing food on the table beside the bed. 

Suddenly, everything came rushing back to his memories. 

Winwin and Chenle… Renjun going back to the dorm…. Jeno and Jaemin saying he was just a friend…the hurt…. the pub… alcohol… him calling someone….Lei… 

“Oh my God, Lei!” Renjun suddenly exclaimed, remembering how embarrassing he was last night.

Jaemin and Jeno seemed startled but Jaemin quickly disguised his reaction and said, “Yes, Lei.” 

Maybe Renjun was imagining things, but Jaemin sounded like he said Lei’s name with distaste. That wasn’t so like Nana.

Renjun groaned again and tried to sit up. This time, Jeno and Jaemin quickly came to his aid until he was sitting on his bed. Renjun looked up to the two and mumbled a quick, “Thanks.”

He made a mistake of looking up only to see Jaemin grinning so wide and Jeno’s eye smile. Then, he remembered that he was supposed to be angry at these two. He was supposed to be hurt by them. But then, why would he get angry if Jeno and Jaemin didn’t feel the same way as him? They were allowed to feel that way. 

Still, Renjun couldn’t deny that he was so hurt last night, and Lei was there to witness it all. He just hoped he hadn’t made a bad impression on his co-host.

Noticing Renjun’s discomfort, Jaemin creased his forehead in worry and said, “Junnie, what’s wrong?”

Renjun avoided their eyes and stared at his hands on his lap. He tried to come up with an excuse and said, “I must’ve bothered Lei so much last night.”

Jaemin huffed and replied, “Speaking of that guy. He shouldn’t have invited you for a drink only to watch you get wasted. He should’ve stopped you from consuming more than what you can take.”

Renjun looked up abruptly at Jaemin because he was baffled at what Jaemin just said — which was probably not a very good idea since his head started spinning again.

“What?’ Renjun asked, stupidly might he add. “Lei didn’t —”

But Jaemin cut him off and said, “Enough about Lei! We were worried sick about you! Why didn’t you call? You could’ve texted us and we would’ve gone with you. We could’ve taken care of you better than that Lei can.” Jaemin suddenly bombarded Renjun with words, forcing the latter to catch up. 

Jeno, upon noticing Renjun’s disorientation, sighed and said, “Calm down, babe. Let Renjun breath.”

It was Jaemin’s turn to sigh but said nothing else.

Jeno cleared his throat and said, “Everyone was worried. When Lei brought you back, we were so relieved, but you were so wasted that you passed out quickly.”

“Lei brought me back?” Renjun asked.

Jaemin huffed and said, somewhat irritably, “That’s the only thing you got from that?”

Renjun looked at Jaemin, starting to get annoyed by the younger’s attitude. “What’s wrong with you?” Renjun asked.

“You shouldn’t hang out with that Lei again, not without any of us with you,” Jaemin stated.

“What?” Renjun said, “That’s ridiculous! Lei’s not a bad guy.”

“But he still let you get wasted last night,” Jaemin argued, “and he’s the one who invited you!”

“Jaemin, stop!” Renjun said. “It’s not Lei’s fault! I was the one who drank beyond my limits.”

“He could’ve stopped you,” Jeamin insisted.

“For god’s sake, I’m not a child!” Renjun exclaimed, getting frustrated. “I could perfectly take care of myself without anyone looking after me!”

Jaemin was about to open his mouth when Jeno interrupted, “That’s enough, Nana. Maybe we should talk to Renjun some other time.”

Renjun looked at Jeno incredulously and asked, “Don’t tell me you think the same way too?”

By the look on Jeno’s face, Renjun got his answer.

“You are being absurd! Lei is a good guy,” Renjun defended.

“We’re only looking out for you, Junnie,” Jeno calmly said.

“Well, stop!” Renjun suddenly said. “Like I said, I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

Jaemin sighed and said, “Why are you defending that Lei guy anyway?”

“Why are you judging him when you don’t even know him?” Renjun challenged.

“I just know!” Jaemin exclaimed.

“Well, you’re being unfair!" Renjun replied. “Lei is a good guy. You don’t even know what he did for me. Before you judge him, know him first.”

That shut Jaemin up. Jeno also didn’t dare say another word.

Not wanting to argue again, Renjun laid back down, turned away from them, and said in a soft voice, “I wanna go back to sleep.”

He heard Jeno take a deep breath and said, “Okay, Junnie. We’ll leave you alone for now.” And he led Jaemin to the door.

“Don’t forget to eat your lunch,” Jaemin reminded softly before they closed the door behind them.

Renjun felt so bad. He knew he shouldn’t have let his emotions get the best of him. But, they were being unfair. Lei didn't deserve their judgement.

Renjun didn’t know how to face Lei when they saw each other again for the radio. Everytime he remembered what he had done the other night, he wished the ground would just swallow him instead.

“Hey, Jun! Still dizzy?” Lei casually said, taking a seat next to Renjun. They still got time before the radio starts.

Renjun couldn’t look at Lei’s eyes. He didn’t know how to talk to him about what happened. However, Lei noticed his face getting redder and laughed.

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me,” Lei said and winked.

“I —”, Renjun started to say, “I want to say I’m sorry for bothering you last night and thank you for bringing me home.” 

Renjun paused and added, "Also, thank you for telling them it was you who invited me. I appreciate it a lot that you covered for me." 

“It’s not a big thing,” Lei smiled. “Especially if it’s you. Big is hardly what I call you,” he added teasingly.

Renjun laughed and said, “So I’ve been told,” which made Lei laugh too.

When their laughter died down, Lei placed his hand on top of Renjun’s which startled the latter.

“I just want you to remember that I’m here for you,” Lei said sincerely.

Renjun was grateful — so grateful to have someone like Lei who he just met but was willing to listen to him. He remembered how Lei listened to his drunken blabbering and ugly sobbing. Lei didn’t judge him. Instead, he sat there and accompanied Renjun in one of his saddest moments: Lei, who he had just met. That’s why he couldn’t let Jeno and Jaemin say bad things about Lei. They didn’t know how much Lei had helped him.

“Thank you,” Renjun replied.

“Okay, standby!” They heard the PD called. “We’re on 5!”

Renjun and Lei grabbed their headphones and got ready to DJ. 

But before they were on air, Renjun suddenly turned to Lei and said, “Say, if I invite you for dinner, would you come? My treat.”

Lei smirked and answered, “You’re asking me out on a second date already? You work fast, Huang.”

Renjun rolled his eyes and giggled. And they went on air.

They say being drunk and stupid together brings people a lot closer…. Actually, Renjun just made that saying up. But he and Lei definitely got closer after that eventful night.

Renjun found out that Lei had an impeccable sense of humor. He found himself doubled over laughing at something Lei said numerous times. When they didn’t have a radio schedule, they were eating out together. If they weren’t with each other, they were busy texting each other. Renjun thinks he found a very good friend in Lei.

Suddenly, Renjun’s tuning out conversations with his members over something Lei said in a text. Dinners or lunch with Lei had been more frequent than eating at home or with his members. 

Surprisingly, Renjun didn’t mind. He needed to get away from Jaemin and Jeno anyway. They were still not okay after their last confrontation.. Sure, they still talk to each other, but Renjun could feel that the tension is still there. 

Luckily, he had Lei to help him get his mind off things Jeno-and-Jaemin-related. For the first time in a while, he was genuinely having fun with someone else other than his members without feeling guilty or being bothered by the thought of Jeno and Jaemin. 

However, Renjun’s new-found hobby didn’t sit well with a certain Na Jaemin. Jaemin would get annoyed whenever Renjun didn’t listen to them talk. He would find Renjun smiling at his phone screen and it annoyed him so much. He also didn’t appreciate Renjun going home late.

Renjun, on the other hand, didn’t bother to explain nor tell the other members about Lei. He didn’t know why but Renjun treats it like his little secret. Whenever they asked, Renjun would just give vague answers such as “It’s my friend,” or “I went out with friends”.

One late night, everything blew up.

Renjun was still awake, busy texting with Lei while sitting on the couch. Renjun had a dazed look on his face while Jeno, Jaemin, and Jisung talked about their schedule for the next day. As usual, Jaemin noticed Renjun was not paying attention and pointed it up.

“Injun, please pay attention,” Jaemin said sternly, “this is important.”

Renjun had just read a funny message from Lei and was partly distracted when he replied without looking up from his screen, “I’m listening. Go on.”

Jaemin didn’t appreciate Renjun's reply and exclaimed, “Would you stop whatever you’re doing and focus?!” Jaemin felt his temper going up.

Offended by Jaemin’s tone, Renjun put his phone away and retorted, “Would you get off my ass?”

Jisung wolf-whistled and slowly backed away from the scene. He can sense a fight was about to ensue. Things had been very off with his three hyungs lately and he could feel the tension brewing between them.

“Seriously?” Jaemin exclaimed, now standing up, “would it kill you to listen for once? Stop acting like a kid!”

“Oh, I’m acting like a kid?” Renjun retorted, also standing up, “Who’s the one throwing a tantrum just because I didn’t give him my full attention?”

Sensing that it was about to get nasty, Jeno stood up and went in the middle of the two boys who were having a glaring contest, “Okay, guys! Knock it off!”

“No!” Renjun exclaimed. “He,” he said pointing at Jaemin, “has been up my ass lately! He should learn to leave me alone!” 

Jaemin scoffed, clearly annoyed and replied, “Well, excuse me for trying to care for you!”

“I didn’t ask you to!” Renjun had yelled with his full chest. “Do me a favor and stop caring for me! I don’t need you and I will never need you!”

“Renjun, that’s enough!” Jeno’s voice boomed with authority. It’s pretty rare to hear Jeno raise his voice because he was always the calm one. 

That seemed to wake Renjun up from a trance and he properly stared at his members, trying to process what just happened.

Jisung had his mouth opened wide in shock while Jeno was standing in front of him looking very angry. Just behind Jeno was Jaemin — whose eyes flashed hurt and pain. It also looked like he was about to cry. 

Then, Renjun realized what he just said out of spite and felt guilt eating him up again. He always ended up saying stupid things he didn’t mean.

Before Renjun could apologize, Jaemin sniffed, turned around, and bolted towards the door, heading outside the dorm.

“Hyung!” Jisung called and ran after Jaemin, possibly to comfort the older boy.

Renjun was left standing in the middle of the living room, trying to control his emotions with deep breaths. 

“I can’t believe you,” he heard Jeno say angrily. “How could you say that to Nana? He was only looking out for you. He was just being a great friend.

Friend, Renjun thought bitterly. Of course Jaemin was acting like a “friend”. That’s all he’d ever be for Jaemin and for Jeno. He was just the friend who they could discard whenever they wanted to. He was the friend who needed to stay in the background and act happy for the two people he loves the most. Jeno and Jaemin meant everything to him, but did he mean anything for them other than a friend?” 

Renjun felt his anger surfaced again and replied, “Well, he should stop!”

Jeno felt his own anger bubbling and said, “What’s wrong with you?! You’ve been angry and irritable with us lately!”

“Like I said, get off my ass!” Renjun exclaimed and made a beeline towards his bedroom, brushing past Jeno’s right shoulder in the process.

But Jeno had caught the smaller boy by his elbow and held him back. 

“No! We’re going to settle this right now!” Jeno said firmly.

“No, we won’t!” Renjun insisted, trying to make Jeno let go of him. “I’m going to bed. End of story.” 

“Renjun!” Jeno exclaimed and kept his hold tight on the said boy.”Why are you doing this? This isn’t you. I know something must be wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong!” Renjun insisted, still struggling against Jeno’s hold. 

“You’re lying!” Jeno said, trying to stare Renjun down. “I know you are.”

Renjun felt like he was gonna lose his temper again and said, “Fine!” Only then did Jeno release him.

“You wanna know the truth?” Renjun challenged, “Well, here’s your truth! I don’t wanna be near you or Jaemin!”

Taken aback, Jeno stared at the smaller boy whose chest was weaving up and down. It took a while before Jeno could utter a word in reply. 

Everything became silent until Jeno uttered a soft, “Why?”

Renjun’s chest felt so heavy with emotion, he thought it would burst. However, one look at Jeno’s hurt expression made him backtrack. He had not only managed to hurt Jaemin tonight, but also Jeno. 

God, he was really stupid. Donghyuck was right. Jisung was right. He was only making it more complicated that it already was. He was just hurting all three of them if he kept this up. The solution was clear — it has finally come to this.

Renjun took a deep breath, his heart beating wildly at what he was about to do. 

“Jeno, listen to me,” Renjun said, his voice almost breaking from nervousness. He was prepared to say the truth but ended up with a soft, “I’m sorry.”

Renjun wanted to hit himself. He had chicken out again. 

“What?" Jeno asked, confused. 

Renjun took a deep breath and tried again, "Please know that I really tried. Like really tried so hard, Jeno. I didn't mean it! I never wanted this to happen! I wanted to be happy for you and Jaemin and I never wanted to break you up. Please don't hate me —" 

"Just what are you talking about?" Jeno was clearly getting more confused with Renjun's blabbering. 

"I love you!" Renjun finally mustered the courage to say, "both of you!"

Renjun saw Jeno stiffened, eyes wide open in shock. He waited for the younger to say something, but he heard none. 

"I'm pathetic, I know," Renjun laughed dryly. "I fell in love with my two best friends who were in love with each other and wouldn't love me back." 

Renjun didn't wait for Jeno to reply before dashing towards his room. 

Looks like it was going to be another sleepless night, Renjun thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing angst was so hard when I was so happy for NCT DREAM (somewhat) fixed unit. I was so happy and elated that I needed to get back into mood. We're finally getting a Dream comeback! Plus, I wrote 7Dream in the last chapter and we are finally getting Dreamie Mark back! 
> 
> So, we got to know more about Lei in this chapter as well as some insight into Nomin's thoughts. This chapter is full of chaos, but I really hoped I gave justice to it.
> 
> How was it? Let me know what you think in the comments section.


	6. Coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning.

To say things were awkward the next morning was an understatement. Renjun didn’t come out for breakfast at all and nobody had the heart to call him out. He was both angry at himself and very guilty for the things he said. Everything came crashing down on him last night and all he could do was lie awake in bed and let his tears flow freely. He didn’t even have the energy to sob. His tears just fell down his cheeks by themselves.

By noon, Renjun forced himself to get up and get ready to head outside the dorm as fast as he could. He’d just tell his manager that he’d eat lunch outside and head to the radio station by himself. Or maybe he’d call Lei to keep his mind off things. He wasn’t sure — but anything to escape being in Jeno’s or Jaemin’s presence.

The situation outside his room wasn’t any better. Jeno looked dazed and moved mechanically — as if his mind was not in the present. He had been quiet when Jaemin and Jisung came back, Jaemin having cried his heart out while Jisung comforted him. Jaemin figured Jeno got into a fight with Renjun too, but Jeno didn’t look angry. He just looked blank — deep into his thoughts and less reactive than usual.

Jaemin himself wasn’t feeling his best. His best friend had said he didn’t need Jaemin and that hurt a lot. He didn’t understand why Renjun had been acting so differently in the past few days. Everything was perfect when they were in Japan. Jaemin had the time of his life spending time with both Jeno and Renjun. But ever since they came back to South Korea, things went downhill. He couldn’t connect the dots. He knew he must be missing something and he was determined to find that out.

Days came and went and Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin were tiptoeing around each other. Renjun found even more reason to stay out of the dorm and when he’s not outside, he either stays inside his room or not talk to anyone at all except for Jisung. It drove the maknae insane and started hanging out with Chenle more often. 

Practice sessions and activities were a lot harder with Renjun always sticking to either Chenle or Donghyuck. Even the staff and managers noticed the tension between the three boys. However, since it wasn’t affecting their performance on and off-screen, the staff chose not to comment on it. The boys were surprisingly so professional despite the situation.

Jaemin, on the other hand, was still hurt, but he tried acting casually around Renjun. He didn’t ignore Renjun like he was supposed to. Part of him started to forgive Renjun for what the latter said and chose to believe that Renjun wasn’t himself. He was dying to talk to Renjun again. But the way the other was acting, Jaemin was afraid he would spark another conflict instead of resolving their misunderstanding.

Also, he missed Renjun. The dream members, together with Mark, had dinner together once and Renjun didn’t attend. The other members didn’t push for Renjun to attend because they understood the situation. But Jaemin wished they did. Underneath his own hurt and apprehension towards Renjun was the care for the older boy that didn’t die down. They may not be on good terms as of the moment, but Jaemin still cared for Renjun, and it was breaking him that Renjun had distanced himself from all of them. He didn’t want Renjun to be left out and alone.

Jeno wasn’t better off either. He became a lot quieter and responded only when asked. It worried even Jaemin who could feel that Jeno had a lot on his mind. Jaemin waited for Jeno to tell him what was bothering him, but Jeno remained quiet. Jaemin didn’t want to push anything and decided to wait until Jeno was ready to tell him.

What Jaemin didn’t know was that Jeno has been having an intense internal debate — almost leading to a mental breakdown. Renjun dropped a bomb on him and he didn’t know how to process what he just learned.

Renjun loves him… and Jaemin. Renjun had feelings for them and Jeno didn’t know what to feel. However, he couldn’t help but feel stupid. Looking back, the signs were all there — even the other members had hinted it already. Of course! Who would agree to go with a couple on their dates when you don’t have feelings for them? It was glaringly obvious, but Jeno chose not to believe. 

Jeno couldn’t believe it! Renjun who is sweet and innocent, Renjun who brightens his worst days, Renjun who tells him his jokes were lame but laughs anyway, Renjun who is always reliable and dependable, Renjun who is closest to him other than Jaemin…. 

Renjun… who he fell in love with the first day they met.

Yes, Jeno had feelings for Renjun. Had.

Jeno couldn’t explain why he felt the way he did, but the moment the petite boy’s body landed in his arms and his lips landed on Jeno’s, an intense warmth spread from Jeno’s chest — causing his heart to hammer against his ribcage and tingles made themselves known on his arms and his legs. Suddenly, he couldn’t think straight. Everything else blurred and his entire universe was reduced to the boy in his arms. 

The moment was short-lived, but Jeno felt like it was an eternity. Time seemed to stop, but the boy in front of him didn’t. He vaguely remembered the other boy talking, but Jeno didn’t hear a word — too focused on the other boy’s lips. He didn’t even have time to react when the other boy hastily took his exit. 

Still in dreamland, Jeno hardly remembered how he got back to the practice rooms, but he had walked in with a wide smile on his face and his eyes unfocused. Jaemin had said he looked like a creepy clown, and maybe he didn’t mind. 

Days passed and Jeno couldn’t shake off the memory of the boy on the stairs. It was so ironic that he was the one who caught the boy, but the boy caught his heart. By then, he was sure he was having a crush. 

He expected Jaemin to laugh at him when he first told his best friend. But Jaemin was always so understanding and sweet. Jaemin listened to him gush and talked about this pretty boy whom he had barely 5 seconds of interaction with. However, for whatever reason, he couldn’t tell Jaemin about the accidental kiss. He wanted to keep the memory for himself. 

“Do you even know this guy’s name?” Jaemin had asked one day when Jeno was again talking about the boy on the stairs.

That’s when Jeno realized that he didn’t even have the boy’s name. He didn’t even know if he would meet the boy again.

But fate decided that Jeno shouldn’t wait any longer. 

Jeno tried to catch his breath when he entered the practice room. He had to do something after class which caused him to be late for training. 

The door opened with a bang and Jeno felt everyone’s eyes on him. He quickly composed himself and bowed in apology before scurrying to his place beside Jaemin. Everyone was lined up, sitting on the floor.

In his disoriented state, he didn’t notice the new faces that were with them. 

“What did I miss?” Jeno whispered to Jaemin.

“Not much,” Jaemin whispered back, “they’re about to introduce the new trainees, though. They were using the practice room down the hall before, but the trainers decided to have them join us from now on.”

Not really very interested in meeting new people, Jeno nodded and focused his attention on their dance instructor.

“Alright, listen up!” The instructor said. “The new trainees would be joining us from now on.” Then, he motioned for the people sitting behind Jeno to come in front and said, “Introduce yourselves.”

A bunch of people stood up and made their way in front before standing in a line. Jeno looked at them one by one, always focusing on the one currently introducing himself. Jeno tried to memorize their names since he would be practicing with them from now on. 

Jeno thought he did a good job of taking note of the new faces and their names when the last boy who at the other side of the line — the farthest from Jeno — took one step forward and started introducing himself. When Jeno had a good look at the boy’s face, he felt the familiar tingles and beating of his heart.

“Hello, I’m Huang Renjun! Korean name: Injun. I’m from China. Please take care of me!” the boy — Renjun — tried to say enthusiastically, but Jeno could hear a small crack in his voice which indicates nervousness.

And Jeno felt it happening again — his entire universe shifting towards a single person, taking away his ability to sense anything else but the boy his eyes were focused on. 

He was getting lost in thought when he felt Jaemin nudged him. 

“Dude, you look like you’ve seen God,” Jaemin said, pulling Jeno out of his trance.

Jeno shook his head and realized that he had been following Renjun with his eyes even when the said boy had already returned to his position earlier. Renjun didn’t look at him at all, but he had been staring at the smaller boy’s face — specifically at that one part that connected with his own when they first met. Renjun’s lips looked as soft as it felt. Renjun was pretty — very pretty.

“Pretty,” Jeno found himself saying mindlessly.

“What?” Jaemin asked, confused, before following Jeno’s gaze and his own line of sight landed on one of the new Chinese trainees behind them. 

“Oh!” Jaemin had said in realization before whipping his head back to Jeno, now sporting a teasing smirk, “Ohhhhhhhh!”

Jeno snapped his head to stare at Jaemin, warning the younger with his eyes which didn’t work because Jaemin just snorted in amusement. Thankfully, his best friend didn’t say anything for the rest of the practice.

It turns out, practicing with Renjun in the room was a challenge for Jeno. He felt himself having to concentrate twice as hard and stop his eyes from drifting towards the Chinese. Renjun was like a magnet to which Jeno couldn’t help but be attracted to. 

Yet Jeno didn’t find the courage to approach the other boy even once. The thought of being close to Renjun did things to his heart and he was afraid he’d actually faint. He could feel Jaemin silently laughing at him and his ridiculous attempts to act normal.

Finally, the practice ended and Jeno prepared himself to go home.

“So, Renjun, huh?” he heard Jaemin say teasingly.

Jeno felt his cheeks burned and retorted, “Shut up!” 

Jaemin let out of a laugh and placed his arm around Jeno’s shoulders, “Come on loverboy, let’s grab some drinks before going home.” And off they went.

In the next few days, Jeno found himself still unable to approach Renjun or even acknowledge the other boy’s presence. Although he stared at Renjun a lot when the other boy wasn’t looking, he always diverted his eyes away whenever Renjun turned towards his direction. Jaemin had laughed at him for that and tried to convince him to finally approach Renjun.

Ironically, Jaemin and Renjun seemed to have become close. One day, Jaemin just greeted Renjun — calling the latter by his Korean name — and Renjun had actually smiled back and greeted Jaemin too. Later, Jeno found out that Jaemin had offered to tour Renjun around in a typical Jaemin fashion. 

Just like that, Jeno found himself quietly sitting while Jaemin and Renjun talked animatedly about anything. Even when his best friend had gotten a lot closer to Renjun — Injunnie, as Jaemin referred to the oldest — Jeno still didn’t have any progress. He was awkward compared to Jaemin’s smooth friendly nature.

Jeno wondered if Renjun remembered their first meeting — their kiss. Jeno certainly hadn’t, and he treasured the memory. He just wished Renjun had also done the same. But who was he kidding? Renjun hadn’t mentioned the kiss and Jeno was afraid it was only a passing memory for the older boy. 

For the rest of their training period, Jeno didn’t even say a word to Renjun. He wanted to smack himself for being a coward. Why couldn’t he just approach Renjun and get it over with? But Renjun had an effect on him that no other person did before, and Jeno felt so strongly for Renjun that he was starting to get scared himself.

When they debuted, Jeno finally had the courage to talk to Renjun. Who was he kidding? It was actually Renjun who came to him first. 

It was the first day of their MV shooting and they were having a break. The members were wandering around the set, checking out and getting mesmerized with the props and the set design. 

Jeno was checking out the bouncy balls when Renjun sat on the one beside him, looking so cute and innocent in pajamas. 

“Do you think this thing’s safe?” Renjun had asked, bouncing on the ball as if testing it. “I’m afraid I’m gonna fall if I bounced too hard.”

It took Jeno a second to realize that Renjun was talking to him. When he did register what Renjun said, Jeno composed himself and answered.

“Yeah, it should be safe,” Jeno found himself replying. “But you should be careful, though. This thing could be dangerous to a 5-year-old.” Jeno didn’t know where he found the courage to throw in a joke.

Renjun laughed lightly and retorted, “I’m like older than you by a month.”

“Should we get you a cane?” Jeno replied. “Is your back hurting by now, grandpa?” he even did a whole exaggerated show of checking Renjun’s back — which, looking back, was an embarrassing thing to do.

But Renjun laughed again and said, “That’s lame. I guess it was true what they said that you are a nojam.”

“Hey, I’m funny!” Jeno said, actually a bit offended. “You just have to be a genius to get my joke.”

“That’s also lame,” Renjun replied but still laughed anyway. “But I’ll give you a pass for trying.”

Jeno pouted and Renjun patted his head. Jeno thought he actually had a minor malfunction then and there.

From that interaction, Renjun and Jeno became close friends, but not close enough for them to share each other’s worries. Regardless, Jeno was ecstatic to be on speaking terms with his crush.

After Chewing Gum promotions, Jaemin took a hiatus because of his back. Jeno found himself missing his best friend. He was so worried about Jaemin that Renjun moving into his room didn’t have that much effect on him as it would have under normal circumstances. 

However, despite their currently low morale because of Jaemin’s absence, the situation brought the two closer than ever. 

It was nice that Jeno could talk to Renjun about his worries and fears, especially involving Jaemin. Renjun seemed worried about Jaemin too. They bonded over late-night conversations and Jeno slowly gained control over his feelings for Renjun.

Jeno also noticed that Renjun seemed more concerned about Jaemin than any of the other members. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that Renjun may like Jaemin. The two were so close that it wouldn’t be a surprise. Given the way Jaemin took care and fuzz on Renjun too, Jeno was thinking that Jaemin may also like Renjun. Surprisingly, he was alright with the idea of Jaemin liking Renjun. He didn’t know why, but he just felt that way. 

However, a new feeling for Jaemin suddenly rose within Jeno. He guessed it’s true when they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Up until then, Jaemin was just his best friend. But when he didn’t see Jaemin as much as he used to, he found himself longing for Jaemin's company. 

Jeno didn’t understand the feeling at first. He thought it was just because he was not used to not seeing Jaemin as often as before. But when Jaemin returned from hiatus, Jeno found himself seeing Jaemin in a new light.

Why was this happening? Jeno had thought. He was certain he still felt for Renjun in some ways. But Jaemin… oh boy! Jaemin definitely grew during his absence. 

Jaemin grew wiser and more mature too. He was still the same sweet Nana who liked to do aegyo and random weird stuff. But Jaemin also showed maturity in the way he carried himself and talked about his decisions.

Jeno was suddenly faced with a dilemma. He was in love with his best friend! He watched enough movies to know that this couldn’t end right. On top of that, he likes another boy who was also his other best friend. How could that be? How could his heart beat for two people at once?

Jaemin confessed to Jeno some time later. It wasn’t like in the movies wherein there was a sequence of events leading to a big moment. There wasn’t anything like that. Jaemin had simply gone and talked to him about what he was feeling, saying that he couldn’t keep it to himself any longer.

Jaemin had confessed that he loved Jeno since they were in middle school, and was afraid of how Jeno would react. Jaemin knew Jeno liked Renjun, so Jaemin had thought that Jeno was going to reject him. 

So, it came as a surprise when Jeno suddenly kissed Jaemin, effectively sweeping the younger off his feet. Jeno had said that he loved Jaemin too.

From then on, they were boyfriends. And Jeno started to disregard the small feeling he had left for Renjun.

Jeno sighed. Looking back to the past now, he couldn’t help but feel a bit ironic. His first love just told him he loves him back. And the same person told him he also loves Jeno’s boyfriend. 

However, Jeno doesn’t feel as secure as he did in the past. Examing Renjun’s and Jaemin’s actions, Jeno thinks there was a high chance of Jaemin actually taking a liking towards Renjun. Jaemin just hadn’t realized it yet. And Jeno didn’t like how that would turn out.

Also, there’s a chance that Jaemin would feel hurt knowing that Jeno had liked Renjun before. He didn’t want to destroy what he and Jaemin had. Yes, he liked Renjun. But, it was not enough for him to want to risk his relationship with Jaemin.

He can’t have it all. So, Jeno needed to choose. And he chose to save what he currently had.

Jeno sighed again and turned to stare at Jaemin who was in his arms. Jaemin had his eyes closed, but Jeno knew the younger wasn’t really asleep.

“That’s like the tenth time in the past 5 minutes. What’s on your mind, babe?” 

To prove Jeno’s point, Jaemin opened his eyes and met Jeno’s gaze.

Jeno avoided his Jaemin’s eyes. He debated for a moment about whether or not he should just tell Jaemin. But, something was telling him that he shouldn’t. 

No, he couldn’t risk anything at the moment. He couldn’t risk losing Jaemin. Jaemin was better off without knowing anything. It would create a bigger tension between them and Renjun. One, if not all of them, was going to end up more hurt in the process.

Jeno had made up his mind. 

“Nothing you should worry about,” Jeno lied. “You know how comeback preparations get to me,” he reasoned out. “The thing with Renjun is also taking a toll on me,” he added — which wasn’t exactly a lie.

It was Jaemin’s turn to sigh and answered, “Tell me about it.” He then snuggled deeper into Jeno’s chest and added, “I really miss Injunnie. I miss him a lot, Jen. I wish there was a way to talk to him now and resolve this — so that we could go back to normal.”

Jeno felt his heart clenched, guilt starting to consume him. 

“I miss him a lot too, babe,” and Jeno knew in his heart that he wasn’t lying this time. 

However, unknown to Jeno, Jaemin could see right through Jeno’s lies. Jaemin knew Jeno was hiding something, and it actually hurt when Jeno lied to him.

Jeno was determined to talk to Renjun. Jaemin was sinking deeper into sadness and Jeno’s guilt had been eating him. He knew the ball was in his hands, and he needed to do something to make things right.

He reentered the practice room they had used that day. Their practice had ended and Jeno told Jaemin to go ahead because he needed to polish his dance routine. Jeno knew Renjun had also stayed behind. It was the perfect opportunity to corner the older.

Renjun looked up, surprised to see Jeno. He clearly hadn’t expected Jeno to be there. Jeno didn’t waste time and approached Renjun, determined to talk to the latter. He could see the panic flashed in Renjun’s eyes before Jeno spoke.

“Renjun,” Jeno said, “can I talk to you?”

Seeing that Renjun was still too shocked to reply, Jeno added, “Please? You know we need to do this.”

It took a minute for Renjun to regain himself. He took a deep breath and nodded — to Jeno’s relief.

Jeno cleared his throat before starting. “First of all, I would like to say sorry for not talking to you as soon as possible.”

“Jeno, I don’t expect you to accept what I said that easily,” Renjun interrupted. “I gave you bomb and it wasn’t exactly an easy thing to process.”

“Right,” Jeno replied. “But that’s not the only thing I am sorry for.”

Renjun looked at him in confusion but didn’t say anything — a signal for Jeno to proceed.

“You’ve been honest to me when you told me you love me and Jaemin and I admire you for that,” Jeno said. “And now, it’s time for me to be honest to you too.”

If Renjun was confused, he looked even more confused now.

“Junnie,” Jeno continued, the nickname flowing smoothly on his tongue, “I’m sorry for not telling you that I had feelings for you too.”

Shocked was an understatement for what Renjun felt. Did he hear that right? Jeno had feelings for him?

But he didn’t have time to ponder on that when he heard Jeno continued his speech.

“But that was before, Injun,” Jeno said. “That was before I realized that I love Nana.”

Well, it’s not like Renjun hadn’t expected that. Okay, he didn’t expect the part where Jeno told him he had feelings for him. But everything else was quite expected — at least to Renjun.

“I understand,” Renjun replied. “And I didn’t ask you to return my feelings, Jeno,” he added. “I only told you about them because it was getting harder to hide them. I ended up hurting both you and Nana because I avoided addressing my feelings and I’m still hurting you. If there’s anyone who should be sorry, it’s me.”

Jeno shook his head in disagreement and said, “You shouldn’t be sorry for what you feel, Junnie.”

“But I do feel sorry and I feel so guilty,” Renjun insisted.

“I’m not mad at you,” Jeno replied. “And Jaemin isn’t too,” he added. “Although I didn’t tell him that you love us,” he said awkwardly.

“That’s okay,” Renjun replied. “I actually appreciate that. I don’t know how Nana would react and I would like for him to hear the truth directly from me.”

“Speaking of Nana,” Jeno said, “I would really appreciate it if you would talk to him. He’s not okay with all these, Junnie. And I know it’s killing you not to talk to him too,” he added.

Renjun looked down in hesitation. He knew Jeno would ask that of him. But, he wasn’t ready for Jaemin to know yet. It was a relief how Jeno was taking it — even better than Renjun had anticipated, but he couldn’t face Jaemin yet.

“Jeno, I’m sorry,” Renjun replied. “But, I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

As much as Jeno wanted to protest, he knew he shouldn’t push Renjun. There are things that Jeno couldn’t force and it’s best to let Renjun decide on his own.

“I understand,” Jeno said.

“Please take care of Nana for me,” Renjun said, his voice so soft that Jeno had to strain his ears to hear him. 

Renjun then looked up and stared straight into Jeno’s eyes. It was then that Jeno saw that Renjun’s eyes had turned glassy with unshed tears.

“Take care of each other, Jen,” Renjun added, his voice laced with pain. “Don’t think of me or how I’m going to feel. It’s gonna be hard, but I will get over this,” he said with determination. It was then that tears started falling from his eyes.

Jeno’s heart clenched. He wanted to take away the pain Renjun was feeling — to wipe his tears away. However, he knew they were standing on a balance beam. Jeno couldn’t tip the balance or else everything would fall out of their control.

But God, he hated himself! Jeno hated himself for being a coward… and for lying. Jeno did what he thought was the right thing to do — to get things back to normal by denying what he truly felt. 

For right in front of him — the boy whose heart he willingly broke — was the boy who owned a part of his heart: the one that Jaemin wasn’t holding. And yes, he was a coward to not fight for Renjun. And perhaps, that’s all he would ever be.

Not trusting his own voice, Jeno just nodded.

To his surprise, Renjun chuckled while wiping his own tears. 

“Can you believe it?” Renjun said, sounding a bit amused despite what he felt. “Here I am talking casually to the guy who was my first kiss.” 

Jeno knew Renjun had said that to alleviate the awkwardness and to mask his pain. But his ears still perked up from what he heard. “I was your first kiss?” he asked. “The accidental kiss by stairs was the first time you’d been kissed?” he added.

Renjun looked embarrassed and replied, “So you do remember.” He chuckled and added, “And yes, you were my first kiss.”

Jeno’s heart warmed at the idea that he was Renjun’s first kiss and that Renjun remembered the precious memory. And despite their situation, he was thankful for that fact.

“You were mine too,” Jeno revealed, “that kiss was also my first.”

Despite the shocking revelation, Renjun seemed to recover quickly and said, “I could not believe I gave up my first kiss to a middle-aged nojam.”

Rolling his eyes, Jeno laughed and replied, “You should be thankful I caught your clumsy ass. You would’ve broken your nose if it wasn’t for me!”

“Hey!” Renjun exclaimed, offended.

Jeno couldn’t help but hope that things would truly go back to normal slowly with Renjun from then on.

But outside the thin glass doors, someone was leaning with his back against the wall. He arrived there about 3 minutes after Jeno entered the practice room and had frozen in place when he heard the conversation going on inside the room. 

With a sigh, Jaemin pushed himself away from the wall and started to head outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Writing this was actually very difficult. I needed to get into the mood and switch perspectives between multiple characters and their feelings. I hope I did justice for this chapter.
> 
> So now you know how Jeno feels. Was it what you expected? Let me know in the comments section.
> 
> Wait for Jaemin's point-of-view (spoiler alert). 😉 
> 
> And did you notice I always mention Mark? Fun fact: I actually had the plot planned and laid out ahead and the "comeback preparations" part and the part with Mark were planned before I even wrote the chapters. But we really are getting a Dream comeback very soon and Mark came back to Dream! Law of positive attraction!


	7. Partial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves.

Jeno should feel a lot lighter now. He had finally told Renjun his biggest secret which continued to weigh him down for the past years. He had also patched things up with Renjun and had even convinced the older boy to talk to Jaemin whenever he’s ready.

He had saved both his friendship and his relationship. He had done what he thought was the right thing to do to keep the two most important people in his life.

But why was he still feeling a heavyweight on his chest?

The answer weighed heavily on Jeno’s mind during his entire ride home. Renjun didn’t come home with him because the former had a radio schedule that night which left Jeno alone with his thoughts. That proved to be a wrong decision on Jeno’s part seeing that he was not going to have any peace of mind at all.

Did he do the right thing? Why did it feel like he was making a big mistake? He had believed that everything would be fine after his talk with Renjun. Now, Jeno wasn’t so sure anymore.

He couldn’t shake the uncomfortable feeling that something was going to happen — like when one braces himself for impact, the calm before the storm… all because Jeno seemed to have done something wrong.

And these questions continue to bug Jeno like peas under his bed that he couldn’t disregard. For no matter how hard Jeno tried to not acknowledge the answers to his questions, he couldn’t deny that he already knew — his solution had been partial.

Everything he did was partial — a band-aid solution to a crack that had been growing wider as time progressed. Jeno was afraid that the band-aid wouldn’t suffice in the long run, and everything would blow up in front of their faces.

The biggest 'partial" of all was the truth. Jeno had kept from both Renjun and Jaemin parts of the truth. And Jeno was afraid he was going to mess up along the line — that he was bound to let something slip and upset the peace and harmony he was trying to create.

Yet, Jeno was determined to play the role if it meant nothing was going to change. Jeno could not see another outcome to their situation except things going downhill one way or another unless they stayed where they were. Their balance was very unstable in the past few days, but Jeno was hopeful they could still save themselves and regain that balance.

However, Jeno did feel worse than he did before. He had never been good with lies and secrets, but he needed to do well now. Everything depended on him now, and Jeno could feel the pressure he had set upon himself.

Before he knew it, he was back in the dorm and was getting ready for bed. Jaemin had already settled on their bed and had seemed fast asleep. That was until the younger spoke.

“Oh, you’re back already? Jaemin inquired, standing up and sitting on the edge of the bed.

Immediately, Jeno noticed that something wasn’t right. Jaemin’s voice seemed to lack the enthusiasm that was always there no matter how tired the younger was. Jeno also noticed the way Jaemin looked at him — a little bit off and lifeless compared to the intensity that usually filled Jaemin’s eyes. Jeno would jokingly say that Jaemin looked like he was gonna eat him alive. But this Jaemin didn’t have that burning passion in his eyes.

And the feeling he had earlier came creeping in. He knew something would go wrong.

“Yeah, I got tired,” Jeno chose to answer. “Are you okay? Is something wrong?” he couldn’t help but ask, sitting on the bed beside Jaemin.

Jaemin took a long pause and stared at Jeno before shaking his head lightly and avoiding Jeno’s eyes. Jeno wasn’t convinced.

“Come on, babe. You can tell me,” Jeno insisted, circling his arm around Jaemin’s waist for reassurance.

Once again, Jaemin redirected his gaze on Jeno’s face and said, “Really? I could tell you anything?”

A bit confused, Jeno nodded. “Yes,” he answered. “If somethings bothering you, you can tell me about it.”

“Does that apply to you too?” Jaemin replied, his eyes staring Jeno down as if piercing into his soul.

For a moment, it rendered Jeno speechless. And for a split second, he wanted to spill everything to Jaemin — to hell with everything! But he caught himself before he could do something rash.

“Of course,” Jeno answered, almost stuttering in the process.

Jaemin just continued to stare at Jeno before sighing and looking away once again.

“I’m just tired, Jen,” Jaemin said softly. “Let’s just get to bed,” he added and proceeded to lie down slowly, facing away from Jeno.

“Okay,” Jeno said, still very confused but decided that his questions could wait. “I’ll just go change. Wait for me.”

Jaemin hummed in response but never said anything. So Jeno did his nightly rituals before climbing behind Jaemin on the bed. He sneaked his arms around Jaemin and pulled the younger closer to him, effectively spooning his boyfriend.

Then there was silence. It’s not that silence was a bad thing for Jeno and Jaemin. The silence before they go to sleep was usually calm and relaxing and they didn’t always need words to feel each other.

This time, however, the silence was deafening with neither wanting to address the elephant in the room.

“Jen?” It was Jaemin who broke the silence with his soft voice, still not moving from his position.

“Hmm?” Jeno answered from behind Jaemin, his eyes already beginning to close from exhaustion.

“You wouldn’t lie to me right?” Jaemin continued.

That woke Jeno up — any thoughts of exhaustion forgotten. There it was again: the feeling that something’s not right.

Did Jaemin know something? But how could he? Unless Renjun told Jaemin… But Jeno was with Renjun the whole time before he went home. Renjun couldn't have talked to Jaemin. Besides, there’s nothing Renjun could tell Jaemin that the latter already didn’t know. Only Jeno knew his secrets.

“What do you mean?” Jeno chose a safe response, grateful that Jaemin couldn’t hear what he was thinking.

“Right?” Jaemin pressed again — this time, his voice was laced with something Jeno couldn’t pinpoint.

Taking a deep breath, Jeno pulled Jaemin closer, inhaling the other’s scent, and replied, “Of course, babe. I —”, he paused, choosing his words very carefully, “I would do anything to keep you safe and happy.”

Jaemin neither responded or faced Jeno, so the latter couldn’t see his expression. He just laid there facing the wall, letting Jeno spoon him to sleep.

And maybe that’s a good thing. Because that way, Jeno couldn’t see the look on Jaemin’s face when the latter felt his heart break.

“What’s the use of ordering your own food when you take food from my plate?” Lei said, sounding very amused at Renjun who just stole a piece of his steak.

The smaller boy didn’t look apologetic at all and just stuck his tongue out pettily after consuming the food he stole.

“Put that tongue back where it belongs,” Lei teased.

The two were having lunch like they seemed to do more frequently in the past few weeks. Within that period, Renjun had felt very comfortable with Lei enough to treat the older very casually. It’s amazing how their personalities fit each other despite only knowing each other this year. Renjun felt like they knew each other their whole lives.

Renjun also felt very thankful to Lei for being his confidante during the rough times he experienced lately. Lei was a great company and a good listener. Although Lei claimed that he was never one to be good with advice, Renjun was still thankful for the listening ear and shoulder to cry on.

Renjun and Lei continued to talk animatedly when Renjun noticed Lei staring at something behind him. Renjun looked back to see what Lei was looking at and saw a group of people approaching them.

“I was right! It really is Renjun!” a loud voice boomed. “Hey, Junnie! What are you doing here?”

Renjun resisted the urge to facepalm. Approaching their table were some of the members of NCT 127, and the one that just spoke was Yuta who was grinning widely like a creep. Behind him were Doyoung, Jungwoo, Johnny, and Mark who looked sheepishly at Renjun, silently apologizing for the Yuta’s behavior.

“Keep your voice down, Hyung. You might as well announce our presence to the whole restaurant,” Doyoung warned. “Hey, Injunnie!” he added as a greeting and Renjun nodded in acknowledgment.

Renjun stood up to greet his Hyungs with a half-hug. He rolled his eyes when Yuta competed with Jungwoo on who was going to hug him first and won, crashing the Chinese in his arms while Jungwoo pouted.

“Let the poor boy breathe, Yuta,” Johnny said laughing and Yuta released Renjun.

“My turn!” Jungwoo announced happily and gave Renjun a softer but still tight hug. Mark just rolled his eyes at his Hyungs’ antics.

“Hey, guys! What’s with the weird clingy energy today?” Renjun said when he finally wiggled himself out of Jungwoo’s arms.

“They effectively stole Taeyong’s wallet and planned to spend his money here,” Johnny said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“That’s the fourth time in the past 2 months,” Doyoung added.

Renjun laughed. He remembered how stressed Taeyong was when he found out Yuta stole his wallet and bought everyone desserts with Taeyong's money. It was pretty hilarious when Donghyuck relayed to them the whole story of how 127’s dorm almost burned down with chaos.

“Again, Hyung?” Renjun asked Yuta who looked very unapologetic.

Yuta shrugged and replied, “He’ll get over it. He’s the one who always said that he wants to treat us lunch. No one ever said he has to eat with us.”

That made Johnny doubled over laughing and Mark and Doyoung shook their heads.

“There’s this thing called asking permission, Hyung,” Mark finally said.

“Shut up, Mark. Why are you here then?” Yuta retorted which took Mark off-guard — his face turning red.

Renjun laughed again and said, “Admit it, Hyung! You want a free lunch too.”

“He does,” Johnny said, putting his arm over Mark’s shoulders.

“Who are you with?” Jungwoo said when he noticed Lei.

Renjun almost hit his head for forgetting Lei was there. “That’s right, I forgot,” he said and gestured towards Lei. “This is Lei, my radio co-host.”

Lei stood up and bowed to the 127 members, “Hello, nice to meet you.”

The 127 members bowed in return. But nothing prepared Renjun for what Yuta was about to say.

“For a moment there, I thought you’d say he’s your boyfriend,” Yuta teased.

Renjun felt a blush creeping in his cheeks. “W-hat?” he said, flustered. “He's not.”

Jungwoo laughed and said, “I told Yuta-hyung you don’t have a boyfriend. That’s why we weren’t so sure if it was you when we entered here and saw your back.”

Yuta shrugged and said, “Could’ve fooled me. They were laughing and looking like they were on a date.”

Renjun felt his cheeks burning in embarrassment at what he just heard.

“Besides,” Yuta added, “Injunnie is a very pretty boy. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was dating someone.”

“Hyung!” Renjun exclaimed in embarrassment and to shut Yuta up.

All the while, Doyoung was looking at Renjun intently without the younger boy noticing until he spoke, “But what about Jeno and Nana?”

This caused Mark to nudge Doyoung with his elbow.

Suddenly, there was a change in the atmosphere. The friendly air they had earlier suddenly turned awkward with Renjun not knowing what to say.

“Right, I’m sorry,” Doyoung said apologetically.

To clear the awkward atmosphere, Lei cleared his throat and said, “Have you ordered already? The food here is nice.” Then he gestured to the empty seats around them. “You can also sit with us if you want,” he offered.

Mark was about to deny the offer when Yuta moved to sit beside Lei and said, “That’s great! This way, I could get to know you more and decide if you are good for our Injunnie.”

Renjun groaned and sat back heavily into his seat. He loves his Hyungs but sometimes they can be a pain in the ass and a whole different level of embarrassment.

“Maybe we shouldn’t intrude, Hyung,” Mark said wearily.

“It’s okay,” Lei answered, smiling politely. “It’s also nice to get to know Renjun’s members.” And he sat down too.

“Works for me,” Johnny shrugged and settled on the other side of Yuta.

Mark sighed and sat beside Renjun who looked like he wished the ground would swallow him whole. The rest of the members settled themselves around the table. It was a good thing Renjun and Lei chose the long table since it was farthest from the entrance.

Lunch went fairly well…. Or Renjun liked to think it did.

Yuta was throwing questions at Lei at first which the latter answered with no trace of being offended or impatient. Jungwoo and Johnny also participated in the “interrogation” while Doyoung just laughed at their stupid attempt to look intimidating.

Renjun was thankful for Mark who tried controlling their Hyungs but ended up getting roasted by them instead.

“They seemed to be having fun,” Doyoung whispered to both Mark and Renjun.

“Hyung, stop them please!” Renjun said, exasperated and very embarrassed.

“You actually think I can?” Doyoung answered, raising his brow. On second thought, Renjun knew Doyoung was right.

As if his Hyungs weren’t embarrassing enough, he heard Johnny asked, “So what are your intentions to our Injunnie?”

Renjun groaned and complained, “Hyung! He’s not… I mean we’re not. Ugh!” He was too flustered and frustrated to come up with a comprehensible sentence.

Johnny shrugged and replied, “Well, we gotta know. Gotta look out for our dongsaeng. I’m sure Taeyong would approve.”

“Yes, like how he would approve of you stealing his wallet,” Doyoung commented sarcastically,

“You benefited from it too!” Johnny pointed out.

“Well,” Doyoung simply said, shrugging.

“So?” Yuta asked Lei, “what’s the answer to our question?”

“You’re not serious are you, Hyung?” Renjun exclaimed, getting alarmed.

Lei just laughed and gestured to Renjun that it was fine before answering. “Well, right now, Junnie is a very close friend.”

Yuta snorted and interrupted, “Yeah, that’s what my grandpa said about grandma,” which caused Mark to choke on his drink.

“So you’re saying that you don’t like our Injunnie?” Jungwoo asked Lei as if challenging the latter.

Lei smiled and answered, “It’s pretty hard not to like Junnie. Anyone would be so lucky to have him. But what Junnie needs right now is a friend, and that’s what I am going to be for now.”

That rendered everyone speechless including Renjun who tried not to assume anything with Lei’s statement. It was ambiguous enough to not mean anything yet it was also direct enough to mean something. Either way, Renjun doesn’t want to conclude anything.

Yuta wolf-whistled and commented, “Well that’s some trained showbiz shit right there.”

Instead of getting offended, Lei just threw his head back in laughter. And the topic shifted to something else.

Minus the embarrassing interrogation his members did earlier, Renjun found himself actually enjoying their conversation and animated chatters. He had also observed that Lei seemed to be having fun too. He hoped Lei didn’t feel left out during the entire lunch.

They stayed at the restaurant until late in the afternoon to chat some more and Lei paid for desserts.

“Well, I definitely like him now!” Johnny had commented, munching his pastry.

“Pig,” Doyoung said, slightly disgusted.

“That’s the year I was born,” Johnny replied smoothly.

“Hey! I’m a pig too,” Yuta said.

Jungwoo patted Yuta’s hair and said, “Yes, Hyung. You are,” but shrieked when Yuta got him in a headlock.

After they finished eating, Yuta got a call. It turned out, Taeyong had already discovered their theft and demanded they get their asses back home. So the members of 127 excused themselves and got ready to head home.

“You won’t go with us?” Mark asked Renjun since the Dream dorm is just in the same building as 127’s dorm.

Renjun shook his head and answered, “Just go ahead, Hyung. We have to head to the radio station anyway.”

“Are you sure you’re not on a date?” Yuta interrupted but got grabbed away by Doyoung. Renjun would have to thank Doyoung later.

Mark shook his head at Yuta and said to Renjun, “Alright, see you at practice.”

Renjun nodded and watched his Hyungs leave. He then heard Lei chuckle behind him causing him to turn to the said boy.

“I’m sorry about them,” Renjun apologized.

“Junnie, I’m really fine,” Lei assured him. “They were fun to be with and super interesting,” he added, sounding amused.

“And sorry if they were making you feel awkward,” Renjun added.

“Jun, stop,” Lei replied. “I told you I was fine. I really didn’t mind,” he added, smiling softly at Renjun.

Renjun smiled back at him — relieved that his Hyungs hadn’t scared Lei off.

They went to the radio station that night and shared fun stories to their listeners about what happened that morning. Renjun made a shoutout to his Hyungs especially Yuta and casually saying, “Did Taeyong-hyung has his wallet returned already?”

Yuta was probably going to beat his sorry ass later, but Renjun thought it was worth it.

The morning after, NCT Dream had dance practice for their new choreography. It was the first time in a while that all 7 of them were there since Mark got reinstated into NCT Dream.

Renjun was still not talking to Jaemin, though. The thought of approaching Jaemin terrified Renjun to his bones, so he kept stalling and making excuses with himself.

It was still a bit awkward with Jeno, too, although they can act casually around each other now — much to Jisung’s relief.

The other members decided to get drinks, leaving Mark and Renjun in the practice room. Renjun was surprised Mark chose to stay behind.

“So, Renjun,” Mark started to say when they were both seated in the sofa at the side of the practice room, “How’s Lei?”

Renjun looked up in confusion and answered, “He’s good. Why?”

Mark cleared his throat, an indication that he was about to say something serious, before saying, “You haven’t told Hyuck about Lei.” It was a statement, not a question. “That means you also haven’t told any of the other members about him.”

“I don’t see why I should,” Renjun said defensively. “Besides, Jeno and Jaemin had already met Lei.”

“And you’re not actually in good terms with them,” Mark pointed out.

“No offense, Hyung,” Renjun said, “but why are we having this conversation?”

“Right,” Mark replied, a bit flustered. “Well, I feel that — since I am your leader again — that I should talk to you about your relationship with Lei.”

“Hyung, I told you we were just friends,” Renjun groaned.

“I know, I know,” Mark replied. “But I know you’re not stupid. Surely you can feel a different sensation with Lei. I mean, that’s normal considering you’re a growing boy and…” he awkwardly scrambled with his words.

“Oh my god, Hyung!” Renjun exclaimed, scandalized. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna give me the talk?”

Mark’s forehead creased with confusion and said, “What?” Then his words dawned on him and he quickly said, “No! That’s not what I meant!”

“Well, that’s what it sounds like!” Renjun retorted, still a bit scandalized with what he heard.

“No!” Mark argued. “I’m talking about love and romance! I was gonna tell you that you might feel like you like or even love Lei enough to date him. Let’s keep things rated PG.”

Renjun snickered and replied, “Hyung, you’re not exactly the best person I should have this talk with,” he teased.

“Why not?” Mark asked, confused. “I mean, I know that I'm probably not the best person, but why?”

This time, Renjun let out of a loud laugh and shook his head in amusement. “Nothing, Hyung,” he said and smiled mysteriously, “Just save this talk for Donghyuck.”

“Why would I talk about this with him?” Mark asked innocently.

“And they call me the pure one,” Renjun commented, mostly to himself.

Mark decided Renjun wouldn’t give him a clear answer, so he just decided to move on.

“So, Lei,” Mark started, but Renjun interrupted him.

“I know what you’re going to say, Hyung,” Renjun said. “But I know what I’m doing, so you don’t need to worry.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Mark said. “Jeno and Jaemin….” he trailed off, realizing he didn’t how to continue.

Renjun sighed and decided to save Mark from the awkwardness, “I know, Hyung. Don’t worry, I already talked to Jeno and I’m gonna talk to Jaemin. I decided to move on and I think I’m doing a good job so far. I mean it.”

Mark took a deep breath and said, “But what about Lei? Don’t use him just to get over those two idiots.”

Renjun shook his head and said, “I would never do that!” He then sighed again and stared at Mark seriously, “I assure you, Hyung. I know what I’m doing now. Trust me.”

Mark stared back at Renjun and saw the determination in the younger’s eyes. It was true. Mark did feel that Renjun was getting better. He just had to check.

With a sigh, Mark said, “Alright. I believe you.” Then he added, “but be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Renjun nodded and replied, “I’ll try not to.” then he added, “and Hyung?”

“Hmm?” Mark replied.

“You suck at this,” Renjun said, a sly smirk in his face.

“You little!” Mark grabbed for Renjun but the latter had already run out of his reach.

Later that day, when Mark and Donghyuck were stepping out of the elevator to the 127 dorms, Mark brushed past Renjun and said, "By the way, Yuta-hyung approves," and stepped out before Renjun could even utter anything. The other members looked at Renjun questioningly but he chose not to say a word.

Something definitely wasn’t right with Jaemin, Jeno noted. His boyfriend’s actions seemed off and Jeno could feel that something was bothering Jaemin.

For starters, Jaemin wasn’t pushing for Renjun to talk to him anymore and would quietly retreat to their room when Renjun was in the dorm. Jaemin was still affectionate with Jisung and Jeno, but Jeno could feel that something was lacking.

Jeno was panicking. This was not how he envisioned things to turn out. He had stalled talking to Jaemin for fear that his suspicions would be confirmed. But he realized they had clearly come to a point of no return. He needed to ask Jaemin now or else he might be too late.

He waited for Jaemin to enter their room — heart beating nervously for what he was about to do. It felt like years when Jaemin finally opened the door and entered.

“You’re still awake?” Jaemin had said, making his way over to the bed.

Jeno nodded, made room for Jaemin, and replied, “I was waiting for you.”

“Hmmm…,” Jaemin replied and laid down.

“Babe?” Jeno asked tentatively, causing Jaemin to turn to him.

It was now or never, Jeno had thought before taking a deep breath.

“I know something’s wrong,” Jeno said and felt Jaemin stiffened, confirming his suspicions. “Was it something I did?” he bravely asked despite the wild beating of his heart.

He saw Jaemin took a deep breath and pushed himself up on the bed. They were now facing each other and Jeno could see the expression in Jaemin’s eyes. He can now identify what it was. Jaemin was hurt!

“Jen,” Jaemin started, “I asked you if you would lie to me right?”

Not trusting his own voice, Jeno nodded and ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach.

“But you did,” Jaemin said softly, hurt lacing his voice which was like a punch in Jeno’s gut. “Why?” he whispered, looking away — unshed tears brimming his eyes.

It took a while for Jeno to compose himself before answering, “How much do you know?”

Jaemin looked up at Jeno again and said, “How much should I know, Jen?”

At this point, Jeno couldn’t hold his emotions anymore. And before he knew it, his own tears started falling down his face.

“I’m sorry,” Jeno cried, reaching for Jaemin’s hand and holding it tight — as if he was afraid to let it go, “I’m sorry, Nana. I didn’t want to lie to you, but I had to. I had to do it so that all three of us would be okay.”

But Jaemin — always so sweet and understanding despite his own hurt — held Jeno’s cheeks by the hand that wasn’t holding Jeno’s and wiped the older’s tears away. He was also crying himself, but it hurt him seeing Jeno crying like this. Jeno rarely cried, so Jaemin knew Jeno must be feeling so much pain.

“Shhhh…Babe, I’m not mad,” Jaemin reassured, trying to calm Jeno down. “I may feel hurt, but I could never get mad at you.”

“But you should be,” Jeno insisted, his tear-stricken face staring right back at Jaemin. “I lied to you when I shouldn’t have.”

Jaemin shook his head softly and replied, “I must admit — I got so hurt because I waited for you to tell me about it yourself. But you denied it and it made me feel worse. But I thought you might have a reason for it. Although it would’ve been better if you told me earlier.”

Jeno didn’t know how he got lucky to have a boyfriend like Jaemin who was understanding and patient. This was the Jaemin he fell in love with and his heart swell with pride and love.

“I got a little upset when I have to overhear it from you and Renjun instead of hearing it from one of you directly,” Jaemin continued.

“You heard that?” Jeno asked, a bit shocked.

Jaemin nodded and answered, “Well not most of it. I only heard the part where you were each other’s first kiss and that Injunnie has feelings for you. Why didn’t you tell me about the kiss on the stairs? You kissed your crush at that time and I would’ve been happy for you.” He stroked Jeno’s cheeks with his thumb.

“I just think it wasn’t important anymore,” another lie, Jeno winced. But he didn’t want to upset Jaemin any longer.

“I don’t think so, Jen,” Jaemin said understandingly, “I’m not going to get mad. I know you like Renjun before. It’s okay if you tell me that you still like him now.”

“W-what?” Jeno was taken aback by Jaemin’s statement. “What are you talking about?”

Jaemin sighed and used both hands to cradle Jeno’s face, “Babe, I see the way you look at him and treat him. I’m not stupid to know that you still feel something for him. And I’m okay with that because I know you still love me. As long as you still love me, I’m fine sharing with Injunnie.”

Jeno looked at Jaemin incredulously and exclaimed, “What are you talking about? You won’t have to share me because I choose you!”

Jaemin sighed and held Jeno’s hands, “Babe, I’m doing this for us — all three of us. It must be the reason Injunnie’s mad at me right? He’s also my friend. I don’t want to lose him because of this too.”

“Babe, stop!” Jeno exclaimed. “Stop being so selfless! Fight for yourself for once!” He took a deep breath, calming himself before saying, “Like I said — there’s no need to share me because I’m just yours.”

“But Junnie—,” Jaemin started to protest.

“Injunnie can take care of himself,” Jeno stated a bit harshly. “We already talked. He’s not mad at you and he had already accepted the situation. He said he would try to move on from this.”

But Jaemin was already back to crying, which made Jeno panicked.

“Babe, it’s alright,” Jeno said, cradling Jaemin’s face this time to calm the other boy, “We would all be alright.”

“No we’re not, Jen,” Jaemin insisted, going on a full sob now. “Junnie… Oh, Injunnie…”

Jeno hugged Jaemin and rocked the other back and forth in an attempt to comfort him.

“I know, babe. But we need to give him more credit,” Jeno assured, not aware of his own tears starting to fall again as he tucked Jaemin’s head under his chin.

“No, Jen,” Jaemin insisted, “I need to talk to Injun and I need to tell you something.”

“So,” Lei said, “you still up for that Han River walk?”

Renjun had casually mentioned once that he hadn’t been to the Han River lately. Lei insisted they should go there sometime soon when they both don’t have schedules.

That’s how Renjun found himself walking beside Lei while watching the city lights’ reflection dance on the water. They strolled around and played by themselves — taking pictures of each other and eating ice cream while they walked.

There was never a dull moment with Lei, and Renjun truly enjoyed the other boy’s presence. Renjun wasn’t dumb, though. He knew what his Hyungs were talking about a while ago. But Renjun wasn’t ready for anything romantic yet. He still had feelings for both Jeno and Jaemin, and until he’s sure he has moved on already, that’s when he’d think about his relationship with Lei.

Renjun didn’t want to use Lei for him to move on from Jeno and Jaemin like what he did to the other guys he had dated. Lei was a dear friend to him first, and he didn’t want to ruin anything they had started.

So Renjun chose to reserve his thoughts about that for later.

“Care to tell me what you’re thinking?”

Lei’s voice brought Renjun back to the present.

“You seem to be deep in thoughts there,” Lei added.

Renjun smiled softly as they slowed down their pace near the benches. “Just thinking about things,” he said vaguely.

“I’d bet my money to hear those thoughts of yours,” Lei stated.

Renjun giggled and answered, “They aren’t worth that much.”

“I quite disagree,” Lei said, smiling “Your thoughts are usually worth a thousand gems just like their owner.”

Renjun rolled his eyes and pushed Lei softly, trying to hide the blush forming on his cheeks.

“Cheeky little bastard,” Renjun mumbled which made Lei laugh.

Lei suddenly grabbed Renjun’s hand and lead him towards the benches.

“Let’s sit here for a while,” Lei said, pulling Renjun to sit beside him, “I’m tired.”

But Renjun was already lost in his thoughts again. He recognized where they were. It was the very bench he and Jaemin sat in many years ago. It was also the same spot where Renjun realized that he liked Jaemin.

Renjun felt the familiar sinking of his stomach. He couldn’t believe that he was still thinking of either Jeno or Jaemin when he was with someone else.

He needed to pull himself together! He had to do it! Too much was at stake if and he was afraid to lose everything he had.

So Renjun sat at the very same spot where he discovered his first love — now vowing that he would forget the same love that was built there.

The lights were off when Renjun got inside the dorm. It was already pretty late and he was sure all the members are asleep now. Without turning the lights on, he proceeded to the kitchen to drink water before heading to bed.

Before he could even step outside of the living room, the lights went on, startling Renjun who almost screamed in terror. Clutching his chest, he quickly turned around and saw Jaemin standing by the light switch.

Renjun let out a breath of relief and said, “Don’t scare me like that!”

He looked at the younger and saw him looking back at him seriously.

“Why were you out late?” Jaemin asked softly.

For a moment, Renjun forgot they weren’t exactly on speaking terms until he realized that it has been a while since Jaemin addressed him directly. He also realized that he missed talking to Jaemin — his best friend.

“I was out with a friend,” Renjun replied as casually as he could and tried to get back on his way to the kitchen when he heard Jaemin spoke once again.

“I was waiting for you,” Jaemin said.

Albeit feeling a little shocked, Renjun stared back at Jaemin’s face and tried to decipher what the other boy was feeling. But all Renjun saw was a calm facade he knew Jaemin would use to hide what he was feeling.

“Why?” Renjun asked softly, feeling his heart start to ram against his ribcage again.

Was this it? Was this the part where he confesses to Jaemin everything and loses him as a friend? Was Renjun ready for that?

But things went smoothly with Jeno, so it might go smoothly with Jaemin too. Regardless, Renjun was still scared shitless.

“Is there something you wanna tell me, Injunnie?” Jaemin went direct to the point — his voice surprisingly soft like the tone he uses when he addresses Renjun sweetly.

So, Renjun was right! The moment had come already. And he had no choice but to go to battle head-on — not knowing what the outcome was going to be.

“Jeno told you, didn’t he?” Renjun concluded with a soft sigh.

Jaemin shook his head and replied, “He didn’t. I heard you.”

Renjun’s eyes widened in surprise. Jaemin had heard them! But that was a few days ago! Why was Jaemin only talking to him now?

That’s it! Jaemin must be mad at him! He’s going to be rejected and would be losing one of his best friends. The thought of it almost gave Renjun a panic attack and he didn’t notice his breath becoming shorter and the tears that voluntarily fell from his eyes.

In a flash, Jaemin was beside him — enveloping him in a comforting hug and guiding him to the sofa.

“Junnie,” Jaemin said worriedly, “Stay with me now. Don’t do this!”

“Nana!” Renjun cried and buried his face on Jaemin’s chest. “Oh, I’m so sorry Nana! I didn’t mean to! I would never! I’m so sorry! I’m such a shitty friend! Please don’t be mad at me!”

“Junnie! Junnie! Calm down!” Jaemin said, panicking himself as he rocked Renjun back and forth — cradling the smaller boy’s head carefully as if he was holding a child.

“Nana, I’m sorry!” Renjun continued to cry.

“Shhhh, Junnie! Calm down! Take deep breaths and calm down for me okay?” Jaemin said soothingly. “Follow my breathing.”

And the sat there — Renjun in Jaemin’s arms while the former tried to calm himself with each beating of Jaemin’s heart.

Once Renjun was calm enough, he broke the silence that has fallen between the two of them.

“Nana?” Renjun asked tentatively.

“Hmm?” Jaemin replied softly.

“Are you —” Renjun gulped, willing away the thick sensation that was starting to reform in his throat. “Are you mad at me?” he finally asked softly.

He felt Jaemin shook his head before the other boy answered softly, “No. I’m not mad at you, Injunnie. I can never be mad at you.” He then placed a soft kiss on Renjun’s forehead and added, “I understand, Junnie. Trust me — I do.”

Renjun looked up at Jaemin with his face full of bewilderment which made Jaemin chuckle.

Jaemin wiped the dried tears on Renjun’s cheeks and continued, “You shouldn’t be afraid of losing me or of me getting mad at you. I already know since the start.”

“What?” Renjun found himself asking. “H-how —”

“Jeno couldn’t stop speaking about this pretty boy he met on the stairs and that's how I always knew he liked you,” Jaemin explained, making Renjun blush. “But I didn’t know you like him back, though. If I had known, I would’ve considered your feelings. I’m sorry, Junnie.”

“Nana, no!” Renjun said, breaking the hug, “Why are you so sorry for? You’re not responsible for my feelings.”

“I know,” Jaemin replied, “And I want you to know that it’s not your fault either.” He then held Renjun’s hands with his own and added, “Feelings could be very fucked up but I know how much they can hurt especially if unreturned.” He stared at Renjun’s eyes before continuing, “And I want you to know that I’m giving you the right to love freely.”

“What?” Renjun stared right back at Jaemin’s eyes, not registering anything the other boy said.

“I’m telling you that it’s okay, Junnie,” Jaemin said smiling softly, “It’s okay for you to love Jeno. I don’t mind.”

Renjun took his hand out of Jaemin’s grasp and stood indignantly. “Do you realize how fucked up that sounds?!” he exclaimed.

Startled, Jaemin also stood and tried to hold Renjun’s hand again, “Junnie, listen to me! I’m willing to share. You are also important to me.”

“And then what? Suffer from being the third wheel again?” Renjun replied, getting hurt. “You want me to fit myself into a relationship where both people I love don’t love me back? That’s the worst thing that could happen, Jaemin! And I can’t believe you would even suggest that!”

But Jaemin was frozen — hands stuck mid-air. “What did you say?” he asked, his voice eerily quieter than it was a while ago.

Even though he was upset, Renjun was also confused at how Jaemin was acting. Nevertheless, he answered, “That your idea was stup—“

“No,” Jaemin sharply cut in, “the other one.” He then moved to cradle Renjun’s face with his palms, desperately looking into Renjun's eyes, “You said that you love both of us?”

Renjun creased his head in confusion and answered, “I thought you knew?”

Renjun felt Jaemin’s breath hitched while the younger frantically shook his head.

“No,” Jaemin said. “I thought you only love Jeno.” Then Jaemin’s face suddenly morphed into a dozen different emotions before saying, “Is that why —“.

“Yes, Jaemin,” Renjun interrupted. “That’s why I kept pushing you away. That’s why I went on stupid dates to move on from you two. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you because I don’t want you both to hate me—“.

But Renjun didn’t get to finish his blabbering… because he felt a pair of lips landing firmly on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I wanted you to miss me. LMAO. I'm just kidding. I actually had something to do and this chapter needed revision plot-wise. This chapter is twice as long as the previous chapters, but I couldn't emit some of the parts because they are essential to the story.
> 
> Fun fact: the part where Mark and Renjun talks was supposed to be on a visit to the 127 dorms, but I figured that since OT7 is back, I'd write Mark back with the Dreamies too.
> 
> Also, brief appearance by the 127 squad! 
> 
> I love giving cliffhangers at the end of the chapters, btw. 
> 
> So what do you think? Let me know in the comments section.


	8. Mixed Signals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Here it goes...

Renjun got over his momentary shock when he felt Jaemin tug at his lower lip causing him to gasp, providing an entrance for Jaemin to taste the insides of his mouth. Jaemin tastes sweeter than he had imagined and Renjun couldn’t help but feel himself get lost in the sensation, closing his eyes in sweet surrender.

Jaemin let go of his face and encircled his arms around Renjun, settling on the smaller’s back before pulling him impossibly closer. Abandoning all logical reasons left, Renjun snaked his arms around Jaemin’s neck and angled his face up to give Jaemin more access. He felt Jaemin smile into the kiss before attacking Renjun’s lips with a burning passion that almost took the older’s breath away.

And they stayed like that for a while — tongues clashed against each other in an intimate dance that left trails of fire on different parts of their bodies. It was a battle for dominance fueled by heavy unaddressed emotions and neither wanted to lose. 

Renjun felt Jaemin pushed him until the back of his knees hit the edge of the sofa. In an incredible display of speed, Jaemin switched their positions without leaving Renjun’s mouth and they fell into the couch with Renjun on top of Jaemin. 

A little shocked at Jaemin’s actions, Renjun froze for a while. But that didn’t stop Jaemin from attacking Renjun’s lips, taking advantage of Renjun’s momentary disorientation to take dominance. 

Suddenly, Renjun realized what they were doing and started pulling away. But Jaemin didn’t let him and followed his lips when Renjun tried to get up. So they ended up in a sitting position with Renjun straddling Jaemin’s lap and Jaemin’s arms on Renjun’s hips. 

“Jaemin-ah,” Renjun tried to say when Jaemin moved away from his mouth and moved to his jaw — leaving trails of wet kisses all over his face.

“Hmmmmm?” Jaemin replied, still not stopping. He moved from Renjun’s jaw towards his neck when he felt a gentle push from the older boy.

“Oh my god! Jaemin stop!” Renjun said, effectively stopping the younger boy.

Renjun stared at Jaemin’s hooded eyes, trying to make sense of what had just occurred between them. They both looked like a mess with their hair all over the place, chests rising up and down erratically, and their lips were swollen. Jaemin’s pajama top was in disarray and Renjun’s own clothes were wrinkled. They looked exactly like two people who had just finished a make-out session.

Suddenly, Renjun felt the familiar guilt creeping back from the pit of his stomach to his chest — suffocating him with its invisible claws. He quickly pushed himself up from his position on Jaemin’s lap as if he was electrified.

“Jaemin this is wrong,” Renjun said softly, avoiding the younger’s eyes. “Jeno…. Oh, fuck! Jeno!” he tried to say as he felt himself panic, “Jeno’s your boyfriend and he is my best friend! And I’m moving on from both of you! Oh, fuck! This is so wrong!”

Renjun combed through his hair in frustration, almost pulling them out as he reprimanded himself for his stupidity. From his peripheral vision, he saw Jaemin stood up calmly but didn’t say anything.

“This is a mistake!” Renjun exclaimed, pacing back and forth. “We have to think of Jeno! We should never let this happen again!” 

He looked back at Jaemin who sported a stoic face. Renjun couldn’t tell what the younger boy was thinking at the moment.

Finally, Jaemin sighed and looked down. “You’re right,” he said softly. “This is a mistake and it should never happen again…. I’m sorry, Injunnie.”

Then, Renjun watched as Jaemin hurriedly headed to his and Jeno’s room, never sparing a glance at Renjun.

Renjun felt his heart drop and he also hurried to his room before locking the door and breaking down. He didn’t know how much his heart could take any longer. 

The next morning, Renjun expected things to be more awkward between him and Jaemin. But to his surprise, Jaemin was up early and had breakfast prepared for all of them when he walked to the kitchen. 

Jeno sat sleepily on one of the stools while Jaemin was taking out the last of the pancakes from the pan and into the plate. Renjun didn’t know what to do and had stupidly stood by the doorway, staring at both boys before Jaemin saw him.

“Oh, Injunnie! Good that you’re awake,” Jaemin said cheerfully as if everything was back to normal. “Come eat breakfast.” 

Jeno turned upon the mention of Renjun and said, “Good morning, Injun!”

Renjun suddenly couldn’t look at Jeno without feeling guilty at what happened last night. He felt his throat dried up and he suddenly lost the ability to speak. 

Jeno looked up from his seat and stared at Renjun questioningly and Renjun guessed Jeno hadn’t been informed of last night’s events yet — which was a relief for Renjun but still not enough to stop his guilt from consuming him.

Jaemin broke the tension when he lightly tugged at Renjun to sit down. Renjun hadn’t realized that Jaemin had gone closer.

“You must be so tired, come sit and eat,” Jaemin urged, lightly tugging at Renjun’s arm.

But Renjun didn’t feel right. He had kissed Jeno’s boyfriend last night! Jaemin cheated on Jeno with him! And here they were acting as if nothing happened! 

Was he going to go back to being the third wheel? Were they back to acting like nothing’s wrong again — like Renjun wasn’t harboring feelings for them? Were they going to ignore the fact that Renjun would get hurt in the end?

Because the way Renjun saw it, Jeno and Jaemin would continue to be happy in each other’s arms and he would be left to deal with his own feelings in the end. Renjun wasn’t ready for that yet — at least, not when he hasn’t moved on yet.

“Nana, no,” Renjun said softly, pulling his hand away from Jaemin causing the latter to look at him with a hurt expression. 

He hated being the cause of Jaemin’s hurt, and he hated seeing Jaemin in pain. At this point, Jeno’s expectant eyes were also on him. But Renjun couldn’t look at Jeno without feeling guilty. So he opted to train his eyes on the floor in order to not look at any of them.

“Now that the cat’s out of the bag,” Renjun added, “I think it’s clear that we need space from each other.” Renjun waited for any of them to say something, but hearing none, he continued. “I’m moving on from you two, and I really think that if we continue to act as if nothing has changed, it would be a lot harder than it should be.”

Bracing himself, he bravely lifted his gaze and stared at two in front of him before saying, “So, I guess it would be fair for me to ask of you to allow me to distance myself from both of you.” He then observed each of their expressions — Jeno’s was unreadable, while Jaemin was clearly upset. “I’m sorry it has to be this way,” he continued. “But I’m doing this for us so that someday….,” Renjun willed himself not to cry, “Someday, we would be best friends again — without pretensions or hurt.”

For what felt like years, no one dared to speak after Renjun’s speech. It was like time stood still — trapping three people with a hurt that was incomparable to what they had felt up until then. 

It took a while before Jeno pushed himself from his chair and strayed slowly to Renjun. He placed his right hand on the shorter male’s shoulder and said, “Is this what you want, Injun?”

Renjun looked away from Jeno but nodded. He heard Jeno let out of a sigh before saying, “Then do what you feel is right for you.” Jeno gave Jaemin a brief glance before looking back at Renjun and saying, “Do that and I would support you — even from afar.”

Jaemin seemed to gain his ability to speak, but when he spoke, his voice was so hoarse that Renjun almost wanted to take back what he just proposed.

“We will wait for you, Injun,” Jaemin said. “Whenever you’re ready, go back to us. We will always be best friends no matter what.”

It was too much for Renjun that he felt like he would breakdown if he stayed any longer. So after a brief and soft, “Thank you,” he nodded and went back to his room.

Because Renjun kept his gaze away from his two friends, he missed the questioning look Jeno gave Jaemin and the way the latter shook his head in a silent signal to stay quiet.

But Renjun’s mind was already traveling far ahead to notice anything.

It was for the best, right? Things were going to be alright… or so Renjun hoped.

True to their words, Jeno and Jaemin gave Renjun the space he asked for. Sure, things were awkward at first, but he was thankful for his members who made the situation bearable and for Jeno and Jaemin for not totally cutting him off. 

However, he still couldn’t look at Jeno properly without the image of his and Jaemin’s kiss flashing in his mind. In those times, Renjun would feel unbearable guilt wondering if Jeno already knew. Then, he would second guess himself saying that Jeno would probably be very mad at him by now. Seeing as there were no traces of anger from Jeno, Renjun thought Jaemin kept his mouth shut about the kiss too. 

The thought of Jeno still having no knowledge about Renjun’s kiss with Jaemin brought him both relief and heavy burden. He couldn’t decide if it was for the better or if it would just create more problems in the future. 

A more logical side of him argued that Jeno had the right to know. Yet the side of him that was so afraid of losing Jeno for real this time persisted. This internal conflict rested inside his chest and lingered in his mind whenever he would be reminded by it. And Renjun thought he was about to lose his mind.

He started to feel a little jumpy and panicky whenever Jeno was around or whenever Jeno would talk to him casually. The fear that one of these days, Jeno would confront him and tell him how much of a traitor he was for kissing Jaemin continued to haunt Renjun. 

Sometimes, he wished Jaemin would be the one to tell Jeno instead. But Jaemin was also acting a bit off these days. Renjun didn’t know if it was because of their lack of interaction, or if Jaemin had been acting weird in general.

Whatever it was, Renjun willed himself to not care too much. He was moving on, and thinking too much about what Jeno and Jaemin were doing was only going to hinder his progress.

Unbeknown to him, Jeno himself noticed how jumpy Renjun tends to get whenever he approached the Chinese. At first, he thought it was just because Renjun still felt awkward about their situation and that it was just an effect of what had occurred in the past few days. But he saw how Renjun acted when Jaemin would say something to him and Jeno could tell the difference. With Jaemin, Renjun was just awkward and cautious. With him, Renjun looked like he had seen a ghost.

This continued to bug Jeno and he was very tempted to breach his promise of giving Renjun his space. Yes, they weren’t exactly in excellent terms. But that didn’t mean Jeno had stopped caring. Something was very wrong and Jeno knew he had to talk to Renjun about it.

Jeno didn’t expect that the opportunity to mention his little problem to Renjun came in the form of a break — a toilet break, to be exact. 

Okay… he admitted that it probably wasn’t the most ideal venue to express his concerns, but he figured it was now or never.

They were back to having dance practices and their choreographer gave them a break. Renjun excused himself and headed out the door. Sensing his chance, Jeno waited for about 5 minutes before excusing himself too and following Renjun outside. 

As he had expected, Renjun flinched so hard when he entered the toilet. The older boy was washing his hands and had looked like his soul left him when he saw Jeno. But to Renjun’s defense, maybe Jeno shouldn’t have opened the door so hard. 

“You almost gave me a heart attack!” Renjun tried to play things smoothly by laughing. Jeno didn’t miss, however, the way the older avoided looking at his eyes by turning his gaze back to the faucet.

“What are you so afraid of? It’s just me,” Jeno replied, trying to keep his cool. He watched Renjun’s eyes darted to Jeno’s reflection in the mirror and Jeno saw a flash of apprehension in the former’s eyes. However, it was so quick that Jeno could’ve missed it if he wasn’t paying so much attention.

“I’m not a-fraid of y-ou,” Renjun said but failed to keep his voice straight. Jeno saw him visibly winced and closed his eyes. Jeno guessed that Renjun was probably beating himself up in his mind at the moment. 

If it wasn’t a serious situation, Jeno would’ve found the site funny and adorable. But it had only confirmed his suspicions.

“Oh yeah?” Jeno replied. “Say that again without stuttering,” he challenged.

Renjun dried his hands and looked anywhere but at Jeno. But he didn’t say anything.

Deciding that he had had enough, Jeno sighed and said, “What’s wrong now? I thought we already agreed to no pretenses.” However, Jeno was surprised at himself because he wasn’t mad — just tired and a bit upset.

“I know,” Renjun finally replied, still not looking at Jeno. “But Jeno, I might really lose you now if I’ll tell you what’s on my mind.”

Renjun looked so vulnerable that Jeno regretted being a bit too harsh on him. Taking a deep breath, Jeno slowly approached Renjun and lifted the other boy’s chin up — urging the latter to look into his eyes.

“Renjun, we’ve talked about this already,” Jeno explained softly. “I don’t think anything at this point could make you lose me. You will never lose me. I promise you that.”

“Not even when I tell you that I kissed Jaemin that night?” Renjun suddenly replied. He didn’t know where he got the courage to finally say what was weighing him down, but he did. And with a heavy heart, he watched as Jeno froze — clearly not expecting his revelation.

Taking advantage of the momentary surge of adrenaline, Renjun continued. “Technically, he kissed me…. but I kissed him back which makes me equally guilty. I should’ve stopped it there but we ended up making out on the couch.” 

Renjun should win an Oscar for playing things cool on the outside when he felt like he had a whole jungle inside him. Still observing Jeno’s unmoving features, Renjun began to accept his faith.

“Still think you wouldn’t get mad at me?” Renjun said bitterly.

To his surprise, Jeno took a deep breath and answered, “No.” He then faced Renjun properly and repeated his answer, “I don’t think I’m mad at you right now.”

Renjun felt his jaw drop in disbelief before exclaiming, “Y-you… You’re just bluffing!” He pointed at Jeno accusingly.

Jeno smiled patiently at Renjun — the eye smile that he was famous for — and said, “I’m not lying, Junnie. I’m serious.”

“No way!” Renjun insisted and flinched a little when Jeno laughed.

“Is this why you couldn’t look at me or talk to me properly these past few days?” Jeno asked, seemingly amused. Renjun didn’t find the energy to reply so he just nodded, making Jeno chuckle. “I thought you were upset at something I did. That’s a relief!”

“A relief?” Renjun exclaimed, doubting if he was hearing the right things. “Jeno, I just said I kissed your boyfriend! How is that a relief?” 

Jeno’s face simmered down into a softer smile now as he stared at Renjun who looked like he was about to pull his hair in frustration. This time, he found the sight cute and adorable.

Truth to be told, Jeno didn’t know what to feel when Renjun dropped the bomb so suddenly. But then he was surprised that the information didn’t bother him that much at all. Considering the circumstances and the new development with their relationship, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise at all. 

Had it been a few weeks ago, the information would’ve hurt Jeno. But things were different now and Jeno found himself understanding and coming to terms with the situation they had now. And if you would ask Jeno, the possibility of losing Renjun or Jaemin permanently was the scariest thing that could happen to him at the moment.

The answer was clear: Jeno decided that the fact that Jaemin and Renjun kissed didn’t bother him at all. Instead, he felt a certain warmth that he couldn’t understand at the thought of them kissing. It wasn’t anger or betrayal. Rather, it was something else Jeno couldn’t name — a new sensation taking over him. 

“Well, you did say Nana kissed you first,” Jeno found himself answering, a little hint of teasing evident in his voice. “But Nana is Nana,” he added as if it made a lot of sense.

“Are you serious?” Renjun looked at Jeno as if the younger had grown two heads. “Why aren’t you mad at me?”

“Do you want me to get mad at you?” Jeno answered, surprising Renjun and himself.

Renjun tried to calm himself by taking a deep breath and replied, “Of course not! But —”

“But what, Junnie?” Jeno cut in. “I told you I’m not mad. Shouldn’t that put you in peace already?”

Renjun pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes in frustration. He thought he was starting to get a headache from their conversation.

Despite the seriousness of the situation and the sight of Renjun about to lose his mind, Jeno found the whole thing amusing. Renjun was always so cute when he’s mad or frustrated. Jeno had always had a soft spot for short-tempered Renjun. That was the reason why he’d sometimes deliberately test Renjun’s patience just so he could get a reaction from the older boy.

“It doesn’t give me peace,” Renjun replied, eyes still closed in an attempt to compose himself. “It makes me more frustrated.”

“Cute,” Jeno found himself thinking out loud.

Renjun opened his eyes in surprise and saw Jeno smiling amusedly at him. 

“I’m not cute!” Renjun started to argue. “I could kill you!” he warned.

But Jeno wasn’t threatened at all and just laughed wholeheartedly. 

Just then, the door opened, startling both of them, and revealed the very same person they were talking about.

Jaemin stepped inside the toilet and looked at the two in front of him — confused at their startled expression.

“There you are,” Jaemin said, “We’re about to start in a few minutes. We were wondering what’s taking you so long.”

Jeno quickly regained his composure and smiled at Jaemin. “Oh, we were just about to head back, Babe.” Then he glanced at Renjun who seemed to have frozen and resisted the urge to laugh at him. “We were just talking about how cute Injunnie is.”

Jaemin pursed his lips, not understanding why they were suddenly talking about Renjun’s cuteness, but replied anyway, “He’s always been cute. What do you mean?”

Jeno laughed and replied, “I know he is, but the kind of cute he tends to get when he’s angry or frustrated and he thinks he looks intimidating.”

Jaemin laughed and looked over fondly at Renjun before saying, “Oh that kind of Injun cute! Probably one of my favorite Injun mood, by the way.”

Jeno also laughed at that and said, “Oh yeah. That’s why you like to annoy him with your clingy ass.” 

That caused Jaemin to pout. “Angry Injun is a cuddly Injun. It’s a win-win situation,” he replied before grinning triumphantly.

By this point, Renjun seemed to have regained his composure and said, “There you go again with the flirting!” 

That seemed to have taken Jeno and Jaemin off their teasing phase as they both looked at Renjun who clearly looked upset.

“You’re always like this,” Renjun continued, pouring his heart out. “You flirt with me and act all sweet and nice to me as if you reciprocate my feelings! You get my hopes up and then break it later! If it’s all fun and games to you, well it’s not funny to me!” 

Renjun didn’t know why, but he just exploded. Everything he wanted to say to Jeno and Jaemin exploded right there. 

“Junnie I —” Jaemin started to say, stepping closer to Renjun.

“No!” Renjun said, holding his hand up to stop Jaemin from coming closer. “Stop saying you’re sorry. I don’t need that right now.” He willed his tears not to fall. “I am asking you again to let me move on from you. And if not talking to you would do the trick, then I am willing to do so! Now, if you’ll excuse me, we have practice to continue.”

And with that, Renjun brushed past Jaemin, leaving the toilet and two very dumbfounded boys.

Jeno followed Renjun’s retreating back until the Chinese slammed the door behind him. He then heard Jaemin groan in frustration. 

“We fucked up again, didn’t we?” Jaemin said softly, running his hand through his hair.

“Babe, don’t blame yourself,” Jeno said, stepping closer to Jaemin and enveloped the younger in a comforting hug. “We’re all adjusting to the situation and things aren’t so stable right now. Let’s just give him space for now. He’ll come around.”

He felt Jaemin sigh. “I really hope he would soon,” Jaemin replied, pouting and looking up at Jeno’s face.

Jeno smiled sadly and placed a peck on Jaemin’s lips, making the younger smile at him despite what had happened. “Let’s not lose trust in him,” he said.

Jaemin nodded and broke off the hug. Together they started to head out of the bathroom when Jeno spoke.

“So I heard you kissed Junnie,” Jeno said casually.

Jaemin’s eyes widened and whipped his head towards Jeno in surprise. “Jen —”, he started to say, but Jeno smiled at him and held his hand up to interrupt him.

“Don’t worry, babe,” Jeno said, “I’m not mad.”

Jaemin smiled back at him apologetically and Jeno placed a small kiss on his forehead.

“I understand,” he simply said, hoping to get his sincerity across with his voice. 

Jaemin didn’t respond, but Jeno knew that Jaemin also understood. Without another word, both of them headed back to the practice room. 

The atmosphere was so tense during the rest of the day that even their choreographer’s patience was at its limits. Renjun kept messing up his moves that he ended up getting scolded by the choreographer. Jeno and Jaemin kept throwing worried glances at him that they, too, would get distracted.

In the end, everyone was so exhausted and moody. Renjun kept his expression hard during the entire practice so that other members could sense he was not in the mood. They figured out it has something to do with Jeno and Jaemin seeing the look on their faces. 

Mark decided he had had enough and called for an emergency meeting with all of the members back in the Dream dorm. 

That’s how they ended up all crammed in Dream’s living room with Renjun sitting at the far end of the couch — far from Jeno and Jaemin who were sitting on the floor at the other end. Renjun was still not talking to any of them, even to other Dream members, and mostly kept to himself.

“Alright,” Mark sighed, “Is everyone here?” He did a headcount and all the members were accounted for — even Chenle who didn’t live with them. 

“I’ll cut to the point,” Mark said seriously. “You three need to keep it together and fix whatever issues you are having right now or else you’d jeopardize the performance of the whole team,” he added, looking back and forth towards the three people in question.

Renjun kept his gaze straight, not meeting any of the member’s gaze and still not saying anything. 

“I know that what’s going on between you three is none of my business, but it is starting to affect your performance already so I have to step in,” Mark added sternly. 

Sensing that Renjun wasn’t going to say anything, Mark turned towards Jeno and Jaemin who both sported weary looks. 

Jeno cleared his throat and said, “You’re right, Mark-hyung. And I’m sorry.” Then he faced Renjun and flinched at the hard expression the other boy was wearing. “Injunnie,” he started to say, “I’m sorry. I should’ve respected your space like you have asked from us. I’m sorry if I’m confusing you. I didn’t mean it and I won’t do it again.”

‘J-junnie,” they heard Jaemin whimpered. “I’m so sorry for giving you mixed signals. It was so insensitive and inconsiderate of me.” Then he took a long pause before adding in a voice barely above a whisper, “But I missed you, Injunnie. I missed you so much that I couldn’t help but act as if things are still normal. I just want my f-friend back.”

Jeno stared at Jaemin’s face, as if wanting to say something, but Jaemin kept his gaze trained on Renjun. So Jeno chose not to say anything.

Hearing the vulnerability in Jaemin’s voice, Renjun’s facade finally broke. Maybe he had been too hard on them and it wasn’t their fault that Renjun still couldn’t find it in himself to fully move on.

With a sigh, he faced his two best friends who were already looking at him intently. Jaemin looked like he was about to cry while Jeno’s face was contorted into something that Renjun could recognize as a pained look. 

“I’m sorry too,” Renjun finally replied. “I guess I overreacted and I should’ve known better. It’s unfair that I vent out my frustrations on you.”

“Junnie, no,” Jaemin replied, moving closer to hold Renjun’s hands but stopped himself — remembering the space the other boy asked for. Reluctantly, he fell back to his place and added, “You were right. Our actions wouldn’t allow you to move on and we should be mindful of that.”

“Nana’s right, Junnie,” Jenno added. “We should respect your decisions and do our part to help you. I’m sorry.”

“We’re all at fault,” Renjun finally conceded, “Let’s just put it at that.”

“You’re all idiots,” Donghyuck suddenly interrupted, surprising everyone.

“Hyuck,” Mark warned, afraid that it would spark another tension.

“No, Hyuck-hyung is right for once,” Jisung said in defense.

“What do you mean ‘for once’?” Donghyuck glared at Jisung, feeling offended.

Ignoring Donghyuck, Jisung continued. “I’ve been watching you three dancing around each other and it gets very tiring and frustrating! I get it! Renjun-hyung, you have feelings for these two idiots here,” he said gesturing at Jeno and Jaemin who were about to protest but was silenced by Mark’s warning gaze, “But you are doing great on moving on so far. Don’t let one tiny fallback let you down.” Then, he stared at Jeno and Jaemin and said, “And you two are right. Stop acting like you like Renjun-hyung unless you actually do. He may suck at handling his emotions, but he’s trying his best. You three are best friends first before anything else. You can work things out in no time.” Jisung finished his speech with a satisfied look for finally being able to vent out his own feelings about the situation.

“Wow,” Donhyuck said, dumbfounded and looked at Jisung in mild disbelief. “You took the words right out of my mouth. When did you get so wise?”

“Try living with these three and we’ll see if you won’t end up taking charge,” Jisung replied nonchalantly. 

“I told you that you could come live with me,” Chenle butted in.

“And end up deaf with all your screaming? I don’t think so,” Jisung replied, shaking his head to which Chenle pouted.

“Enough,” Mark intervened before things got worse. These kids were really going to be the death of him. “Let’s go back to these three, please.”

Renjun sighed and said, “I’m sorry this had to reach this point. Jisung’s right. I am in control of my feelings and I think I’m doing great moving on.” He then faced Jeno and Jaemin and added, “I also missed you two. And don’t worry, I’m almost there. Wait for me, okay?” He smiled at them genuinely — the first time he ever did in a long time.

Jeno felt his breath hitched and Jaemin could’ve cried in right then and there. They could’ve hugged Renjun at that moment but they just talked about giving him space.

“We’ll wait for you, Injunnie! No matter how long it takes,” Jaemin replied, somewhat desperately and smiled back at Renjun.

Again, Jeno took a good look at Jaemin before turning his gaze back to Renjun. “Yeah, we will,” Jeno agreed in firm determination.

Renjun’s smile grew wider and replied, “Thank you, guys.”

They suddenly heard someone sniffing and they turned their head to see it was Donghyuck who was fake sobbing.

“That’s one touching shit right there,” Donghyuck said, wiping invisible tears.

Mark rolled his eyes and Renjun placed Donghyuck in a headlock causing everyone to laugh. Just like that, the tension had been lifted.

“Now that it’s out of the way,” Chenle said, “Who wants pizza? Mark-hyung will pay.”

“What?” a very confused Mark exclaimed, but it was too late to stop his members. 

That night, the Dream dorm was filled with laughter again as 7 boys placed themselves around the living room and talked like they haven’t talked for years. Chenle, Donghyuck, and Mark ended up sleeping over with Mark taking the couch and Donghyuck passed out on the carpet. Chenle took the vacant bed in Jisung’s room while Renjun went to sleep earlier.

Jaemin and Jeno were the only ones awake but they were already in their room, getting ready for bed. 

Jeno was in deep thought, staring at Jaemin who was changing his pajama top when he suddenly blurted out, “Why did you lie to him, Nana?”

Already having an idea what Jeno was talking about, Jaemin slowly turned around and replied, “He’s already moving on, Jen. I know he’s not totally moved on yet, but I missed my chance.” 

Jeno observed the sad and longing look on Jaemin’s face and his heart clenched. 

“Besides,” Jaemin added sadly, “I couldn’t risk what we have. I’m choosing you, Jeno. As bad as it sounds, but I choose you.”

Jeno internally flinched at how familiar Jaemin’s statement sounded to him. 

You see, Jeno might have said to Jaemin that he didn’t feel something for Renjun anymore — that he had moved on and loved Jaemin only.

That night, when he and Jaemin talked about the issue with Renjun — just before Jaemin kissed Renjun, Jeno thought that the problem ended with him deciding that he loves Jaemin more and that what he felt for Renjun is not enough for him to fight for the older male. But he wasn’t prepared for Jaemin’s own revelation.

“But you love him!” Jeno insisted, pulling his mind back to the present. 

This particular piece of information was also the reason why Jeno was not surprised that Jaemin had kissed Renjun. 

Jaemin had admitted to having feelings for Renjun that night and cried his heart out for feeling guilty because he felt like he was cheating on Jeno. Jaemin was also very hurt because Renjun — whom he loved — was ignoring him. On top of that, Jaemin was also very confused with his feelings.

Jeno listened as Jaemin poured his heart out and didn’t dare say a word. Frankly, he didn’t know what to say. The revelation was a shock to him, but Jaemin needed him then. So, he held his boyfriend until Jaemin decided that he would talk to Renjun that night. Jeno figured out that he should let them talk alone. His presence was just going to complicate things. 

He didn’t know what happened after because he fell asleep. But he remembered waking up to Jaemin who seemed too eager to make breakfast for all of them. Now, he knew what had happened after and he found himself piecing the pieces all together. He now had a bigger picture of what had happened which helped a lot for him to understand.

And now here he was, facing Jaemin who’s heart was clearly breaking.

Jaemin smiled sadly and replied, “That, I do. I really do, Jen.” He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, shoulders deflated and looking like he had lost in the Olympics, “But I couldn’t make things harder for both you. You don’t love him like that anymore and it’s unfair to you if I go after him when you’re my boyfriend. And it’s also unfair to Injun if I force him into an arrangement that’s not mutual on your side. I’ll only end up hurting us more. So, I think it’s best if I just forget about what I feel for Renjun like he is doing right now.”

Jeno’s heart felt very heavy with guilt. There he was thinking that he had saved the day with his solution — but all he ever did was create another complicated situation. Why couldn’t he man up?

Did he really not love Renjun the way he did in the past? Had he really moved on from that intense feeling and was ready to let go of Renjun? He was sure of his answer, but hearing Jaemin, he’s suddenly not so sure anymore. 

He needed to sort his own feelings out because they were entering a point of no return. And for the first time in a while, Jeno felt very afraid of the future and for the consequences of what he had done.

Jeno held Jaemin that night, but his mind was very awake with questions he had avoided thinking of for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this starting to frustrate you? LMAO. Hold on tight because we're getting there. More of Jaemin's side would be revealed in the next chapters.
> 
> This chapter took a while because you can only see some loopholes in the plot as you write the story, I need to make some revisions to make it better. I hope I did well, tho. I have worries for this chapter, but I will do better in the next chapters. 
> 
> Fun fact: Mark was just supposed to visit them upon Donghyuck's request. But 7Dream is staying, so why not? 
> 
> Did you see this one coming or are you confused? Let me know in the comments section.


	9. Selfish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys still alright there? We're almost there, just hold on.

Everyone knew Na Jaemin as the nice guy. He is kind and thoughtful — always taking care of others before himself. If you would ask people who knew him personally, they would say Jaemin is selfless.

And Jaemin believed he was. However, even a selfless person would do things he wouldn’t be proud of.

Jaemin met Lee Jeno when they were in middle school. They were seatmates at school and they instantly clicked despite having polar opposite personalities. Ironically, they didn’t meet at school.

Trainee Na Jaemin nervously entered the SM building, hoping to make a friend. He had spotted a shy Lee Jeno playing with his phone at the corner. Jaemin decided to say hi and engaged Jeno into a conversation when they learned that they’re same-aged friends and would attend the same school when the school year starts. 

From then on, Jeno and Jaemin were inseparable. You couldn’t see one without the other and it’s a rare sight to see one of them alone. They ate together, went to SM together, trained together, and hung out together. Even when they had another friend and co-trainee, Lee Donghyuck, Jaemin was still a lot closer to Jeno and vice versa.

Maybe because Jaemin was still so young then, but he couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when he fell in love with Jeno. 

Jeno was a constant — his presence a soothing reminder for Jaemin that no matter how uncertain their futures were as trainees, there would still be a Jeno that would be there for him. And slowly, Jaemin started to build his life with Jeno in it. He couldn’t imagine a future away from Jeno.

One day, he just woke up and accepted that he loved Jeno more than a best friend would. There were no breakdowns or sudden realizations — just pure acceptance.

Of course, he couldn’t tell Jeno anything involving his feelings. Even though Jaemin had accepted that he loved Jeno, there was still the fear of Jeno not reciprocating or even hating him. What if Jeno would hate him or would be disgusted by him? He didn’t even know if Jeno liked boys!

And for the very first time, Jaemin became selfish. 

He wanted Jeno to stay by him forever — even if that meant they would just be best friends. So he did what he could to keep Jeno. And by hiding that he loved his best friend, Jaemin had higher chances of keeping him.

Jaemin was happy just being Jeno’s best friend. He wasn’t the jealous type, but he was happy when Jeno wanted to spend time with only him. Even in the company of their friends, Jeno would seek Jaemin, and that made the younger boy so happy. Jaemin loved it that he could monopolize Jeno’s attention. Perhaps, Jeno was the epicenter of his selfish desires. 

That changed when one day, Jeno came to practice sporting heart eyes and a stupid grin. Jaemin recognized that look anywhere! It was the look of a lovestruck fool! Jaemin was afraid this day would come — that some girl, or boy, would take away Jeno’s attention from him. When Jaemin found out it was a boy, he counted that as a win for him. So Jeno was interested in boys like him!

Like Jeno, Jaemin wanted to know the infamous boy in the stairs who caught Jeno’s heart. But unlike Jeno, Jaemin had a more selfish reason.

Jaemin wanted to know if the boy was good enough for Jeno or if he could compete with the faceless and nameless boy. Whichever the actual reason was, Jaemin didn’t allow himself to linger on that any longer. All that was important was that he would meet the boy and see for himself.

One afternoon, Jeno was running a bit late for training and their trainers came in with a bunch of new trainees that would apparently train with them from then on. Jaemin didn’t pay much attention until the last newbie came in — a tiny boy with soft features and a cute little snuggle tooth! He didn’t know why but the boy looked cute enough to eat. 

All thoughts about the boy with a snuggle tooth were lost, however, when Jeno came running in — still a bit sweaty from running. Jaemin couldn’t help but ogle a bit at how hot Jeno had looked despite the older boy’s messy state. But Jaemin had mastered the art of concealing his feelings and diverted his eyes in front of him. 

Jaemin really didn’t pay attention to his instructor that much and he knew Jeno wasn’t too. That was until he saw Jeno’s eyes widened from his peripheral vision. The last of the newbies had introduced himself and it was the boy with a snuggle tooth. Jaemin stared at the newbie for a moment before staring back at Jeno who was looking at the newbie quite intently and following the guy with his gaze.

Then, it clicked! Snuggle tooth boy — or Renjun, as he had introduced himself — was Jeno’s mystery guy! Staircase boy finally had a face and a name! 

For the rest of the day, he had to painfully watch Jeno struggle trying not to make a fool of himself in front of his crush. And by painful, Jaemin meant it was hilarious! Because surprisingly, Jaemin found Jeno’s failed attempts hilarious.

But Jaemin could feel that Jeno really wanted to get close with Renjun. However, Jaemin also knew that Jeno was too shy to initiate a conversation or to even be breathing the same air as Renjun without panicking.

So Jaemin took it upon himself to get to close with Renjun first. In a way, he was doing it for Jeno. But who was he kidding? He was doing it for himself too! Renjun was still his rival even if he found the Chinese boy cute and adorable.

But Jaemin hadn’t expected that he’d genuinely enjoy Renjun’s company. Jaemin didn’t even need to fake anything. Renjun truly was fun to be with and very interesting. No wonder Jeno took a liking on him!

And maybe, Jaemin started to see Renjun in a different light. He liked that Renjun depended on him a lot after their little tour. He liked how Renjun regarded him as his first Korean friend. 

For the second time in his life, Jaemin became selfish for Renjun’s affections. He liked that it was only him who had a free pass to be touchy with Renjun. 

Jaemin would cuddle and be touchy with Renjun who claimed to be annoyed by him. But Jaemin could feel that Renjun enjoyed his hugs — that Renjun appreciated him. 

He liked it when Renjun called him dumb when he spent too much on a claw machine just to get a plushie he ended up not having. Renjun bought him a plushie from a store, anyway. He loved it when Renjun playfully shoved him away but would let him place a kiss on the back of his neck, anyway.

Jaemin liked Renjun!

But he was not willing to give up Jeno!

And for the third time, Jaemin acted selfishly.

He wanted to keep both Jeno and Renjun. So he did what he could to bring the two closer. But Jeno was just too shy and for some reason, Renjun was also not comfortable with Jeno’s presence.

It was ironic how Jaemin acted like a cupid to bring together the two boys he fell in love with. Some people would say he was too selfless to do so. But really, it was for him as much as it was for them.

Jaemin was ecstatic when the two finally started talking to each other when they debuted. He felt that not all hope was lost. Everytime he saw the two laughing or playing together, he felt a joy in his heart that he couldn’t describe. Instead of getting jealous, he cherished the moments that Renjun and Jeno had together — preferably with him too. His two best boys looked great together, and it warmed Jaemin’s heart knowing that all three of them could get close as Jaemin wanted.

For a teenage boy who just discovered that he loved two boys, Jaemin was oddly calm. Although he didn’t know if it was possible to love two people equally, Jaemin didn’t care. If it was selfish not to choose only one, then Jaemin would stay selfish. Thinking back, Jaemin thinks he had understood the concept of polyamory long before he knew there was such a thing.

When he had to take a long hiatus to receive medical treatment, he thought he was going to die — not because of surgery, but because of loneliness. It greatly pained him to be separated from the two boys he loved. 

The time he spent away from Renjun and Jeno was a big pivotal moment in his life. What the members didn’t know was that he was asked to make to choose on whether he would undergo a type of surgery that had a higher percentage of success but would end his dancing career forever or he would go for a more risky type of surgery but would save his ability to dance.

For the first time in his life, Jaemin made a big decision. What was the point of being in good health when he couldn’t do the thing he loved the most?

And so Jaemin chose the riskier path, much to the disappointment of his parents. He asked them not to inform the other members that there was a chance that he would not get out of surgery alive. He didn’t want them to worry. Most especially, he didn’t want to say goodbye to Renjun and Jeno. And even if he was in the last days of his life, Jaemin still chose to be selfish. He was going to keep Renjun’s and Jeno’s memories with him even if it was the last thing he would do. 

On the night before his surgery, Jaemin was so afraid that he almost changed his mind about the surgery. The fact that he might not survive or return to NCT Dream was sinking in, and Jaemin prayed that everything would be alright. The feeling of dread stayed with him up until he was wheeled to the operating room. 

He was so scared for his life that in a split moment, he vowed that he would make the most of what he got should he survive. If he would come out of the surgery alive, he would confess to Jeno and Renjun regardless of how both of them felt for him. If they ended up rejecting him, he wouldn’t care. He was going to make the most of what he considered his second life. He promised that to himself.

But the fulfillment of such promise was harder than Jaemin had thought. Months had passed since he moved back to the Dream dorm, and he still had no progress. Although he had noticed that Renjun and Jeno had grown much closer to each other which made him happy, Jaemin still couldn’t find it in himself to tell them how he felt.

He decided to tell Jeno first. Jeno was his best friend and his first love, but aside from that, Jaemin needed to confirm if Jeno still loved Renjun. Jaemin didn’t want Jeno to feel betrayed the moment he would tell him that he also felt something for Renjun. In a way, it was a precaution — a damage control plan should things go wrong. Even if Jeno didn’t feel the same way for him, Jaemin would accept that and make Jeno understand that he didn’t mean to fall for Renjun too. He would deal with Jeno first because if he messed up, he could be losing his best friend since middle school.

Jaemin was prepared for rejection when he told Jeno he loved him. But Jaemin wasn’t prepared for Jeno to say he loved Jaemin back.

“Y-you love me too?” Jaemin had asked, still in disbelief — staring wide-eyed at Jeno who just gave him his notorious eye smile. 

“Yes, Nana,” Jeno had replied patiently, staring fondly at him.

Jaemin still couldn’t believe what he had heard. “B-but, Injunnie —”, he started to say.

“You don’t have to worry about me having feelings for Injun,” Jeno had interrupted, his expression shifting to a more serious look. “I’m over him, Nana. I love you now.” 

Jaemin’s heart sank at Jeno’s declaration. While he was happy that Jeno loved him back, what would happen to him and Renjun? He couldn’t help but be sad at how things turned out.

“But, Jen —” Jaemin started to argue but was interrupted again.

“We shouldn’t think of anyone else now,” Jeno said firmly. “From now on, it’s just you and me — no one else. Stop thinking about other’s sake and start going after what you want, Nana. You’re too selfless for your own good.”

But Jaemin wasn’t selfless. He was selfish. And his selfish side whispered to him that if he was going to mention anything about loving Renjun, he would lose Jeno. Jaemin couldn’t afford that — not when things were finally falling in place between him and Jeno.

Jaemin had to make another big decision that night. He was going to be with Jeno and would still keep Renjun as close to him as possible. Because he couldn’t decide, Jaemin gambled with his chances to satisfy his selfish desires. 

It turns out, Jaemin didn’t even need to exert so much effort in keeping Renjun close. Jeno didn’t mind always having Renjun around them even when they could’ve taken every chance they had to be alone with just the two of them. It had felt so natural to always have Renjun around that it had become some sort of a routine. Neither of the two boys complained either whenever he would purposely get too touchy with Renjun except for Renjun playfully shrugging him off. 

If only Jaemin had known back then...

And perhaps, Jaemin got used to their set-up. If he couldn’t be with both, then he would have to settle for the next best thing. The three of them being best friends was heaven for Jaemin and he didn’t want anything to change for the worse.

But Jaemin should’ve known that it was too good to be true — that Renjun was too pretty not to attract any other guy’s attention. 

When Renjun went out on dates, Jaemin felt like he was going to lose his mind with jealousy. He was with Jeno, but he couldn’t stop thinking about whether Renjun kissed the guy he was on the date with or whether the guy had the privilege of holding his Injunnie’s hand. He couldn’t bear the thought of anyone corrupting his precious little Injunnie.

Like a creep, he planned to spy on Renjun’s dates by asking Jeno on a date at the same time. It was easy to know where Renjun would be because Chenle couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Jeno didn’t have a clue but found it a funny coincidence that they would see Renjun during all three of his dates. But they weren’t coincidences — they were fruits of Jaemin’s selfishness. 

He didn’t tell Jeno, but he saw that guy hugged Renjun outside of their building when he was about to buy something at a convenience store nearby. He didn’t even step out of the building and had walked right back to the elevator in an effort to calm his jealous heart. Although he could’ve sworn the guy had looked at him from Renjun’s back, he shrugged it off a trick of the lights and his own emotional state. He had told Jeno later that he changed his mind. 

When Renjun arrived, Jaemin had casually asked the older boy how his date went, secretly hoping that Renjun would say it was bad. When Renjun said it didn’t work out, Jaemin silently rejoiced with his whole heart. 

Jaemin continued to be selfish by always seeking out Renjun’s company and keeping both Jeno and Renjun close to him. For a moment, Jaemin was ecstatic when Renjun stopped going out on dates — which was good because Jaemin didn’t know what he would do to keep Renjun away from those guys.

But one day, Donghyuck had asked him and Jeno about Renjun. Up until then, Jaemin had managed to brush the topic off by being sly — neither denying or confirming anything. And Jeno seemed to be doing the same too. That was until Jeno had firmly denied having feelings for Renjun. 

It was like a reality slap for Jaemin — sending him out of his fantasy world. He was reminded once again that he couldn’t have both Renjun and Jeno. He needed to choose one.

But why should he need to choose? Why can’t he have both?

Perhaps the biggest act of false selflessness Jaemin did was when he offered that he could share Jeno with Renjun. Both boys had thought he was being selfless again. But the truth was that he was doing that for himself. If Renjun loved Jeno, then it would be easier for Jaemin to keep Renjun close. Even if Renjun didn’t love Jaemin, at least there’s Jeno who could hold them together. 

Imagine how Jaemin’s heart soared when Renjun said he loved Jaemin too. That was it — the fantasy Jaemin had craved. It was becoming real! Had his selfishness paid off? Would he finally be happy with both boys he loved? 

However, the look of agony and pain in Renjun’s face the night he kissed the older boy made him step back. It was ironic that Renjun would be the one to remind him that Jeno didn’t feel the same way — that he needed to think of Jeno, his boyfriend! 

Jeno who had listened to his own boyfriend talked about how much he loved another boy…. Jaemin didn’t even consider how Jeno would feel! He had just kissed Renjun and forgot about how Jeno would react. 

And Renjun… Renjun didn’t want anything to do with their relationship! Jaemin had been so caught up with his own desires that he failed to consider what Renjun wanted. In the end, he had hurt Renjun.

Everything was a mess! And it had all stemmed out from Jaemin’s selfish acts. Jaemin had caused so much hurt to both people he tried to selfishly keep to himself.

So Jaemin decided that it was time to be selfless. He needed to let Renjun go and do his own thing — to allow him to find his own happiness without him. It would hurt so much, but Jaemin was done trapping Renjun into his web of deceit and lies. 

Jaemin didn’t choose Jeno like he said he did. No! Rather, he chose to respect what Renjun had decided. If he would continue being selfish by forcing Renjun into their relationship, then things wouldn’t go well. Jeno didn’t feel the same way, so it was not as easy as Jaemin would like it to be. 

Jaemin was done being selfish. For the first time in a long time, he chose to put both Jeno’s and Renjun’s interests above his own. Jeno deserved a loyal boyfriend and Renjun deserved to be happy and free. 

Jaemin had the chance to make up for his selfish actions, so he took the chance.

“Hyung, you’re an idiot, you know?”

Jaemin glared at Jisung who just smiled unapologetically at him.

“Tell me something I don’t know, Park Jisung,” Jaemin said sarcastically, head still on the table in defeat.

He and Jisung decided to go out for old time’s sake — also, for Jaemin to vent out his feelings. Surprisingly, Jisung proved to be a very good listener if you look beyond the subtle insults and borderline rude side-comments.

Jisung laughed and replied, “You know, it’s funny because that’s exactly how Renjun-hyung looked when he asked us what he should do to get over you both.” 

Jaemin lifted his head and glared accusingly at Jisung, “I still couldn’t believe you didn’t tell me he had feelings for us. It could’ve saved us from a lot of heartaches.”

Jisung shrugged and replied, “It wouldn’t be fair if I tell you and won’t tell Renjun-hyung you have feelings for him too. It was only right that you both didn’t know.” 

Jaemin let out of a sound of protest and disbelief. 

“Plus, it was fun to watch things unfold,” Jisung smirked.

“You little!” Jaemin was about to strangle Jisung, but the maknae leaned back from his reach.

“You gotta admit, Hyung,” Jisung said while holding both of Jaemin’s arms to prevent the older boy from strangling him, “You three are all idiots.”

Jaemin sighed and pulled his hand back and crossed them in front of his chest. 

“And now you’re telling me that you would just let Renjun-hyung go like that without telling him how you feel?” Jisung continued. “That’s bound to backfire one way or another, Hyung.”

“Then what do you suggest we should do, Socrates?” Jaemin said, getting impatient.

“Sit down and actually talk about what you feel — all three of you,” Jisung stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“We already did,” Jaemin stubbornly argued. 

“Without lies and pretenses this time,” Jisung pointed out. “That’s the problem with you three. You talk about the issue but keep something to yourselves. You keep on going back and forth because you’re not being honest with each other and yourselves. For once, just lay it all out in the open so that you’ll resolve the issue. Not like this, Hyung. You’re only making things more complicated.”

Jaemin just sat there, speechless at what Jisung had said. When did their maknae grow up? 

“Hyuck was right,” Jaemin said, “You did become wiser.”

“That’s because I’m surrounded by idiots who can’t address their feelings with each other,” Jisung simply stated.

“You know, we’re still older than you,” Jaemin warned.

“Then act like it!” Jisung snapped. “Be mature and talk to Renjun-hyung and Jeno-hyung again!”

Jaemin shook his head in disagreement and replied, “I couldn’t do that to them, Sungie. I’m done being selfish. Injunnie deserves better and I need to be a better boyfriend for Jeno.”

It was Jisung’s turn to shake his head and said, “You are stupid. You have the chance to make things right and you’re choosing to let this go.”

“But this is the right thing to do, Sungie,” Jaemin insisted. “I need to sacrifice my own feelings for the three of us.”

Jisung let out of a sigh of frustration and replied, “Suit yourself. But if this backfires, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”

Yes, Jaemin was done being selfish. He was doing the right thing from now on. 

But was he really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to clearing up Jaemin's side of the story. I thought this wouldn't be long so I originally planned more events for this chapter, but I guess this would suffice as a separate chapter. 
> 
> Did you notice the slight nod to the events in the previous chapter? This chapter is sort of like the thread that binds those events together — the missing piece of the puzzle. And I had assigned Norenmin to their own adjectives to chapters dedicated to them: Renjun-Pathetic, Jeno-Coward, and Jaemin-Selfish. Let's see how they would redeem themselves.
> 
> Tag yourself: I'm Jisung. Norenmin are idiots, I know. But the ball is rolling now. Expect major events for the next chapters and maybe some changes in dynamics. Just hold on tight, we're about to go there.
> 
> So what do you think? Let me know in the comment sections.


	10. Win His Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. This was supposed to be posted yesterday but I fell asleep. LMAO

Renjun felt so free. 

He felt a lot lighter than he had ever been in a long time. And though he was still not one hundred percent happy, he now knew that he could recover and that things were looking up.

He had to give his members credit. If he had done this earlier — confessed to Jeno and Jaemin, like what Jisung had been telling him from the start — then things would’ve been a lot easier. But even though he had been through a lot of heartaches and pain, he was still thankful that things happened the way they did. 

For starters, it was clear to him now how Jeno and Jaemin felt. Although he didn’t get to live his fantasies in the end, he was still grateful to have kept his best friends. 

Speaking of Jeno and Jaemin, they had been so wonderful and understanding. Renjun shouldn’t have been so scared of their reaction. They were very thoughtful and considerate as always that Renjun felt ashamed of himself for thinking the worst of them.

Currently, things were almost back to normal — minus his two best friends’ touchy tendencies and the subtle flirtings. Although Renjun thinks he was going to miss that, he was also sure he could live without that too. The space the boys had given to him had been so helpful for him to take a step back and look at things objectively. 

Clearing things up between the three of them was also very helpful in drawing boundaries on what they should or shouldn’t do. For instance, Jaemin didn’t pry on why he’s been going home late these days or why he was so busy with his phone. 

This brought Renjun to another thing he was grateful for. 

It turned out that freeing his heart from his unrequited love also gave him the freedom to make room for someone else. Now that he felt that he was free from the guilt and the pain, Renjun found it much easier to entertain thoughts about a certain someone he had been close to lately.

Renjun had denied himself from thinking about it for so long. But now that his secrets were out in the open and he had tied loose ends, he felt that he was indeed ready to move on to the next chapter of his life. 

Back then, he had imagined that moving on would be just between Renjun and himself — with no other potential romance on the horizon. But Renjun guessed it was fate’s funny way of putting things into place. In a way, his unfruitful pining over Jeno and Jaemin and his subsequent — and embarrassing — breakdown due to his heartbreak had brought him closer to someone he wouldn’t even think he’d get close to. In his worst moments, he had found someone who had journeyed with him and shared his pain — someone who didn’t get tired of listening to him and never once judged him for being a mess.

Lei was a gem — an angel that had arrived just in time to save Renjun from himself. Lei’s arrival in his life was both the wrong and perfect timing. When he first met Lei, he wasn’t the best version of himself. He was broken and was full of bitterness and pain. But somehow, Lei was the one who kept him whole. Renjun was sure he wouldn’t be able to keep his sanity if it wasn’t for the distraction Lei had provided.

Renjun wasn’t dumb. He knew that his friendship with Lei had somehow shifted into something more especially with the way Lei had been subtly giving him hints. He appreciated that Lei had respected his current situation, though. The older boy knew he wasn’t ready and he appreciated that Lei didn’t pressure him.

Now that Renjun had all the freedom to reconsider his feelings, he had been seeing Lei in a different light. 

Renjun had caught himself looking forward to his time with Lei. Suddenly, he couldn’t ignore the way his heart skipped a beat whenever he received a message from Lei. Talking with Lei felt like it was just the two of them in the room that Renjun felt like he had lost sense of time. Watching Lei smile or laugh made Renjun feel warm all over. Even the thought of Lei sent shivers down his spine and the familiar fluttering of his stomach.

But Renjun wasn’t the only one who noticed the changes in him.

“If you smile any wider than that, you’d give Pennywise a run for his money.”

Renjun had never pulled on a straight face as abruptly as he did when he heard a pest name Lee Donghyuck commented beside him. 

They were back in the practice room and they were having a 10-minute break when Renjun decided to check his phone for messages. As expected, the first message he saw was one of Lei’s which was a ridiculous story about some Greek mythology the other guy had crossed into. It was enough to make him smile, but what made him grin wider was the last sentence.

“They said Aphrodite is the most beautiful goddess but they clearly haven’t seen you.”

Renjun had rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop his grin from forming and red tints appearing on his cheeks. While Lei was a smooth talker, he was also very cheesy that could rival Jaemin’s cheesy ass.

He was about to reply when he received another message.

“If that flopped, it was Guozhen’s idea,” the message had said — referring to their regular guest for the radio.

Renjun couldn’t help but let out of a small giggle at that. 

And that’s how Donghyuck found him — sitting on the floor, his back against the mirror, and his eyes glued to his phone.

“Who’s that you’re texting?” Donghyuck had asked and moved to peek at Renjun’s phone screen. But Renjun was quick to put his phone away from Donghyuck’s line of sight.

Donghyuck frowned but didn’t budge. It only made him more suspicious and determined.

“What are you so defensive about?” Donghyuck teased, a sly smirked in his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Renjun had denied, trying to keep a straight face.

Suddenly, Renjun’s phone rang and in reflex, he almost answered the phone right then and there before he realized that it was dangerous to answer his phone with Donghyuck there. In a flash, he moved to reject the call. But he was too slow because Donghyuck had already seen the name displayed on his phone screen.

“Who’s Lamppost Lei-ge?” Donghyuck had asked not so quietly. “You saved it with a heart in the end too.”

Renjun internally cursed. It was an inside joke he and Lei had. Renjun had shared with the older boy that his tagline was “the one who lights up the world” and Lei had blurted out, “Like a lampost?”

Renjun thought it was hilarious. Lei had stuck with the nickname since, claiming that he was indeed the lampost because he was much taller than Renjun. And Renjun, according to Lei, was the light the lamp post held. Lei had even gone as far as saving his own number in Renjun’s phone — thus, the heart emojis. Not that Renjun had bothered to change it,

“Ohhhhh,” Donghyuck looked like he was having a sudden realization. “Was this the Lei guy Yuta-hyung wouldn’t shut up to Mark-hyung about? Yuta-hyung had been bugging Mark-hyung to check on ‘Lei’. I didn’t know he was your Lei,” he said teasingly.

“He’s not ‘my’ Lei,” Renjun said defensively. “He’s just Lei — my friend.”

But Donghyuck didn’t look convinced at all. The younger boy eyed him with a sly smirk which didn’t help his nerves at all.

“Is that why you’re going on a date with him?” Donghyuck teased.

“It’s not a date!” Renjun exclaimed, exasperated. 

“So you really are going somewhere?” Dongyuck said triumphantly and Renjun felt his cheeks reddened.

Donghyuck, this manipulative bastard!

Renjun opted not to respond because he knew he just got caught. But Donghyuck wouldn’t let him live even if it’s the last thing that kid would do.

“Awwwww…. Our Injunnie’s shy! Come here, Injunnie! Look at you all grown-up and getting yourself a boyfriend! I’m so proud of you!” Dongyuck said while smoldering Renjun.

“Get away from me, you freak!” Renjun protested, holding Donghyuck’s face away from his in an effort to keep the younger boy away from him.

“You wouldn’t let me kiss you but let your boyfriend do it!” It seemed like Donghyuck wasn’t giving up.

“We’re not boyfriends!” At this point, Renjun was yelling in frustration.

At this point, they had caught the attention of the rest of the members with the two maknaes laughing at Renjun’s misery and Mark face-palming.

“Leave him alone, Hyuck!” Mark finally decided to intervene.

But Donghyuck had already successfully wrapped his arms around Renjun and stubbornly pouted. “No! I’m not ready to let go of my son yet!” he declared, glaring at Mark while still hugging Renjun.

Renjun sighed and decided to stop his pointless struggling. 

“I might no longer be able to do this when his boyfriend arrives,” Donghyuck stubbornly added.

“For the last time! He’s not my boyfriend!” Renjun yelled. But what was the point if Dongyhyuck refused to listen.

“Yet,” it was Jisung who pointed it out. 

“Goodness, Jisung! Not you too!” Renjun groaned in frustration.

Jisung chuckled while Chenle was in full-blown laughter at this point.

“You ain’t as slick as you like to believe, Hyung,” Jisung teased. “A little advice — if you want to keep something a secret, don’t use his picture as your phone background.” 

“That was one time!” Renjun argued. Lei had hacked his phone once and used their selfie picture as his phone background. He didn’t even notice until he came home and Jisung had somehow gotten control of his phone.

Chenle’s boisterous laughter was taking over the room now and Renjun just let out a sigh of defeat.

Frankly, Renjun didn’t want to share Lei with the other members for now. He didn’t know why he was being secretive, but he liked the idea that he could have Lei for himself for now — away from the prying and annoying eyes of his members. But Renjun should’ve known there was no such thing as private in NCT.

In defeat, he just leaned back and let his members have fun with his predicament. 

“So if you put your selca with someone as your wallpaper, it means he’s your love interest?” Donghyuck suddenly asked thoughtfully.

Renjun could feel the gears turning inside Donghyuck’s head and prepared himself for what the other boy was going to say next.

“Park Jisung, it’s that why you have a picture of you and Chenle saved as your wallpaper?” Donghyuck teased and Jisung’s cheeks reddened.

Chenle whipped his head towards Jisung while Mark just lowered his head to hide a smile.

“I...I—,” poor Jisung was stuttering very badly. “I… I just love our background, okay?” he finally said, but his blush gave him away.

Donghyuck snickered and Renjun couldn’t help but let out of a giggle of amusement.

“Aish! Why are you all being so weird,” Jisung tried to shrug them off but Donghyuck had found another prey now — much to Renjun’s relief. Now, he could reply to Lei peacefully.

Across the room, two people were watching the chaos happening in front of them very intently.

Jeno had his arm around Jaemin who rested his head on Jeno’s chest. They can perfectly hear what their members were talking about and he knew it involved Renjun’s relationship status with Lei.

He suddenly found it a little difficult to breathe as he felt a heavy weight on his chest. And no — it wasn’t Jaemin.

Jaemin seemed to take notice and looked up questioningly at Jeno who just shook his head and whispered that he’s okay.

With a sigh, Jaemin laid his head back against Jeno’s chest and went back to staring sadly at Renjun. He wanted to protest and get Renjun back in his arms as soon as possible. He was so jealous that Lei could get so close to Renjun and could make him smile so easily while he and Jeno had caused him pain. He wanted to scream and tell them that Renjun’s only his and Jeno’s. 

But Renjun wasn’t theirs. Because even if he kept his distance, he could see it very clearly — Renjun was falling for someone who’s not him or Jeno. And Jaemin could do nothing but watch the other guy he’s so in love with slip away from them.

Feeling the pain in his chest, Jaemin sighed and took out his phone. He typed the password and his lock screen — a picture of him and Jeno — changed into his wallpaper. He looked at his screen longingly. It was a picture of him, Jeno, and Renjun that was taken during their Japan amusement park escapade.

“This definitely looked better in the movies,” Lei commented that made Renjun chuckle.

They were on top of Lei’s car because the older guy suddenly had an impulsive idea to go stargazing. So they drove on a hill and climbed on top of Lei’s car like in the movies. 

At first, Renjun thought Lei was kidding, so he hesitated climbing on the car. But Lei offered his back as leverage and Renjun realized he wasn’t kidding. Even though the idea was quite absurd, Renjun thought it was quite romantic… except for the fact that they forgot to wear an extra layer of coat and it was a bit cloudy to see much of the stars.

“At least we bought snacks,” Renjun replied, tossing a bag of chips to Lei.

“Yes, it’s quite a picnic,” Lei said sarcastically but opened the bag anyway and ate.

Renjun rolled his eyes and laughed. He then leaned back and used his hands as support. “What made you want to do stargazing anyway?”

Lei shrugged, offered chips to Renjun in which the latter took, and replied, “I thought it’d be nice to get away from the busy streets for a while.” He then took some chips and munched on them. “Plus, I thought it’d be romantic.”

Renjun threw his head back in laughter and said amusedly, “You recently saw a movie with this scene, didn’t you?”

“That too,” Lei mumbled guiltily which only fueled Renjun’s laughter. Upon hearing Renjun laugh, Lei couldn’t help but laugh at their situation too.

When their laughter dwindled, Renjun noticed that Lei had been staring at him intently. The thought made him blush slightly.

“Is there something on my face?” Renjun asked and touched his cheeks in an attempt to cover his blush.

Lei smiled softly and shook his head. “No,” he replied, “I just think you really look beautiful when you’re laughing or when you’re smiling sincerely. Your eyes seem to light up and hold a thousand stars… more than what we can see tonight.”

If Renjun wasn’t blushing before, then he certainly was now. Lei’s words just warmed his heart in a very good way.

“I love seeing you like this,” Lei continued, “So carefree and happy. It makes me think that you really have moved on from your pain.” Then, he faced Renjun and looked at the younger boy intently, “Well, have you?”

It took a while for Renjun to answer. But he knew that deep down, he already had the answer. He had been thinking about the exact same thing in the last week. 

“Yes,” Renjun finally answered, “I think I am really happy now.”

Lei smiled and reached for Renjun’s cheek, placing his palm gently and cupping Renjun’s face, “Then, are you ready to let me in?”

It was a bold declaration — something that they never really talked about but was always there on the surface. The subtle flirting, the dates, the subtle touches — all of them were forms of silent communication between them. So Renjun wasn’t really surprised that this moment had come. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

But was he ready for this?

“Lei,” Renjun let out of a deep breath and placed his hand over Lei’s that was cupping his cheek, “I’m not blind. And I can definitely feel that something’s going on between us. I really feel something for you but….” he took another breath, “but can you wait a little bit more for me?” 

Renjun stared back at Lei who took more than a second to answer. Panicking a little, Renjun added, “I mean, you don’t have to. But if you want, then —”.

“Jun,” Lei interrupted, softly smiling at him. “It’s fine with me. I waited for you to mend your broken heart. I waited while you cry about other men. And I know that you might not be ready considering that it has not been long since you settled things with Jeno and Jaemin. So I understand, Jun. I really do. I’m more than willing to wait for you — anything to win your heart. ”

Renjun’s eyes started to water at Lei’s declaration. He can really feel the sincerity from the older boy and he couldn’t help but thank his lucky star for letting him meet a man so understanding.

“Thank you,” Renjun whispered, “I promise I’ll get there soonest.”

And even though the air was a bit chilly that night, Renjun’s heart was filled with so much warmth and happiness.

“Okay, listen up!” Mark yelled over Jisung and Chenle fighting for the last piece of pizza. “Who’s gonna choose the movie we’re watching?” 

“I know!” Chenle exclaimed, suddenly abandoning the last piece of pizza to Jisung who let out of a triumphant yell. “Let’s play for it.”

Renjun rolled his eyes and said, “Chenle, if your idea is to decide by playing rock-paper-scissors, then I’m out.” He then mumbled, “I always lose in them, anyway.”

The little pout he did almost made Jaemin coo at him before the younger realized that he couldn’t do that anymore. The thought just made him sad and did his own pout.

As if sensing what Jaemin was thinking, Jeno wrapped his arm around Jaemin reassuringly and the younger relaxed at his boyfriend’s touch. Lately, Jeno had been more attentive to his body language and especially his reaction to Renjun. Even though he still felt guilty at still harboring feelings for Renjun, Jaemin was grateful that Jeno understood. In fact, Jeno wasn’t mad at all. It made Jaemin want to dedicate all his love to Jeno — even the ones he reserved for Renjun. But his heart just wouldn’t cooperate. It got harder and harder as days went by.

Jaemin knew he shouldn’t feel it, but he missed Renjun which was very ironic because Renjun was literally in front of him at the moment. He missed hugging the smaller guy and showering him with affections which he enjoyed doing when things were still the way they were before. He missed hanging out with Renjun — having the freedom to be intimate with the Chinese under the guise of being best friends. 

But he knew it wouldn’t happen again. Things were a lot different now that although they could interact normally now, it just wasn’t the same for Jaemin. And every day, he felt as if he was losing a piece of his heart along the way as Renjun drifts further and further away from him.

On some days, he couldn’t help but question the choices he made. He knew he had to stick to his decisions, but sometimes, he wished he didn’t. He couldn’t help but think of the “What if’s”.

What if he decided to be selfish one more time? Would he have Renjun by his side now? What if he fought for Renjun and made Jeno believe that they could work it out? It wouldn’t be that hard since Jeno had feelings for Renjun in the past.

So many “What if’s”, but Jaemin knew he shouldn’t be dwelling on those thoughts now. He had made a choice and it was too late to turn back.

Lost in his thoughts, he Jaemin didn’t realize that he had been staring at Renjun for too long until he felt Jeno’s breath beside his ear as the older boy whispered to him, “You’re staring too long, babe.”

Feeling the tint on his cheek, Jaemin shook his head a little to compose himself and whispered back, “Right. I’m sorry.”

Jeno just gave out a soft chuckle and replied, “No, it’s cute. But we promised him.”

And Jaemin nodded in understanding. He then looked at the other members again and his eyes met Donghyuck’s who was already staring at him with an eyebrow raised. It was as if Dongyuck was telling him, “I know something’s up with you.” But Jaemin just avoided the other boy’s gaze and stared at the floor in front of him.

All the members were gathered in Dream’s living room that night in one of their occasional slumber parties. Mark had suggested they all eat dinner outside but none of the other members were in the mood to go out. That resulted in all seven of them in their pajamas and eating pizza, getting ready to watch movies until late in the night.

“Alright, I’ll choose!” Mark decided which caused everyone to groan.

“Hyung you’re just gonna put in Spiderman: Far From Home! We’ve watched that a dozen times already!” Jisung complained.

“Yeah, Hyung,” Chenle agreed, “No matter how many times you watch that, you would never be Spiderman.”

Mark frowned and said, “Gee, thanks, guys!”

“Why don’t we ditch the movie and play games instead,” Donghyuck suddenly suggested and got the attention of his members. “There are no good movies out recently, anyway.”

“Hey! The new Marvel movie is gonna come out next week and I’m so hyped up for that!” Chenle argued.

“Well, it’s still not available, isn’t it?” Donghyuck pointed out. “So we can’t watch that.”

Chenle pouted which caused Jisung to say, “Awwwww don’t worry, Lele. I’ll watch it with you.”

“Whipped,” Donhyuck faked-cough and earned a glare from Jisung which didn’t do a great job of threatening him.

“As I was saying,” Donghyuck continued, “let’s play games instead. That’d be more interesting. Right, Junnie?”

“What?” Renjun answered, a little distracted. He was replying to Lei’s text then.

Donghyuck sighed and said, “I know young love could be very overwhelming, but can we please focus here?” 

“Right, sorry!” Renjun replied and put his phone away. 

“Just to be sure… Sungie, confiscate his phone!” Donghyuck said, ordering Jisung.

“What? Why?” Renjun protested. “I promise I won’t take it out again.”

Donghyuck shook his head firmly and extended his hand out. “Nope. Hand it over.”

Renjun sighed. He knew there was no use arguing with Donghyuck. So he just handed his phone over peacefully.

Donghyuck smiled and placed Renjun’s phone on the table that was pushed aside. 

“Alright, what do you have planned for us, oh great one,” Renjun said to Donghyuck sarcastically, still a bit bitter.

“We’re going to play and exciting game of Truth or Dare!” Donghyuck exclaimed, clapping his hands once in an effort to be enthusiastic.

Renjun snorted, “That’s your idea of a fun game?”

“Well, do you have another idea, pure boy?” Donghyuck challenged.

Renjun tried to control his laughter and made a zip and lock gesture with his mouth — signaling that he would shut up.

“That’s what I thought,” Donghyuck said triumphantly. “Everyone, sit in a circle.”

The room suddenly became noisy with all members shuffling around and finding their spot on the floor. Donghyuck went to the kitchen and grabbed an empty bottle and returned to the members who were already seated in a circle.

“Alright, let’s start,” Donghyuck said, sitting down and getting ready to spin the bottle.

“Why can’t I spin it first?” Chenle protested.

“Because I’m the game master,” Dongyuck answered. 

“Says who?” Chenle challenged.

“Says me,” Donghyuck said with finality and moved to spin the bottle. Everyone watched as it slowed down. And in an interesting twist of fate, the bottle landed on Donghyuck himself which caused a round of laughter.

“Karma, bitch,” Renjun laughed and Donghyuck glared at him

And that was how Donghyuck ended up calling Doyoung to confess that he killed the older boy’s cactus plant by watering it too much. Doyoung coursed at him, as expected, but at least Donghyuck had inserted “I love you” at the end.

A few more rounds of embarrassing dare later (because no one was brave enough to choose truth), the bottle finally landed on Renjun.

“Finally!” Donghyuck had exclaimed. 

“Truth,” Renjun immediately said before anyone could ask him.

“Awww! You’re so boring,” Donghyuck complained. “Come on! Even Jeno chose dare!”

“Last time I checked, I was the one choosing,” Renjun pointed out and Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

“Oh, I know what to ask!” Chenle said — perhaps a little too eagerly. “Tell us about your first kiss.”

Renjun froze. He was expecting embarrassing questions but he wasn’t expecting that particular question.

Praying that he wasn’t blushing, he attempted to act nonchalantly and said, “Pfff! That’s an easy one. Aren’t there other questions more challenging than that?”

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you answer it,” Chenle said, smirking.

No one — save for Jeno and Jaemin — actually knew about his kiss with Jeno. And Renjun was afraid he’d open up healed wounds if this topic was to be mentioned again. Also, the mention of kiss made him think about the kiss he shared with Jaemin. Jeno was his first kiss, but it had been accidental. Jaemin was his first real kiss. If you look at it that way — both of them had been his first, somehow.

He suddenly felt so awkward that he couldn’t look at Jeno and Jaemin’s general direction. This frustrated him a bit because he was under the impression that he was past the awkward stage already.

“It must be juicy if you couldn’t answer right away,” Donghyuck said teasingly which pulled Renjun out of his thoughts.

“It wasn’t,” Renjun said defensively. “I was just trying to recall because I couldn’t remember,” he lied smoothly. And he didn’t know how, but he could feel the weight of a piercing gaze on him, but he chose to ignore the sensation.

“Go on then. Tell us,” Donghyuck challenged, leaning back smugly.

“It was,” Renjun tried not to stutter. “It was with a friend — a childhood friend,” he clarified.

“Come on, you need to tell us more than that,” Donghyuck complained.

“We were playing and I slipped,” Renjun said quickly. It was somehow similar to his real first kiss.

“That’s it? You gave your first kiss because you slipped?” Mark asked, not believing the story, and Renjun panicked.

“That’s not just it,” Renjun tried to quickly come up of a more interesting story to get his members off his back, “I was curious how it would feel like, so my friend volunteered to try it with me. But I got so nervous that I slipped.” 

There was a slight pause until he heard his members laughing. 

“Hyung, that’s so….” Jisung said between laughter, “unfortunate.”

Donghyuck was holding his stomach from too much laughter and said, “I would pay to see that one!”

Renjun faked a laugh — really just grateful he got off the hook. For a brief moment, he looked up and caught Jeno staring directly at him, as if telling him something with his eyes. Jeno’s gaze was so intense that Renjun had to look away. Beside Jeno was Jaemin who was smiling, but Renjun noted that it didn’t reach the younger’s eyes. For whatever reasons, Renjun didn’t know nor did he want to find out.

“This is boring, let’s play something else,” Jaemin suddenly suggested. “I have Uno cards in my room.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Donghyuck whined and Jaemin rolled his eyes.

“Truth or dare was your idea,” Jaemin pointed out.

“I was running out of ideas,” Donghyuk admitted.

So they played Uno until they were too sleepy to continue. One by one, they retired into their rooms except for Mark who took the couch again. Donghyuck would sleep in Renjun’s room this time.

Everyone was already asleep except for Jeno and Renjun who lost the game of rock-paper-scissors and had to clean up the mess they had made.

Jeno was washing the dishes and Renjun was cleaning the counter when Jeno suddenly spoke.

“You said I was your first kiss,” Jeno had casually said that Renjun almost let go of the glasses he was returning to their place. 

“Don’t scare me like that,” Renjun grumbled and Jeno chuckled amusedly.

“Sorry,” Jeno mumbled fondly, a grin still plastered on his face. “Well?” he added expectantly.

Renjun shrugged. “Well, I figured out it would be awkward if we mention that to everyone, so I lied,” he tried to say nonchalantly. “ It wasn’t a big deal anyway,” he added.

Jeno seemed to be quiet for a while — deep in thoughts — before speaking again.

“It was a big deal for me,” Jeno said quietly.

Renjun whipped his head to look at Jeno who had his gaze glued to the sink. 

“I fell for you that time, you know,” Jeno added, still not looking at Renjun. “It was funny, really,” he added, placed the last of the dishes in their place and removed the gloves. He then faced Renjun and walked closer to the smaller boy. “I caught you when you fell but you didn’t catch me when I fell for you,” he said, and a look of what Renjun could identify as hurt flashed briefly in Jeno’s face. But it was so fast that Renjun could’ve passed it as a trick of the light.

And with that, Jeno left the kitchen without waiting for Renjun’s response. It’s not like Renjun knew how to respond either as he was still bewildered at what Jeno had just confessed.

A week had passed since the slumber party, and Renjun chose to ignore his conversation with Jeno. Jeno seemed to have been doing the same thing too considering that the conversation wasn’t mentioned again.

Things quickly got to normal and Renjun was thankful that it didn’t go back to an awkward stage like he feared it would. Jeno and Jaemin had been so cool about things that Renjun was slowly hanging out with them again. It was a progress that Renjun was thrilled to be taking.

They were at the movie theaters because they promised Chenle that they would watch the new Marvel movie with him. It was just supposed to be Chenle and Jisung, but Renjun decided that he wanted to watch the movie too. Jeno then suggested that they should just all watch together to make it more fun.

So they bought tickets online as reservations because the movie was quite popular causing tickets to sell out almost every time. Also, they needed to choose a schedule that wouldn’t be too crowded for privacy and security purposes. 

All things were set when at the last minute, Chenle and Jisung couldn’t attend. Their episode for “This and That” was rescheduled earlier due to the unavailability of their filming location for a later date. 

Renjun suggested that they should just postpone watching the movie, but they couldn’t get a refund for the ticket because the rules suggest that changes should be made at least the day before the showing date. The three had no choice but to push through with plans.

“It’s okay, Hyung. You could just watch it without us,” Jisung had reassured. “Chenle and I could go some other time.”

“It’s such a bummer we couldn’t get a refund, though,” Chenle pouted. “No spoilers, please.”

“That’s rich coming from you,” Renjun teased.

And that’s how Renjun ended up sitting in between Jeno and Jaemin inside the movie theater. Jeno had claimed that Jaemin would just ask him about the movie which would distract him from concentrating on the actual movie. Thus, he needed to get away from Jaemin.

Renjun found this amusing because it was their normal sitting arrangement whenever to watch movies before. Renjun was always in the middle because he can ignore Jaemin’s annoying tendencies or would just throw a glare to silence the other boy.

“Looks like I’m back third-wheeling again,” Renjun had joked mindlessly earlier.

Jaemin frowned and answered seriously, “I mean, if you’re not comfortable, we could rearrange.”

Renjun’s eyes widened and quickly shook his head. “Nana, I was just joking. I’m sorry.”

Renjun wanted to hit himself for touching a sensitive topic. However, he was also proud of himself that he could talk about it freely now without being hurt or bitter.

Suddenly, Jaemin was looking at him weirdly.

“What?’ Renjun asked, confused.

Jaemin just smiled and shook his head. “Nothing. It just felt that it’s been a while since you called me Nana. I missed it.”

Renjun smiled but said nothing.

When the movie ended, the three decided to go to buy ice cream at a convenience store near their building. Renjun was glad that things weren’t awkward between them and he could already joke around with them like he did before. That’s when Renjun decided that he had indeed moved on from them already. 

They were riding the elevator to their floor when Jeno suddenly asked him something again.

“Injunnie?” Jeno asked — his voice a little husky from sleepiness. It was already late at night.

“Hmmm?” Renjun had replied, also getting sleepy himself.

“Are we okay now?” Jeno asked, causing Renjun to turn and stare at him.

“What do you mean? Of course, we’re okay,” Renjun replied.

“What I mean is that have you really moved on from us?” Jeno asked a little hesitantly. 

Renjun knew Jeno was a bit afraid of his reaction. So he smiled at Jeno and stared at him right in the eyes before saying, “Yes. I think I really have moved on from you.”

Renjun had expected Jeno to smile at the good news. But Jeno was just staring at him and Renjun couldn’t tell what Jeno was thinking.

It was Jaemin who answered him. “T-that’s great, Injunnie! I knew you could do it.”

Renjun turned to stare at Jaemin. The younger’s voice was unnatural to hear. It wasn’t his usual speaking tone of speaking. It was slightly high pitched and awkward — so unlike Jaemin. Jaemin had stuttered too — much to Renjun’s confusion. Jaemin rarely stuttered.

But before Renjun could think deeper about what just happened. They had already arrived on their floor.

Exhaustion had taken over Renjun as he bid the two boys goodnight and went to bed.

Renjun had been sleeping calmly, but things in Jaemin and Jeno’s room were far from calm.

“You still love him, don’t you, Jen?” Jaemin had said suddenly when they were lying down in their bed. “I see the way you look at him,” he added. “It’s the same way I look at him too.”

Jeno couldn’t hold his emotions anymore and burst out crying right there and then.

“Nana, I’m sorry,” Jeno cried. “I’m sorry I lied to you again! I really thought I got over him! I tried so hard to love only you, but I can’t lie to myself anymore!”

Jaemin turned from their spooning position and faced Jeno. He then gently cupped the older’s face with his palms. He didn’t notice his own tears streaming down his face.

“Babe, you shouldn’t be sorry for feeling that way,” Jaemin said. “Because you just made me so happy with that information.”

Jeno stopped crying for a while and stared back at Jaemin’s face. Then, realization dawned on him.

“You still haven’t given up on him, did you?” Jeno stated. But he already knew the answer even if Jaemin wouldn’t give him one.

“I understand what you mean,” Jaemin answered. “You and I — we were fools to believe that we can ignore our feelings for Injunnie. We were fools to let him go like that without a proper fight.”

Despite the situation, Jeno found it in himself to let out of a little laugh.

“I’m such a coward to not fight for him. And now I think we’ve really lost him,” Jeno said sadly. “You saw how sincere he looked when he said he had moved on already. I’m so afraid that we might have lost our chance.”

At this point, Jaemin poured out the hurt and jealousy he had been feeling in the past few days.

“Oh, Jen! It was my fault! If only I had been man enough to tell him the truth! Maybe we could’ve avoided this! Maybe he would’ve been in our arms right now! If only I had been more selfish to keep him! And now, he might finally be moving on with Lei!” At this point, Jaemin was rambling to the point of hyperventilation — tears streaming down his face.

Despite his own tears, Jeno enveloped Jaemin in a hug and said, “Shhhh, Babe. Calm down!” Although the thought of Renjun really moving on scared him too, he needed to reassure Jaemin first. “I’m sure we’ll figure something out!” And then he held Jaemin’s face between his hands and urged the younger to look into his eyes. “As long as we do this together, okay? As long as we both love Injunnie, we will fight for him this time!”

At this point, Jaemin’s eyes were very cloudy with tears.

“Oh, Jeno! What are we gonna do?” Jaemin said, still breaking down.

But Jeno didn’t answer. He just opted to hug Jaemin again because he, himself, also didn’t have the answer.

How were they going to win Renjun’s heart back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this what you were waiting for? Nomin finally pulled themselves together, but Renjun is now moving on. What will happen next? Let me know what you think in the comments section.
> 
> Also, a bit of Chensung here for side shippers. 
> 
> Again, this was supposed to be posted yesterday but I fell asleep. LMAO
> 
> Happy birthday to Lee Jeno! And did you see the track video for Puzzle Piece? I am really obsessed with it!


	11. By Your Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making you wait a little more. I had a terrible headache and I need to rest. Anyway, here it goes...

“What would I get in return?”

“Unlimited gaming access to my laptop and you could bring it to your room,” Jeno offered — somewhat desperately.

Jisung raised his brow, intrigued.

“I would cook for you whenever you asked — even at 3 am!” Jaemin added hastily.

Jisung eyed them suspiciously and replied, “Aren’t you getting a little too overboard for this?”

“We’ll deal with the consequences later,” Jaemin replied. “All you need to do is to convince Injunnie that we’d be having a movie night but Chenle called you at the last minute. That way, you would be at Chenle’s and we would have Injunnie alone here,” he explained one more time.

Jeno and Jaemin were getting desperate. They planned to talk to Renjun after both of them talked about their feelings and realized that they still love Renjun. But the said guy was so elusive nowadays. On top of that, they had music show schedules, fansigns, variety shows, and different schedules for their comeback promotions. They barely had enough time to rest already. 

After schedules, they would go home and exhaustion would immediately take over. They didn’t even talk at home. They just went to sleep immediately. There were also no opportunities to talk to Renjun with just the three of them in between schedules as they were always surrounded by a lot of their staff. 

It’s not that they weren’t trying either. They had tried to catch Renjun alone so they could talk, but the Chinese also had his own radio schedule. When they did have days that they were off, Renjun is always out with a “friend”. Although Renjun never told them who, everyone knew that he was out with Lei on off days and every after their radio schedules. 

Jeno and Jaemin were slowly losing their hope. So now that promotions were over, they jumped at the opportunity to finally talk to Renjun alone — to apologize to him and tell him that they love him so much and, hopefully, to win his heart back. They would beg on their knees if they had to.

“Why don’t you just tell him it was something important?” Jisung asked in an attempt to put logic in his hyungs’ minds.

“Because it wouldn’t be a surprise if we do that,” Jaemin answered. “After all we had done to him, Injunnie deserves a bit of a grand gesture,” he added to which Jeno nodded in agreement.

They had thought their plan through. They would convince Jisung to invite Renjun into their get-together, but Jisung would be at Chenle’s. Renjun had a radio schedule that night and they would be waiting in the dorms for him. Renjun couldn’t say no to Jisung so it would ensure Renjun’s attendance. Jeno and Jaemin would decorate the room, cook food, and make the atmosphere a little more romantic. Renjun always liked cheesy and romantic stuff, so they were going to do that for him. 

Renjun’s reaction would be very nerve-wracking for them, though. At this point, they didn’t know if Renjun would slap them or kiss them. They were hoping it would be the latter, but they weren’t very confident in that.

Jisung sighed in resignation. “I’m not sure if your plan would work, but alright. I’ll help you.”

Jeno grinned and Jaemin gasps and hugged Jisung in gratitude.

“Sungie! I knew we could count on you!” Jaemin exclaimed, enveloping Jisung in his infamous Nana-style hug.

“Ahhhh! Hyung stop or I won’t do it!” Jisung threatened, struggling to pry Jaemin’s arms away from him.

Jaemin pouted but immediately let go of Jisung.

Jeno smiled softly at Jisung and said, “Thank you! We owe you a lot for this.”

Jisung shrugged and replied, “Yes you do. But don’t thank me yet. I still don’t think it’s a great idea.”

“We’re still thankful,” Jaemin said with a wide grin.

“It took you two long enough,” Jisung commented. “I’ve been telling this dumb hyung here to just tell Renjun-hyung the truth,” he added, pointing at Jaemin who pouted again. “Did he listen to me? No! No one ever listens to me! And now look at you!” 

“I know, Jisung,” Jeno said with a sigh of defeat. “I’m sorry we were too stubborn.”

“Stubborn, blind, and idiots,” Jisung added.

“Watch it! We’re still your hyungs,” Jeno warned.

Jisung smirked and did not looked threatened at all. And then as if he suddenly remembered something, he said, “But what about Lei?”

At the mention of Lei, Jaemin frowned and Jeno let out of a long breath. 

“You know that Renjun-hyung’s been hanging out with the guy lately and we all know that they have had breached the limits of friendship,” Jisung said bluntly, assessing the reactions of the two older boys in front of him.

“We’re aware,” Jaemin answered honestly. “But it’s not like we could do something about it. Last time we intervened, we got into a big fight with Injunnie.”

Jisung couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory. It had felt like it happened so many years ago instead of a few months back. 

“You were so jealous,” Jisung teased. “You were just in denial. Especially you, Jeno-hyung.”

Jaemin chuckled while Jeno hung his head in embarrassment. Yes, he was indeed jealous at that time. But he only realized that now. He was so deep into denial that he had not recognized the ugly feeling of jealousy that bubbled inside him when he first saw Lei.

“Anyway,” Jisung added, “I wish you luck. It looks like you’d be needing it.”

Jeno and Jaemin poured their heart out into the decoration and preparation of food despite their nerves. Jisung had confirmed that Renjun said yes to the proposal of a movie night. When it was about to get dark, the maknae had left the dorm to Chenle’s house to set their plans in motion. 

Everything was set — the pretty fairy lights on the walls, the food and desert they had prepared, and even the extra pillows and blankets they have set up on the floor for an extra romantic touch. All that was missing was Renjun himself.

Jaemin couldn’t contain his nervousness. He couldn’t sit still while thinking of ways on how to confess to Renjun and apologize for what he had done. Jeno, on the other hand, handled his nerves differently. He was just quiet and just sat on the sofa. He looked so calm while scrolling through his phone save for the fact that his fingers trembled a little and his senses were a bit heightened.

Beneath their nervousness was a bit of excitement to finally be able to tell Renjun how they felt. There would be no more lies and pretenses between the three of them. And although they knew there was a huge possibility that Renjun would get angry at them or reject them, at least they wouldn’t hide anymore. They loved Renjun and they weren’t afraid to scream it to the world now.

To pass the time, they even listened to Renjun’s radio even though they didn’t understand when he would speak in Mandarin. All they knew was that Renjun’s voice was so soothing and bright that it made them even fall for him a bit more if that was even possible. Renjun laughed and it was music to their ears. Renjun sounded so happy that they chose to overlook the fact that Renjun was talking to Lei and that Lei had made their Injunnie laugh. 

Alas, the radio show came to an end and their nerves were back. They started bracing themselves by checking if they already had all things covered. That was when Jaemin’s phone beeped and a chat from Jisung flashed in the notification.

“Hyung, Renjun-hyung texted me! He said he couldn’t join us tonight! I tried convincing him, but he said it was important. I’m sorry, hyung,” the message had said. After that was a screenshot of Renjun’s conversation with Jisung.

“Jisungie, I’m sorry! Hyung couldn’t join you tonight! I need to go somewhere important. Enjoy the movie!” Renjun had said.

“Hyung, it’s been a long time since we did this! I miss hanging out with you! I would really want you to be here!” Jisung had replied.

“I’m sorry, Sungie. But Lei said it was really important. Next time, Jisung-ah. I promise,” Renjun had said.

Suddenly, Jaemin’s spirit was crushed. They had prepared so much for this night. They were so sure Renjun would be here! But all their preparation had gone down the drain!

Upon sensing Jaemin’s distress, Jeno moved closer to him and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Tears already brimming his eyes, Jaemin replied in disappointment, “Injunnie couldn’t be here.”

“What?” Jeno’s forehead furrowed as he read the message on Jaemin’s phone himself. “Oh,” he added when he finished reading. His heart dropped. He had also been looking forward to what they had planned for this night.

“Babe,” Jeno said softly when he felt that Jaemin was about to cry. “It’s okay. We still have next time,” he gently coaxed.

“Lei had overtaken us again,” Jaemin said softly. 

Jeno swallowed the hard lump in his throat and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his heart. Jaemin hadn’t said it explicitly, but the implication was clear. Lei was far ahead in the game from them. And they might be losing their chance each day they wait.

Maybe Jisung was right again. They should’ve told Renjun it was important and urgent. But they so wanted to do all these for Renjun that they were willing to put their time and effort into it. But in the end, Renjun didn’t even get to see it.

With heavy hearts and dejected soul, they quietly cleaned up and got ready for bed. It was clear that Renjun wouldn’t go home early. He never did when he was with Lei. They placed the food on the fridge and took back the blankets and the pillows. They didn’t have the heart to take down the fairy lights so they just left it. Hopefully, Renjun would still be able to see it when he gets home.

Not really in the mood anymore, Jaemin switched off his phone while Jeno had his on silent. They knew they needed some peace and quiet that night to nurse their sad hearts. Soon, the emotional exhaustion took over them and they fell asleep in each other’s arms without talking.

Next thing they knew, they were walking up to heavy pounding on their door.

“Hyung, open up!” 

Jeno groaned when he heard Jisung knocking. He turned and reached for his alarm. It was quite early in the morning. His movements seemed to wake Jaemin from his slumber too. 

"Hyung! Jaemin-hyung! Jeno-hyung," Jisung's voice intensified. 

Grumbling, Jeno got up to open the door with Jaemin following sleepily behind him. 

"Jisung, I swear to God! What are you so loud early in the morning?" Jeno said as soon as he yanked the door open and caught Jisung in mid-knock. 

"You weren't answering your phones," Jisung replied, quite worriedly. 

"We were asleep!" It was Jaemin who retorted. 

"Well, obviously!" Jisung pointed out. "Otherwise you would've been in distress by now," he said wearily. 

"What do you mean?" Jaemin asked, confused. He turned to look at Jeno who was wearing the same expression. 

Jisung took a deep breath before replying. "Read the group chat, Hyung!" 

Still not getting what Jisung was trying to say, Jeno and Jaemin went to retrieve their phones with the youngest following them inside their room. 

Jaemin turned on this phone and it blared with notifications as soon as it hummed to life. Jeno, on the other hand, noticed that the group chat had been busy the night before. 

Both of them opened the group chat and scrolled up until they reached the start of the conversation last night 

Renjun had sent a picture with himself and Lei. He then said something below the picture. 

"I'm telling you this now so that you wouldn't hear this from anyone else. Yes. He's my boyfriend now and I hope you'd get to know him soon."

Below were the congratulatory messages from their members and Donghyuck threatening to ground Renjun if he wouldn’t introduce Lei to them.

Jaemin's heart sank at what he had read. It was game over for them. Renjun wasn't theirs anymore. He felt the sting in his eyes and the shallow intake of his breath. He turned his head to look at Jeno who was strangely unmoving — his thumb ghosting over the screen of his phone. But Jaemin could see the hurt in Jeno’s eyes for the older’s eyes reflected the pain in his own. 

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Jisung said softly while looking at his two hyungs in pity.

Breakfast was a very awkward affair — at least for Jisung. Renjun looked dazed and couldn’t stop talking about the events of last night while Jeno sat in silence and Jaemin was trying to respond enthusiastically but drastically failing. But Renjun was too deep in his giddiness and lovesick state that he hadn’t noticed the half-hearted responses of the two people who secretly loves him.

“When are you free? Lei wanted us to have dinner,” Renjun inquired while looking hopefully at his three members.

Sensing that Jeno and Jaemin wouldn’t answer, Jisung cleared his throat and replied, “Whenever’s fine, hyung,” He smiled at Renjun.

While Jisung was genuinely happy for Renjun, he couldn’t help but feel sad for Jeno and Jaemin. But he had seen this coming. Jisung felt awful for feeling that way, but the two had that one coming. They could’ve avoided such a mess if they were honest with themselves from the very beginning. The three of them were obviously so in love with each other that anyone would be blind not to notice. Apparently, his three hyungs were blind as hell — especially the two idiots who thought they could just leave Renjun behind. 

Now, Renjun was getting the love he deserved, and Jeno and Jaemin were shoved to the corner. It was quite ironic.

“Great!” Renjun replied while beaming brightly. “I’ll tell him then.” 

Jeno observed the way Renjun’s eyes sparkled when he talked about Lei. He may be quiet, but he was absorbing it all — every little detail that pointed to Renjun’s affections toward his boyfriend.

Boyfriend. Oh, how the word tasted so bitter that he couldn’t say it out loud. 

But Renjun… he looked so happy. The boy was practically glowing! He was indeed very beautiful when he glowed with happiness. 

However, his heart clenched whenever he thought that Renjun’s happiness didn’t come from him or Jaemin. They were no longer the ones that made Renjun’s eyes shine. They weren’t the ones who provide him comfort anymore. From now on, Lei held that right — the right to hold Renjun’s hands, the right to hug him tight, the right to wipe the tears that may fall from Renjun’s eyes. Every realization came with a punch in a gut that Jeno felt like he was going to throw up soon. 

Yet, he needed to endure the pain. He didn’t have the heart to rain on Renjun’s parade. Renjun looked so happy that even though it wasn’t him or Jaemin that made Renjun that happy, Jeno would take it. It was like a sick punishment he made himself endure for all the pain he had caused Renjun in the past.

Was this how Renjun felt? Did Renjun feel the same painful squeezing in his heart whenever he and Jaemin acted so in love with each other without him? How had he endured this kind of pain? If Renjun suffered through this, then Jeno deserved to undergo the same pain. 

And it seemed like Jaemin was on the same page as Jeno. The younger’s eyes were brimmed with unshed tears that couldn’t be masked by that smile he had carefully plastered on his face. Jeno didn’t miss the way Jaemin’s voice faltered and shook when he replied to Renjun — an indication that Jaemin was also fighting his emotions. 

Yet despite the clear hurt and pain Jaemin was clearly experiencing, Jeno admired the way his boyfriend paid attention to what Renjun was saying. He didn’t know if Jaemin was masochistic, but Jaemin really did try to look happy for Renjun. 

And in a very impressive display of bravery, Jaemin dared to stare right into Renjun’s eyes and spoke, “I am very happy for you, Renjun. I really am.”

And the raw emotions in Jaemin’s voice almost made Jeno cry. So he excused himself and went inside his room — Jaemin’s eyes following him knowingly.

Jeno had his head bowed as he sat at the edge of his bed when he heard the creaking sound of the door opening. He didn’t need to look up to know that it was Jaemin. The silent footsteps gave it away.

“Jen,” Jaemin said softly.

But Jeno didn’t look up. Instead, Jaemin’s voice seemed to do the trick as he felt the tears finally fell from his eyes. In frustration, he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He didn’t want to make Jaemin cry too.

He felt the dip on the mattress beside him as Jaemin sat. Quietly, the younger enveloped Jeno in his arms and rested his chin on the older’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a while — Jeno trying to muffle his soft sobbing sounds. Then, he felt a wet patch on his shoulders and turned to see that Jaemin was also silently crying. And the anguish in Jaemin’s face made Jeno’s heart clench even more.

“It’s over,” Jaemin quietly said while staring right ahead — eyes unfocused. “We lost him.”

And the gentle sobs turned into a full-blown one as two people desperately tried to hold on to each other while feeling the gap that can only be filled by their missing 3rd half.

“Are we giving up on him?” Jaemin asked later when they were lying down. They had cried their heart out and they were getting drowsy and drained.

“Is that what you want?” Jeno asked to the boy lying on his chest while playing with the said boy’s fingers.

Jeno felt Jaemin shook his head before he heard a reply. “I don’t want to. But he looked so happy and I wonder if we should just give it to him.”

Jeno sighed and looked down at Jaemin. “I know what you mean. But we tried, right? We tried to let go of him and look at where we are now.”

Jaemin looked up to meet Jeno’s gaze and saw the determination in his boyfriend’s eyes. Frankly, he didn’t want to give up on Renjun either. But do they have a choice now?

“Babe,” Jeno added, “We’re gonna wait for him. We’re not giving up that easily — not anymore. He’s worth the wait and he will always be worth it.”

That made Jaemin smile. He liked the idea of waiting for Renjun no matter how long that would take.

“Yes,” Jaemin agreed. “We would wait for him. Right now, I’m still gonna support him and be there for him whenever he would need me. I would respect his relationship with Lei, but I’ll always gonna be there… waiting for him.”

“And I’m gonna be there right beside you,” Jeno declared and pulled Jaemin closer to him. And with a kiss to the younger’s forehead, Jeno added, “We’ll wait for him. We’ll always have his back.”

But waiting for Renjun and being there for him was easier said than done, and Jeno and Jaemin found themselves staring longingly at Renjun, being with Renjun but wishing he was in their arms instead, and admiring the way Renjun’s face would light up whenever he talked about something he loved. Nowadays, it was mostly about Lei — much to their chagrin. But as long as Renjun was happy, they would patiently support him.

True to his words, Lei met them once for dinner with all of the seven members of NCT Dream in attendance. It was relatively short as the actor had a schedule after their meal, but it was enough for Jeno and Jaemin to conclude that they hated the guy even more.

He was just so perfect! The way he treated Renjun with patience and the way he took care of Renjun — they just couldn’t find a flaw! They hate to admit that they couldn’t find a legit reason to hate the guy other than he had their Renjun! And that made Jeno hate Lei even more and made Jaemin sink further into self-pity. 

Meanwhile, Donghyuck seemed to love the guy for Renjun — that traitor, Jeno thought. Donghyuck would not stop gushing about how Renjun and Lei made such a cute couple and how Renjun was so lucky to have such a perfect boyfriend. He even went far as to comment that he wanted a boyfriend like Lei. That particular comment hit a nerve of not just two, but three, people. Take a guess who!

Jisung just sat there politely, resisting the urge to facepalm at Donghyuck who was acting like an overbearing mother to Renjun, at Jeno and Jaemin who looked like they had either swallowed toads or turned into statues, to Mark who was subtly glaring at Donghyuck, and at Chenle who wouldn’t stop laughing — shouting — near his ear. The only member who seemed to be normal in this bunch was Renjun — except for the fact that this hyung had been having googly eyes at his boyfriend that Jisung wanted to gag. In conclusion, Jisung wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

About two hours later, Lei excused himself to head off to their schedule.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t drop you off,” Lei said to Renjun apologetically.

“It’s fine, babe. It’s just for tonight,” Renjun reassured Lei with a soft smile.

Lei kissed Renjun’s forehead softly which earned a wolf-whistle from Donghyuck who, in turn, got smacked softly by Mark. 

Jaemin had to look away because it almost physically hurt him to see the scene in front of him while Jeno couldn’t help but give a subtle glare that was not unnoticed by Donghyuck who raised his brow in intrigue.

“Will you be fine, though?” Lei asked Renjun one last time.

“Of course he’ll be fine, he’d be going with us. We live with him,” Jeno couldn’t control himself from speaking — a slight bitterness in his tone and surprising the rest of the members.

This caused Jaemin to be alarmed. So he placed his hand on top of Jeno’s thigh underneath the table to calm his boyfriend’s jealousy. Again, it was not unnoticed by Donghyuck.

A bit startled by Jeno’s response, Lei turned to Jeno and bowed his head slightly. “Right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that.”

Renjun stared at Jeno in bewilderment and Jaemin noticed that so he had to do damage control.

“Please excuse my boyfriend, Lei-hyung. He’s under the weather lately,” Jaemin apologized.

“No, it’s okay,” Lei replied and smiled slightly at them. “I understand.”

Giving Renjun one last hug, Lei bid farewell and off to his shooting site. Renjun followed Lei with his gaze until his boyfriend was out of the restaurant before fixing his gaze back to Jeno.

Jeno braced himself for angry Renjun, but he was met with a worried look instead.

“Are you okay, Jen?” Renjun asked, eyeing Jeno worriedly.

Despite himself, Jeno felt a smile creep into his face at the concern Renjun displayed. It’s amazing how much effect Renjun had on him that can turn even his darkest days into a reign of sunshine.

“I’m fine, Junnie,” Jeno reassured. “I just think I need rest.”

“Well, don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?” Renjun replied which made Jaemin smile as well. Their Injunnie was still the same old sweet Injunnie.

Meanwhile, Donghyuck watched the small exchange in curiosity. He can feel something was up, but he chose not to comment. 

However, Donghyuck’s hunches became stronger when Jeno and Jaemin wouldn’t leave Renjun alone all night. If Donghyuck hadn’t known better, he would think they were the boyfriends and not Lei. What was more interesting to watch was Renjun being oblivious to it all. Donghyuck could tell because Renjun didn’t have the longing expression he had before whenever he hung out with Jeno and Jaemin like that before.

The events of the next days didn’t help any better. Suddenly, Jeno and Jaemin would somehow always find ways to be with Renjun — may that be during their official schedules, during practice, or even when he would visit the Dream dorm and the members were just lounging in the sofa. Jaemin and Jeno would always be around Renjun like moons to a tiny planet. Since Lei got overseas schedule and wouldn’t be back for a while, Renjun had been at home more often than the past weeks too. Also, Donghyuck didn’t think that it was a coincidence that Jeno and Jaemin haven’t been on a date since Renjun was often home as the couple normally did before. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together and make one big conclusion.

And Donghyuck had enough! If Jeno and Jaemin thought they would get away with their actions, well not on Donghyuck’s watch!

So one day, he cornered his two members in the practice room before they could volunteer to go with Renjun to buy drinks. And by corner, he literally linked his arms with the two, trapping them both beside him, and volunteered a very confused Jisung to go with Renjun. He then dragged Jaemin and Jeno to the room next to their practice room — the one used for resting and sleeping — and made them sit on the couch.

“Hyuck, what’s this all about?” Jaemin asked confusedly.

“Oh, you know so well what I’m about to talk about,” Donghyuck huffed. “The real question is what do you think you’re doing with Renjun?”

Jeno sighed while Jaemin looked away guiltily. And Donghyuck knew he had sent his point across.

“Really, guys? You have to do that now? When Renjun’s moved on now?” Donghyuck rambled on, eyeing the two people in front of him with disbelief. “Explain yourselves!”

“We just love him so much, okay?” Jaemin answered, exasperated while he ran his fingers through his own hair in desperation. “And we know we’re too late, but damn it, Hyuck! It’s so hard to act like we don’t feel something for him — that we’re not hurting everytime he mentions his boyfriend! Do you know how painful that is?”

“I don’t,” Donghyuck admitted, “but Renjun does!”

Jaemin looked up at Donghyuck who wasn’t done yet. He switched his gaze back and forth between Jeno and Jaemin to make sure the two idiots were listening.

“You think you have it hard? Well, try being in Renjun’s shoes when he was pining after both of you!” At this point, Donghyuck was getting mad. “He loved both of you but you were too blind to see him or even consider his feelings! He had to watch you two fall deeper in love with each other while he stood in the sideline! But you know what? He endured it all because he didn’t want to ruin your relationship! And now that he has moved on and has found someone that could reciprocate his love and treat him the way he deserves to be treated, you two come barging in and shake that up for him? He respected your relationship, why can’t you do the same for him now?” 

He felt like his chest was going to explode in anger at the two who just silently looked at him as if they already knew what he was talking about.

“Don’t ruin this for him,” Donghyuck added, trying to calm himself. “He deserves to be happy after all the pain he had gone through.”

“Do you think we don’t know?” Jaemin answered, emotions taking over him too. “Hell, Hyuck! We thought about this over and over again! We know what is at risk if we act out on our feelings! But I’m done pretending that I don’t love him, Hyuck! I’m done pretending that I can live just being his friend.”

“I feel the same, Hyuck,” Jeno decided to speak. “I had fooled myself for too long, but the answer was right in front of me. You were one of the people that attempted to knock some sense into me, but I didn’t listen. I was so afraid that if I acknowledge my feelings, I would end up losing him. But I lost him in the end, and I guess the joke’s one me,” he laughed bitterly.

Donghyuck scoffed and replied, “You bet I wanted to knock some sense into you! But both of you — you chose to let him go. You chose each other instead of fighting for him! We told you over and over again that it was fine to love two people as long as the love is mutual between you three! But no — you chose to set Renjun aside. You treated him like a… like a second choice!”

“He was never a second choice!” at this point, Jeno was almost yelling. “And we will never be a second choice! He’s just as important as Jaemin is to me!”

“Oh yeah?” Donghyuck scoffed. “Then what do you call him, then? Your reserve in case one of you stops loving the other? Your fallback guy?” 

Donghyuck knew he was crossing a very dangerous line, but he had to do it for Renjun! He needed to make sure.

“No!” Jaemin answered, getting riled up himself. He then took a huge breath in an attempt to calm himself. He can feel Jeno fuming beside him as the older boy stood up and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Look, Hyuck,” Jaemin started, getting up from his seat too, “I know you don’t think highly of us after what we have done. And I know very well that we don’t deserve Injun at all! Right now, Lei is perfect for him. But we are willing to wait, Hyuck. We love Injunnie no matter what. Whether or not we’re gonna end up with him romantically is not the determining factor of why we are doing this. We’ll always gonna be there for him whether that would be as his friends or as his partners,” he declared wholeheartedly.

“He’s neither a second choice nor a fallback guy, Hyuck,” Jeno added in a harsh voice. “And yes, I may have treated Injunnie as so in the past, but believe me when I say I was a fool to make myself believe I could make a choice between the two. Because if choosing just one was possible, then I wouldn’t be in this situation right now,” he spat bitterly. “I don’t want to choose anymore. I love them both and I shouldn’t have chosen one over the other. When I forced myself to forget about my feelings for Injunnie, it had only become stronger. I realize now that I didn’t really let go of him. I thought so, but I never did. And I could never feel complete without him. I let him slip away once, I’d be a fool to do that again,” he added in a more softer tone that manifested how broken he felt inside.

“So what we are saying is that we would just be here for Injunnie, Hyuck” Jaemin added, “And we are willing to wait no matter how long that takes. We have a lot to make up for, and if this pain is somehow a way to pay for the things we’ve caused him, then we are willing to take it! Injunnie would always be worth everything.”

Donghyuck sighed. He could actually feel that Jeno and Jaemin were so sincere with their feelings. But he couldn’t help but curse at fate. Why now that everything else was working out for Renjun. Why can’t his friend live peacefully?

“Don’t you think it’s too late, guys? Renjun’s happily in a relationship now,” Donghyuck asked, calmer now.

“We don’t intend to ruin what he has with Lei, Hyuck,” Jaemin answered. “Like you said, we should respect his relationship the way he did with ours. But like what I had said too, it doesn’t mean we’d stop caring. We would always love him and be there for him whether we’d just be his friends or his boyfriends in the future. Loving him doesn’t come with the condition of being with him.”

For once, Donghyuck was speechless because of what he heard. All three of them faced each other for a while without anyone speaking, Jeno and Jaemin looking at Donghyuck hoping that the latter would understand.

After a while, Donghyuck sighed. “Alright,” he said. “I’m gonna get off your back with this and leave you to whatever you’re doing. But if you two hurt Renjun again, I swear I’d kick your asses!” he threatened, although he knew he was nothing compared to Jeno’s acrobatic abilities. Jaemin was quite strong himself too. But the point still stands that Donghyuck would not hesitate to show his wrath if Renjun cries in front of him again.

Jeno and Jaemin smiled and nodded their head in understanding. Then, the door suddenly opened and Renjun’s head peeked from behind the door. The three of them looked at Renjun in alarm who, in turn, just looked at them in confusion.

“Hey, guys,” Renjun said, “I bought drinks! Mark-hyung told me you were here. What are you doing here anyway?”

Jaemin recovered pretty quickly. He smiled at Renjun and walked towards the smaller boy.

“Nothing, Injunnie,” Jaemin said while placing his hand against the small of Renjun’s back to guide him back to the practice room. “We were just resting.”

Jeno and Donghyuck looked at each other in relief and walked after Jaemin and Renjun.

“You and Jeno look like you haven’t been sleeping well, are you sure you’re okay?” Renjun asked while looking at Jaemin in concern as they walked back to the practice room.

Jaemin smiled, and behind him, Jeno was smiling too while Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the two lovestruck idiots.

“We’re fine, Injunnie. It’s nothing we can’t handle,” Jaemin replied reassuringly. “Don’t stress your pretty little mind over it. Like, I know you care for us, but you didn’t have to make it obvious. What will the paparazzi say?” he teased. It was a good diversion tactic. He then snaked his arm over Renjun’s shoulders who snorted and shoved Jaemin lightly.

“In your dreams, Na Jaemin,” Renjun joked and walked ahead of them.

Jaemin stared at Renjun’s back longingly and muttered softly, “Yes, in my dreams.”

“It’s so nice sitting here with you guys,” Renjun said. “It’s so cozy and warm. So perfect to relax and unwind.”

Jaemin stared at Renjun lovingly while Jeno just hummed in agreement.

The three of them were sitting by a campfire they had made earlier. Despite the coldness of the night, the three of them were warm enough.

They were shooting a new episode of NCT Life with all of the members of Dream except for Donghyuck and Mark who had an overseas schedule with 127. This time, they were away from Seoul and had the pleasure to enjoy the beauty of nature. The whole 2 days were filled with jampacked activities that the members found themselves having fun while shooting. This also meant that they were exhausted after a long day.

They settled for a campfire after the end of the last day as finale wherein they talked about their journey as NCT Dream and how their friendship grew over the years. The ambiance was really great for that kind of deep talks.

Of course, there were some things they couldn’t talk about on camera, so they continued talking long after the cameras were off. They managed to convince their manager and crew to let them stay by the campfire beyond filming. All five of them were given the privacy to enjoy, but Jisung and Chenle decided to go to bed earlier. This left the three oldest members by themselves.

“It’s such a pity we can’t do this more often,” Renjun commented while looking up at the pretty night sky painted with bright stars. “The view is breathtaking.”

“I agree,” Jaemin replied almost instantly but never taking his eyes off Renjun. Renjun looked breathtaking under the stars and with his face illuminated by the soft glow from the fire.

Jaemin wished they could stay like that forever — Jeno with his arms wrapped around him and Renjun just beside them and close enough to be engulfed in a hug if Jaemin didn’t respect Renjun’s boundaries. All three of them were sharing a blanket because Jisung and Chenle took the other two blankets with them, not that Jaemin’s complaining.

He heard Jeno sigh in contentment and leaned his face on Jaemin’s shoulder. Jeno was also looking at Renjun with eyes full of love that Jaemin could feel the warmth radiating from both his and Jeno’s love for Renjun.

But Renjun kept his eyes on the stars — fascinated by the patterns they form and the secrets they hold. To him, the galaxy was such a mysterious and vast unexplored place. To Jeno and Jaemin, the galaxy is reflected in Renjun’s bright eyes.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Renjun finally tore his eyes away from the stars and stared at his two friends.

“You know, guys. I never got to thank you for still accepting me after all the things that happened,” Renjun suddenly said sincerely. “Thank you for not judging me and for not ‘unfriending’ me,” he said in a soft chuckle.

“Of course,” Jeno replied softly. “We could never do that to you, Injunnie. We could never cast you away.”

Renjun smiled at them and said, “I mean, so many things could go wrong with the situation. I have to admit — I was pretty darn scared that you’d hate me forever. I was so scared to tell you what I felt because I might ruin our friendship. I’m really glad it didn’t turn out that way.”

Jaemin smiled back at Renjun and stared directly into the older’s eyes. “I understand what you mean,” he said boldly. “But I, for one, couldn’t hate you even if I try.” 

Renjun stared back at Jaemin with as much intensity before looking over to Jeno who gave him the same stare. And suddenly, Renjun found himself grinning widely.

“Thank you, guys,” Renjun said in gratitude. “Thank you for still being my best friends. I hope nothing will change between us in the future,” he added, now looking at the dwindling fire in front of them.

He didn’t see both of Jeno’s and Jaemin’s smile faltered at the mention of being best friends. But Jaemin quickly masked the slight jab in heart and replied, “But things are bound to change, Injunnie.”

This caused Renjun to look back at the two questioningly. 

“Nothing is constant except change,” Jaemin smiled mysteriously. “Maybe, the change will be for the better.”

Renjun understood what that meant in a sense. “I guess you’re right,” he agreed. “But I hope we would always have each other no matter what.”

Jeno’s smile got wider at the statement and replied while putting much sincerity in his voice, “Don’t worry, Injunnie. I will always be by both of your sides. I promise.”

Jaemin smiled lovingly at Jeno and then turned to Renjun with a loving gaze, “I won’t just promise — I will do it. No one can take me away from both of you.”

Renjun smiled back, feeling a special kind of warmth inside him. He was contented with what he heard and he felt his heart swell.

“Then, I will always be by your side too — no matter what,” Renjun replied.

And they sat there — staring into each other’s eyes and smiling at each other. They didn’t need words to tell each other how important they were to each other. The moment was magical and nothing could’ve beaten that moment for Jeno and Jaemin. If only Renjun was theirs…

Suddenly, the sound of a ringtone broke their special moment and Renjun looked away from them to get his phone from his pocket. He looked at his phone, wondering who was calling him at this time of the night before his face broke out in a wide grin. He then answered the call and placed his phone against his ear.

“Hey, babe!” Renjun said sweetly, a big smile on his face. He then stood up and walked a little away from the cuddling couple.

Jaemin felt his heart sank with disappointment and Jeno’s eyes flashed with hurt. For a moment, they were enjoying their time with Renjun — pretending that Renjun wasn’t in a relationship and everything wasn’t complicated between them. But they were slapped into reality with one phone call. And it felt like they have fallen from the sky.

Jaemin sighed and looked away from Renjun to bury his face on Jeno’s chest. He felt the tensed muscles on Jeno’s arms and he grazed his palm over them to calm his boyfriend.

“That’s should’ve been us,” Jaemin whispered so that only Jeno could hear. “If we weren’t so stupid, we could’ve been the ones giving him sweet phone calls.”

He felt Jeno’s arm tightened around him as Jeno took a deep breath. They could hear Renjun talking and softly laughing while talking to Lei on the phone.

“It hurts, Jen,” Jaemin said softly, preventing himself from crying.

“I know, Nana,” Jeno answered just as softly. “But we can’t do anything except wait.”

Jaemin didn’t reply and all they could hear were the quiet beating of their hearts and Renjun’s voice in the background.

“I love you too, Lei,” they heard Renjun say lovingly before the call ended.

And nothing was more painful than that moment right there — to hear the love of your life declare his love to someone else. Jaemin squeezed his eyes shut because his heart was hurting so much while Jeno tried to desperately hold on to Jaemin for strength.

Both of them were so lost and broken — because it should’ve been them who’d be telling Renjun how much they love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go... Renjun and Lei are official and Nomin are sad.
> 
> This chapter is pretty hard to write and I had to change the order of events and tweak with some details. But nothing major plot-wise was changed. I am happy to say that we are still on track.
> 
> Will we get Dream NCT Life in real life? I hope so. Also! Support Ridin comeback! Our Dreamies are back! It's amazing how I started this fic before the announcement of the comeback and somewhat fixed unit. I hope SM keeps the energy and treat Dream better.
> 
> So, what do you think? Please let me know in the comments section.


	12. Turning Tables

“Junnie, you’re acting like a real jerk.”

“Thanks, Hyuck cause that’s what I really need to hear right now,” Renjun replied sarcastically while rolling his eyes.

Renjun didn’t know how things started to go down into a huge mess. One minute, he got everything in his life under his control, and the next moment, everything’s suddenly spiraling down. 

To be fair, Renjun had expected this. He knew that not every relationship stays on the honeymoon period. And he was prepared for that. He wasn’t prepared, however, for the reason of their first major fight.

“It’s the only time we’d be together before I go to China for shooting,” Lei said one night as they were sitting in the older’s car at the basement parking of Dream’s building. They had a radio schedule and Lei dropped Renjun off as usual.

“But it’s Nana’s birthday!” Renjun argued. “We can still call and text each other! You won’t be in China forever.”

“I’d be in China for 3 months, Jun!” Lei replied, getting frustrated. “We won’t see each other for so long.”

“But you’d have breaks in between those 3 months,” Renjun was not giving up. “We could see each other then. You’d fly back here or I’ll fly to meet you!”

Lei rolled his eyes, not seeing Renjun’s point. “All I want is to spend time with you before I go. Is that too much to ask?”

Renjun sighed and ran his fingers through his already messy hair. They had this conversation a few days back and Lei was unrelenting. Renjun was getting tired.

“I understand that,” Renjun said in a tired voice. “But we already planned Nana’s birthday for weeks! I couldn’t miss that! It only comes once a year and I never missed his birthday ever since we became friends.”

“And you only have 1 boyfriend,” Lei argued. “And he’s starting to feel like he’s the least of your priorities.”

Shocked, Renjun could hardly process what he had heard from his own boyfriend’s mouth. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, getting irritated.

“You know what I mean!” Lei was starting to raise his voice now in contrast to the controlled whispers they had a while ago. “It’s always Nana this, Jeno that! It feels as if you want to spend more time with them!”

“Are you serious?” Renjun could feel the pressure rise up at the back of his neck. “I only interrupted our dates for my members during important situations! You know I need to be with them on those times!”

Jeno had gone down with a fever and Jaemin was out of town because he had to shoot for an individual schedule. So Renjun had to take care of Jeno. It just so happened that it coincided with his and Lei’s monthsary and Renjun had to cancel their plans.

Another time, Jaemin had to go for his yearly check-up with his doctor. Renjun knew going back to the hospital terrified Jaemin and the younger needed someone to go with him. Jeno and Jisung were filming for a variety show that day and only Renjun could go with Jaemin. So Renjun didn’t attend the supposed lunch date with Lei and his sister who was visiting South Korea at that time. 

Renjun had apologized later and treated both Lei and his sister to dinner instead. But Lei was still a bit salty about it. He couldn’t understand why it had to be Renjun who’d accompany Jaemin when they have managers. Renjun argued that Jaemin wasn’t comfortable enough to just go with a manager. Still, Lei wasn’t persuaded.

This brought Renjun to their current disagreement.

“Nana,” Lei mockingly said the name as if he was spitting it, “is going to have a birthday every year. One year without you couldn’t make any difference.”

“No!” Renjun said firmly. “I’m going to his birthday and that’s final! If you’re going to be a bitch about it, then I suit yourself! See if I care!” 

And with that, Renjun opened the door of the car harshly, went out, and closed it behind him with force. He felt so pissed. To him, Lei was being unreasonable. Without looking back, he headed to the elevator of the basement parking area. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but hearing Lei’s car roared to life and zoomed past behind him pinched his heart with disappointment. Feeling the angry tears started to brim his eyes, Renjun willed them not to fall as he entered the elevator and waited for it to stop on his floor.

How he managed to reach his floor and opened the door to their unit without breaking down was a mystery to him. When he entered their dorm, he saw Jeno and Jaemin cuddling at their usual spot on the couch. Renjun thought he might have closed the door behind him a little too loudly out of frustration because the couple immediately looked up to him the moment he stepped in.

He could see that Jaemin was about to greet him loudly but stopped when he saw Renjun’s face. Renjun tried to look away, but it was too late.

“What’s wrong, Junnie?” Jaemin asked with a frown on his face, getting up from his position in Jeno’s arms to approach the Chinese. Behind him, Jeno also looked at Renjun worriedly.

And Renjun didn’t know why. He didn’t plan to tell anyone that he just had a fight with his boyfriend — especially the very person that was the reason for their fight. But something inside Renjun snapped when he heard Jaemin’s concerned voice and he just sobbed and went directly into Jaemin who automatically opened his arms for Renjun. 

“Junnie, tell us what’s wrong,” Jaemin coxed worriedly, enveloping Renjun into a comforting hug and rubbing his hands comfortably along Renjun’s back.

Renjun just cried against Jaemin’s chest and poured all his emotions out which was a mixture of exhaustion, disappointment, frustration, anger, and hurt. He found himself unable to say or do anything aside from crying. 

But Jaemin didn’t mind. He just let Renjun cry into his arms and provide him comfort. As gently as he could and without breaking their hug, he lead Renjun to the couch where Jeno made some space for them.

“There, there, Injunnie. We’re here. Just let it all out and we will listen,” Jaemin reassured.

Renjun was now between the two and was a sobbing mess. On his other side, he felt Jeno rub comforting circles at the front part of his thighs while Jaemin’s arms were still around him and Renjun’s face was still buried in Jaemin’s chest. The three of them stayed like that for a while before Jeno broke the silence.

“Do you want some water, Injunnie?” Jeno asked softly, pressing gently on Renjun’s legs.

“Yes, please,” Renjun replied, internally wincing at his cracking voice.

Jeno immediately stood up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. 

Renjun felt a little calmer now that he had cried his frustrations out. And Jaemin probably felt that because he felt the younger slide his hand from his back and to his face. Jaemin cupped Renjun’s face to have a better look on the smaller’s face. Then, using his thumbs, he wiped to tears that were still on Renjun’s cheeks.

Renjun had the urge to look away because the scene reminded him of the night they kissed on that very same couch. He mentally hit himself for thinking of that in such a situation.

Just then, Jeno returned from the kitchen with a glass of water in hand. That brought Renjun out of his trance as he awkwardly tore his face away from Jaemin’s hold and got the glass from Jeno. The two watched him carefully as he drank water and waited for him to say something.

“How are you feeling?” Jeno asked softly when Renjun was done drinking the water.

“Like shit,” Renjun replied almost immediately and placed the glass on top of the center table in front of him.

“Do we need to fight someone?” Jeno asked, half-jokingly.

“No, it’s just Lei,” Renjun replied and sighed. “We just had a fight and he was being a jerk,” he added somewhat bitterly.

Jaemin frowned disapprovingly while Jeno’s jaw tightened. They didn’t like what they had heard. 

“Was he hurting you?” Jeno asked seriously, feeling anger bubbling inside him. No one could hurt his Injun!

But Renjun shook his head, oblivious to the reaction of the two boys beside him. “Nope. But he was being unreasonable. He couldn’t understand why I have to be at Nana’s birthday instead of going on a date with him before he flies to China for 3 months.”

“Oh,” he heard Jaemin said softly beside him.

Renjun turned his head to look at Jaemin apologetically and said, “It’s okay, Nana. It’s not your fault.”

Jaemin smiled softly at him and replied, “Well, maybe you should just go on that date with him? I would understand.” 

Renjun shook his head in disagreement and said, “No, I’m going to be with you on your birthday. I never miss that.”

“But you won’t see him for 3 months,” Jaemin tried to reason out. “Lei-hyung would want to spend time with you every chance he’d get before he leaves.”

“It’s not like we won’t see each other in between those months,” Renjun replied and looked at Jaemin, “Besides, your birthday is special. I don’t miss any of your birthdays and I won’t start now just because I have a boyfriend now. Bros before hoes, right?”

Despite the situation, Jaemin found himself bursting into a light laughter at Renjun’s last statement. He could hear Jeno slightly laughing behind Renjun.

Rolling his eyes, Jaemin said, “Whatever you say, Junnie.” Then he looked at the older sincerely and added, “But if you decided you would go on a date with him, it’s really fine with me.”

No, it won’t be fine, Jaemin had thought. But Renjun had a boyfriend now. If Renjun ended up choosing Lei, then Jaemin would have to be okay with that.

“Not gonna happen,” Renjun replied stubbornly. “Lei can choke. Stupid jerk,” he mumbled, somewhat cutely that Jeno and Jaemin had the urge to coo at him.

“You’re gonna regret saying that tomorrow,” Jeno commented knowingly.

“Probably,” Renjun agreed. “But I’m so pissed at him right now that I won’t be sorry until tomorrow,” he added with a slight glare at nowhere.

Jeno chuckled and pulled Renjun back to lay his back against the couch. “Do you wanna watch a movie to get your mind off things?” he offered.

Renjun relaxed in between the two boys and replied, “I would love that.”

And that’s how the three of them ended up huddled on the couch until Jisung found them the next morning — Renjun still in his outside clothes and Jeno and Jaemin in their pajamas, arms tangled around each other and the tv still on. 

The distraction was very effective that Renjun wasn’t able to check his phone. He could’ve seen that Lei called him a lot of times that night to apologize only to end up talking to a voice message. 

Renjun did end up apologizing to Lei the next morning — rather, afternoon as they had woken up quite late. He cried on the phone while saying that he’s sorry and that he would find a way to meet halfway. 

Jaemin and Jeno sat in the kitchen while the oldest tried to reason out with his boyfriend which ended up in another slight disagreement that caused Renjun to end the call with colorful words. With a brief exchange of glance with each other, Jeno got up to prepare Renjun’s tea while Jaemin worked on the hotpot. It looked like Renjun needed something to reduce his stress.

The day of Jaemin’s birthday came and true to his words, Renjun didn’t miss it. It still caused a slight ruckus between Lei and Renjun, but Renjun made up for it by dropping Lei off to the airport the next morning where they reconciled and promised to call each other every day.

For a while, everything was peaceful for Renjun. He thought he needed the space too because he felt that he hadn’t been hanging out with his members lately. Lei would call him each night before he sleeps and he slowly got used to the schedule.

But one night, he was playing Mario Cart with Jeno and they got a bit competitive so they ended up playing for the rest of the night with Jaemin as their audience. Renjun was having a lot of fun that he forgot he was supposed to be on a phone call or video call with Lei. He ended up sleeping on the couch again with an unfinished popcorn on the center table and Jeno and Jaemin squishing him to death, but he still slept like a baby. He woke up to a dozen missed calls from Lei and he scrambled to send apology texts as Lei wouldn’t pick up because the older was probably at work already.

The incident caused another fight to ensue between the couple and Renjun ignoring Lei the next night. He invited Jeno and Jaemin for a stroll around Han River instead to clear his mind up to which the two gladly accompanied him. And although Renjun wouldn’t reconcile with Lei until the older’s short visit two days later, he was still glad he had Jeno and Jaemin who kept him company and did their best to distract him from his sadness. 

Three months came and went and Renjun and Lei were in a stalemate. They keep moving backward whenever they try to move forward with their issues. And more often than not, it almost always involved Jeno and Jaemin. Renjun thought it was unfair to involve his friends with their issues but Lei insisted that they were the issue.

“Oh my god! We are not having this argument again!” Renjun almost pulled his hair out in frustration. 

They were in Lei’s apartment this time and a fight just broke out between the two of them when Renjun announced that he’d be celebrating Christmas Eve in the dorms because Jeno’s family were on a vacation and Jeno couldn’t join them because they have a schedule the next day at an award show. 127 would have a schedule in Japan that day and the other Dream members would be with their families. Although Jaemin would return to the dorm shortly before midnight, Renjun didn’t like the idea of leaving Jeno alone in the dorm the whole day as Lei proposed that they’d be spending Christmas eve with Lei’s family outside Seoul.

“It’s our first Christmas together, Jun! Of course it’s a big issue!” Lei argued.

“But Jeno is all alone in the dorm! I couldn’t leave him to himself,” Renjun sighed. He was getting tired of having to explain that to Lei all the time.

“Jeno is a grown man! He could take care of himself,” Lei exclaimed.

“But it’s Christmas Eve! I couldn’t leave my friend alone on that special day,” Renjun answered.

“Yes, you couldn’t leave your special ‘friend’ alone that day but it’s okay to ditch your boyfriend,” Lei spat bitterly, rolling his eyes angrily.

“Not this again!” Renjun was getting worked up. “Just because I had feelings for them in the past, doesn’t mean I’m still into them now!”

“Really? Because it sure doesn’t feel that way,” Lei retorted.

“Would you stop being jealous and for once, have some trust in me!” Renjun exclaimed. He could feel himself slowly losing grip of his sanity.

“How could I trust you when your actions give me a reason not to!” Lei was yelling at this point.

“Oh, so that’s how you see it?” Renjun was also yelling back. “Then, maybe I should just go to them, then,” he suggested out of spite.

“Sure! Like you always do,” Lei spat back.

“Fine!” Renjun said one last time and turned to leave Lei’s apartment with a loud bang on the door. 

He kept his temper in check the whole journey home and went directly into Jeno and Jaemin’s room when he entered their dorm. If Lei said he should just go to Jaemin and Jeno, then he would do exactly that. He didn’t care if he was being petty, but Lei had pushed him to his limits.

He burst into the room and interrupted what seemed like a hot make-out session between Jeno and Jaemin, and he suddenly felt embarrassed having to witness that. He should’ve knocked like a normal person would. The two pulled away abruptly like deers caught in a headlight — lips swollen, hair messy, and catching their breaths.

Renjun felt a blush creeping up his face as he tried not to focus on the two’s lips who looked so luscious after engaging on a passionate kiss.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked,” Renjun said, looking away and getting ready to leave when Jaemin’s voice stopped him.

“Injunnie? Are you okay?” 

Renjun didn’t realize that Jaemin was already beside him in a flash and was already lightly tugging him towards the bed where Jeno stared at him worriedly.

He didn’t know how they did it, but every time Renjun came running to them every after he and Lei fought, the two seemed to know something was wrong already the second Renjun came into their line of sight. Also, Renjun didn’t know what power the two holds over him, but every time he went to them ready to release his anger and frustrations, he’d dissolve into a crying mess whenever he hears one of their voices instead.

Today was no different.

Renjun found himself sobbing into one of his friends’ chests again. He didn’t know who as he was so tight into the hug and his eyes were very blurry. But the scent gave it away. This time, he was in Jeno’s sturdy chest and he guessed it was Jaemin rubbing comforting circles on his back.

This scene was getting more frequent in the past few months and Renjun was so thankful that the two were always there for him. Although he started to feel like a nuisance to them and had wanted to seek Donghyuck instead, the latter was so busy with overseas schedules. Jeno and Jaemin had reassured him a lot of times that they didn’t mind, though. 

“I hate seeing you like this, Junnie,” Jaemin muttered while combing through Renjun’s hair with his fingers. 

Renjun had calmed down in Jeno’s embrace and the three of them had somehow laid down on the bed with Renjun in between. 

“I’m sorry, Nana,” Renjun replied softly. Lying there in between them, Renjun looked so small and vulnerable that it pinched their hearts seeing him like that.

“No, baby, it’s not your fault,” Jaemin cooed. 

And perhaps Renjun was too deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Jaemin’s little slip-up. But Jeno looked over to Jaemin in alarm, but the younger just shook his head softly.

“Am I doing something wrong?” Renjun asked, mostly to himself. “Is there something wrong with me?” And he could already feel another round of tears coming out.

With that, Jeno pulled him into his arms closer while Jaemin said, “Injunnie, there’s nothing wrong with you. Every relationship goes through a rough patch. It’s pretty normal.”

“You two don’t,” Renjun pointed out in a small voice. “You two seem to pull it perfectly well.”

“We also have our moments, Injunnie,” Jeno replied. “It’s just that we started out as best friends first and we knew each other for a while before we got together.”

“That’s right,” Jaemin agreed. “It also takes a lot of communication. We’re not as perfect as you think.”

“I wanted to have you have, you know,” Renjun admitted, staring into space. “I just wanted someone to love me the way you two love each other. And for a moment, Lei did. But now, I don’t know anymore.”

Renjun sounded so broken that it broke both of their hearts too. Jeno and Jaemin looked at each other before glancing down at Renjun. They wanted to tell him that they love him the way they love each other — that Renjun could have what they have because it’s his in the first place! But now wasn’t the time and they knew better than take advantage of Renjun’s vulnerable state.

“I’m sure Lei-hyung l-loves you like that,” Jaemin replied, but not without stuttering a little. Saying that out loud hurt, but he needed to reassure Renjun. “Just give it time, Injunnie. You’ll figure things out.”

“How could he not?” Jeno added softly and nudged Renjun’s head so that the older could stare into his eyes, “You deserve all the love this world could give, Injunnie. And if Lei couldn’t see your worth, then he must be blind.”

And Jeno meant it with his whole heart.

For a moment, Renjun just stared back at Jeno until the younger could see another set of tears brimming the older’s eyes. 

“And now, I made you cry again,” Jeno sighed in disappointment. “I guess I’m not really doing a great job at this cheering up thing, am I?” he mumbled which made Renjun and Jaemin chuckle.

“Awww don’t worry, babe,” Jaemin said with a light laugh. “Your hugs are great, so I guess that makes up for it?”

Renjun burst into laughter — the first time he did that night. And Jeno and Jaemin were pleased to see their Injunnie laughing freely again.

But things just went downhill after that with Lei. 

Normally, Lei would call him and apologize for how he acted. But there wasn’t any message or missed call at all. It didn’t help that Lei was no longer his co-host for the radio. That meant they didn’t see each other for a while and both were two prideful to contact the other first.

After a week, Renjun just gave in and drunk called Lei. But he was with Jeno and Jaemin which made their situation worse. Renjun didn’t know what to do anymore.

Christmas passed and they didn’t even greet each other. Renjun didn’t let that ruin his Christmas, though. He had fun celebrating with Jeno and Jaemin — just the three of them in the dorm. He and Lei continued not talking to each other even when new year came.

That brought Renjun to his current predicament.

Donghyuck had returned for a schedule in an awards show and Renjun finally got to talk to him.

“So you and Lei-hyung got into arguments because of Jeno and Jaemin, and you go to the two after?” Donghyuck asked in disbelief.

“Who else would I go to for this kind of thing?” Renjun retorted. “Besides, Lei is making a big issue out of that! He should understand that we’re just friends.”

“But you going into Jeno and Jaemin’s arms every after you fight is proving to Lei that his thoughts were right,” Donghyuck pointed out. “The least you could do is to avoid the two to not feed into Lei-hyung’s suspicions.”

“They have nothing to do with our fights!” Renjun insisted. “The real issue here is how Lei had suddenly gotten very possessive and clingy that I can’t understand him anymore. He wants us to be together every time that it sometimes suffocates me.”

Donghyuck sighed but didn’t argue. He had also noticed that Lei seemed to have that tendency ever since Renjun and him were official. 

To be fair, Donghyuck thinks that Renjun had spoiled his boyfriend in the first few months that Lei got used to spending time together every single day. But they were both very busy people with individual lives that would surely get in the way. And once the feeling of a new relationship vanished, issues did surface.

“Do the two idiots at least know their names got dragged into your arguments?” Donghyuck asked.

Renjun shook his head and replied, “No, I mostly don’t tell them that. I don’t want them to feel responsible, somehow. And like I said, they shouldn’t be involved with our issues.”

Donghyuck sighed. Renjun was as oblivious as ever. 

He could see the big picture now. Renjun was subconsciously treating Jeno and Jaemin like he used to on the belief that he was just doing his duty as a best friend. But Donghyuck could also see it from Lei’s point-of-view. Renjun used to have intense feelings for Jeno and Jaemin — that was the whole reason Renjun and Lei got together in the first place! Naturally, Lei’s insecurities would kick in especially that Renjun’s relationship with the two still remained as close as ever. Lei was bound to get suspicious somehow.

But Renjun was also right. Lei’s insecurities were tying them both down. And his incessant demand for Renjun’s time and presence was getting into some of the member’s nerves — even in Donghyuck’s nerves! He couldn’t forget when Lei insisted that he and Renjun would go out on a late-night date after their whole day practice. Renjun was exhausted, but Lei insisted! No matter how tired Renjun was, he gave in to Lei’s request to avoid a fight.

And don’t even get started with Jeno and Jaemin! Those two idiots, Donghyuck thought. 

Donghyuck knew what they were doing. Those lovestruck idiots allowed Renjun to use them as his emotion absorbents — always ready to catch Renjun like the knights in shining armor they thought they were. 

Donghyuck knew the two must be hurting with the burden of unrequited love for the very boy they were always comforting. Oh, how much it must have hurt to comfort the love of your life who was crying because of another boy! Those two are really stupid! Why can’t they just save themselves and remove themselves from the pain? 

But Donghyuck knew they wouldn’t — they couldn’t because those two love Renjun too much even though the said boy was currently being a jerk for not realizing that he was hurting them by crying to them about his boyfriend.

Oh, it was all just a huge mess! Donghyuck could feel that it would soon all blow up in their faces.

“Are you sure you don’t feel anything for Jeno and Jaemin anymore?” Donghyuck had to ask.

Renjun frowned, a signal that he didn’t like the question, and answered, “Hyuck, not you too!”

Donghyuck raised his hand up in surrender. “Hey, I’m just making sure. You three act like how you acted when you were so sure you were in love with them.”

Renjun rolled his eyes and replied, “We were just best friends then. They treated me like how a best friend would and they still treat me the same now. They’re my best friends and I got over them already.”

Donghyuck wondered if he could hit Renjun right then and get away with it. But, he chose to remain calm as he saw two people entered the practice room behind Renjun. And by the look in their faces, Donghyuck knew those two heard what Renjun had said.

The pain in Jeno’s and Jaemin’s eyes, Renjun’s oblivion — they were all too familiar to Donghyuck. About a year ago, Donghyuck was witness to the same situation but in reverse.

Oh, how the tables have changed!

That day, Renjun wondered why Jeno seemed distracted the whole day. He wanted to ask Jaemin but the younger was also acting strange. Jaemin wasn’t his usual bright — sometimes overly energetic — self. Renjun could sense something was wrong, but he didn’t want to interfere. Maybe the two were fighting too, he had concluded. And he felt guilty that he was adding to their burden with his own problems with Lei.

Jeno and Jaemin went to bed early that night. Renjun could still see that the two lacked their usual warm and energetic self that he was starting to worry. 

Because he couldn’t sleep well that night, he decided to eat midnight snacks in the kitchen were he found Jisung already perched in one of the seats with a mouthful of cereal. 

That’s how Renjun found himself confiding in Jisung for the things that were bothering him. He didn’t realize how little Jisung knew about his situation because he just talked about it with Jeno and Jaemin before. But Jisung listened to him attentively with careful regards for his feelings — something that their maknae surprisingly does so well despite being the youngest.

At the end of Renjun’s rambling, Jisung took a deep breath to help process the information he just received while Renjun looked at the younger expectantly.

“Hyung,” Jisung started, “Don’t you think it doesn’t look nice? I mean, you turn to your ex-crushes every time you and Lei-hyung get into fights. And your boyfriend is already jealous of them too.”

Renjun sighed in resignation and placed his head against his arms. “That’s what Donghyuck said.”

Jisung nodded in understanding. “And you don’t think that’s the right thing to do.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a plain statement of what they both know Renjun was thinking.

“They’re my best friends, Jisung. I don’t give meaning to their kindness to me,” Renjun replied.

“But Hyung, put yourself in Lei-hyung’s perspective,” Jisung argued softly. “What would you feel?”

Renjun seemed to take a moment to contemplate what Jisung had said before replying, “I guess you’re right, Jisung. Maybe I’ll just adjust and place some boundaries with them,” he added, getting sad at the thought of distancing himself from Jeno and Jaemin again.

But Jisung was shaking his head. “Oh, I don’t mean about you spending time with Jeno-hyung and Jaemin-hyung when you and Lei-hyung are not fighting,” he clarified. “You’re right about that part. They’re your best friends and you have the right to spend time with them. It’s something Lei-hyung needs to come to terms with. Whether or not you spend way too much time with them instead of with Lei-hyung is something that is subjective. That’s something you and Lei-hyung should talk about. I, for one, think that you spend way too much time with Lei-hyung too, but that’s just me,” he added, making sure that Renjun understood. “But you going to Jeno-hyung and Jaemin-hyung every after your fights is not helping, Hyung. Imagine how Lei-hyung would feel that you invalidated his feelings by doing the exact thing he’s scared of. Instead of reassuring him that there’s really nothing going on with you three, you are just proving to him that he was right. That must’ve hurt him, Hyung.”

Renjun listened to Jisung attentively and things started to make sense. And Renjun felt the guilt slowly creeping in his chest.

“Also,” Jisung continued, “Imagine how Jeno-hyung and Jaemin-hyung would feel. They don’t know that they’re the reason you and Lei-hyung fight. Knowing them, they would just blame themselves.”

“Which is why I didn’t tell them,” Renjun reasoned out. “It wasn’t their fault and they shouldn’t have been dragged into this in the first place.”

“But they are involved whether you like it or not,” Jisung pointed out. “Lei-hyungs jealous of them and that’s exactly the issue,” he added patiently.

“And he shouldn’t be jealous of them,” Renjun replied. “They’re just my best friends.”

“But are you doing something to prove that to Lei-hyung?” Jisung asked knowingly. 

“Why should I prove that to him?” Renjun countered.

“Because,” Jisung sighed, “He’s your boyfriend and your record when it comes to Jeno-hyung and Jaemin-hyung isn’t exactly clean. Lei-hyung was a witness to that.”

“But I told him time and time again that I was over that already!” Renjun was getting exasperated.

“But are you really?” Jisung asked which took Renjun aback.

“O-of course, I am!” Renjun answered after a short moment of silence.

Jisung smirked, unconvinced, and said, “Uh-huh.”

“Sungie! I really am!” Renjun insisted. But why was he second-guessing himself?

“Okay, fine,” Jisung relented. “If you say you are, then you are! Who am I to judge, Hyung?”

Renjun chose not to comment on that.

“But remember, Hyung,” Jisung added. “You, Jeno-hyung, and Jaemin-hyung got into a big fallout because of mixed signals. Your feelings were a huge mess because the way they were acting was hurting you. What’s the difference between then and now?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Renjun was confused.

“It means that the tables have turned,” Jisung smiled mysteriously and took a big bite on Renjun’s bread.

“There they are! The two idiots missing their third!” Donghyuck announced loudly when Jeno and Jaemin went out of their bedroom. 

Renjun was at Lei’s place because the former finally decided to talk things with his boyfriend. Jeno and Jaemin didn’t expect to be greeted by Donghyuck sitting at a single couch first thing in the morning.

“What do you want, Hyuck?” Jaemin said, rolling his eyes as he sat down on the couch with Jeno beside him.

“I’m not here to torture you,” Donghyuck said, raising his hands up.

“Oh really? I thought that was your part-time job?” Jaemin retorted which made Jeno laugh. 

“Ha-ha,” Donghyuck laughed dryly. “Besides, I think you torture yourselves enough already.”

“So you’ve heard,” Jeno replied, sounding a little miserable.

“Yes, idiot no.1, I heard,” Donghyuck confirmed. “Now, I know that you two are stupid but why would you willingly submit yourselves to torture by acting like dumb knights in shining armor to the unrequited love of your lives?”

“He needs us, Hyuck,” Jeno answered quietly.

“So you’d willingly hurt yourself listening to Renjun talk about how much he loves Lei and how much he wanted to be the perfect boyfriend to him?” Donghyuck asked incredulously.

“Yes,” Jeno said firmly. “I told you — we would always be there for him no matter what.”

Donghyuck sighed. He was really talking to idiots.

“We love him, Hyuck,” Jaemin added, eyes displaying the hurt he felt. “And I don’t care if I’m hurting. As long as he needs me, I would be there for him even if it kills me.”

“Where was that display of martyrdom when Renjun-ge was crying his heart out because of you?”

The three occupants of the sofa whipped their heads to Chenle who was emerging from the hallway with a wide-eyed Jisung behind him.

“Chenle?” Jeno asked in confusion. “You’re here?”

“Yes,” Chenle answered coldly, crossing his arms in front of his chest and leaning against the wall. His eyes were so sharp that Jisung was alarmed as he felt that Chenle was getting mad. “I arrived earlier to wake Jisung up.”

“Ah,” Jeno just replied but didn’t know what to say.

“Anyway,” Chenle added, “Did I hear that right? You love Renjun-ge?” he scoffed.

“Chenle —,” Jaemin attempted to reason out.

“Bullshit!” Chenle exclaimed to everyone’s surprise. They haven’t seen the Chinese this mad before and nobody had the courage to speak up — even the usually bratty Donghyuck didn’t say something.

“Are you hearing yourselves? Why now?” Chenle continued. “Wait, are you actually just seeing Renjun-ge’s worth now that you can’t have him? Ha!” he spat. “That’s gold,” he commented, but his voice was devoid of humor.

The members knew the Chinese members were protective of each other, but Chenle was especially protective of Renjun and treated him like a real brother. This was the first time they saw to what extent Chenle was protective over the older.

“Just leave him be like you did before,” Chenle added. “He’s fine without you two. You’re too late now.”

“Lele, listen to Nana-hyung,” Jaemin pleaded desperately.

“Do you know how heartbreaking it was to watch Renjun-ge cry because of you two?” Chenle interrupted. “How he covered his hurt by pretending to smile whenever you were around? Did you two even noticed that his eyes dimmed and had lacked its usual shine because he was suffering in silence?” he added, looking back and forth at Jeno and Jaemin. “No, you didn’t! You just went on with your happy lives while I held Renjun-ge when he had breakdowns over you two.” 

Jaemin looked down in guilt while Jeno had his jaw set. Reality hurts, and they guessed they deserved that.

“But I didn’t hate you, then,” Chenle added, “Renjun didn’t hate you too because he knew it wasn’t your fault. It’s not your fault that you don’t have feelings for him! And now you tell me that you actually have feelings for him and you could’ve saved him from all the heartbreak he suffered because of you!” 

“It was hard for us too, Chenle,” Jaemin said, close to tears. “I know we were jerks and we’re sorry for that. If only we could turn back time… but we can’t, Lele. No matter how much we want to.”

Chenle was still glaring at the two with Jisung trying to calm the Chinese down.

“But we are making up for it, Chenle,” Jeno added. “Just give us time and we’ll prove to you just how much we love him — even if Injunnie couldn’t see it himself. 

But Chenle was still visibly fuming that Donghyuck decided to intervene.

“Chenle,” Donghyuck started, trying to appease the younger, “I know these idiots are frustrating. I’ve been there too. I got angry with them when I first knew too. But hear them out, Lele. These idiots are surprisingly sincere with their redemption.”

“Hyung’s right, Lele,” Jisung added, rubbing Chenle’s arm in an attempt to calm the older, “Don’t kill them yet without listening to the whole story. It’d be a pity if we can’t write that down and make a book or something.”

Jeno and Jaemin didn’t know whether to thank Donghyuck and Jisung or to burn them in the pits of hell for their slight jabs at them. But the way Chenle took a deep breath and looked at them expectantly made them want to kiss their two members.

“Okay, I’ll listen,” Chenle conceded. “But this better be worth my time.”

And so that’s how the five of them ended up sitting around the living room and narrated the same story of how Jeno and Jaemin fell in love and had denied Renjun from different points-of-view — including the time they decided that they couldn’t deny their feelings any longer. 

It was the first time all of the other members got to hear the details straight from Jeno and Jaemin themselves. They already knew Renjun’s side of the story from when their oldest member confided in them before, but they had pieced the bits of information with the new ones they were receiving. And they have concluded that it was all just a big mess.

“Wow,” Chenle commented at the end of it all.

“Do you see where we are coming from now, Chenle?” Jeno asked carefully.

“It’s just so overwhelming,” Chenle replied.

“I know,” Jaemin said. “It was too much to take. Imagine if you were the one experiencing it.”

Chenle didn’t reply, but he understood. 

“You know what you should do?” Chenle asked, leaning towards Jeno and Jaemin who waited for him to continue. “You should make up your mind if you want Renjun-ge or not and stick to that decision. Learn from your past mistakes.”

Then, there was a huge pause wherein everyone absorbed what Chenle had just said before Chenle himself interrupted the silence.

“So, pizza?” Chenle suggested.

That’s how Jeno and Jaemin knew they were somehow off the hook. And so they ordered pizza and decided to stay inside the dorm to hang out.

“Remember when we used to do this with Renjun-hyung whenever these two go on dates?” Jisung asked later, chuckling at the memory.

“Oh yeah,” Donghyuck replied, giggling. “The idiot didn’t want to suffer heartbreak alone so he forced us to be bitter with him.:

“So that’s what they were about?” Jaemin asked as the events were made clearer to him now.

“Yeah,” Chenle answered, munching on a huge piece of pizza. “And now we’re actually here with you while you’re heartbroken and Renjun-ge’s with his boyfriend. Who would’ve thought, right? The tables have turned.”

Fate was a funny thing, indeed.

At night, when Chenle and Donghyuck went home and Jisung was already asleep, Jeno and Jaemin were at the kitchen talking about the event that occurred that day. They agreed that it felt so good to reconnect with the rest of the members like that and talk about things they have kept hidden. It was so liberating to actually talk about things without having to pretend or filter. They wished they could do the same with Renjun, though.

“Today was nice, huh?” Jaemin asked Jeno, smiling softly.

Jeno nodded and said, “But I wish Injunnie could’ve joined us.”

“Yes,” Jaemin answered sadly and they fell silent again.

“Jen?” Jaemin said after a while, earning Jeno’s attention who was cleaning the table. “Do you think we should just let go of Injunnie?”

Jeno frowned but stared at his boyfriend’s face. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Chenle said we should make up our minds,” Jaemin replied. “And frankly, I haven’t made up my mind yet,” he admitted sadly. “A part of me wants Injunnie to be with us already because I don’t think I could live without him by our side. But another part of me wants to let go of him because he’s already happy and I can’t ruin that. One thing’s for sure, though — it’s that I just love him so much and I am willing to do anything for him.”

Jeno took a huge breath before replying. “I know what you mean, Babe. I love him too to the point that I would sacrifice everything just to see him smile again even if the reason’s not me. But I just love him too much to let him go too.”

Jaemin nodded and stared back into Jeno’s eyes. “We’ll figure this out, alright?” he said optimistically. “For our Injunnie… because we both love him.”

“Ehem.”

They both froze when they heard someone cough from the spot where the kitchen merged with the living room. They turned their heads towards the very familiar voice. Standing there was the very person that occupied their minds 7 days a week.

“J-junie?” Jaemin found the courage to say.

Renjun nodded slowly — eyes piercing into their souls. He was wearing an expression that was incomprehensible for Jeno and Jaemin.

“How long have you been there?” Jeno finally asked, afraid of hearing the answer.

Instead of answering, Renjun slowly walked towards them, causing the two to stand with their backs straight.

Renjun stopped a little over a foot in front of them and asked in a voice barely above a whisper, “How long?”

“I — what?” Jaemin asked, not knowing where Renjun was getting at.

“How long have you loved me?” Renjun answered boldly, staring right into their eyes with an unreadable expression, still.

“Junnie I —,” Jeno started, but Renjun interrupted them.

“Now, I want you to tell me the truth this time,” Renjun warned. “The whole truth.”

It seemed like the night was far from over for the three of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have a habit of building something and making you all love it just to break it in the end. LMAO. Sorry for that. I just want to portray here that not everything is what they seem at the surface and some relationships are very unstable once the honeymoon period passed. Renjun and Lei had only known each other for a short-while and half of the time, Renjun was very vulnerable. It was not a good formula, to begin with.
> 
> This fic had a lot of eavesdropping moments, doesn't it? That's a dramatic way of revealing things. Also, we get to hear every member's (aside from Mark) thought here. That was challenging for me to do.  
> To summarize this chapter:  
> No one:  
> ChenJiHyuck: The tables have turned.
> 
> And did you notice the slight promotion for 7 days there? Let's see if you got that.
> 
> So do you agree with Lei or with Renjun? What do you think would happen next? Let me know in the comments section.


	13. A Love that Lets Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does it takes to truly love someone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advance.

“Junnie —,” Jaemin tried to reach out to hold Renjun’s hand, but the older stepped away like he’d been burned. Jeno didn’t miss the flash of hurt in Jaemin’s eyes.

“The truth, Jaemin,” Renjun insisted, his own raw emotions showing through his eyes. “I want to know the truth.”

Jaemin turned to look at Jeno with pleading eyes. Out of the three of them, Jeno seemed the most composed — a big contrast to the raging emotions he felt inside.

Bracing himself, he tore his eyes away from Jaemin’s pleading ones into Renjun’s stormy ones — ready to answer whatever the older wanted to ask. But looking into Renjun’s eyes turned out to be a mistake as Jeno could feel his facade crumbling when he saw the mix of emotions that were so intense and intimidating. Renjun looked at him with the biggest look of betrayal Jeno had ever received before especially from his sweet Chinese secret love. And it hurt more knowing that Renjun had every right to look at him like that.

“Injunnie, we will answer everything you want to know,” Jeno said cautiously, “But please! I beg you,” he managed to add with just a hint of cracking in his voice as his emotions slowly started taking control, “Please listen to us and try to understand what we’re about to tell you. You are free to walk away after we tell you everything, but please listen to everything first.”

Even though he felt that his insides were a wire of tangled emotions, Jeno dared to stare directly into Renjun’s eyes to convey his message clearly.

“And please don’t hate us,” they heard Jaemin say in a soft voice, gaining both of their attention.

“I’d be the judge of that,” Renjun said frankly and the two winced with the slight coldness they could detect in the Chinese’s voice.

There was a slight pause wherein all three of them were just waiting for someone to say something. The silence was so thick, they could hear a pin drop.

Finally, in what felt like ages, Jeno decided to take one for the team.

“Remember when we first met?” Jeno said suddenly.

Renjun looked at Jeno in confusion. The question was so sudden and out of the blue that it had taken him aback.

But Jeno didn’t allow him to answer. Sensing the confusion from Renjun, he continued, “You asked me how long have I loved you, right?” He then watched as the confusion slowly cleared from Renjun’s features and added, “When I first met you — that’s how long.”

“But you said you got over it when you two got together,” Renjun was quick to reply in a somewhat accusing manner to which Jeno shook his head firmly.

“But I lied.” Where he had found the courage to say the truth directly, Jeno didn’t know. He was very aware of the hard hammering of his heart against his chest that he felt that it could puncture his skin. “I lied to you and to myself,” Jeno found himself saying.

Renjun suddenly felt his energy depleted from what he had heard and said, “I think I might need to sit down for this.” He then scrambled to find a seat.

Jaemin was quick to pull a chair out and offered it to Renjun who took a seat, looking dazed. He then turned to Jeno who was telling him something with his eyes. But Jaemin didn’t have the time or the energy to decipher what Jeno wanted to tell him and just took a seat beside Renjun. He then heard Jeno pull his own chair and sat down. All three of them sat around the dining table — Renjun trying to grasp reality, Jeno who was observing Renjun’s reaction, and Jaemin who was very worried at the moment.

“H-how… W-why,” Renjun stuttered through his racing thoughts. He couldn’t seem to find the right words to say. Then, he remembered that Jaemin was beside him and turned to the youngest, “Do you know about this?”

Jaemin gave Renjun a small smile of guilt and nodded his head somberly. “Yes, we have talked about this.”

“But why didn’t any of you tell me?” Renjun asked, a mixture of hurt and betrayal was very evident in his voice.

“Because it was not as easy as it seemed, Junnie,” Jaemin replied while trying to stay as calm as he can manage. “Jeno was so deep in denial and insisted he was over you while I —,” he paused, scrambling to find the right words to say, “And I kept it all inside. I wanted to be selfish to keep you both to myself. I was so afraid that I’d lose one of you if you both knew that I couldn’t choose between you. So, I opted to keep my feelings a secret in order to keep you both.”

Jaemin could see the frown on Renjun’s forehead but the former decided to keep going. Since the cat’s out of the bag now, he might as well lay it all out in the open.

“Yes, Junnie,” Jaemin said — answering the question he could tell Renjun was dying to ask. “I knew that I loved you all along. And perhaps I already loved you the moment you stared at me with your big shiny eyes at that bench along Han River that night, but I didn’t acknowledge it until much later.”

Jaemin paused to let Renjun absorb what he just said. Jaemin knew it wasn’t easy to process. He just silently prayed that Renjun was clear-minded enough to understand what Jaemin wanted him to understand.

“Why didn’t I tell you?” Jaemin took the initiative to ask for Renjun. “It was because I was already in love with my best friend at that time who was also in love with you! What a plot twist, wasn’t it?’ he chuckled dryly and Renjun looked up to meet his eyes. Jaemin tried not to get lost in Renjun’s galaxy eyes or else he would lose the will to explain properly.

“In a way,” Jaemin continued, “I saw you as a rival first.” Jaemin saw Renjun raise a brow at that statement. “When I found out you were the boy from Jeno’s infamous falling from the stairs story, I was thinking 'how could this small boy from China manage to enarmour the elusive Lee Jeno’s attention?' ,” he added while turning his gaze to Jeno. It was amazing that despite the serious situation, he managed to make Jeno blush. But he caught Jeno’s eyes and held it because he wanted to make a point in his next statement. “But when I got to know you — and to spy on you, I’m not gonna lie — I came to understand why,” he said that while staring into Jeno’s eyes in a silent request for confirmation from his boyfriend. Jeno stared back at him with a look that was telling Jaemin that he understood what the latter meant.

Jaemin then slowly turned back to Renjun and stared directly into the older’s eyes. “Huang Renjun, your aggressive tendencies and witty remarks couldn’t hide the fact that you have one of the biggest hearts to people lucky enough to be loved by you. Yes, you have a pretty face, but the way you laugh as if you are free from the troubles of this world, the way your eyes light up even more whenever you talk about the mysteries of the universe, the way you were so willing to carry the burden of others just so you could help them, and the way you try to hide the fact that you also have it hard — those little things about you make you all the more beautiful.”

Jaemin could see a change in the way Renjun was reacting to him, so he just continued.

“I don’t think you realize that,” Jaemin continued, eyes still on Renjun. “And I really didn’t stand a chance at all,” he added. “Instead of hating you for stealing the attention of my secret crush, I found myself drawn to you.” He shifted his weight on the chair and leaned back a bit before saying, “But you didn’t seem to notice that. All this time, I was so convinced that all you ever felt for me was friendship. And if that was all I was gonna get, then I’ll protect it with all my heart and that even if I was already with Jeno, I wanted you to stay too.”

He then reached to touch Renjun’s cheek softly and silently rejoiced that the older didn’t shrug him off. “And I’m sorry for not fighting for you even when I found out you love me too,” his voice was getting shaky at this point. “I have no excuse for doing what I did but believe me when I say that it was the biggest mistake I ever made in my entire life. I thought I was protecting you and Jeno from getting dragged into something that only I could fully enjoy.”

Jaemin then slid his hand from Renjun’s cheek and looked away in shame. “That would be so unfair to you both. I didn’t want Jeno to be uncomfortable with someone he claimed he had no feelings for and I didn’t want you to be stuck in a one-sided love with Jeno despite being so close to him and, technically, in a three-way relationship with him. I’ve been selfish for too long by wanting you both by my side and forcing things to go further would’ve ruined us.” He then sighed. “But I was wrong to let go of you without telling you what I feel,” he added. “And I know now that I shouldn’t have let my fears cloud my emotions, but I did and it’s too late to take it back now. If only I could, but I couldn’t, Injunnie,” Jaemin said in a broken voice.

“Because I lied to him,” Jeno intervened, effectively grabbing the attention of the two boys in front of him. “Jaemin did what he had done because I wasn’t truthful on my part too. Jaemin shouldn’t take all of the blame,” he admitted, staring at Renjun and ignoring Jaemin who looked like he was about to protest.

“You already know that I have loved you since the day I met you,” Jeno added, making sure that Renjun was following where he was getting at. “But I saw what Jaemin failed to see,” he said, giving Jaemin a quick glance. “I knew you liked Jaemin somehow. And it was devastating for me — to have my crush like my best friend instead.”

Sighing, Jeno opted to continue, “So I tried moving on from you and thought it would be better if we were just friends. I really thought it was impossible for you to see me in a romantic light.”

Looking up at Renjun’s stoic features, Jeno willed the courage to say the things he was so afraid of saying in the past few years.

“Falling in love and being with Jaemin made it easier to treat you as just my best friend,” Jeno continued, still a little precautious of his words. “And for a long time, I thought you were just that — my best friend whom I could confide in, someone I always have a soft spot for and was one of the people I would protect with my whole life.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “But all this time, I’ve been fooling myself into thinking that I was doing all those things platonically,” he shook his head in disbelief of how foolish he had been. “I convinced myself that I have moved on from you and had only loved Jaemin, but it was a big lie! And it’s so ironic that I have to feel threatened by the thought of losing you for me to realize how much I needed you to be part of us!”

Jeno reached out from across the table to hold Renjun’s hand that was lying on the table. “Junnie,” he continued, “I was a coward not to take the fall in order not to make things complicated. But if it means that you would be waiting for me at the end of a dark tunnel, then I would brave it all just so I could see you smiling for me.” Staring into Renjun’s eyes, Jeno hoped that Renjun understood just how much he was feeling for the older boy. “I know it now — something that I was denying myself and Jaemin for a long time. Injunnie, you are our missing piece. When we’re not with us, we’re okay but we’re not complete. And there will always be a part of us that would be yearning for you.”

Jeno was not a man of many tears, yet the amount of times he had cried because of his love for Renjun could very much qualify him for such as he felt the familiar burn of the tears brimming his eyes.

“But Junnie,” Jeno forced himself to continue, “If our love for you would only cause you tears instead of smiles, if we make you sad and hurt you instead of giving you the happiness you deserve, then I’m very much willing to let you g-go.” He tried to be brave, but he ended up choking on the last part.

“Junnie,” Jaemin said from Renjun’s side when he saw that Jeno was losing it. “What Jeno meant is that we are willing to do anything just so you’d be happy. And if your happiness doesn’t reside with us, then we would support you to your heart’s desire,” he added, but he was getting overwhelmed with his emotions too. “We love you, Injunnie, and we only want you to be happy. If it’s not us, then we would quietly support you in the background. Just please,” Jaemin could feel the thickness bubbling in his throat, “Just let me have your permission to love you from afar… because I don’t think I could unlove you that easily.”

What Chenle said that morning finally dawned on them both. They needed to make up their minds! And they decided that they would continue to love Renjun even when the latter wouldn’t love them back — for loving doesn’t always mean being reciprocated nor does it mean that you’d be with the person you love all the time. They realized that now — loving someone means putting that person’s happiness first, even before your own.

And choosing Renjun’s happiness over their own isn’t giving up on him. Rather, it means choosing to give Renjun the space to spread the wings of his own happiness, even if that happiness is without the two of them. And if the time comes that Renjun would get tired of spreading his wings and no one could match his magnificence — if the time comes that Renjun decided he was tired of exploring — then the two of them would always be there to catch him, ready with their ice cream, hotpot, and a cup of tea.

A love that lets go... a very rare and painful one but one that is unrivaled when it comes to strength and endurance. True love lets go of a person for his own sake. True love doesn’t seek to confine the person that you love just so you could be happy. True love blooms even when you’re miles away.

“I don’t want you to suffer any longer, Injunnie,” Jeno said after a long pause. “The members have told us about your situation with Lei-hyung and how much it involves us.”

It was Renjun’s turn to look away guiltily for not telling them that certain detail.

“Truthfully,” Jeno added, “Lei-hyung had a legit reason to be jealous of us especially if he knew we also have feelings for you. And I understand that.”

“Lei-hyung is doing what we both failed to do,” Jaemin continued, lifting Renjun’s chin up to stare at him. “He is fighting for you to be with him and I respect that.”

“Exactly,” Jeno added and Renjun looked at him. “And we could see that he had made you happy during the time that we hurt you. You are genuinely happy with him and without us in the picture, aren’t you?” he said, displaying an understanding smile albeit the sadness so evident in his eyes. “So why don’t you chase that happiness, Injunnie? We’ll willingly back off and leave you be so that you and Lei-hyung could love each other peacefully without him having to worry about us.”

Jeno didn’t know why, but Renjun’s face slowly morphed back into anger. But before he could continue, Jaemin had recaptured Renjun’s attention.

“Your happiness is our happiness, Injunnie,” Jaemin said softly despite the pain he was feeling at the thought of letting Renjun go. “And if your happiness is really Lei-hyung, then we’ll be so happy for you.”

Then in a spur of the moment, Jaemin enveloped Renjun in a hug — startling the smaller boy.

“Even when it pains me so much to let you,” Jaemin said, tears freely falling now and voice cracking. “If it means you’d be happy, then I’ll willingly do it. Just please be happy and safe always, Injunnie… for me and for Jeno.”

The sight of Jaemin’s pained face sobbing into Renjun’s neck made Jeno look away in pain too. He felt the familiar gut-wrenching feeling and the feeling of his heart being taken out of his chest. It was so painful that he almost wanted to throw up as he willed his own tears not to fall down.

For a moment, Renjun just stood still — not returning Jaemin’s hug or saying anything. Then, he took a huge breath and gently pushed Jaemin away, untangling the younger’s hold on him. And Jaemin braced himself for the rejection he was sure to receive that night.

“Is this the truth now?” Renjun said in a voice barely above a whisper. “No more lies or pretenses?” He added, looking at both boys as if trying to spot the lie in their eyes. It seemed like Renjun was satisfied in what he saw for he continued.

“Okay, my turn,” Renjun said seriously and Jeno and Jaemin couldn’t help but feel afraid of what was coming next. “Why now?” Renjun suddenly asked, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice. “Why now when I thought I have everything figured out — when I thought I have moved on from you guys? Why would you suddenly decide that you loved me all along and disturb me from my healing?”

Jeno and Jaemin thought that hearing the hurt in each other’s voices was already painful enough. But hearing how broken Renjun sounded was unbearable. Jeno thought he would rather die than see both Jaemin and Renjun in pain ever again. And even though he didn’t say it, Jeno knew Jaemin felt the same.

“I should get mad at you,” Renjun said with a dry laugh which did nothing to hide the tears that fell from his face which he was furiously wiping away. “I worked so hard to get over you both and I was succeeding. But here you are again destroying my effort and confusing me with your words,” he added, staring them down in an accusing stare. “And I should hate you,” continued, wiping away another batch of tears, “Because you don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you both say that you love me. And now that I have given up and have picked myself up from my emotional wreck, you come back crashing into my line of defense again? How is that fair?”

None of the two boys dared to speak, feeling Renjun’s anger radiate from his small body. Every one of Renjun’s words were like knives piercing straight through their hearts.

“But like the pathetic loser that I am, here I go again holding on to each word that you had said,” Renjun was fully sobbing by now — fist against his mouth to control the sounds he was making. “I-I s-should get o-over you a-and I s-should m-move on,” he added, trying to breathe in between his sobs. His chest felt so heavy that he had to bend down, causing Jaemin to automatically rub his back in worry and Jeno to spring to his feet and approach him.

“Injunnie, breathe,” Jaemin said, trying to calm Renjun down even though he was also panicking. “Breath for me, please?” he added, cradling Renjun’s face with his palms to get the older to look at him and match his breathing. Behind him, Renjun felt Jeno rubbing soothing circles on his back.

Renjun shook his head vehemently, trying to move away from Jaemin. “No! You two are unfair! Why are you so unfair?” he found himself thinking out loud.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin sobbed, but he couldn’t say anything else. He looked up at Jeno desperately only to find that his boyfriend’s eyes were also red and was crying silently.

Renjun just kept shaking his head hysterically and all Jaemin and Jeno could do was be there for him and wait for him to calm down. Jeno silently grabbed a glass of water for Renjun and placed it on the table beside him.

Once Renjun had regained control of his breathing, he looked up at both boys who were staring at him with worry. Drinking the glass of water first, he willed himself to calm down so that he would say what he wanted to say. He could feel the two following his movements with their eyes.

Then, he placed the glass down with a loud thud and turned his head at both boys.

“You said you were willing to let go of me?” Renjun challenged. “That it’s okay for you that I’d be with Lei?” Renjun saw both of them looked at each other first then turned back to him nodding their heads somberly. “Well,” Renjun added, looking back and forth between the two’s eyes, “Would you still have that same decision if I tell you that Lei and I broke up?”

Seeing both of their eyes widened in surprise was very satisfying for Renjun to see.

“Jiejie, I’m telling you — he is being insufferable!”

Renjun could hear his older cousin laugh on the other side of the phone, clearly amused at his ranting.

“I didn’t hear that from you when Lei was insisting you have to be out of town for your monthsary even when you just came back from your concert abroad and was very tired. Or that time when he took you to see his family without consulting with you first if you’re ready to meet them,” he heard his cousin replied. “What was it you said? He was being spontaneous and romantic?”

Renjun frowned. He could hear his cousin mocking him from the other side of the phone.

“What about that time when Lei called you in the middle of your sleepover with your members while faking a stomach ache and you have to rush to his dorm only to find out that he just wanted to have your full attention? Didn’t you say that he was cute and had just wanted to be with you?” his cousin continued.

“Okay, Jiejie, I get the point!” Renjun said impatiently and had the urge to throw his phone when he heard his cousin laugh at him. His cousin knew way too much about his relationship with Lei as he was still a bit uncomfortable sharing it with his members.

“I don’t think you do, Junjun,” his cousin replied, still a hint of amusement in her voice. “All this time, you were giving out excuses for Lei’s insensitive behavior. You kept on saying it’s fine with you and that you understood, but I know deep down, you're not fine with it.”

Renjun took a seat on his bed from pacing back and forth in his room. He knew his cousin was still not done.

“Knowing you,” his cousin added, “You couldn’t stand not being able to put in your opinions about matters that involve you. And that’s what Lei had been doing ever since you got together. But you put out some lame excuses like you’re still adjusting to each other and that Lei was just doing it for both of you. And now that it has gone on for too long, you had come to realize that it is taking a toll on you.”

“But Jiejie,” Renjun replied, “What if that was really just the case? What if we are just not used to each other’s personality yet and we still have to adjust?”

“But is he adjusting to you?” his cousin countered. “Because all I’ve been hearing is how much you tried to understand him and see things from his point of view. I mean, don’t get me wrong — it was still so wrong of you to still be attached to Jeno and Jaemin and I agree with your members that you were giving Lei the wrong impression. But, do they know that it’s not only Jeno and Jaemin that Lei had been jealous of?”

Renjun sighed. He could feel a headache coming. It was something that he had kept from Donghyuck and Jisung when he talked to them because he didn’t want them to think wrongly of Lei.

“Have you told them how much you’re basically banned from mentioning Jisung’s name while you’re with Lei or how Lei kept you with him when you wanted to eat out with Donghyuck when he came back from America?” his cousin pointed out. “Because maybe, if you told them that, they would have understood.”

“Lei is just…” Renjun scrambled to find the right words, “a bit insecure given how close I am with my members. I’m sure he’d get over it once he gets to know them better.”

“And there you go again making excuses for him,” his cousin said. “Okay, given that what you said is right. The question is — has he tried to actually get to know them? You know, besides that dinner one time where he needed to rush somewhere else and his chance of getting to know your members was cut short?”

“Jiejie,” Renjun tried to interrupt, but his cousin wasn’t done.

“And no. I still believe that he had done that more out of obligation as your new boyfriend than out of his sincere desire to get to know them,” his cousin continued. “I mean, why would he ask for dinner at that specific night when all of you were free the night before and the night after? But I guess your members didn’t know that, right? And he had the audacity to get mad at Jeno for acting a bit defensive about being able to get you home safely. You even apologize for Jeno’s behalf!”

“I know, I know,” Renjun said in defeat. “I know I should’ve told him off for that.”

“Junjun, that’s not the point,” his cousin argued. “The point is that you’ve been adjusting to him all this time to avoid conflicts, but when there are times when you can’t drop everything for him, he starts a fight.”

“But Jiejie,” Renjun said. “What if he’s right? What if I really did put Jeno and Jaemin my priority?” he added worriedly, suddenly questioning his intentions.

“That, I couldn’t answer you,” his cousin replied. “Whether or not you really did make Jeno and Jaemin your priority is for you to decide. But what if it was Jisung who was sick and home alone that day? What if it was Donghyuck who was having a panic attack at the thought of going to the hospital alone? If it was Mark who would spend Christmas alone or if it was Chenle’s birthday that you just couldn’t miss? Would you still do the same thing? Would Lei react differently?”

That had Renjun thinking as he imagined that it was the other members instead of Jeno and Jaemin each time. And he came up with the same answer — he would do as much for the other members as he did with Jeno and Jaemin. It didn’t matter because they were basically family! And Lei would react the same because Renjun would cancel the same appointments they had set on those days. Also, his cousin was right. It wouldn’t be the first time that other member’s names came up when they had disagreements. It just so happened that it was either Jeno or Jaemin that needed him.

“Had you speechless, didn’t I?” he heard his cousin said triumphantly on the other line and Renjun sighed in defeat. “Look, Junjun,” his cousin continued, “I know you’re very confused as to why Lei suddenly changed when you got together. But did he really changed that much other than hanging your so-called commitment over your head like a reminder that you are his? From what I see, you were so overwhelmed by the amount of attention he was giving you so that you didn’t mind his possessive tendencies.”

“Lei wasn’t anything like that,” Renjun found himself arguing.

“Really?” his cousin countered. “Refusing to have Guozhen join you because he wanted to have dinner with just the two of you? You said it was a sign that he wanted to date you instead.”

Renjun groaned as he had flashbacks of himself embarrassingly gushing to his cousin over Lei making a move on him.

“See? There were signs even before you two got together,” his cousin said. “But you were just too overwhelmed with the attention he was giving you that you chose to disregard it. And you have to admit — spending time with him almost every day did help you forget about your tragic love story with Jeno and Jaemin.”

“I didn’t make him my rebound, if that’s what you’re saying,” Renjun said defensively.

“I didn’t say that you did,” his cousin replied. “But he did help you.”

And Renjun couldn’t deny the fact that Lei did helped him.

“And not to disregard your own immaturity by using Jeno and Jaemin whenever you and Lei fight,” he could hear the disapproval in his cousin’s voice. “If you really wanted for you and Lei to work things out, the best thing to do is to cool off first and talk to him calmly after — not to rush back into Jeno’s and Jaemin’s arms like Lei thought you would. You were inconsiderate of Lei’s feelings too.”

“I know,” Renjun admitted.

“You have your fault too,” his cousin pointed out. “But you two need to meet halfway and compromise. That’s how relationships work. I understand that this is all new to you and you may be having a hard time. But if Lei is willing to talk it out, then you would solve this problem in no time."

“I really hope so, Jiejie,” Renjun replied hopefully. “Because I don’t know what to do anymore. We keep on going in circles and I can’t understand where we went wrong.”

“I understand, Junjun,” his cousin replied. “And I also understand that the way Lei’s been acting got you so confused because you saw him as a perfect boyfriend. And you held on to that image of him because that was the guy you fell in love with. But Jun,” his cousin added, “Are you really in love with the real Lei or the Lei that you created in your head? Because they can be different people, you know.”

Renjun didn’t know how to answer the question because he was so sure he already knew Lei like the back of his hand when they got together. They had spent almost every day together and Lei had been wonderful. Now that they had been together for months, Renjun had seen sides of Lei he had never seen before. And he questioned if he really knew Lei at all.

“Are you saying that I’m not really in love with Lei?” Renjun asked, scandalized by the idea.

“No,” his cousin answered. “But it’s something you have to decide yourself. Because that’s where most people had it wrong. Sometimes, we fall in love with the idea of a person and not the person himself. You need to figure that out on your own.”

Renjun contemplated on that bit of information. But stubborn as he was, he found himself saying, “I know him to be annoying and insufferable nowadays, though.”

His cousin laughed and replied, “You are being childish and immature right now too.”

“Yeah, but not as much as him,” Renjun mumbled pettily, still as competitive as ever which made his cousin laugh more.

“But if that is how my boyfriend would react everytime I put someone else over him at times, then I would probably lose my shit too,” his cousin said. “And of course, given the fact that I’m biased because you’re my favorite boy cousin.”

Renjun rolled his eyes as he could practically hear his cousin smirking. “Jiejie, I’m your only boy cousin,” he pointed out.

“Still doesn’t change the fact that you’re my favorite,” his cousin chuckled.

“Yeah yeah. I’ll bring home a signed Exo album when I get home,” Renjun said and he heard his cousin yelled triumphantly. “Wow. Glad to know you genuinely cared about me,” he added sarcastically.

“Oh, Junjun, you know I love you,” his cousin chuckled.

“Yeah, say that to me again when you read the message I’ll have Chanyeol-hyung write for you,” he jokingly answered and they both laughed.

After their laughter died down, he heard his cousin say, “So what are you planning to do now?”

Renjun sighed. He knew what he had to do, but he still didn’t have the courage or the strength to do so.

“I don’t know,” Renjun replied. “I guess I need to talk to him first and just see how that goes.”

“Jun, I know that you’re getting tired of fighting with him,” his cousin pointed out. “But if you decide that he’s worth the fight, then fight for him, okay? But don’t lose yourself in the process. You don’t need to change the way you are just so you could stay in a relationship.”

And that’s how Renjun found himself in front of Lei’s apartment door — waiting for Lei to open the door for him.

It was a little over 2 weeks since they last saw each other and a week since they argued again on the phone. Renjun had taken a few days for himself to contemplate on what he had just talked about with his cousin before he decided to talk to Lei. He thought hard about what he was going to say — going over his reasons over and over again in his head to find every possible angle to their situation.

He had called Lei earlier to ask the older if he could come by his apartment to talk and Renjun was a bit surprised to hear that Lei sounded calm. Of course, Renjun felt anything but calm.

The door opened and revealed Lei who had an unreadable expression on his face.

“Hi,” Renjun said awkwardly, rocking on the balls of his feet.

“Hey,” Lei answered with a slight smile in his face. He then opened the door as an invitation for Renjun to come in to which the Renjun took.

Hanging his jacket on the coat rack, Renjun took a look around the apartment to find it in its usual spotless and tidy arrangement. Lei was really an organized guy.

“What do you want to drink?” Lei asked, closing the door behind him which made Renjun turn to him.

“Why are you so formal all of a sudden?” Renjun couldn’t help himself from asking half-jokingly to break the ice.

But Lei looked away, not finding humor to what Renjun said at all. “I don’t know,” he replied. “It feels like you’ve been a stranger lately than being my boyfriend.”

Renjun could detect a slight saltiness in Lei’s tone, but Renjun chose to disregard that. He also willed himself not to get irritated or to retort back that would cause another fight. He was here for a reason, and he would stick to his mission.

“Lei,” Renjun started. “We need to talk,” he said seriously.

Lei sighed in resignation and replied, “I guess we do.”

“We need to stop doing this,” Renjun said as he gestured his hands around. “Arguing like there’s no tomorrow, going back and forth instead of moving forward — it’s getting pretty tiring. Aren’t you tired of it all?”

Lei sighed again and gestured for Renjun to sit on the couch before he sat down on the opposite side himself. Once they were both seated facing each other, Lei decided to speak.

“These past few days away from each other also got me thinking,” Lei said. “And this is not what I expected when we got together.”

“Yeah?” Renjun replied. “Then what did you expect?”

“To be honest,” Lei answered. “I expected us to be happy with each other — not caring about the world or what others would say. When I first got to know you, I saw a boy who was willing to give it all to the people he loved and I kinda wanted that love for myself,” Lei admitted. “I was so fascinated by the broken boy that I wanted to fix him so that I get to experience the love he was capable of.”

Lei then looked up from looking at his hands into Renjun’s eyes before continuing. “I thought he needed saving, and I was up for the challenge to win his heart and bring it home,” he said. “But it turns out, he didn’t need any saving at all.”

Renjun was just quiet. He wanted to hear what Lei had to say first.

“But I mistook that fascination with love,” he finally said. “I was so fascinated with you that I thought it was an attraction. I had made a version of you in my mind that was filled with my expectations pf what I like you to be — wondering if that was how you’d be like if you became mine.”

And Renjun suddenly remembered what his cousin said — about having an idea of a person and sticking to it. In the end, you never really saw the person for who he truly was. And Renjun guessed that it was where he and Lei had it wrong.

“I also had expectations about you,” Renjun said. “I was stuck with that version of you that I chose to disregard the things that were not sitting well with me — the things about you and what you did that I do not agree with. And I guess, deep down, I already know that we have our differences, but I just made myself believe that I could look over them and turn my head the other way.” Then he leaned forward to make a point. “But I could no longer bend for you, Lei. Sooner or later, I’m going to break if I keep that up,” he added, staring right into Lei’s eyes.

“I understand,” Lei replied. “And I know it was my fault for letting my jealousy take over me,” he admitted. “I thought I could compete with the kind of attention you give especially to Jeno and Jaemin who you loved before me. I saw it as a challenge with you as a trophy. And I realized now that it sounded so wrong. I treated you as a prize that needed to be won, and I’m sorry for that,” he said guiltily. “All I wanted was for you to love me like how you loved Jeno and Jaemin.”

Renjun heard the pain in Lei’s voice and he couldn’t help but feel hurt too.

“I did love you, you know,” Renjun said quietly.

“But not the kind of love I wanted,” Lei replied sadly.

“Lei, you’re not a rebound, just so you know,” Renjun found himself saying.

But Lei just smiled sadly and replied, “But I was. Whether we like it or not, I really was.” He then chuckled dryly as if finding humor to their situation. “But to be fair, I knew the risks from the start but I thought I could live with that. Turns out, I couldn’t handle you being so close to the people I thought I won against.”

“I never really felt that you were a rebound,” Renjun insisted. “And if I made you feel that way, then you have to know that I had no intentions of making you so.”

“I know,” Lei replied. “I was a… distraction, nonetheless. Let’s just say it’s that.”

“I’m sorry,” Renjun said and meant it with all his heart.

Lei held up is hand before and shook his head. “We both were at fault. If you had unintentionally used me, then I had also used you to boost my ego. I guess we both were looking for love for all the wrong reasons.”

“Besides,” Lei added after a slight pause. “I should’ve known I couldn’t compete with Jeno and Jaemin.”

“Lei,” Renjun sighed tiredly. “It’s not a competition.”

“But they had already won without even trying, haven’t they?” Lei pointed out.

“You know very well how much I tried to get over them,” Renjun replied, getting a bit pressed.

“The keyword is tried,” Lei pointed out.

“Are we going to argue about this again?” Renjun could feel a slight irritation building up in him.

“You’re right,” Lei conceded. “I’m sorry for even bringing that up.” He then sighed and added, “But you have to know that even though it’s an itch in my throat, I understand now that they are always going to be constants in your life and you will always have a place for them. And you need to figure that out before you get into a relationship next time, or else you’d have the same problems.”

“Next time?” Renjun asked, taken aback. “Are you implying what I think you are?”

Lei smiled at Renjun sadly. “You’re not the only one with realizations these past weeks, you know,” he replied. “And I realized now that I may have feelings for you, but it’s not strong enough to make me wanna continue whatever this is.”

Renjun just sat frozen in his chair. To be honest, when he decided to talk to Lei, he didn’t know how things are going to end up or what he wanted to happen. All he really wanted was to clear up any misunderstanding that they both might have.

“Is this it?” Renjun found himself asking — more to himself than Lei. “Is this really how this would all end?” he added quietly. And he couldn’t stop himself from feeling a bit hurt.

“Well, what did you expect?” Lei asked, chuckling humourlessly.

“I don’t know,” Renjun admitted truthfully. “Talk things out and find a way to make it work?” he added, a little lost.

“And you really think that would work?” Lei challenged. “We tried, Jun. It just wouldn’t work,” he added.

“Well, maybe we didn’t try hard enough,” Renjun argued, feeling the lump in his throat and the burn in his eyes. “This can’t be the end.”

Lei just looked at him in pity. “I’m sorry, Jun. But I don’t think this is gonna work any longer.”

And Renjun felt his tears fell down. Even though he and Lei disagreed quite often, Renjun was still attached to Lei and he knew that things weren’t going to be the same anymore between them if they would break up. So despite the situation, Renjun found himself desperately clinging to the guy who saved him from his previous heartbreak.

But he also knew now that the said guy was a product of his vulnerability — an idea that he created to be his saving grace. And even though it pained him to admit, he knew that Lei was right. They wouldn’t work in the long run.

“So I guess this is goodbye?” Renjun said, wiping his tears.

“Is this the part where I say it was fun while it lasted?” Lei joked despite the circumstance.

And for a brief moment, Renjun saw a glance of the Lei he knew — carefree and funny. Sadly, it was not enough to make him stay too.

So he found himself going back to their dorm — the events earlier still not sinking in. Still a bit dazed and overwhelmed, he found himself entering their dorm as quietly as he could, not realizing that there are still two members who were awake and was talking about him in the kitchen.

He was about to ignore whoever they were and go straight to bed and wallow in his misery. That was until he heard his name being mentioned which stopped him in his tracks and brought him back to reality.

“Do you think we should just let go of Injunnie?” a voice that sounded like Jaemin said.

Renjun frowned, not understanding what it was all about, but his feet seemed to have a mind of their own. And he found himself frozen in the spot between the kitchen and the living room. He could see Jeno’s back to him as the younger was cleaning the table while Jaemin sat facing Jeno. But Jaemin was blocked by Jeno, so he couldn’t see Renjun.

“What do you mean?” Renjun heard Jeno asked.

“Chenle said we should make up our minds,” Jaemin replied. “And frankly, I haven’t made up my mind yet. A part of me wants Injunnie to be with us already because I don’t think I could live without him by our side. But another part of me wants to let go of him because he’s already happy and I can’t ruin that. One thing’s for sure, though — it’s that I just love him so much and I am willing to do anything for him.”

Renjun couldn’t believe what he just heard. Were they talking about what Renjun think they were? Before he could think further, Jeno also spoke.

“I know what you mean, Babe. I love him too to the point that I would sacrifice everything just to see him smile again even if the reason’s not me. But I just love him too much to let him go too.”

They love him? When? How? Renjun felt his head swirling with the information he had just received. It was a huge blow and he couldn’t process it properly. He didn’t know what to feel about that! He just went through a break up literally before he came home!

“We’ll figure this out, alright?” he heard Jeno said. “For our Injunnie… because we both love him.”

Renjun decided he had heard enough and made his presence known.

And now he was facing Jeno and  
Jeamin — the same people he tried desperately to move on from, the very same reasons why he got with Lei and broke up with him, the very people he wanted to hate but couldn’t. They were staring at him — wide-eyed and shocked at the bomb he just gave them.

“Y-you,” Jaemin stuttered, “You broke up with Lei?”

Renjun shook his head. “No,” he answered. “He broke up with me.”

“What?” Jeno exclaimed. “Why?” he asked in disbelief. “Is it because of us? We could talk to him if you want,” he offered, feeling guilty.

Renjun shook his head again and replied, “It’s a long story.” Then, he asked again, “But back to the question. Would you still want to let go of me?”

Jaemin took a breath before replying, “I still stand with what I said.” He then looked at Jeno before for confirmation to which the older nodded slightly in encouragement. Getting the hint, Jaemin continued. “We,” he said, “would still let you go if that’s what you want. Like I said, all we really want is for you to be happy. And we will completely go with your terms.”

“And you just went through a break-up, Injunnie,” Jeno added, staring at Renjun in worry, “I don’t think you’re okay with that.”

“And the most important question still stands,” Jaemin said. “Do you still love us despite everything we had done?”

It was Renjun’s turn to be rendered speechless. He looked at both of them who stared back at him with hopeful eyes.

Everyone’s been telling him that maybe he hadn’t really gotten over these two — even Lei. But he was so sure he did.

So why did he felt very betrayed when he heard straight from them that they loved him all along? Why did he felt so much hurt when he found out that they had deliberately tried to get over him too? If he had really gotten over them, then it shouldn’t affect him, right?

And most importantly, why did he want to protest when they told him that they would just let him go without a proper fight again? Was he not worth the fight?

But looking at the kind of look Jeno and Jaemin was giving him, he knew they meant well. He could feel it in his heart. So call him pathetic, but he really believed every word they said.

Looking at the two people he treasured the most, he knew he had found his answer.

Deciding that it was now or never, he cleared his throat and opened his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I leave you with a cliffhanger again. But don't worry, I'm already starting with the next chapter. 
> 
> NCT DREAM COMEBACK! I purposely didn't update so that you could stream. LMAO. I am so proud of the Dreamies and their achievements and they are killing it with this comeback! Keep streaming Ridin' and support the Dreamies!
> 
> So here you go... This is the side of Lei I kept from you so that you had an audience view of what was really going on. As I said, I really wrote Lei for you to love and break his image all of a sudden. Sorry for that. But you need to realize that reality works that way. Sometimes, we are only in love with the idea of a person and we refuse to see that he also had bad sides. But that's not what made Renjun and Lei's relationship a failure. It was the fact that they couldn't meet halfway. And they simply weren't compatible as lovers as they were as friends. A lot of couples make that mistake which makes it scary. But don't be afraid to love and fight for the people that are worth it!
> 
> What do you think? Are you ready for this to end? Let me know in the comments section.


	14. Puzzle Piece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I had requirements for school I needed to attend to.

Chenle opened the door to NCT Dream’s dorm. He was quite early because he needed to wake Jisung up. It was becoming their habit lately and Chenle found it amusing to stare at Jisung sleeping just before he would yell at the younger to wake up. But you didn’t hear that from him.

Stepping in quietly, he started to head for Jisung’s room when he stopped dead in his tracks. He gasped and rushed to Jisung’s bedroom and shook the said boy awake.

Jisung groaned and rolled over to see who was shaking him.

“What?” Jisung said groggily, “No yelling today?” he asked sarcastically. “Not that I’m complaining,” he added hastily.

“Get up!” Chenle said in a hushed tone, ignoring Jisung’s remark. “You need to see this!”

Bewildered, Jisung got up and followed Chenle outside the door to the living room. And like Chenle, he also stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what Chenle was talking about.

Lying on the couch was a tangled mess of his three hyungs who were cuddling each other. In between Jeno and Jaemin was Renjun whose head was safely tucked under Jeno’s chin while Jaemin’s arm was around his torso from in a back hug. The three of them were smiling in their sleep and it was disgustingly sweet that Jisung wanted to throw up.

“At least they still had clothes on,” Jisung deadpanned which earned him a smack in the back of his head from Chenle.

“Ow!” Jisung protested, rubbing his head and glaring at Chenle.

With the noise they’re making, Renjun was stirring awake and the two maknaes froze on their spots.

Renjun opened his eyes and looked around him — trying to adjust to his surroundings until they landed on the two boys staring wide-eyed at him. He then untangled himself from the two boys that were crushing him which cause the said boys to wake up too.

“Ahhhh, Injunnie! It’s too early, get back here,” Jaemin whined as he tried to pull Renjun back who resisted.

“Nana,” Renjun warned. “The kids are here,” he added while looking at Jisung and Chenle.

At the mention of kids, Jaemin finally opened his eyes and stared at Jisung and Chenle who seemed frozen on their spots.

“Hey, kids!” Jaemin said, getting up. “You’re up early. Do you want breakfast? Nana-hyung would cook you anything you want.”

Jaemin then marched to the kitchen, dragging the poor maknaes who were still very confused with him.

Renjun heard Jeno chuckle and mumbled, “He acts like he’s their mother.”

Renjun rolled his eyes and replied, “Well, you act like their dad.”

Jeno laughed and pulled Renjun back to his arms. “You’re welcome to be their mom/dad too.”

That made Renjun laugh into Jeno’s chest. “No, thanks,” he replied. “I don’t want kids like Jisung and Chenle. I would age twice as fast.”

He felt a soft shaking as Jeno chuckled at his comment which made Renjun smile a little and relax into Jeno’s arms just for a short while before pulling away and getting up.

“Come on,” Renjun said when he had gotten up. “Let’s see what Nana’s cooking for the kids.”

Jeno stared at him with a twinkle in his eyes and replied, “That sounds so domestic.”

Renjun rolled his eyes, hiding the little smile that crept up his cheeks and the small blush he was sporting, and turned away from the grinning boy who was still lying down on the couch. He then walked into the kitchen where he could hear Jaemin complaining at how Jisung was making him his personal cook. But everyone knows he enjoys cooking for the members.

“You’re here early,” Renjun commented, switching to Mandarin. He sat down beside Chenle who was so amused with Jaemin’s little monologue about how his members wouldn’t survive without him.

“Jisung and I are going to the arcade today,” Chenle replied absent-mindedly — still looking at the scene in front of him. Jaemin was still loudly talking to himself while Jisung followed his hyung around like a puppy waiting for his owner to feed him — being more of a nuisance than of help.

Renjun frowned, confused. “I thought that was supposed to be yesterday?”

Chenle turned to look at Renjun in realization. “Yeah,” he replied. “But plans changed because I almost hit Jaemin-hyung and Jeno-hyung for being jerks,” he deadpanned, looking right into Renjun’s eyes to see the older’s reaction. And by the way that Renjun recovered quickly from the shock and looked away with cheeks tinted red confirmed Chenle’s silent question.

“Judging by your reaction, I guess I can say that you already know they love you?” Chenle asked boldly.

“So I’ve heard,” Renjun mumbled, a bit embarrassed and still in disbelief with the events from the night before.

“Does that explain the scene I walked into — which is very early in the morning, by the way,” Chenle inquired with a bit of accusation in his tone. “What about Lei-ge?” he added. “Don’t tell me you cheated on him! Huang Renjun, I didn’t raise you like that! I swear to God — .”

“Woah woah woah! Slow down,” Renjun interrupted when the younger wouldn’t stop rambling, a bad habit Chenle has when he’s overtaken by his emotions. “One,” Renjun continued, “I’m older than you! And two, I didn’t cheat on Lei!”

But Chenle was still looking at him with big questioning eyes.

“Well, I can’t because we broke up,” Renjun replied while mumbling.

“What?!” Chenle exclaimed quite loudly in Korean this time which startled the bickering Jaemin and Jisung and Jeno who had just stepped inside the kitchen. All three looked at Chenle who was staring wide-eyed at Renjun who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

“When!? How?!” Chenle added, yelling on top of his lungs now.

“What are you talking about?” Jisung tilted his head slightly in confusion while staring at the two Chinese.

Renjun looked up at Jaemin and Jeno helplessly which prompted Jaemin to act. Placing the plate of bacon on the table, Jaemin said, “Dig in, kids, or I won’t give you any.”

Chenle looked at Jaemin who was smiling a little too enthusiastically and became very suspicious of the older’s nonchalant attitude on his little outburst.

“Food can wait!” Chenle glared at Jaemin and turned back to Renjun. “You have a lot to explain to me,’ he threatened.

“If you don’t want to, then I’ll go ahead and eat this,” Jeno interrupted, snatching the plate in front of Chenle and settling down on a chair.

“No, I want to eat! I’m starving!” Jisung whined and pulled the plate back to his side. “Chenle, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. So can you please hold that off later?” he complained.

Chenle let out a sigh of defeat. “You win this time,” he mumbled to Renjun. “But you owe me,” he added. Then, he snatched the plate from Jisung who was already munching on the bacon and the toast Jaemin had just finished preparing. “Jisung, if you don’t spare me some this time, I would go home and you can say goodbye to the arcade!” he warned.

Renjun smiled innocently but said nothing, concealing the sigh of relief he just let out. It’s not that he didn’t want to tell Chenle. But he was still so overwhelmed himself and he was afraid he had still not processed everything properly. He glanced at Jaemin who was smiling adorably at the two youngest who won’t stop bickering and to Jeno who was eating his own share peacefully — silently sending them his gratitude.

Chenle and Jisung left shortly to their planned hang-out — or date as Renjun liked to call it, much to Chenle’s adamant denial — and Renjun decided to head to his room to sleep. The intense emotions he had felt the night before rendered him unable to sleep properly. That, the fact that the three of them talked until a little before dawn, and his excessive crying last night didn’t help at all. So after filling his stomach with breakfast, he felt his eyelids falling heavy with drowsiness.

Finally reaching the point wherein his brain could no longer think of anything anymore, Renjun slowly drifted to unconsciousness.

He found out later that he had slept the whole day and Jeno and Jaemin didn’t dare wake him up so that he could have more rest. When he woke up, it was almost time for his radio schedule. Still a little groggy from sleep, he pushed himself out of the bed and took a quick shower before heading out to the living room where he found Jeno and Jaemin watching tv on the couch.

“Hey, Injunnie! You’re awake!” Jaemin greeted with a big warm smile while Jeno just smiled at him from beside Jaemin. “Food’s on the table. Go ahead and eat before heading out.”

“I’ll just grab something to eat while heading to the station,” Renjun replied, looking at his watch distractedly. “Manager-hyung’s gonna pick me up any minute now.”

“Nonsense,” Jaemin insisted with a frown, getting up now. “You need to eat. You haven’t eaten lunch today,” he added and Renjun could detect the worry in the younger’s voice.

Renjun smiled to himself. It looked like Jaemin was back to doting over him and making a fuzz over small things Renjun tends to neglect like eating or resting. Knowing full well that he can’t escape Jaemin, Renjun let the younger lead him to the kitchen.

“I’m not being held hostage, am I?” Renjun said with a laugh which made Jeno laugh behind him too.

“There’s no amount of ransom that Manager-hyung can offer for Nana to set you free, though,” Jeno joked. He had actually followed the two to the kitchen.

Jaemin frowned cutely which made the two laugh harder. “If it’s anything, I’m keeping you a hostage in my heart,” he winked.

And Renjun pretended to fake gag while Jeno just rolled his eyes while smiling. But the moment was broken when Renjun saw the amount of food on the table.

“Na Jaemin! Do you expect me to eat this much?” Renjun exclaimed in disbelief while Jeno laughed.

“I told you it’s too much,” Jeno said to Jaemin, chuckling softly in amusement.

“Nothing’s too much for our Injunnie,” Jaemin insisted stubbornly.

“Unless you wanna fatten me up for slaughter,” Renjun deadpanned but took a seat anyway. He felt Jeno sat beside him and Jaemin in front of him.

“Junnie, you’re too skinny for your own good,” Jaemin frowned. “You need to have some fat.”

“Yes, mom!” Renjun joked and started eating — much to Jaemin’s delight.

“As much as I think you’re a cute baby, I’d much rather not be your mom,” Jaemin replied. “I don’t think it sounds good if I keep wanting to shove my tongue down my son’s throat, does it?” he added making Renjun choke on his food while Jeno was dying of laughter beside the Chinese.

Renjun reached out for a glass of water which Jaemin gladly handed him and drank. “Nana, you can’t say things like that without warning, okay?!” Renjun said, glaring at Jaemin who looked like he was so proud of what he had said rather than apologetic.

“Trust me, you’ll get used to it,” Jeno chuckled. “He’s rather bold with his words and… actions,” he added, avoiding Renjun’s scandalized eyes.

“I’d rather not know,” Renjun replied shaking his head to get rid of the mental image.

“Wouldn’t you, baby boy?” Jaemin winked and grinned in satisfaction at the sight of a blushing Renjun. “Jen, I think I found his weakness,” he added, still grinning.

“Don’t call me baby boy!” Renjun retorted indignantly, trying hard to hide his blush but to no avail.

“Nana, let the poor boy eat,” Jeno intervened, deciding to save Renjun from Jaemin’s cheesy ass. “And stop being creepy or you’ll scare him away,” he warned.

“What?” Jaemin said, looking innocent. “I’m behaving,” he added. But he was making Renjun blush more with his intense staring.

“Stop that!” Renjun mumbled, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.

“I’ve wanted to do this so long and now that I can stare at you openly and as much as I want to, I don’t think I wanna stop,” Jaemin confessed, smiling softly now.

That melted both Renjun’s and Jeno’s hearts.

“Nana, I don’t know what to say,” Renjun admitted shyly. He felt the tug on his heartstrings at the sweet confession.

“You don’t have to,” Jaemin replied, still smiling softly. “You giving me the permission to love you freely is enough for now,” he added sincerely.

Jeno couldn’t help but melt at the sight in front of him. Jaemin was staring lovingly at Renjun and Renjun was smiling back at Jaemin. He couldn’t believe he almost lost the chance to see this — two people he loves being happy together. It warms his heart that he could share that intimate moment with them and that he did not feel jealous at all. Rather, he wanted to see more.

The rest of the meal was spent with Jaemin making Renjun more flustered with random cheesy compliments and open flirting while the latter was trying not to choke on his food again. Jeno just sat contentedly with them, enjoying the moment that they could finally have together.

Donghyuck knew he must be missing something.

He walked inside the practice room that morning only to see Renjun sandwiched between Jeno and Jaemin. Jaemin was feeding Renjun while the smaller guy was so busy playing PUBG with Chenle. On Renjun’s other side, Jeno sat with his chin on Renjun’s shoulder — also deeply immersed in Renjun’s game— while his one hand was playing with Renjun’s hair near the latter’s nape. Renjun would let out of a frustrated yell every time someone shoots at him causing his infamous temper to show. But Jaemin would just coo at him while Jeno would lovingly pat the Chinese’s back to calm him down.

It was disgustingly sweet, Donghyuck decided. But also very confusing.

For the rest of the day, Jaemin and Jeno were still all over Renjun — offering water, asking if he’s okay whenever they have small breaks, and even (to Donghyuck’s disgust) wiping Renjun’s sweat off. Jaemin was the culprit of the last. What baffled Donghyuck more was the older’s nonchalance about the whole thing — as if they were completely normal things to do on a daily basis.

Donghyuck had his suspicions, but he knew he wasn’t the only one. He could see Mark throwing in questioning looks at Chenle who looked like he wanted to say out something too. Only Jisung looked normal but the brief questioning glances he would exchange with Chenle told Donghyuck that the maknae was also confused about the three’s actions.

It was when Jaemin insisted he feed Renjun with the chicken they had ordered for lunch that Donghyuck decided he couldn’t hold in his questions any further. They were seated in a circle on the floor of the practice room and Jaemin had been very insistent on feeding Renjun and Jeno just smiled like a fool at the two.

“Alright, someone tell me what I missed!” Donghyuck exclaimed, effectively grabbing everyone’s attention. He was staring questioningly at Jaemin who had his chopsticks in mid-air, ready to feed Renjun who was still refusing.

Instead of an answer, he heard Renjun chuckled. “Took you long enough to ask,” he said. “Who knew you’d last this long?” he added, sounding very amused.

“Which means I won the bet!” Jaemin exclaimed triumphantly. “Donghyuck lasted for half a day!” he added, grinning.

“That’s because you can’t keep your hands off Injun the whole morning!” Jeno complained. “He would’ve caught on after a day like I predicted,” he mumbled.

“Like you could keep your hands off him too,” Jaemin rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t change the fact that I won, though!”, he said stubbornly.

“Wait wait wait!” Donghyuck intervened, feeling more confused. “First of all — you made a bet on how long it would take for me to notice that you three are acting lovey-dovey with each other?”, he added, looking at the three incredulously as if he was offended. “Second — what the hell is going on? Aren’t you with Lei?” he said to Renjun.

“Renjun-ge, you still owe me an explanation from yesterday,” Chenle added, staring at Renjun expectantly. He didn’t have a chance to question the older Chinese the day before because he and Jisung were too exhausted after a long day. “You were basically sleeping together when I walked in!”

“They what!?” Mark exclaimed, scandalized at what he had heard and staring at the three with eyes wide open. Donghyuck’s jaw dropped at the revelation while Jisung snickered in the background.

“Not like that!” Jeno said in slight panic. “Chenle, be careful with your words!” he reprimanded slightly.

“Explain, then!” Donghyuck challenged Jeno.

“I think all three of them need to explain,” Mark said a bit sternly, always the reliable leader.

Renjun sighed and readjusted himself on the floor even though he didn’t need to. He felt Jaemin lowered the chicken beside him and Jeno sitting straight.

“Lei and I broke up,” Renjun decided to go straight to the point and Donghyuck would’ve fell off if he wasn’t already sitting on the ground.

“Yeah, I know that already. Get to the point!” Chenle replied, almost screeching with impatience.

“I don’t!” Donghyuck protested loudly, still in a state of shock from the bomb Renjun dropped so casually.

“Would you two keep quiet and let Renjun explain?” Mark decided to intervene before Chenle and Donghyuck would erupt into a rather loud verbal exchange.

“Thank you, Hyung,” Renjun said and continued. “As I was saying, Lei and I broke up the night before last because we just couldn’t set our differences aside. Thus, we decided to call it quits and just remain friends,” he said simply. The details would have to wait later.

“But you two were so perfect,” Chenle argued, pouting slightly. “I know you were having disagreements lately, but I thought you could make it work.”

“Lele,” Renjun sighed. “Not everything is what it looks like on the surface,” he explained patiently. He could feel Jaemin and Jeno burning holes at either side of his head.

“And now that you broke up, you decided to rush into the arms of the two idiots beside you?” Donghyuck said, a little accusingly.

“Hyuck, that’s a bit rude,” Jaemin replied, not liking the accusing tone Donghyuck had used.

“It’s okay, Nana,” Renjun said, gently patting Jaemin’s knee in reassurance. “Donghyuck just doesn’t understand yet.”

“Then make me,” Donghyuck replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest now.

“I went back to the dorm after Lei and I broke up and I walked into them talking about me,” Renjun narrated. “There was a confrontation and I found out that they have feelings for me,” he added — checking the reaction of his members. “But I guess you all know that already,” he concluded when no one batted an eye on the revelation. But to be honest, he wasn’t really surprised. No secret would last forever between NCT Dream — especially if you have a member like Lee Donghyuck.

“The idiots aren’t really that good in hiding secrets,” Donghyuck commented, shrugging casually as if it’s a known fact already.

“Hey!” Jaemin protested while Jeno just shot Donghyuck with a subtle glare. Renjun laughed lightly at the comment while Mark had the urge to tape Donghyuck’s mouth to stop the latter from talking too much.

But Donhyuck wasn’t fazed. “You had the nerve to laugh when you’re the third idiot,” he said to Renjun who automatically stopped laughing — making Jisung snort and Chenle giggle.

“One more smart ass comment from you and I’m gonna tell Taeyong-hyung you burned his favorite apron trying to bake a cake for Mark-hyung’s birthday!” Renjun threatened, glaring at Donghyuck.

“You wouldn’t!” Donghyuck exclaimed, pointing at Renjun in disbelief while Mark’s eyes widened. Mark didn’t know that piece of information.

“Try me, Lee Donghyuck,” Renjun smirked which earned him a glare from Donghyuck. He knew that piece of information would be useful for blackmail someday.

“Anyway,” Mark said, clearing his throat. “To address the elephant in the room — are you three together now?”

Jeno and Jaemin looked at Renjun who just gave them a soft smile before turning to Mark.

“Actually, Hyung,” Renjun started to reply and he almost laughed when Chenle, Donghyuck, and Jisung leaned a bit closer — almost comically. “We’re not.”

“What?!” Chenle exclaimed in disappointment.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Donghyuck snorted, but was a bit disappointed too while Mark just looked more confused than ever.

“Do you actually think I would jump into another relationship literally the night I broke up with my ex?” Renjun asked incredulously, a bit offended.

“No,” Donghyuck admitted. “But it wouldn’t have surprised me.”

“Same,” Chenle commented while Jisung nodded his head silently.

“Well, that’s fair,” Renjun replied. “But I am taking my time this time,” he added.

“We’re not rushing him,” it was Jeno who voiced out his thoughts this time. “After a rather messy confession we had that night, we talked a lot about our situation. We can’t just ignore everything else and just go ahead with what we wanted. There are wounds that still need to heal and we can’t rush that.”

“We have hurt each other too much,” Jaemin admitted sadly. “There were too many lies and pretensions and we are dealing with the consequences now. The situation is a lot more complicated than we wish it is,” he explained. “Yes, Jeno and I love Renjun but for now, it’s not enough to start a relationship with him. Besides, he just went through a break-up.”

Mark nodded understandingly while the other members absorbed what they just heard.

“But what about you, Renjun-hyung?” Jisung suddenly asked — looking at Renjun. “Do you love them back?”

For a moment, everyone went silent — eager to hear what Renjun was about to say. Renjun himself was taken aback at the sudden question.

“ _Do you still love us despite everything we had done?_ ” Jaemin had asked Renjun that night.

Renjun had found himself contemplating on the question — not expecting them to ask him that particular question.

Truth be told, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind since he started his thing with Lei. When Lei came into the picture, it was like he took the spotlight, and Jeno and Jaemin were reduced to background noises. Renjun’s world centered on Lei… but somehow, Jeno and Jaemin were constantly there in the background. Looking back at it now, the two were constants — always there like it was the most natural thing in the world for Renjun even though he didn’t give them much thought. Even when Renjun himself didn’t realize it, Jeno and Jaemin still occupied his mind even in tiny bits.

And Renjun almost wanted to hit himself for not realizing the obvious. Everyone did, and he was a fool to make himself believe otherwise.

“I don’t think I ever stopped,” Renjun finally admitted — more to himself. His voice was so quiet that Jeno and Jaemin had to strain their ears to catch what the oldest had said. Thankfully, they had also been quiet since Jaemin dropped the question — both holding their breaths for Renjun’s answer.

And Jaemin burst into a fit of tears again — finally hearing the confirmation he had desperately wanted to hear. He felt the emotional burden of the past months crash down on him, but all he could feel was relief. Renjun loves him! And he felt that everything else didn’t matter as long as Renjun loves him! Even if they couldn’t be together yet — Renjun loves him! And that’s enough for Jaemin.

Suddenly, Jeno crossed the small distance between him and Renjun and engulfed the smaller boy into a tight hug. It was something he was dying to do for a while now, and he found himself unable to resist. Hearing it straight from Renjun’s mouth made his heart leap with glee and he felt the familiar fluttering of his stomach.

Initially taken aback, Renjun quickly composed himself and slowly snaked his arms around Jeno who let out a tiny sob when he felt Renjun returning his hug. Because he was still overwhelmed himself, Renjun could do nothing but rub Jeno’s back in comfort as the larger boy held on tighter to him. A second later, he felt another body engulfing them both in a hug and he could hear Jaemin’s loud sobbing near his ears.

“You have no idea how much you made me happy with that statement,” Jeno finally said after quite a while with just the three of them in each other’s arms — Jeno and Jaemin finally calming down. “And that’s going to be enough for me,” Jeno added softly. “Just knowing that you love us too.” He then pressed Renjun impossibly closer to him as it can be possible, feeling Jaemin sigh contentedly.

“I’m so sorry, guys!” Renjun said, finally breaking out into a sob again. “Lei was right! I did turn him into a rebound and I played with your feelings when I would go back to you whenever Lei and I fight! I’m such a horrible person!” Renjun’s guilt was getting to him and he felt himself sobbed uncontrollably.

“Shhhh! Don’t say that! You’re not a horrible person!” Jeno said, breaking out of the hug in order to cradle Renjun’s face in between his hands. “If anything, you are one of the most loving people on earth! But you needed to feel loved too. And I guessed we failed to make you feel loved like you deserved. It’s not a sin to find it somewhere else,” he reassured and gently placed a kiss on Renjun’s forehead.

“Jen’s right, Junnie,” Jaemin said gently, grabbing one of Renjun’s hands with his own. “Just because you have your moments of weakness, doesn’t make you a horrible person. Sure, you and Lei-hyung didn’t work out, but I knew for a fact that you really loved him. And you never doubted that until people said otherwise,” he added, rubbing comforting circles on the back of Renjun’s hand.

“How do you know that?” Renjun didn’t feel reassured at all. “I just said I never stopped loving you when I was with Lei! That’s such a horrible thing to do!” he added, getting a bit hysterical.

“Because that’s just who you are,” Jaemin replied without missing a beat. “You are full of love and you feel the need to give love to people who ask it from you. You do that to Jisung when he needed an older brother, to Chenle when he felt homesick, to Donghyuck when he felt insecure, and to Mark-hyung when he didn’t know what to do — even to Jeno and I even in times when we don’t deserve you. You give love to others without asking for something in return,” he added while Jeno slowly wiped the tears that kept falling from Renjun’s eyes. “But you forgot that you needed something for yourself too. And Lei-hyung was readily there to give you the love you’ve been missing. So, I don’t judge you if you redirected all the love you have to him. And I know that deep in your heart, you know you loved him too — maybe just not the kind you would’ve wanted to give him,” he explained. “Forgive yourself, Injunnie. All you did was loved and sought to be loved in return. And we failed to give that to you before,” he added regretfully.

“We don’t deserve you, Injunnie,” Jeno added, staring deep into Renjun’s eyes. “But if you decide that you would take us despite everything we had done, then we would work hard to finally be deserving of the kind of love you have.”

“But I know you’re not ready for that yet, Injunnie,” Jaemin added in understanding. “And until you are ready, we would always wait for you.”

Jaemin was right, Renjun thought. How was Renjun supposed to feel when he just went through a breakup that night over the same reasons the three of them were discussing? The night had been so exhausting for Renjun and he felt his brain slowly clouding with both emotions and overuse.

Not finding the energy to argue, Renjun just nodded his head in agreement.

“We would always wait for you,” Jeno said gently. “Even if we would wait for nothing. You would always have a piece of our heart. You are our missing puzzle piece, and you would always hold that position,” he declared.

Maybe it was because his mind was exhausted or because he got maxed out emotionally. But Renjun felt himself smiling. “Even if it would take me forever to get back to you?” he asked quietly.

“Even if you never return,” Jeno answered firmly.

“Even if you find your happiness with someone else again,” Jaemin added despite feeling the slight jab of pain at the thought.

“Even if I’d break your heart?” Renjun challenged.

“Baby, my heart is already yours and Jeno’s to break,” Jaemin added cheesily. But all three of them knew he was very serious.

“But I don’t think I want to break your heart,” Renjun mumbled, feeling a bit sleepy now. He then pulled Jeno and Jaemin into a hug and snuggled into them. “However,” he added while closing his eyes, “I think I might need time for myself — to figure out what I want to do and to focus on myself first. That’s where Lei and I went wrong too. I was too excited to finally have someone to myself that I chose to disregard the red flags. I don’t want to do the same to you.”

“We understand,” Jeno replied, burying himself into Renjun’s hair. “Take all the time that you need, and we always would be right behind you.”

“You always are,” Renjun commented with a smile, realizing it now that this had never been truer than ever.

And they just stood there for a while — savoring the feeling of being in each other’s arms. Renjun felt himself getting drowsier and the comforting presence of Jeno and Jaemin didn’t help.

Jaemin must’ve felt Renjun getting sleepy too as he pulled away from the hug and said, “Jen, I think we need to get him to his room.” And Renjun felt Jeno gently tugging him to the direction of his room.

“No!” he protested, pulling the two back to him. “I like it here,” he added a little childishly. He meant being in their arms, and he knew they understood as he felt them laugh but hugged him back anyway.

“Okay, you big baby,” Jeno said amusedly. “But we need to sit down on the couch.”

And that’s how they ended up on the couch the night — talking a bit more about their situation and eventually falling asleep tangled in each other’s limbs. How they fit the couch, Renjun had no idea. All he could remember was waking up to Chenle’s and Jisung’s surprised faces.

“Do you love them back, Hyung?” Jisung reiterated his question and Renjun saw the eager looks on the other member’s faces. But Renjun was hyperaware of Jeno’s and Jaemin’s warmth beside him and he immediately felt reassured.

So, he composed himself in a second and squared his shoulders before looking back at Jisung.

“The answer to that is something I need to reserve for later,” Renjun replied, smiling mysteriously and the others — saved from Jeno and Jaemin — groaned.

“You’re no fun, Hyung,” Jisung grumbled disappointedly, slightly moping.

But Renjun could feel Jaemin’s hand sliding into his and Jeno’s palm on his knees. It would be their little secret for now. And he would just let his actions speak for himself.

For now, he was allowing them to take care of him and shower him with love. Besides, it’s not like he could stop them — especially Jaemin — anyway. There wasn’t any commitment between them yet besides the pre-existing one between Jeno and Jaemin. Renjun is still technically single. But he wasn’t available, unless it was for two someones named Lee Jeno and Na Jaemin.

Also, nothing had changed, really. In fact, everything was the way it was before. Renjun realized that Jaemin and Jeno had always treated him with love and affection, but he was too busy with his own unrequited love to suspect that their actions were the result of non-platonic feelings.

Donghyuck was right. All three of them were idiots. But he would rather jump off a bridge than admit that to Donghyuck.

Speaking of his fiery friend, Renjun found himself cornered by Donghyuck in the bathroom just before they went home after practice.

“Are you happy, now?” Renjun heard Donghyuck ask him seriously, looking — a bit too creepily — into his eyes.

But Renjun just smiled and replied without missing a beat, “Yes, I think I am.”

Donghyuck examined his face for a while before slowly breaking into a smile and nodding in satisfaction. “You know, this is the happiest I’ve ever seen you in years — even when you were with Lei.”

Renjun didn’t know how to respond to that.

“And this is also the happiest I have ever seen Jeno and Jaemin even when they are together,” Donghyuck added and gave Renjun’s shoulder a small pat. “You really do complete each other like a puzzle,” he commented before heading out.

And Renjun found himself grinning at the thought. Yes, he felt Jeno and Jaemin complete him like he had never been broken in the first place. If he was their missing puzzle piece, then they were his too. They complete each other naturally, and nothing was going to change that — not even heartbreak and pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn't see this: Sorry this took so long. I had requirements for school I needed to attend to.
> 
> Fun fact 1: The original title of this chapter was supposedly different but Puzzle Piece came out when this story was halfway through and I just thought it was the perfect way to describe Norenmin so I just had to insert that somewhere.
> 
> Fun fact 2: I fell asleep while writing about Renjun getting sleepy. LMAO
> 
> Fun fact 3: This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but I fell asleep again while proofreading this. LMAO
> 
> One more chapter left and I feel a bit emotional it is finally coming to an end. I didn't expect many people to love this fic so much because I was just writing for the heck of it. Thank you for following this story until now and I hope I won't disappoint you until the end.
> 
> See you in the last chapter!
> 
> Comment your thoughts. It gives me the motivation to write. :)


	15. Complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready?

“Gosh, I think I’m gonna be sick,” Jisung pretended to gag behind a giggling Chenle.

They were in Dream’s living room watching a movie and Renjun was sitting in between Jeno and Jaemin as usual. Jaemin was clinging to Renjun like a koala while the older would feed popcorn to him because he refused to move his hands away from the Chinese. One would think Jeno was the more decent one had it not for his chin on Renjun’s shoulder the entire time and pressing soft kisses on the side of Renjun’s neck every now and then. To sum it up, Renjun had two koalas clinging to him, but he seemed like he didn’t mind.

Since the night when they confessed everything, things had been progressing between them. It was so obvious to the other members even though the three involved didn’t talk much about it with them. The others usually just leave the three to their own world for everyone’s sake. 

Things were kept fairly rated PG at the beginning until innocent touches turned more daring. To be fair, kisses were just between Jeno and Jaemin, but it didn’t mean Renjun was totally excluded in their… activities. 

The most his two suitors had given him were random kisses all over his face going as far as the corners of his lips — but never his lips itself. They had sworn not to kiss him there not until they would be official just to draw the line. Renjun admired that, but sometimes, when things get a bit heated between three healthy and hormonal young men, he wished they would just screw their little rule and kiss him senselessly. Besides, it’s not like the two haven’t kissed him before. Jeno’s might have been accidental but it was still a kiss. 

Jisung had walked in on them one time when they were too absorbed on what they were doing. Safe to say, they had their maknae traumatized and wouldn’t look at them in the eye for the rest of the day. Nowadays, he would either go to Chenle’s or call him over so that he wouldn’t get left out in their own dorm. This resulted in spending more time with each other and a little something their Hyungs could feel blossoming between the two.

Donghyuck had ever so loudly commented on them once saying that Jeno and Jaemin got worse than it was just the two of them. Renjun had smugly replied that he just had that effect on the two of them to which Jaemin affirmed with a big wet kiss on Renjun’s cheek and Jeno with a back hug. This left Donghyuck gagging and threatening to push all three down the stairs. 

But overall, Renjun could say that he was comfortable with the pace they were going. Unlike how their members like to make it sound, Jeno and Jaemin had been respectful of his personal space and didn’t force him to do something he didn’t like. That’s overlooking the fact that Renjun had wanted to do those things with them in the first place. He felt that years of holding himself back had finally broken his self-restraining chains, thus making him bolder than he would have been in the past. He didn’t care, though. All he knew was that he had never been more elated and contented in his entire life.

“You know… there’s this thing called respecting the people around you,” Donghyuck said in disgust.

“Shut up, Hyuck. You’re just jealous Mark-hyung isn’t here to cuddle you,” Jaemin retorted, still unmoving in his position.

“We don’t cuddle!” Donghyuck denied indignantly, but the blush that was forming in his cheeks said otherwise.

“Whatever floats your boat,” Renjun smirked, feeding Jaemin some popcorn from the bowl sitting on his lap. Jaemin gladly ate the popcorn from Renjun’s fingers and licked the latter’s fingertips.

Donghyuck groaned, “What is it that people say?” he asked, faking ignorance. “Oh yeah… Get a room!” he exclaimed in annoyance to which the three guilty people just laughed at.

“You act like I haven’t walked in on you and Mark-hyung in an almost hot make-out session at your dorm once,” Jeno remarked, feeling satisfied seeing Donhyuck’s face turned redder.

“That was one time!” Donghyuck retorted, and everyone burst into laughter.

“Seriously, you people shouldn’t do that in living rooms,” Jisung complained, shivering slightly at the unpleasant memory that surfaced in his mind. Chenle gave his cheek a little comforting pat which caused Jisung to smile at him.

“Ahhhh… young love,” Jaemin commented which made the two youngest blush and looked away from each other awkwardly.

“Are we just gonna talk here or are we actually gonna watch the movie?” Donghyuck asked sarcastically.

“You started it,” Renjun replied pettily and stuck his tongue out at Donghyuck. He then turned his attention back to the movie.

While Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin had barely been apart for a day since the day they confessed their feelings to each other, there were those rare times that one of them spent a day with other friends or family. For Renjun, it would be days wherein the members of WayV would invite him and Chenle at their dorm for a get-together like old times.

Winwin and Ten had bombarded Renjun with questions about Jeno and Jaemin as soon as he set foot inside the WayV dorm. Apparently, word travels fast from Dream to 127 and to WayV. Thankfully, none of the staff mentioned something about it for the time being. 

“Just tell me if any of them hurt you again, and they’ll have to face my wrath,” Winwin had threatened.

“Please!” Ten snorted. “You are just about as scary as a bunny,” he commented, earning a glare from Winwin. “If you want to threaten them, use Lucas.”

“But they’re my friends,” Lucas had said in his broken Korean. He had meant same-age friends.

“Lucas, how many times do I have to explain,” Ten sighed. “Just because you and Mark are both born in the same year, doesn’t make the rest of the Dreamies your ‘friends’,” he explained. “That doesn’t work that way.”

“I know,” Lucas replied, smiling. “But I still would like to believe I could fit well in Dream.”

“As their babysitter, yes,” Ten deadpanned.

“You wish you were me,” Yangyang teased. “I could legally call them friends,” he added, placing an arm around Renjun’s shoulders.

“I would literally disown you,” Renjun replied, shoving Yangyang off him. 

“You’re just scared because I could steal one of your boyfriends,” Yangyang teased. “Or I could just steal you,” he winked in mock flirtation which made Renjun roll his eyes.

“Jaemin-hyung would murder you in your sleep,” Chenle butted in. “And Jeno-hyung might seem quiet, but he can literally kick your butt. Have you seen how buff he is?” 

“Oh, please let them do it!” Ten replied a little too eagerly. “Tell them it’d be a favor to me,” he added. 

“Ten, no killing of our members,” Kun warned sternly and faced their youngest. “And Yangyang, no stealing of boyfriends!” 

“They’re not my boyfriends!” Renjun corrected.

“Yet,” Xiaojun added, smirking.

“Ohhhh friends with benefits then?” Hendery asked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

“That’s enough!” Kun warned and covered Chenle’s ears. “Not in front of the kids!” 

“Ugh! Why am I even friends with you?” Renjun groaned in exhaustion and let himself fall on the sofa. He heard a chorus of laughter all around him.

“Ignore them, Junnie,” Winwin said softly. “You know how rowdy they could get.”

“I can’t believe I tend to forget just how much,” he grumbled, eliciting another round of laughter from the group.

“Oh come on, you love us,” Yangyang said confidently.

“I’m afraid I have no choice,” Renjun sighed dramatically and grabbed a donut from the box Chenle had brought with him.

But Renjun did enjoy his time with WayV. It was great to be with his fellow Chinese once in a while and he does cherish them even though he wouldn’t admit that out loud. He and Chenle are happy in Dream, but Wayv members have been their source of comfort too whenever they feel a bit homesick. Even though Dream members were already family, WayV members are like their cousins from their hometown.

“But seriously, Jun,” Winwin said, “You’re practically glowing these days,” he commented.

“You walk like you have little springs on your heels. Your steps are bouncier and livelier,” Lucas added.

“God! You haven’t even witnessed how much of a lovestruck fool he could get!” Chenle complained.

“Stop it, you guys,” Kun warned softly with a small giggle. “He’s just so happy and so in love,” he added.

“I could see that,” Winwin commented. “And I’m so happy for you, Jun,” he added, smiling at Renjun.

“Me too,” Lucas agreed. “But they better not hurt you! Friends of not, I would hunt them down,” he threatened. “These guns aren’t here for nothing,” he boasted, lifting his arms to flex his muscles.

Renjun just rolled his eyes but laughed anyway. “Noted,” he replied. “Really, guys. Thank you! But we’re not official yet.”

“It’s getting there,” Chenle intervened smugly. “You act like a throuple already.”

“A what?” Lucas asked, clearly very confused.

“A throuple,” Chenle replied. “You know — a couple but 3 people?” he added like it was the most simple thing in the world.

“Isn’t a couple just 2 people, though?” Lucas asked further.

“That’s why they’re a throuple, duh!” Chenle replied, rolling his eyes.

“Regardless,” Renjun intervened a bit too loudly to stop any redirection of their topic. “We’re still waiting for the right time. I’m slowly getting to terms with myself and rediscovering myself again. I thought their presence would distract me from that goal, but they actually helped me a lot in knowing myself again. With them, I feel like I’m back to my old self. I don’t have to tiptoe or to pretend to be someone I’m not for them because they know me so much already. And I like that a lot.”

The others nodded in understanding. It was a little over a month ago that all the other members found out about the real reason Renjun and Lei broke up. Donghyuck had forced it out of him, and now everyone knew how Lei got so jealous of the other members. Donghyuck was not happy with the information, but Jeno and Jaemin — they didn’t like the fact that Lei had restricted Renjun in seeing his friends. They could understand if Lei was jealous with just the two of them, but forcing Renjun to isolate himself from his friends didn’t sit well with all of the members. In the end, Renjun reassured them that he and Lei are still on good terms and that no real harm was done.

The others also didn’t miss the way Renjun’s eyes shine brighter whenever he talks about Jeno and Jaemin or the way he unconsciously smiles whenever they are mentioned. 

“They really make you happy, eh kiddo?” Winwin said.

“That obvious?” Renjun smiled sheepishly.

“Dude, you’re whipped,” Yangyang deadpanned.

“You should see the other two,” Chenle snorted, “Jaemin-hyung, especially. But Jeno-hyung just like to deny he’s not as whipped.”

“Damn, Junnie!” Ten said. “That’s right! That’s my kid!” He then launched himself on Renjun and attacked the latter with a hug.

“You mean _my_ kid?” Kun argued.

“Hey! Everyone knows he’s my son!” Winwin joined in which made everyone laugh.

“Ya’ll ain’t my parents,” Renjun protested, prying Ten’s arms away from him.

“Ouch! How dare you!” Ten said, faking hurt and placing a hand over his chest. Renjun just pushed him away.

The rest of the day was filled with laughter and chaos, and Renjun found himself enjoying his day. It was always fun with WayV members.

When it was time to go home, Chenle and Renjun bid the others goodbye and went towards the elevator together. Renjun checked his phone and there were only a couple of messages from both Jeno and Jaemin telling him to enjoy his day and eat well — Jeno telling him to inform them if he’s on his way home. 

He couldn’t help but compare how different it was with Lei even when they were still friends. Lei would demand his attention through text and would not stop texting him until he replied. When they got together, it was mostly Lei asking him when the get-together would be over or when would Renjun go home. It got so bad one time that Renjun actually had to turn his phone off because he got offended that Lei wouldn’t trust him or his friends. 

With Jeno and Jaemin, he would get a “take care” or “don’t forget to eat” whenever he goes out alone or with others. The two would still check on him but it was the usual “have you arrived safely?” or “tell us if you’re on your way home”. Those messages actually warm his heart and make him feel giddy. 

“You’re smiling at your phone,” Chenle suddenly said from beside him, smiling at him teasingly. “I know the reason behind that smile so I won’t ask anymore.”

Renjun then ruffled Chenle’s hair which earned a slight shriek from the younger who scrambled to get away. “You’d know how it feels like when you fall in love, Lele.”

“So you’re finally admitting that you love them again?” Chenle teased.

“Didn’t I say that already?” Renjun asked, furrowing his forehead in confusion.

“Nope,” Chenle replied. “You put on a whole show of revealing the answer when the time is right,” he added, rolling his eyes. “You almost caused Donghyuck-hyung to lose his mind in frustration,” he chuckled.

The elevator then opened and they both went inside. There wasn’t anyone inside except for the two of them.

Renjun threw his head back in laughter. “Oh yeah, I remember,” he said. “I did that as sort of a revenge because you all were so nosy,” he added. “But yeah, I love them. Not ‘again’, but I never stopped,” he explained. 

But Chenle was already grinning. “Yeah, I know,” he said with a big grin. “It’s ridiculous that you try to deny the obvious.”

“Shut up,” Renjun said, pushing the younger away softly.

Chenle laughed and then grew silent. “I’m really happy for you, Ge,” he suddenly said, sounding very serious now. “I know how much you dreamed of this for a long time. And now, you finally have it.”

Renjun smiled at the younger, feeling the sincerity. “Thank you, Lele,” he replied. 

“Just don’t let them mess this up,” Chenle warned. “I don’t wanna see you cry again,” he pouted. 

Renjun laughed lightly and replied, “I’ll pass them the message.”

“Sicheng-ge was right,” Chenle said. “They really do make you happy.”

“Yes, they do,” Renjun answered with a proud smile. 

As a matter of fact, Renjun was very aware of his very exuberant mood these days and the two culprits for it. They made Renjun’s healing process more bearable and each day more colorful than the last. Suddenly, the pain of heartbreak he acquired from his breakup felt like a faint pinching on his chest until it gradually faded out into the background. He’s more focused on himself and his craft while feeling the love from both Jeno and Jaemin who supported him to his heart’s desires. 

Through his moments of triumphs, they were there cheering him on. When he felt as if everything was weighing him down and he felt bad about himself, they were there with a cup of tea or a tub of ice cream — waiting for him with arms wide open for him to go to after a long and exhausting day. And if Renjun is to be honest, he wouldn’t want to share those moments with anyone else but Jeno and Jaemin.

The elevator came to a stop at the ground floor and both of them moved to exit when suddenly, an idea came into Renjun’s head. He grabbed Chenle’s arm and the latter looked back at him in confusion.

“Lele, I need you to help me with something,” Renjun said, smiling excitedly at what he planned to do.

  
“Not bad, Thumbelina. This actually looks decent,” Donghyuck commented as he watched Renjun scramble around for last-minute preparations.

“Well, if you actually helped me out, we could’ve finished this a lot earlier,” Renjun accused.

“Hey! I held onto the ladder for you!” Donghyuck replied, offended, and Renjun snorted.

“Hyung, they’re on their way up!” Jisung announced loudly, bursting through the doors and into the rooftop where Donghyuck and Renjun were.

Renjun looked at the time on his phone screen and saw a message from Chenle informing him that they were on their way.

“Are you sure they didn’t suspect anything?” Renjun asked Jisung worriedly.

“I don’t know. Mark-hyung’s kinda bad with secrets,” Donghyuck replied, scratching his chin for dramatic effect. 

Renjun rolled his eyes at Donghyuck’s remarks. “Is that why it only took half a day for us to find out that you’re official already?” he teased and was satisfied at the red on Donghyuck’s cheeks.

“Seriously, people shouldn’t make out in public spaces,” Jisung grumbled, shuddering at the memory of Mark and Donghyuck making out on an empty practice room when the rest of the members walked in on them.

Suddenly, they could hear loud voices from behind the door.

“Why are you so insistent on bringing us here?”

Renjun smiled when he heard Jeno’s voice and signaled the others to get into place. 

“Where’s Injunnie?”

Renjun smiled when he heard Jaemin asked. He then felt his palms getting clammy as he waited for the two to finally go through the doors. He was so nervous about the special surprise he had prepared for them.

Close to the door, he could see both Donghyuck and Jisung ready with a small bunch of flowers each — one for Jeno and one for Jaemin. Renjun scanned the whole place to spot any imperfection and was satisfied to find none.

The door then opened and out came Jeno and Jaemin with Mark and Chenle behind them. Renjun saw both their eyes widened at the scene in front of them.

The sky was a gorgeous shade of golden orange as the sunset illuminated the beautiful Seoul skyline. On the rooftop were pretty fairy lights lined with roses — giving background to a circular table in the middle. Behind the said table stood Renjun who was standing nervously, observing Jeno’s and Jaemin’s reactions.

The two scanned their eyes on the pretty scene until their eyes landed on Renjun — who was much prettier than the view, in their opinion. Then, their faces simultaneously broke out into huge smiles as they tried to step closer to Renjun but was intercepted by Jisung and Donghyuck.

“Here you go, idiots!” Donghyuck said, passing the flowers to Jeno. “My job here is done. Enjoy your dinner!” He then dragged Mark outside who had the urge to facepalm at Donghyuck’s antics.

“Donghyuck-hyung, really,” Jisung mumbled and gave the flowers he was holding to Jaemin. “Well, good luck!” He said awkwardly and tugged Chenle’s arm towards the door.

Speechless, Jeno and Jaemin looked at the flowers in their hands and then to Renjun who was smiling nervously at them. It was Jeno who broke out of the trance first.

“What’s this all about? It’s not any of our birthdays,” Jeno said, slowly walking over to kiss Renjun’s cheek who kissed his cheek in return.

“I know,” Renjun replied, trying not to stutter. “You took me to an overnight camping at the beach for mine, didn’t you?” he added, remembering how Jeno and Jaemin made his birthday special that year.

“And you both tried to bake a cake for mine,” Jeno laughed when he remembered the failed attempt at baking. And even though that was hilarious, he was still so touched at the amount of effort Renjun and Jaemin put into his birthday surprise.

“Hey, I bought you a real cake the next day,” Renjun grumbled, pouting slightly.

Jeno smiled and replied, “The one you made was better, though.”

Renjun smiled back at Jeno and remembered that Jaemin hadn’t uttered a word since he received the flowers.

“Nana, aren’t you gonna say something?” Renjun asked, getting a bit nervous again.

Jaemin looked up from the flowers he had been staring at for a while and both Jeno and Renjun could see that Jaemin had glossy eyes.

“You did this for us?” Jaemin smiled despite getting a bit emotional.

“Yes,” Renjun replied in relief. “Now, could you please kiss me for the effort?” he teased but giggled when Jaemin gladly skipped to his side and placed a smack on his cheek. The action earned a chuckle from Jeno.

“So,” Jeno asked, “What’s this all about?”

Renjun felt his nerves rushing back to him and swallowed hard in an attempt to regain control.

“Maybe it would be better if we sit first,” Renjun offered, gesturing at the seats on either side of him. He watched the two took their seats while still looking at him questioningly. He then took a deep breath and sat down too.

“Nana,” Renjun started, looking at Jaemin. “Remember when you took me to Han River when we were trainees? And we didn’t know it would be so cold that night and we sat at a bench shivering?”

Jaemin furrowed his forehead, trying to remember the event until it dawned on him and nodded slowly, signaling Renjun to continue.

“You wrapped your arms around me that night and said sorry,” Renjun continued. “And I always thought your eyes were more interesting than the stars that night and your presence made the cold disappear,” he added, feeling his cheeks warming at the admission. 

Jaemin smiled at Renjun softly and the older took note of how Jaemin’s face lit up. “That night, I knew I fell for you,” Renjun finally admitted, looking straight into Jaemin’s eyes. “I just want you to know that I’ve loved you for that long.”

At this point, Jaemin couldn’t contain his smile as he felt that his heart was going to burst out in intense happiness at Renjun’s confession. He reached for Renjun’s hand which the latter gladly gave him, and they held hands on top of the table.

“And Jeno,” Renjun continued, turning to Jeno. “I regret not seeing how precious you were when we first met at the stairs,” he added, chuckling at the infamous accidental kiss incident. “I’m sorry for avoiding you because I was so embarrassed that we accidentally kissed,” he admitted shyly.

“So you were really avoiding me?” Jeno asked, the events from so long ago getting clearer now.

Renjun nodded. “Yes,” he admitted. “But thinking about it now, I think I was more embarrassed by the fact that I kissed such a handsome boy and I literally just bolted out of the scene without saying something,” he chuckled which earned a laugh from Jeno too. Renjun then reached to hold Jeno’s hand with his free one.

“I didn’t think much when we finally became friends,” Renjun continued, “But you were the one who brightened my day when Nana went to hiatus. You listened to me tirelessly and shared my worries with me,” he added, smiling softly. “You took care of me like Jaemin did. And when I realized that I have fallen for you too, it scared the shit out of me,” he said, chuckling lightly. “I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that I love two guys.”

“I know what you mean,” Jeno agreed, relating his own experience.

“And when you two got together, you can’t imagine the amount of self-control I had to develop just so I could be happy for you,” Renjun admitted, squeezing both hands tighter. “And in a way, I was really happy for you,” he added. “I knew you were lucky to have each other knowing that both of you are so amazing. Two people I was enchanted with were so in love with each other and I was happy that you have each other — even when I was not included in the picture,” he said softly, bowing his head.

“Injun…” Jaemin said, eyes showing sadness as he leaned closer to Renjun.

“Let me just get this out,” Renjun said, lifting his head up and smiling at them reassuringly. When both of them nodded, Renjun grinned and continued. “So that was exactly what I did — I tried to be happy for you and got out of the way. I thought I could get rid of my feelings for both of you but we all know how that went,” he chuckled, shaking his head softly. “We ended up hurting each other just because I couldn’t stand being a pathetic loser who got left out of the equation.”

“We all have our fault,” Jeno interrupted, giving Renjun’s hand a soft squeeze. “I was a coward not to fight for you both.”

“And I was selfish to only think of my own feelings,” Jaemin added. “So all three of us really were fools that kept going around in circles.”

“I wouldn’t argue with that,” Renjun laughed. “But looking at it all now, I think we needed to go through that to get to where we are now,” he added seriously. “Of course, I would much rather have that without the hurt and the pain, but we needed that in order to realize what we really are to each other… and to hold on to each other more tightly,” he explained, caressing the back of their hand with his thumbs. “I, for one, had realized how much you two really mean to me and what you are to me,” he declared.

“And what is that?” Jeno asked, looking at Renjun while holding his breath. 

Renjun smiled and stared at Jeno’s face intently and then to Jaemin’s who was also looking at him expectantly.

“I asked you to wait for me right?” Renjun asked, stalling a bit.

“Yes,” Jaemin answered, perhaps a little too quickly which made Renjun chuckle.

“Thank you for waiting for me,” Renjun said, smiling at them. “And I think I know my answer now.”

“What is it?” Jeno pressed as he felt his heart beating so hard. Renjun was holding on to him so tightly, but he couldn’t feel anything except the beating of his heart and getting lost into Renjun’s eyes.

Renjun smiled wider and replied, “Well, isn’t it time to pop the question? Or do you want me to ask it myself?” He teased.

“I —,” Jaemin replied and took a deep breath, all the while not letting go of Renjun’s hand. “Hold on, give me a minute,” he added, pressing a hand on his chest. “I’m not prepared for this,” he added. “Jeno was the one who asked me last time.”

“What?” Jeno said, looking at Jaemin like he had grown a second head. “You were the one who asked me!” he exclaimed.

Jaemin laughed and turned back to Renjun who was looking at them in amusement. “We really haven’t settled this issue. We don’t know who asked who,” he explained like they weren’t in the middle of serious matter as of the moment.

Renjun rolled his eyes at how the two were acting and decided to take action. “Would you two have me as your boyfriend?”

“No fair!” Jaemin gasped. “I was gonna ask you!” he complained.

“Well, you were taking forever to ask,” Renjun replied, rolling his eyes.

“I was gathering my courage,” Jaemin retorted and Renjun rolled his eyes again.

“So?” he asked expectantly. “Are you gonna accept me or not?” he looked at Jaemin and then at Jeno who looked like he was frozen in time.

Finally, Jeno took a breath and said, “Injunnie, having you as a boyfriend would make me —,” then he heard Jaemin cough and he rolled his eyes, “and Jaemin the happiest men on earth!” He then grinned and watch the twinkle of Renjun’s eyes danced to the lights from the decorations.

“So is that a yes?” Renjun asked, wanting to confirm.

“Yes! A thousand times yes!” Jaemin replied excitedly, letting go of Renjun’s hand and leaping into the smaller guy — engulfing him into a tight hug and sitting on the older’s lap. “You don’t know how you make me happy,” he said in a muffled voice.

Renjun smiled at that. “I have an idea,” he replied. “Because that’s how you make me happy too.”

They heard the screeching of a chair as Jeno stood up and engulfed the two of them into a hug too. “In case you don’t know, my answer is a yes too,” he said softly. “But you still should’ve let me asked,” he mumbled, eliciting a laugh from the two.

They stayed like that for a moment — enjoying each other’s presence, finally official. 

“Injunnie?” Jeno said after a while.

“Hmm?” Renjun answered, still not breaking the hug.

“Can I kiss you?” Jeno asked softly, causing Renjun and Jaemin to break the hug. “For real this time?” he added, staring at Renjun who was looking at him.

Renjun smiled, stood up, and reached out to cup Jeno’s face with his hands. He then brought Jeno closer and said, “You don’t need to ask.” 

He then closed the gap between them and boldly pressed his lips to Jeno’s, closing his eyes in the process. Jeno smiled and snaked his arms around Renjun’s waist to his back, pressing the smaller boy closer to him. Smiling into the kiss, Renjun opened his mouth to let Jeno in and they felt their tongues connecting, melting into a sweet rhythm only the two of them knew. Renjun let go of Jeno’s face and moved his arms around the taller’s neck towards Jeno’s hair and let his fingers get lost in there. 

Jeno’s lips were soft and his kiss was gentle — as if letting Renjun get used to the feeling. Jeno took his time tasting Renjun’s mouth and drawing comforting circles on Renjun’s back. Renjun felt himself melt into the kiss and allowed Jeno to gain more access.

Then, Renjun felt Jaemin’s arms went around his torso and the younger’s lips pressing soft kisses at the back of his neck, causing him to let out of a soft moan that Jeno muffled with his mouth. Jaemin got bolder and moved to the side of Renjun’s neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses on the exposed skin. 

Feeling out of breath, Renjun gave Jeno one last peck and moved away, panting heavily. Jeno smiled and pressed their forehead against each other while Jaemin placed his chin on top of Renjun’s shoulder — still back hugging the older. 

“Now, that’s better than our first kiss,” Jeno teased, making Renjun blush.

“That was hot,” Jaemin commented, smiling in satisfaction. “It’s so hot witnessing you two kiss.”

“Now you know how I feel,” Renjun replied, giggling.

“Hmmm,” Jaemin replied, and then turned Renjun around so that the latter was facing him. “But now, it’s my turn.”

Without warning, Jaemin dove in and captured Renjun’s lips — catching the latter off-guard. Recovering from the momentary shock, Renjun let out of a giggle and opened his mouth to give Jaemin access to which the latter took.

Unlike Jeno, Jaemin has always been more aggressive but equally as passionate as Jeno when kissing. Renjun had observed that from watching the two kiss, and he had first-hand experience from when Jaemin kissed him that one time. 

Watching Jeno and Jaemin kiss had been one of Renjun’s favorite hobby in the past few months. It always gave him strange butterflies in the stomach watching them caress each other’s lips in a small battle for dominance. They were always so full of passion that Renjun could feel it even though he was not kissing them himself.

And now, feeling Jaemin’s lips on his again reignited the fire he felt the first time Jaemin kissed him that night. Surrendering himself once again, Renjun snaked his arms around Jaemin’s shoulders as he felt Jaemin pressed him closer. Their tongues battled for dominance — clashing against each other as their breaths get ragged from both the lack of oxygen and the intensity of passion between them. 

At last, the lack of oxygen caught up to them and they felt the need to separate for air. Jaemin grinned and kissed the tip of Renjun’s nose.

“I agree,” Jeno said, interrupting the moment. “That was indeed hot,” he added, and all three of them laughed.

Renjun reached out to Jeno and the latter willingly went into his arms. All three of them were tangled into each other’s arms under the first stars that shone that night — finally completing their own three-pieced puzzle.

  
“Now can we eat the dinner I prepared? I’m starving from setting this up for you,” Renjun mumbled from between Jeno and Jaemin, making them laugh.

  
**EPILOGUE**

  
“Sit down, Hyuck! You’re going to sweat and ruin your make up,” Renjun sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. 

He had been watching Donghyuck pace back and forth in the waiting room and Renjun was about to have a headache.

“Junnie, what if this is a bad idea? What if we’re making a mistake?” Donghyuck said worriedly, still pacing back and forth.

Renjun sighed and stood, placing his hands on Donghyuck’s shoulders to stop the latter from getting dizzy.

“Hyuck, it’s Mark-hyung we’re talking about — our leader and your boyfriend since you were 21! You two had planned this carefully so you know it’s something you both wanted!” Renjun reasoned out, trying to put logic into Donghyuck’s mind.

“I’m so scared, Junnie,” Donghyuck replied, almost breaking into a sob and hugging Renjun.

“Hyuck, it’s marriage,” Renjun deadpanned, “Not a death sentence.” He then broke the hug and patted Donghyuck’s shoulders to calm the latter down.

They heard Chenle laugh from behind them and Donghyuck glared at the younger.

“Let’s see how it would be when it’s your turn,” Donghyuck warned.

Chenle grinned and showed his fingers which were free from any rings. “Not gonna happen any time soon,” he said smugly.

“Damn that kid’s so slow,” Donghyuck muttered while Renjun giggled.

After so many years, Mark and Donghyuck finally decided to tie the knot. There had been so many attempts in the past, but there was always something that made them push their plans of getting married to a later date. 

Today, it’s finally happening.

But Donghyuck seemed to be having cold feet. Renjun could relate, though. In fact, it was Donghyuck who stayed with him the day he got married.

“How did you know it was them?” Donghyuck said, pulling Renjun from his thoughts. “How did you know they were the right ones?” he clarified.

Renjun smiled. That question was easy to answer. He glanced at the ring that was sitting proudly on his ring finger. It was a simple silver band with a small green stone as an accent. Jaemin’s ring had a red stone while Jeno’s had blue. It was a nod to the friendship bracelet Jaemin had bought from an amusement park in Japan so many years ago — the Power Puff Girls bracelet, as they jokingly refer to. 

“I was scared too, Hyuck,” Renjun admitted. “You know what we’ve been through and how much we worked hard to be where we are now,” he added. “It wasn’t easy because having three people in a relationship isn’t common or widely accepted, especially if it’s between three men.”

Donghyuck nodded, listening carefully. Donghyuck was there when all three came out to public and declared their love for one another. He had rejoiced with them when the fans surprisingly supported them and their fight to legalize marriage between three people of the same sex. He held Renjun as the older cried when the three won the battle and were finally allowed to marry each other. Donghyuck was there when Renjun himself was pacing back and forth in the waiting room during the latter’s own wedding day.

“I also had doubts and fears — my own insecurities eating me up,” Renjun added. “But then every time I think of finally being with Jeno and Jaemin — claiming them as mine legally, I think that it was all worth it,” he added, smiling. “It didn’t matter if people say that I’m making a fool of myself or that loving two people sounds ridiculous. I was willing to be a pathetic loser if it meant that I’d be with Jeno and Jaemin for the rest of my life.”

“Wow,” Donghyuck commented. “It’s my wedding, but you’re the one making wedding vows.”

Renjun rolled his eyes and pushed Donghyuck lightly. 

“Get ready, loser,” Renjun said, “Mark-hyung’s waiting for you at the altar.” He then exited the room and looked for his husbands.

Meanwhile, Jeno and Jaemin were in Mark’s waiting room — watching their leader having a mini-mental breakdown. 

“Relax, Hyung!” Jeno said. “Donghyuck’s gonna show up! Injunnie made sure of that,” he added, smiling softly at their leader.

“Jeno, how did you manage during your wedding?” Mark groaned. “This is so nerve-wracking!”

“Simple,” Jeno smiled, “The thought of finally being with the two people I love — finally being complete and legal — made all the worries disappear.”

“I heard you almost shit in your pants,” Jaemin commented, making Jisung — who was with them in the room — snort.

Jeno glared at Jaemin who gave him finger hearts that melted the former’s heart. Jeno was so whipped for both his husbands.

“Jeno-hyung couldn’t sit still the whole morning,” Jisung laughed, snitching on Jeno. “He wanted to see both of you before the wedding, but we were sticking to tradition,” he added. “If Donghyuck-hyung hadn’t threatened him, he would’ve snuck into yours or Renjun-hyung’s room,” he continued, making all of them laugh.

“Laugh all you want, Huang-Lee Jaemin,” Jeno glared softly at his husband who was clutching his stomach while laughing. “I know you weren’t any better,” he added.

“Well, Huang-Na Jeno, at least no one threatened to knock me down just to get me to stay still,” Jaemin stuck his tongue out pettily at Jeno.

“How are you two married?” Jisung said in disbelief and the two laughed.

Jaemin then walked towards Jeno and encircled an arm around his husband. “I’m too selfish to let this one and our other fiery husband go,” he replied.

And it was true. Jaemin was still selfish when it comes to the two of them. But that’s only because he knew they were his and his only. When it comes to his husbands’ happiness, he was the most selfless person in the world. There wasn’t anything in the world he wouldn’t do just to put a smile at his husbands’ faces. That’s how much he loves them.

Jeno rolled his eyes but relaxed into Jaemin’s arm. “I’m proud to call them mine,” he added. “I want to shout to the world that I have two husbands that I love so much and who love me just as much,” he declared.

Jeno was no longer a coward. He had grown to ignore the voices of others telling him that he was making a mistake of having two husbands. He was no longer afraid to show off that Renjun and Jaemin were his and he was theirs. He couldn’t be any more prouder of having two husbands that were perfect for him.

“That’s disgustingly sweet,” Jisung commented, keeping a straight face.

Right then, the door opened to reveal Renjun, and his two husbands hurriedly greeted him with a peck on the lips each.

“Hyuck’s gonna be fine,” Renjun announced. “We’re gonna start in an hour, Mark-hyung,” he said to Mark and watched the color on the older’s face drain. 

“Do you know what we can learn from all these?” Jisung suddenly said, catching the attention of everyone. “That you should all listen to me!” he grinned. “Especially you three,” he referred to Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin. “Could’ve saved you from all the trouble.”

“Remind me again how you confessed to Chenle?” Renjun smirked, watching Jisung’s face turn red.

Everyone burst into laughter when they remembered how Jisung and Chenle tiptoed around each other for years before Jisung finally had the courage to confess to Chenle. Actually, if it wasn’t for the threat of Chenle returning to China for good, Jisung wouldn’t even have the guts to confess. That, and the fact that their Hyungs practically locked them inside a room together for a night, did the trick. 

Stifling a laugh, Renjun tugged at Jeno’s and Jaemin’s sleeves and led them out of the room, leaving behind an embarrassed Jisung and Mark who seemed to have calmed down a bit.

Outside, the other members of NCT and WayV were chattering among each other — all dressed in fancy suits fit for the occasion. Mark and Donghyuck chose a garden wedding, and the venue was breath-taking in Renjun’s opinion.

Lucas and Johnny were fooling around and the former didn’t notice Renjun behind him. Renjun almost got knocked down to the ground when Lucas collided into him if it wasn’t for Jeno catching him on time.

“Ooops,” Lucas said. “Sorry, Injunnie,” he apologized.

“It’s okay,” Renjun replied, squirming in Jeno’s arms who surprisingly didn’t let go immediately.

Johnny just laughed at the scene and grabbed Lucas towards Ten’s direction.

“You can let go of me now, Love,” Renjun said, looking up at Jeno.

“Why am I always catching you?” Jeno smirked, helping Renjun to his feet. They both knew Jeno was referring to how they had first met. Renjun slapped Jeno’s arm softly, feeling his cheeks burn.

After years of being married, Renjun still couldn’t get used to his husbands’ cheeky and flirty ways and it would still get him every time.

“Oh, that’s cute!” Jaemin commented and suddenly gave Renjun a kiss. If it wasn’t for the fact that they were in public and that they were at someone else’s wedding, Jaemin would’ve pushed for a deeper and longer kiss. But Jaemin kept it short. It still managed to take Renjun’s breath away, though.

“And you always kiss me without warning,” Renjun accused which only made his two husbands laugh.

“Seriously, babe, you always do that,” Jeno seconded. 

“That’s how much I love you and my Baobei Injunnie,” Jaemin replied, proud of himself for making his two husbands flustered.

Renjun grinned and stared at the two love of his life in front of him and couldn’t help but be sentimental. They had gone so far from those three boys who handled their love for each other poorly. Looking at all three of them now — married and secured, made Renjun want to tell his younger self that everything was going to be alright in the end.

“What are you thinking about, Baobei?” Jeno asked when he noticed that Renjun was having this look on his face — a sign that the older was deep in thoughts.

Renjun smiled and took their hands in his. “I was thinking about what a big mistake I would have made if I had really succeeded in getting over you two. Trying to get over you two was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life,” he said, looking at his husbands lovingly.

Jaemin laughed and gave Renjun a short peck. “I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to live without either of you,” he admitted, reaching for Jeno’s hand too so that the three of them stood in a connected circle.

“I know what you mean, Babe,” Jeno agreed. “We wouldn’t be complete without Baobei,” he added.

“Love, he’s our missing puzzle piece,” Jaemin grinned, making a pun of a song they had released years ago which was inspired by their relationship. It has become their theme song ever since.

Just then, a small body collided into Jeno and clung to his leg. Knowing who it was, Jeno smiled and automatically picked up the child clinging to him.

“Look who decided to join us,” Jaemin smiled while Renjun placed a soft kiss on the kid’s cheek.

“Having fun with your uncles, Jieun?” Renjun asked, patting the little girl on her head who nodded excitedly.

“Yes, Baba!” Jieun said, grinning widely. “Uncle Jaehyun gave me ride on his shoulders,” she added.

“You didn’t ruin his suit, did you?” Jeno asked softly.

“No, Appa! I was careful!” Jieun answered proudly.

“Of course you are, our big girl!” Jaemin cooed and pinched Jieun’s cheeks.

“Daddy, that hurts!” Jieun whined and buried her face on Jeno’s shoulders — much to the amusement of everyone.

“Thanks for looking after her, Taeyong-hyung,” Renjun said to Taeyong who was looking at them fondly.

“Anything for Jieun,” Taeyong answered with a smile before excusing himself and going back to the other members.

Jieun was another blessing they got in their life. Getting her custody was another bloody battle, but the three of them won again. And together, the four of them make up a small family — with three doting and loving fathers and one adorable little girl.

Renjun’s mind drifted yet again to the moment he decided to get over the two idiots in front of him. 

Getting over them was indeed a huge mistake, and he thanked his lucky stars and whatever divine intervention that prevented him from getting over Jeno and Jaemin. Because if he had been successful, he wouldn’t be enjoying this moment right here with his family — and he couldn’t ask for more. 

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! 
> 
> I'm a bit emotional about this. This is the first series ever that I completed and it's mostly thanks to you guys for motivating me and encouraging me. I didn't expect many of you to like this fic and I am so glad you let me share my story with you.
> 
> I hope you support my other fics (I have two other short fics in existence) and I hope I could write for you in the future. Your comments are really what pushed me to do my best and I suggest you comment on other works too. 
> 
> P.S. If Puzzle Piece came out before I wrote this fic, it would've been my title. I just love it so much. LMAO
> 
> Until then, this is the author, signing off! See you!


	16. Fun Facts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! So I didn't expect that this fic would be this well-received. Frankly, I just started writing this to make use of free time due to quarantine and to add something to the norenmin tag. Reading your comments really warms my heart and motivates me to write more. So to express my gratitude to you, here's a chapter of fun facts about this fic and maybe some special chapters too. 😉

Facts:

1\. Lei was supposed to be Jun from Seventeen, but I decided against using a real person because a) this character was supposed to have a 180-degrees character twist and I don't want you all to hate on the real Jun, b) I don't know Jun that much personality-wise to integrate him into the story and c) I don't want to use any idol as the third party (or fourth in this case). 

2\. Whenever they are not in good terms or something was wrong, they would call each other by their real names instead of their nicknames. So it would be Jaemin instead of Nana and Renjun instead of Injun. (I realized that Jeno was just Jen or Jeno. LMAO). In Renjun's nightmare by the end of Chapter 3, both Jeno and Jaemin called him Renjun instead of Injun. That should have been the clue that there was something wrong. In various parts of the story wherein they were fighting or was awkward with each other, you'd notice the nicknames are gone too. Did you notice this? 😉 

3\. They were each other's first love: Renjun was Jeno's, Jeno was Jaemin's, and Jaemin was Renjun's. Renjun fell for Jaemin during the Han River scene, Jeno fell in love with Renjun during the accidental kiss on the stairs, and Jaemin's childhood crush was Jeno. 

4\. This was just supposed to be funny and lighthearted but I decided i like to make it angsty for it to be realer? I guess I was in the mood for angst instead. 

5\. I wrote 7Dream and an amusement park way before the announcement of the comeback for Ridin' and the fixed line up for Dream. Who would've thought Ridin' would have an amusement park theme and Mark would be back to Dream? This may be a stretch but I'm claiming it. LMAO

6\. The chapter "Selfish" was not supposed to be an individual chapter. But because I wrote a chapter purely in Jeno's POV, I thought Jaemin deserves a whole chapter for himself too. That's why I originally have 14 chapters plus an Epilogue. The Epilogue was supposed to be a different chapter too. 

7\. The title would've been Puzzle Piece if the song came out earlier. Seriously, the song is so fit for this fic. But I think I'll write another fic basing on this song....maybe. lmao

8\. Jisung was supposed to be angry at the three for the tension in the dorm, but I figured that I wrote Jisung's character as way more mature than that. I'm kinda more happy with how I wrote Jisung in here 

9\. Epilogue was not supposed to be a wedding but a reunion, but I think I like the wedding version better. 

10\. In case you haven't noticed, their endearments are: RJ: Baobei, JN: Love, JM:Babe/Baby

11\. It wasn't supposed to be this long, but I got carried away. And you guys encouraged me way too much! 

12\. See you in the special chapters! 😉 Oh! And please support my upcoming fics too.


	17. Coming Home to YOu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter!

First of all, I want to thank you all for making my first ever fanfic series a success! It warms my heart to know that this fic has 12081 hits, 529 Kudos, 172 comments, and 99 bookmarks! I am so overwhelmed!

So as a thank you gift to all of you, I decided to write a bonus chapter. I originally want to post it here, but I think it's better posted separately instead. The bonus chapter takes place before the epilogue. I hope you check it out and enjoy it as well! 

It's posted here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29032953

AGAIN! THANK YOU ALL FOR SUPPORTING THIS!


End file.
